MENDACIO

Done, yes long ago. Madame, I had no sooner told Tactus, that Gustus would feign speak with him: But I spied Visus, Gustus and the rest, And see ved them all with sauce of several lies, Now the last Sense I spoke with was Olfactus, Who having smelled the meaning of my message, Straight blue his nose, and quickly puffed me hither, But in the whirlwind of his furious blast, Had not by chance a Cobweb held me fast, Mendacio had been with you long ere this, Then shall I turn and bid them stay at home. Whither? Till I know what to do. I, I, Madam, I fly, I fly. The Key Madam, the Key. I'll be here instantly. Now chased Diana grant my nets to hold. You shall do shortly to your cost I hope. What a stargazer, will you near look down? Well does he fallen that riseth with a fallen. Oh are you taken, 'tis in vain to strive. Yowl be so entangled straight. That it will be herd. To lose your self. It had been fitter for you, to have found a fools coat and a Babble, heigh, heigh. Oh Sir Jupiter is making Thunder he heres you not, heres one knows better. Set up a Si quis for it. When I am gone, Yes, yes and a fine wand in his hand, Curiously wrapped with a pair of snakes. Would I were hanged if I be any of these. By the faith of a Knight, what a pox, where are thy Spurs? What shouldst thou fear in the wars? he's not a good soldier that hath not a good stomach. All heart indeed, for thou ranst Like a Heart out of the field, It seems then the Senses mean to sighed it out. Thou art deceived, they fight for more then that, a thing called superiority, of which the Crown is but and Emblem. Faith in some credit since thou sawest me last. Every where; in the Court your Gentlewomen hang me at their Apron strings, and that makes them answer so rea dily. In the City I am honoured Like a God, none so well ac quainted with your tradesmen: your Lawyers all the Term time hire me of my Lady, your Gallants if they hear my name abused, they stab for my sake: your Travellers so dote upon me as passes, Oh they have good reason, for I have carried them to many a good meal, under the Countenance of my familiarity: nay your Statesmen have oftentimes closely continued ̄ ueied me under their tongues, to make their policies more currant, As for old men they challenge my Company by authority. But what should I light a Candle to the bright Sun shine of my glorious renown, the whole world is full of Men dacios fame. 'Tis he indeed, the vilest nup: yet the fool loves me exceedingly but I care not for his company for if he once catch me, I shall never be r worser of him. I warrant you Madam: I doubt it's in vain to run, by this they are all passed overtaking. I must speak with him. Assum e your self they are all at Court ere this. I am so weary foe, foe, foe, foe. Madam if you want breath, let me help you out. My Lord, the report is, that Mercury coming late into this country, in this very place, left a Coronet with this in scription, that the best of the five should have it, which the Sen ses thinking to belong unto them— Lately my Lords, I spied into the Army, But o, it's far beyond my reach of wit. Or strength of utterance to describe their forces. Right opposite stands, Tactus strongly manned, With three thousand bristled Vrchens foe his Pikemen; Four hundredth Tortesses for Elephants. Beside a monstrous troop of ugly spiders, Within and ambushment he hath commanded, Of their own guts to spin a cordage fine, Whereof to-have framed a net (Oh wondrous work) That fastened by the Concave of the Moon, Spreads down it self toth'earths circumference. 'Tis very strange, I can not remember the Like Engine at any time. Nay more my Lord, the masks are made so strong, That I my self upon them scal worser the heavens, And boldly walked about the middle region, Where in the province of the Meteors, I saw the cloudy shops of Hail and Rain, Garners of Snow, and Crystals full of Due, Rivers of burning Arrows, Dens of Dragons, Huge beams of flames, and Spears Like firebrands, Where I beheld hot Mars and Mercury, With Rackets made of Spheres, and Balls of Stars, Playing at Tennis for a Tun of Nectar. And that vast gaping of the Firmament, Under the Southern pole is nothing else, But the great hazard of their Tennis Court, The Zodiac is the line. The shooting Stars, Which in and eyebright evening seemed to fallen, Are nothing but the Balls they lose at Bandy, Thus having took my pleasure with those sights, By the same net I went up, I descended. Ramparts of Pasty-crust and forts of pies, Entrenched with h dishes full of Custard stuff: Hath Gustus made; and planted ordinance, Strange ordinance: Cannons of hollow canes: Whose powder's Rapeseed, charged with Turnip shot. My L. I think the fury of their Anger will not be oh bedient to the Message of Li gua, for otherwise in my conceit the should have been here er this: with your L. good li king we'll attend upon you to see the field for more certainty. It shall be so; Come Master Register lets walk. To lay them here that the Judges may fit softly least my Lady L ngua's cause go hard with her. Pish, knowest not? she sues for the title of a Sense, as well as the rest that beat the name of the Pentarchy. Then thou hearst nothing, All the senses fell out about a Crown fallen from ̄ hea ven and pitched a field for it, but Vicegerent Common sense hea ring of it took upon him, to umpire the contention, in which re guard he hath appointed them (their arms dismissed) to appear before him, charging every on to bring as it were in a show, their proper objects, that by them he may determine of their several excellencies. As soon as they can possibly provide. No not only; for every sense must describe his Instrume ̄ to, that is his house, where he performs his daily duty, so that by the Object and the Instrument, my Lord can with great ase dis cerne their place and dignities. I How shalt hear all anon, fine master Phantastes, and thy master will be here shortly. But how is't my little Rogue? me thinks thou lookest lean vpon't? Alack alack poor Rogue, I see my Fortune's are better. My Lady loves me exceedingly; she's always kissing me, so that (I tell thee Nam) Mendacios never from betwixt her lips. How so. I wonder he being so old can talk so much. Philosopicall; Who I, I; But care not for his acquainta ̄ ce, hang himblock head I could never abide him? Thou Remembrance art the only friend that the arms of my friendship shall embrace. Thou hast herd Oportet mendacem esse memorem. But what of Obliu oh. Who Oblivio? I cannot think such fellows have to do with Oblivio since they never God any thing to forget. To what purpose I prithee? Why then no man cares forthee. What a Proclamation for him? But does he cry him in the wood? Come, come, come you shall fight no more in good faith: Heuresis, your Master will catch you anon. I'll bring you to him, come away. As I am a Rascal Nam, they are all coming, I see Master Register trudging hither, as fast as his three fee e will carry up his four Ages. Prithee Nam, be persuaded, is't nor better go to a feast then stay here for a fray? Faith I, why should he carry them to his house else? Cham elions? I'll be sworn some of your Fiddlers be rather Can else, for by their good-wills they will never leave eating. Nay good-now stay a little, let's see his humour. Would, would, would, would, he is turned Chemic sirrah, it seems so by his talk. Heuresis? You shall not fight, but if you will always disagree, let us have words and no blows; Heuresis, what reason have you to fallen out with him? When he had hanged this Adamant in a cord, he comes back, and gives fire to the touchhole, now the powder consumed to a void vacuum. The bullet and drop-shot most impetuously from the ierie throat of the Culvering, (but strange) no sooner am they near the Adamant in the cord, but they were all arrested by the Sargent of Nature, and hovered in the air round about it, till they had lost the force of their motion, clas ping themselves close to the Stone in most lovely manner, and not any one flew to endanger the mark, so much did they re member their duty to nature, that they forgotten the errand they were sent of. Nam believe it, for I saw it, and which is more, I have practised this devise often: once when I had a quarrel with one of my Lady Veritas naked knaves, and had pointed him the field, I conveyed into the heart of my Buckler and Adamant, and when we met, I drew, all the foynes of his Rapier, whither so ever he intended them, or howsoever I guided mine arm, pointed still to the amid of my buckler, so that by this means, I haut the Knave mortally, and my self came away untouched, to the wonder of all the beholders. Nayfie Nam, urge him not too far. You shall not fight as long as I am here, give over I say. And you remembrance? Then I will be Judicium, the moderator betwixt you, and make you both friends, come, come, shake hands, shake hands. Why this is as it should be, when Mendatio hath In uention on the one hand, and Remembrance on the other, as heel be sure never to be found with Truth in his mouth: so he scorns to be taken in a lie, hai, hai, hai, my fine wags whist? Madame. Why do you whish thus? here's none to hear you. I, I, I—never fear that—there's a jest indeed—pish, pish,—Madam—do you think me so foolish?—tut, tut, doubt not. Why do you make any question of it—what a stir is here—I warrant you—presently? Nay pray thee leave, go catch occasion by the etop, but hearst thou? as soon as it is presented, round my Lady Linguam in the ear, and tell her of it. Why this is better then I could have wished it, Fortune I think is fallen in love with me, Answering so right mine expectation. By this time Appetite is at the Table. And with a lowly Cringe presents the Wine, To his old Master Gustus, now he takes it, And drinks perchance to Linguam, she craftily Kisles the Cup, but lets not down a drop, And gives it to the rest; it's sweet, theile swallow it, But when it's once descended to the stomach, And sends up noisome vapours to the brain, 'Twill make them swagger gallantly, the e rage Most strangely, or Art deceives her, When if my Lady stir her nimble tongue, And closely sow contentious words amongst them, Oh what a stabbing there will be? what bleeding? Madame dost take? have they all tasted it? Madame I doubt they come, yonder is Appetitus, you had best begun, least in their outrage they should injure you. (Exit Linguam) How now Hunger? how dost thou my fine maypole, would? Why? what ails them? are they not (as I promised thee) friends with thee. Sure they drank too much, and are mad for love of thee. Who is this? Visus? He can see to swear me thinks? pray thee Appetitus see how he grasps for that he would be loath to ind. As I am a rogue, he wants nothing but a wheel, to make him the true picture of Fortune; how sayest? what shall we play at blind-man-buffe with him? There, there Appetitus, he comes, he comes; beware uva e, he comes, would, would, would, would, I do, do, I love not to sport with such mad play-fel lowes; tickle him Appetitus, tickle him, tickle him. Yes and it Like your Ladyship presently: Here may you have me pressed to flatter them. I warrant you, You needs not fear so long as I am with you. What colour is the Robe? Have I not hied me Madam? look you here, What shall be done with these temptations? Where shall it be laid? A Crown's a pleasing bait to look upon, The craftiest Fox will hardly escape this trap. Nay rather let me stand close hereabouts, And see the event. Yes, yes, yes, it's he. I do not know his name but this I am sure his hat had wings vp'ont. First I beheld him hovering in the air, And then down stooping, with a hundred gires: His feet he fixed on Mount Changed phal n, From whence he flew and lighted on that plain, And with disdainful steps soon glided thither: Whither arrived, he suddenly unfolds A gorgeous Robe, and glittering ornament, And say them all, upon that hillock: This done he wafts his wand, took wing again, And in a moment vanished out of sighed, With that mine eyes gan stare, and heart grew cold, And all my quivering joints with sweat bedewed: My heals my thought had wings as well as his, And so away I run, but by the way: I met a man as I thought coming thither, He had a great—what this is he, this is he, Never till now a would it works a pace, Visus I know 'tis yours and yet me thinks: Auditus you should have some challenge to it, But that your title Tactus is so good: Gustus I would swear the Coronet were yours, What will you all go braule about a trifle: View but the pleasant coast of Mycrocosme, Is't not great pity to be rend with wars, Is't not a shame, to stain with brinish tears, The smiling cheeks of euer-cheer full peace, Is't not far better to live quietly: Then broil in fury of dissension, Give me the Crown you shall not disagree, If I can please you; I'll play Paris partly, And most unpartial judge the controversy: I speak not for my self, but for my Countries safe commodity. Nay and you be so hight the devil partly you, I'll to Olfactus and send him amongst you. Oh that I were Alecto for your sakes: How liberally would I bestow my snakes. I long to see those Hotspur senses at it, they say they have gallant preparations, and not unlikely, for most of the solemnizing dyers are ready in Aames since the last field fought against their yearly enemy Meleager, & his wife Acr siam; that Conquest hath so fleshed them that no peace can hold them. But had not Me leager been sick, and Acrasia drunk, the senses might have whistled for the victory. Whoes this! o o 'tis Appetitus, Gustus his hungry Parasite. Ah heres a youth stark nought at a trench, but old dog at a trencher, at tall squire at a square table. Thou mightest have taken a bet token of thy self, by knowing thou a to a fool. I must take the fife out of his mouth or he'll never adone. Who am I, who am I, who I? Why, who am I? No. No, no, he's dead. Now when I am disposed I can Philophy it in the University, with the subtlest of them all. No, why I was the first founder of the 3. sects of Phy losophy except on of the Peripatetticks who acknowledge A ristotle (I confess) their great Grandfather. Appetitus, thou mistakest me, I tell thee, 3000 years ago was Mendacio born in Greece, nursed in Crete and ever since honoured every where: I'll be sworn I held old Homers pen when he write his Illiads, and his Odisses. I helped Herodotus to pen some partly of his muses, lent Pli y ink to write his history, rounded Rabalais in the ear when he historified Pantagruell, as for Luncian I was his Genius, Oh those two Books De Veram historiam howsoever they go un der his name, I'll be sworn I writ them every title. Nothing less I must confess I would feign have og ged Stow and great Hollings-head on their elbows, when they were about their Chronicles, and as I remember Sir John Man devils travels, and a great partly of the Decades were of my do king. But for the mirror of Knighthood, Bevis of Southampton, Palmerin of England, Amadis of Gaul, Huon de Bordeaux, Sir Guy of Warwick Martin marprellate, Robin-hood, Garragantua, Gerilion and a thousand such exquisite monuments as these, no doubt but they breath on my breath up and down. But Sirrah how hast thou done this long time? Thats false for I have seen them eat with a full sto macke. Whats that I prithee. What art a louse in the City? What a pox can Phantastes do? Upon the right hand of a spacious Hill, Proud Visus marshalleth a puissant army, Three thousand Eagles strong, whose valiant Captain, Is Jove's swift Thunder-bearer, that same Bird, That hoist up Ganymede from the Trojan plains: The vanguard strengthened with a wondrous flight. Of Falcons, Haggards, Hobbies, Terselets, Lanards and Goshawks, Sparhaukes, and Ravenous Birds. The rearward granted to Auditus charge. Is stoutly followed with and impetuous herd Of stif-neckt Bulls, and many home-mad stags, Of the best head the Forest can afford. None know directly, but I think it is, Entrap the Eagles, when the Battles join. Under the standard of thrice hardy Tactus, Thrice valiant Gust S, leads his warlike forces, An-endles multitude of desperate Apes, Five hundred Marmose ts and long-ta Monkees: All trained to the field, and nimble Gunners. He pollitickly lean to neither partly, But stands betwixt the camps as at receit: Having great wine his Pioneers to entrench them. And in the woods he placed secretly. Two hundred couple of hounds and hungry Mastiffs: And over his head hover at his command, A cloud of Vul u es which over spread the light, Making a night before the day be done: But to what end not known but feared of all. Nothing but lay you upon the Cushion Sir, how so? What my litt e N m? by this foot I am sorry I miss took thee. What's this Crapulam beating Appetitus out of doors? would! Then my devise is clean spoiled. Appctitus should have been as the bowl to present this medicine to the Sen ses, and now Crapulam hath beaten him out of doors? what shall I do? Appetitus, Appetitus Why how now man, how now? how is't (canst not speak. Thou empty, and comest from a feast. And whither wilt thou go, now thou at banished out of service? Why so? Hearest thou? give me thy hand; by this hand I love thee; go too then, thou shalt not forsake thy mai ers thus, I say thou shalt not. Why take this bottle of wine, come on, go thy ways to them again. This is the N p nth that reconciles the God's: do but let the Senses taste of it, and sear not, the e love thee as well as ever they did. My Lady gave it me to bring her: stale it from H for her: thou knowest there were some In res betwixt her and thy masters, & with this drink she would gladly wash out all the relics of their disagreement: Now because I low thee, thou shalt have the grace of presenting it to them and so come in favour again. Nay stay no longer least they heaven supp't before thou come. Tut, tut, tut, let me alone, I that have feigned so many hundred Gods, Can easily forge some fable for the turn: Whist Madame, away, away, you fright the Foul, Tactus comes hard by, look you. At thy nishap. To look so high and stumble in a trap. I must needs confess, this devise to pass all that ever I herd or saw, and thus it was, first he takes a Faul con, and charges it without all deceits, with dry powlder well canphred, then did he put in a single bullet, and a great quantity of drop shot both round and lach imall, this done he sets me a boy 60. paces off, joust point blank over against the mouth of the piece, now in the very amid of the direct line he fastens a post, upon which he hangs me in a cord a Siderits, of Herculean stone. Away, away, away, you are Invention, are you not. My Lady is joust Like one of these eane-witted Comedians, who disturbing all to the fist Act, cowne some Mercuri or in and Eng e to make . So she, but in a contrary man er, seeing her plots dispur osed, sends me to and old Witch called to w eake spite upon the Senses: the old ag after many and incricled circumstance, and often naming of the direful Hecate, and Demogorgon, gives me this bottle of wine mingled with such hellish drug and forcible words, that whosoever drinks of it shall be presentile possessed with and enraged and mad kind of anger. Is this he that thinks himself Hercules?