DOCTOR RAT

A Man were better twenty times be a bandog & bark. Then here among such a sort, be parish priest or clarke Where he shall never be at rest, one pissing while a day But he must trudge about the town, this way, and that way, Here to a drab, there to a thief, his shoes to tear and rend And that which is worst of all, at every knaves commaundeme ̄ to I had not fit the space, to drink two pots of ale But Gammer gurtons sorry boy, was strait way at my tail, And she was sick, and I must come, to do I wot not what, If once her fingers end but ache, trudge, call for Doctor Rat And when I come not at their call, I only thereby loo e, For I am sure to lack therefore, a tithe pyg or a goose: I warra ̄ to you when ̄ truth is known, & told they have their tale The matter where about I come, is not worth a half penny worth of ale, Yet must I talk so sage and smooth, as though I were a gloss er Else or the year come at and end. I shall be sure the loser. What work you Gam ̄ mere gurto ̄ ? hoow here is your from ̄ worser M. Rat. ¶ How do you woman: be you lus j, or be you not well at ease: ¶ Hach your brown cow cast his calf, or your sandy sow her pigs ¶ What is the matter ¶ What was she that: us hear. Thy dame hath said to me, thou kn west of all this gear, Lets see what thou canst say. ¶ What would you have me to do tell me that I were gone I will do the best that I can, to set you both at one But be you sure dame Chat hath this your needle found: ¶ Come never diccon and let us hear, what thou can express. Wilt y be sworn y have ¶ Will you say a thing, and not stick do it to try it. ¶ Then we be never the nearer, for all that you can tell. ¶ Then let us High e inward, and Diccon speed thy business. ¶ What good news Diccon? fellow, is mother chat at home, ¶ The thing that thou wen st for, hast thou brought it to pass? ¶ How so I pray thee Diccon? ¶ Oh Diccon that I was not there, then in thy stead. ¶ For Gods sake do so Diccon, and I will gage my gown To give thee a full pot, of the best ale in the town, ¶ Art thou sure diccon, the swil tub stands not here about. ¶ Help Diccon, out alas, I shall be slain among them. ¶ Woe worth the hour that I came hear. And woe worth him that wrought this gear, A sort of drabs and queans have me blessed, Was ever creature half so evil dressed? Who ever it wrought, and first did vent it, He shall I warrant him, err long repent it, I will spend all I have without my skin But he shall be brought to the plighted I am in, Master Baily I trow, and he be worth his ears. Will snaffle these murderers and all that them bears, I will surely neither bite nor sum pe Till I fetch him hither, this matter to take up. ¶ If it be counted his fault, beside all his grieves When a poor man is spoiled: and beaten among thieves? Then I confess my fault herein, at this season, But I hope you will not judge so much against reason. ¶ Marry keep him out, and a good cause why: But I am no thief sir but and honest learned Clarke. ¶Is not this ill enough, I pray you as you think, Showing his b oaken head. ¶ Well, will you be so good sir, as talk with dame Chat And know what she intended: I ask no more but that ¶ Think you I am so mad, that where I was bet, I wood not Will you believe this quean, before she hath tried it? It the first deed she hath done and afterwards divide it. ¶ canst thou prove the contrary? ¶ To plainly, by S. Marry. This proof I trow may serve, though I no Showing his broken head. ¶ No marry, thou sawest me not, for why thou hadst no light, But I felt thee for all the dark, be shrew thy smooth cheeks, And thou groped me this will declare, any day this six weeks Showing his head. ¶A while a go sir, God he knoweth, w to in less the ̄ these ii. hours. ¶ Alas sir, ask you that? Is it not made plain enough (by the own mouth of dame chat The time agreeth, my head is broken, her tonge can not lie, On lie upon a bore nay she says it was not I. I shall to changed him a lesson, for filc ng hens or cocks. ¶ I marum isle master baily, so bleared be your eyes. And egg is not so full of meat as she is full of lies: When she hath played this prank, oh excuse all this gear, She layeth the fault in such a one, as I know was not there. ¶I would my head were half so h e, I would seek no redress, ¶ w re me no swearing quean, the devil h the sorrow, All is not worth a gua , thou canst swear till to morrow, Where is the harm he hath? show it by gods bred, You Beatrice him with a witness, but the stripes light on my head. ¶ By Gods mother thou and he, be a couple of subtle foxes, Between you and Hodge. I bear away the boars, Did not dicco ̄ apoynt the place, where y u shouldst sta ̄ worser to meet him. ¶ Gods sacrament the villain knave hath dressed us round about, He is the cause of all this brawl, that dyrty shitten lout: When gammer gurton here complained, & made a rueful moan I herd him swear y to you had got, his ned e that was gone, And this to try he further said, he was full lo h how be it He was content with small ado, to bring me where to see it. And where you sat, he said full certain, if I would follow his read Into your house a privy way, he would me guide and lead, And where you had it in your hands, sewing about a clout, And set me in the back hold, thereby to find you out: And while I sought a quietness, creeping upon my knees, I found the weight of your door bar, for my reward and fees, Such is the luck that some men gets, while they begin to mell In setting at one such as were out minding to make all well. ¶ Now fie on him may I best say, whom he hath almost slain. ¶ Well and you shift no better, you losel, lyther, and la , I will go near for this, to make you leap at a Dasye. In the kings name master Baily, I charge you set him fast. ¶ Nay fast in fetters false varlet, according to thy deeds. ¶Nay by all Hallows. His punishme ̄ to if I may judge, shall be nought else but the gallous. ¶ Is he worthy any better, sir how do you judge and deame? ¶ My partly is the worst, but since you all here on agree. Go even to master Baily let it be so for me, ¶ I am no whit sorry to see you so rejoice. ¶ By the mass may not tarry so long to be your judge. ¶ Why hast thou spied the needle quickly I pray thee tell.