DEPAZZI

How sir? a Traitor? I sir, by my honour not I sir, I defy Him that speaks it; I am in a fine pickle All's out: A pox upon him for a Traitor, he Has hedged meee in but I'll confess— stand too't— Admirable Traitor? I do grow hearty All thy actions Stand fresh before us, and confirm, thou art Our best and dearest friend, thus we assure Our confidence, they love us not that feed One jealous thought of our deer Cooze Lorenzo New welcome to us all, for you Alonzo Give over your paper kites, learn wit, 'tis time. Where shall we meet to night? The Duke courts him, Well go thy ways, for one of the most excellent Impudent Traitors— I my Lord, Dare boldly swear, his honour is as free— From any treason, as my self, I did prophisie this issue. Make fast the Chamber-door, stifle the key hold and the crannies, I must discourse of secret matters, dost thou smell nothing Rogero? would? Come hither, what do the people talk abroad of me? Answer me justly, and to the point what do they say? They lie, I am not, they are a lousy impudent multi tude, a manyheaded, and many horned generation, to say that I am— O is that it? I thought the rabble would have said, I had been a Traitor, I am half mad certainly ere since I con scented to Lorenzo, 'tis a very hard condition, that a man must lose his head to recompense the procuring of his honours: what if I discover him to the Duke, ten to one, if Lorenzo come but to speak, his grace wonot would the grace to believe me and then I run the hazard to be thrown out of all ato there side: 'tis safest to be a Traitor, hum, who is that you whispered to? Marry did you sirrah. Sirrah, sirrah, sirrah, I smell a Rat behind the hangings? Here's no body, would? are there no Trunks to convey secret voices? I do not Like that face i'th arras, a my conscience he points at me, a pox upon this treason, I have no stomach too't, I do see my self upon a Scaffold, making a pitiful speech alrea die, I shall would my head cut off, seven years ago I laid my head upon a wager I remember, and lost it; let me see, it shall be so, 'tis good policy to be armed, Rogero, imagine I were a Traitor. I but say imagine, we may put the case, and that I were apprehended for a Traitor. Heaven has something else to do, then to defend Tray tors: I say, Imagine I were brought to the bar. I will beat you, if you wonot imagine at my bidding: I say, suppose I now were at the bar to answer for my life. Well sir, that's as it happens, you must imagine I will answer the best I can for my self, conceive I prithee, that these chairs were Judges most grave and venerable beards and faces at my arraignment, and that thy self Wertenberg in the name of the Duke and state to accuse me what couldst thou say to me? For high Treason you blockehead. Mass thou sayest right: why imagine, d'ee hear? you must but imagine, that some greatman had a conspiracy a gainst the Dukes person, and that I being and honest Lord, and one of this great men friends, had been drawn in, for that's the plain truth on't, it against my will, but that's all one: Well, thou understandest me, show thy wit Rogero, scratch thy nimble pericranium, and thunder out my accusati on ex tempore: Here I stand Signior Depazzi, ready to and swer the indictment. Humble Coxcomb, is't not for my good? I say, ac cuse me, bring it home, jerk me soundly to the quick Rogero, tickle me as thou lovst thy Lord; I do defy thee, spare me not, and the devil take thee if thou be'st not malicious, Very good. Not guilty. Come, come on sir, here I stand. Why you rascal. This rogues transported. Did I? May it please your honours— This rogue will undo the Devil at invention, may it please this honourable— Will you justify this? did I any of these things you tadpole? I confess and please your good Lordship's. Thats the the way to be sent of a headless errand indeed I confess that I never inte ̄ dead any treason ̄ to his highness, nor ever sought the princes life, true it is, that I herd of a conpiracie. Shall I not speak? All that this fellow hath uttered, is false and forged, ab hominable lies. I never dre'mt of a hunting saddle, nor never had so much as a thought of any prayer book. As for pistols, 'tis well known I could never endure the report one e'm, I defy powder and shot as I do him that ac cuseth me. Thou art a madman: Thou continual motion cease, a pox upon thee hold thy tongue. Why then this shall. I Am as weary—hark Rogero one knocks, see, see the to make thee amends see good and say nothing pray heaven it be no pursuivant. But Lorenzoes Engine a very knave, What's here? it can be no goodness: No matter and you were both hanged, Rogero, show him the Wineseller: let me see, I must report the Dukes death, I cannot abide this word Death, yet he desires me but to re port it, hum, if it be false, why so much the better; that re will be the less harm in't, if it should prove true, they will believe me another time: Well I will drink my self half drunk, and be fortified. My Lord, I would speak a word or two in private. Is no body within hearing? all clear behind the arras? My Lord the truth is, I am very fearful: is your Lord ship sure there are no eves droppers. 'Tis not unknown to your Lordship, that you have been my very good Lord, neither am I ignorant, that I am your humble servant, you advanced men, brought me into the num ber of the nobles, and I brought you a reasonable number of crowns: I am not the first wise Citizen that hath been converted into a foolish Courtier, but my Lord, I beseech you pardon me: it will out. I am ready to burst. Treason, treason, now'ts out, and I feel my body the lighter fort already: the last plot did not take you see, and I would humbly entreat your Lordship to excuse me, and get some body else hereafter to be your Traitor in my stead. If you did but know the tenderness of my constituti on, or feel the pangs and conv zions that I suffer, you would pity me: I fallen away you see, I cannot sleep for dreaming of and axe, I have caused, my hangings of Holefernes to be taken down in my dining room, because I dare not look upon a head that is cut off in it, something of my complexion: my wisdom tells me I am a fool to be so fearful, but my con science tells me I am a greater fool if I would not wit enough in my pare to keep my head on my shoulders, I beseech your Lordship take me into your consideration, I am but a mortal, though I be a Lord, every man hath not the Like gift of impudence, I have a weak stomach and treason is physic to me, and all though I do not vomit up your secrets they may out some other way. But alas in such a case I may soon bewray my self, and then your Lordship may soon be smelled out: to prevent therefore some mischief that may happen, I desire to leave off while I am well, end that your Lordship may know I mean plainly: I would brought you all your letters, I durst not trust any other place with they for fear of state rats, I have unripped my bo some to you, and there they are to a title—now I may safely swear I have no hand with your Lordship. Mistake not my good Lord, J am still your creature, but I have a great mind to be honest a little while, among the weaker sort of nobility: yet thus much persuade your self, I will never wrong your Lordship in a sillable, should you tell me of athousand treasons, and stratagems, J will never reveal any, J scorn that, but your Lordship must pardon me, J will be a Traitor no longer, that's certain, J will be honest, and the ra there because nobody shall hit me in the teeth after J am dead, and say look were Depazzi carries his head very high, and my Lord the more to induce your Lordship to dismiss me— Rogero. Give me the gold, I have brought 1500 crowns more. That J may have my Lordship's good will, to leave my office before it be taken from me, and preferred to a worse, 'tis half the price J paid for't, J love peace and a little honesty, J know your honour will find and able man for it, and it is fit J should pay for my quietus. To return to the dunghill from whence J came, for though J was born in the City, J have some land in the con try dirty acres, and Mansion house, where J will be the miracle of a courtier, and keep good hospitality, love my neigh bours, and their wives, and consequently get their chil dren, be admired amongst the Justices, sleep upon every bench, keep a Chaplain in my own house to be my I dolator, and furnish me with jests; and when I have nothing else to do, I will think of the court, and how much I have been ob lig'd to your Lordship: my Lord I may do you service with a leading voice in the country, the kennel will cry a my side if it come to election, you or your friend shall carry it, against the Common wealth. Thou shalt give they me again. How the Duke? How? I had rather lose my head at home, and save charges Of travail, I beseech your grace. I hu ̄ bly thank his highness, and wilpray for your increase of grace. ROgero?