GORGON

Sir, I have done your remembrances to Mistress Hilaria, and told her you should find her coming by and by, but you were best pass in some obscurity, for her fa there Rufaldo is hard by sir. Lupus in Fabulam. God save you sir. I confess, you took off the roughcast, but 'twas Gorgons head brought forth the project, from my Jove's brain came this Minerva. If I fail, call me Spider-catcher. Not out of my wit, Sir, I have a Letter from my young Mistress Selina, must in all haste have cleanly convey ance to old Rufaldo. I hope, sir, you will not throw open the sheet, and discover my Mistress secrets? How he stares! He has made a Tailors bill on't, torn't apieces ere it be discharged: What shall I do? This? I'll but hold it by the hand. This sir, a leg, it shall go with me then. So I have all his quarters, I'll presently, sir, get poles for they, and hang they upon the Gates in their po stures for you. My most ingenious and noble Criticotaster, brave lie bills, pills you should say, not faced, but lined, with gold they swallow they greedily, and still flock to they, and con glomerate my son and heir of the Muses: a proclamati on is as quiet as the poor men box, no man looks after it, not a Balladmonger has any audience: but happy is the man that rides first post to your papers & cries admirable: your old men look upon they with their spectacles, as they would eye and obligation within a minute of forfeiture. Foot, it's Bubulcus. Three cuts and a half, heigh. I give you, sir, gene rous salutation, and wish a fair morn descend upon you: thrice Noble Spirit, welcome, does your worship desire to be sprinkled with the drops of Hellicon, to gather the Pippins of Pernassus, and have your forehead fillited with Apollinean Baize, or Laurel? You shall be verberated, and reverberated, my ex act piece of stollidity: please you draw near, there is the star of Eloquence, under whom I am and Hypodidascall, in English, his Usher. Approach without fear: here is a Pupil, sir, desires to suck the honey of your eloquence, he is a Gentleman in Foli . He asks what kind of verbosity you would be practised in? because I perceive you are raw, I will descend to your capacity, he asks what compliment you would learn? How? There is and Ushers fee belongs to my place. Simple, I am sure: so, sir, look you, I should teach you to make a leg first, but these postures anon. Resplendent Mistress, for thy face does far Excel all other, Like a blazing Star We mortals wonder at, vouchsafe to cast Out of those sparkling Diamond eyes thou hast, A sacred Influence on thy vowed creature, That is confounded with thy form and feature. Goddess of Cyprus. O, there's a conceit, Cyprus is the emblem of morning, and here by Cyprus you declare how much you pine and mourn after her, sir. Goddess of Cyprus, Venus is a slut. You do tell the Goddess, that Venus is a slut. No, sir, your Love is Venus fair, and she is not: That makes plain the other, that she is a slut. Oh that I were a flay upon thy lip, There would I suck for ever, and not skip. That is, you would not bite her by the lip. Or if thou thinkest I there too high am placed, I'll be content to suck below thy waste. Thy foot I'de willing kiss, but that I know, Thou wouldst not have thy servant stoop so low. She will give you leave to kiss higher. O speak thou, wilt be mine? and I will be The truest Worm ever trod on shoo to thee. By Worm you do insinuate and wriggle your self into your affection, and she by shoo will conceive your desire the length of her foot: how do you Like it, sir? O, any ordinary Lady, you must get it without Book. Now to make your legs. See me salute her. As many happinesses wait on Delia, As beams shoot from the Sun this pleasant morn. Her Mistress's best moveable, a Chambermaid. She is and early riser, and yet sometime as soon down as up, she cannot be quiet for the Servingmen, it's her hour between eight a clock and her Mistress rising, to come to discipline. O, sir, all her credit is in her good name: it was Diana's the Goddess of chastity, and therefore when she marries, she may cuckold her Husband by a privilege, for Diana gave horns to Actaeon. Good men of the Jury for this Session, I will not implicate you with ambages and circumstances, I am un willing to confound your little wits with affected divisi ons of my narration, into quis, quid, quomodo, and quandoes: I will neither utter by gross, nor partly my speech into a dozen of long points, knotted often in the middle, and vntagd in the end; your are to present Malefactors, where of you are the chief—Reformers, and seeing you stand ready for your charge, I will give fire to this great piece of service, & send you all off with a powder, that in any case we may go to dinner betimes, &c. And do you hear, if he chance to be at a nonplus, he may help himself with his beard and handkerchief, or it will be a good posture for his hand now and then to be fumbling with his bandstrings. Farewell. Lady, wounded by your beauty, I will acknow ledge mercy if you kill me not, yet rather murder me, then vulnerate still your creature, unless you mean to medi cine where you have hurt, and I implore no better remedy then I may derive from the instrument wherewith you pierced me, Like Achilles Spear, your eye having shot lightning into my breast, hath power with a smile to fetch out the consuming fire, and yet leave my heart inflamed. So, very well, this is your cunning lesson. Sir, the Country comes in upon us. Orlando Furioso. So, so, it's well, you shall take forth a new lesson, fit down and breathe. He took me napping on Midsummer Eve, and I never dream it on him. Sfoot, heres more ado to get one Welshman damned, then a whole Nation. Sir, it's but in jest. We thank thee Jovial Hercules. Indeed, sir, I have made inquisition, both my tongue and my feet have walked, but my Mistress is not to be found or herd of, I'll assure you. Mistress, then we are all made.— He capers. Gone in wine, sir, for joy of his sisters finding again. pray, sir, let me take my journey in the morning, the wedding night is fatal: I hope your worship does but jest, I may be drunk too night, and wake early enough to be gone afore day too, I beseech you sir. By this hand there he is, where? did not I hear his voice? I have been mad all this while, and now am Like to be my own man again: since there is no remedy, Gentiles all, good night. Gorgon begins to be a wandering Knight. I think Jupiter has snatched up my Master And tonio, to make a Ganymede on him, he is not to be found yet, I have search it all the Taverns ith Town, I am sure, and that method my nose led me to, hoping he had been a good fellow, but, non est inventus, well, my stock is spent, but with this terrible face a buff Jerkin, and a roaring basket-hilt, Gorgon will have a trick of wit to bear his own charges: but here comes a Gentleman, to my po stures now. Good your worship bestow a small piece of silver upon a poor Soldier, newcome out of the Low-con tries, that have been in many hight services, against the Spaniard, the French, and great Turk. I have been shot seven times thorough the body, my eyes blown up with gunpowder, half my skull seared off with a Canon, and had my throat cut twice in the open field: good your wor ship take compassion upon the caterwaking Fortune's of a forlorn Gentleman, that have lost the use of my veins: good your generous nature take compassion upon me, I have but four fingers and a thumb upon one hand: can work, and woonnot: one small piece of grateful silver, to for my lodging, I beseech you venerable sir. Only a little glimmering, sir, the beams of your gentility have radiated, and infused light into my poor lanterns, sir. O, sir, that faculty alone, fortune and nature have left inviolated. Gasparo, is it you? Pox on your benevolence. O, I could caper for't. Phillis fair, do not disdaeine The love of Coridon thy Swain. But that were pretty, shall I be a woman? Foot! shall I run into my coats again? go to, put me into what shape you will, I'll play my partly: me thinks I do feel and hundred rural animals taking up my petticoat already. It will be a quarter of a year next grass. Laugh, and sing him to his graven shall I? O no, his love Like a canker hath eat such a great hold into my heart, I cannot forget him, but I'll sing a song of him. Yes forsooth. With a Gentleman that has proved unkind, for sooth, broken his vows, and oaths, forsooth, he made much of me, time was, before his father died, forsooth, who was a good Yeoman, then he kissed me, forsooth, and coll'd surreverence, but now he scorns Mopsa: I was his equal once, and have danced with him upon our Church green in a Morris ere now. He is now about to commit makrimoniall busi ness with a young girl I wiss. Believe him? nay, you may believe him, he's abo mination cunning man, he told me my fortune as right as if he had been in my belly. Partly, sir, as other women's Fortune's do. O, no, no, your suit is in vain, hands off, Shep heards. Beauty! I do confess I have reasonable beauty, for black and white, for all other colours are but compoun dead of them: but the truth is, I cannot so soon forget my old love; though he hath proved false unto me, Mopsa will prove true unto him: o, and it were not for shame, now I would die for love. Noble sir. Sir, you know who I am, I am yet walking Terra incognita, I have a great mind to Bubulcus, you know what I have suffered for him, and so forth. O, sir, you sung another song in my Mother's Dairy, when we sat up all night together, and had a Sack posset. I beseech you, Gentlemen, speak for me, for I will have him, I am ashamed to show my reasons. More then that, sir. Indeed Mistress, I'll tell you; he hath begotten thr children of my body. Yes, bear witness, Gentlemen, I do accept his wise benevolence, and will never trouble him with mar riage—while Gorgon lives. Your servant, and your pardons: nay, Gorgon has had his devices and vagabunduloes as well as the best on ye: give you all joy, I wish you wit, sir. But in women's matters as weak as water, as weak as water. I have it, Signior Gasparo, pray let me begin with my Merchant if you love me, and if the it, second me. I cry you mercy sir, I'll assure you sir, I took you for Master Rufaldo the old Merchant. It may be some kin to him, but not that Rufaldo I mean, you are younger a fair deal. O sir, you must excuse me for that. What else sir, honest Gorgon I? Why sir, it's plain, you have no grey hairs in your head, your cheek is scarlet, a wanton youthful eye; Ru faldo had a head Like frost, his eyes sunk into his hollows, a rugged brow, a hoary beard, and all his body not worth a drop of blood, a very crazy old mealmouth Gentle man, you are younger at least by thirty years. You have not slept since, have you? It's the more strange. I have herd of some that have been changed in a dream, but never waking before: this is strange, nay admirable! I were a very knave then, if you be Rufaldo, I hope your worship knows I have been bound to my good be haviour. Nay, I see yowl not believe me: well sir, I will be bold to report the wonder abroad, and astonish all your friends. Seignior Gasparo, my Master would speak with you: the project too I met the Youth strutting Like a Gen tleman Usher, 'twas my invention. Who, I a wit? I thought you and More wit, then to make such a question, all the Town takes me for a wit, heres a pate hath crakers in't and flashes. By this hand, any project of wit, what is't, good Gasparo? the project. As midnight to a Bawd, or a pair of Trusses to and Irish men buttocks. Here's Infortunio. Alas, poor Gentleman, little does he think what black and white is here, a bitter handful of commendations to him, my young Mistress is mad of the old Coxcomb, and will marry him almost without asking, I cannot tell but if she do not cuckold him, and make him cry corns on his toes ere he die, he has fools fortune, for a wise man would be out of hope to avoid it, he spies me. For thou art Venus fair, and she is not. O, by no means, your legs are made to your feet. And old Country Gentlewoman, that hath buried her Husband lately, and comes up to be a Lady, for she swears she will not marry any more Gentlemen: she is fallen out with a Justice of Peaces wife in the Country, and she will have a Knight, though she pay for his Horse-hier, to spite her neighbours. He is and hundred & fifty pounds a yard in potentiam, a Yeomans son, and Justice of Peaces Clarke, he is in love with a Farmers daughter, and thus he speaks his passion in blank Verse. I'll call him in; Ingeniolo! This is Scholarlike. Your Jewel may have the grace to be hanged one day. We acknowledge your bounty, my Tenth-worthy. Wilt please you hear the Novice? See if you can roar him away. Stand in order and be damned. The soul of a Watchman. From the old predicament. Faith, necessity that has no Law, put me into this habit: my Master is turned coward, and ran away from me. Well, sir, in regard you are so Exit cum Inf. & Fell portunate, although I have forsworn marriage, if you de sist constant, you may chance to have a lick at my May denhead. Why, how now? what, are you mad? will you speak the Epilogue? though you have played a fool in the Play, you will not show your self and Ass before all this compa nigh. The Epilogue? I hope I am the wiser ath' two, and the better read in compliment.