OLD BARNACLE

Master Hazard. I am fortunate to prevent so great a trouble, There is a business, sir, wherein I must desire your favour. Nay i'll be thankful too, I know you are A gentleman. Not so noble Hazard, yet I come to entreat a valiant courtesy, Which I am willing to requited in money, I have brought gold to give you payment, sir, 'Tis a thing you may easily consent to, And it'll oblige me ever. Then thus you are not ignorant I have a Nephew, sir. One that's Like To be my heir, the only of my name That's left, and one that may in time be made A pretty fellow. What shall I give you, sir, to let him — Pray be not angry. There is no such security i'th World, I'll pay for't heartily. Beat you, sir? Right. Pray take me with-thee, I do not mean he should By beating, hurt you dangerously, you may Contrive the quarrel, so that he may draw Some blood, or knock you, over the pate, and so forth, And come of bravely, this is all. You understand me right. Agree, sir? you must quarrel, and he must beat you, else, 'tis no bargain. And ther's my money. I'll not be a witness of your passages my self; these will report as much as I desire, sir, if you be beaten I am satisfied. He may be valiant for ought I know, Howsoever this will be a secure way To have him thought so, if he beat you soundly. By no means, let him beat you to purpose, sir. To soon to think of any other, why, What woman of discretion, but is furnished With a second husband ere the first be coffend? He that stays till the Funeral be passed, Is held a modest coxcomb, and why should not Maids as early in their provision? Another whom you love? I conceive This is no friend of yours, come i'll relieve you, Nay, and there be any man that troubles you, If there be any you'd have talked withal, I'll rid you of that care, he that shall offer But to disturb you in a thought, d'ee mark me? I'll take and order with him. Do not mistake me neither, i'll do nothing, But send my Nephew, he shall top him, And top him, and scourge him Like a top too. You know not how my Nephew is improved Since you last saw him, valiant as Hercules, He has knocked the flower of Chivalry, the very Donzal deal Phebo of the time. and all The blades do reverence him; i'll say no more, Name but the man whom you do frown upon, And let me send my Nephew to him. How? your father Say but the word and I will send my Nephew To him, and he were ten father's he can mollify him, To please you Lady, my Nephew never spare him, O, had you seen him baffle a squire this morning! That's Master Probe the Surgeon. I have been discoursing With your fair daughter. And I am glad I met with you: If you be troubled with any gentleman, I'll send my Nephew to him. To any man alive, I care not whither. That's something o'th furthest, I shall be Unwilling he should travel out o'th Kingdom. Are you a maid? D'ee know my Nephew? Not my Nephew ? how have you been bred? Why he's the only gallant o'th Town, Please you i'll send him to you. He'll hurt no women, but for the men— What is he? i'll send my Nephew to him Lady, If you have any occasion, never spare him. You shall command me: If't be to any man you care not for, We'll take my Nephew along. Exeunt You may admit him. I'll pay you for't If you will beat him soundly, sir, and leave him But as you found him; for if he continue A blade and be not killed, he wonot escape The gallows long, and it's not for my honour He should be hanged Bless me, defend me. Ther's and ungracious bird of mine own nest, Will murder me. I suspect him still. Never, sirrah, now i'll tame you. I thank you gentlemen, command me for This courtesy. Follow me, sirrah. I beseech you, sir, Mistake me not, rewards are endue to virtues, And honour must be cherished. To be plain, sir, You have a name i'th Town for a brave fellow. Patience, I mean you have the opinion Of a valiant gentleman, one that dares Fight and maintain your honour against odds, The swordmen do acknowledge you, the baylies Observe their distance, all the swaggering pusses Strike their topsails, I have herd they in the streets Say there goes daring Hazard, a man careless Of wounds, and though he have not had the luck To kill so many as another, dares Fight with all them that have. And more, and more, mistake not. I do not all this while accompt you in The list of those are called the blades, that roar In brothells, and break windows, fright the streets At midnight worse then Constables, and sometime Set upon innocent Bell-men, to beget Discourse for a weeks diet, that swear, dammes, To pay their debts, and march Like walking armories, With Poyniard, Pistol, Rapier, and Batoone, As they would murder all the Kings liege people, And blow down streets; no I repute you valiant Indeed, and honoured, and come now without More ceremony, to desire your favour; Which as you are a gentleman, I hope, You'll not deny me. You know or you imagine, that I have. A pretty estate too. I have more then I shall spend; now I come close, I would have this Nephew of mine, converse with gentlemen, I'll not pinch him in's allowance, The University had almost spoiled him. With modesty a thing you know Not here in fashion, but that's almost cured, I would allow him to be drunk. Or any thing to speak him a fine gentleman, 'Tis confessed, sir. I apprehend; And thus I satisfy you, we that had Our breeding from a Trade, cits as you call us, Though we hate gentlemen our selves, yet are Ambitious, to make all our children gentlemen, In three generations they return again, We for our children purchase Land, they brave it I'th Country, begets children, and they fell, Grow poor, and send their sons up to be Prentices: There is a whirl in fate, the Courtiers make Us cuckolds; mark, we wriggle into their Estates, poverty makes their children Citizens; Our sons cuckold them, a circular justice, The World turns round, but once more to the purpose. This Nephew of mine, I do love dearly; He is all my care, I would be loath to lose him, And to preserve him both in life, and honour: I come to you. What shall I give you troth, and let him. Nay do not, sir, mistake me, for although I name it, caursely I desire it should be With your consent, no otherwise; my Nephew Is raw, and wants opinion, and the talk Of such a thing, to beat a gentleman, That all the Towns afraid of, would be worth In's credit, heaven knows what, alas you cannot Blame a kind Uncle, to desire all means To get his Nephew fame, and keep him safe, And this were such a way. You're i'th right, but do not misconceive me Under your favour, my intention is not He should much hurt you, if you please to let him Quarrel, or so at Tavern, or where else You shall think fit, and throw a pottle-pot— Yes, or say it be a quart, still under your correction, Only that some of your acquaintance and Gentlemen may take notice, that he dares Affront you, and come off with honour handsomely, Look hers a hundred pieces, tell, they i'th Ordinary Th'are weight upon my credit, play they not Against light gold, this is the Prologue to My thanks, beside my Nephew shall in private Acknowledge himself beholding. I must desire your secrecy and— Why ther's ten pieces more, cause you come off So freely, i'll send him to you. Mum— I thank you heartily. Exit. Nay, nay, be comforted, and mistake me not, I did not mention Delamore to provoke These tears: he's gone, think on your living friends. Yes, I am one: And yet mistake me not, I do not come Awooing for my self, I am passed Tilting, But for my Nephew, o that Nephew of mine! I know Sir. Richard Hurry, you wise father, Will think well of him, Nay, nay, weeping still. Would my Nephew had her. She is S. Richard's heir, and here he is. S. Richard ? Who is that? A pretty gentlewoman! save you mistress, What is your name I pray? He shall do any thing, the towns afraid on him. O! Sir I am glad I would fonud you. My Nephew, sir, my Nephew. What's the matter? Now I wish heartily you had beaten him For the hundred pound. I'st not to late? but do you think it'll humble him? I expect every minute he's abroad To hear he has killed some body, or receive him Brought home with half his brains or but one leg. Good sir. Nay it's my meaning to content you, sir. And I shall take it as a favour too, If for the same price you made him valiant, You will unblade him: here's the money sir, As weighty gold as tother; cause you should not Lay it on lightly; break no limb, and bruise him Three-quarters dead, I care not; he may live Many a fair day after it. He is here; do but observe. And beat him, sir, accordingly. Thou art no Nephew of mine, tha'rta rascal I'll be at no more charge to make thee a gentleman, Pay for your Dice and drinkings, I shall have The Surgeons bills brought shortly home to me, Be troubled to bail thee from the Sessions, And afterwards make friends to the Recorder For a Repreeve, yes, I will see thee hanged first. I am no fighter, Though I have seen a fence-school in my Days, And cracked a Cudgel, yet I come about A fighting business. Be ruled, And be my Nephew again: this was my love, My love deer Nephew. He's undone, he's undone, you have undone him. You have made him, sir, so valiant I am afraid He's not long lived, he quarrels now with every body And rores and dominers and shak's the pen-houses. A woman that sold pudding-pies, but took The wall on him, and he trips up her heals, And down fell all, the kennel ran pure whitepot What shall I do I fear he will be killed: I take a little privilege my self Because I threaten to disinherit him, But no body else dares talk or meddle with him Is there no way to take him down again And make him coward?