HAZARD

How now Will ? is that all? Look up, and ask me a question Like a ̄ man, What melancholy? That should be a woman, who'st thou art thinking on? I have been of your counsel. I met her sad. when dost mean to lie with her? You're not so mad. He that has And ambition to be strangled in his sleep, May tell his wife he loves another woman. And she consented too? Next time you see her, look to be presented With your Mistress's nose for this, dost think a woman Can be so patient, to know her rival I'th same roof, and leave her eyes, to see thee Again? I am sorry for thee. Come, I love thee well, But not thy wit, to carry things no handsomer: You must unravel again, and make your wife Believe you did but try her. How now, what's the news here? What's the business. Who hurt him? Master Beamont ; we cannot stay, sir. I am sorry for poor Beamont. Men must preserve Their honours man, thou dost not know their quarrel? But skermishing as you call it, with the Petticoat, Is by some, held away to this preferment, Your wenches been sticklers, and some men Dropped in their quarrel. There may be causes, that have women in'em, But I confess, no polecats, or Iewd strumpets, Though I do use the trick o'th flesh, shall drive Me to the Surgeon; I had a mother. No, No, she is well as she is, There may be honour to defend these. But ther's a mischief greater then all these A base and sorded provocation, Used among gentlemen, they cannot quarrel About a glass of Wine, but our files streigth Son of a whore, dead mother's must be torn, Out of their graves, or living, have their names Poisoned by a prodigious breath: it were A brave and noble Law, to make this tongue Be cut for't, it wood save much blood ith year, That might be spent more honorably. Apprehended, alas poor gentleman; how now Ned ? 'Twill but trouble me I can do him no service, beside that, I am engaged to meet old Master Barnacle. Whither, whither Gentlemen, with your swords drawn? You do not mean this rashness: hide your swords be advised better; D'ee know his fact? And will you make one passed cure? Upon your selves, cool your hight bloods a little, No mutuny my country men, remember, If he recover that is hurt, the tother Will come off well enough, without your volour: Breath, breath a while, you may if you have a mind too't Instead of rescuing, betray a gentleman, And your selves too, to a danger. 'Tis scurvy wearing hemp, if you escape killing, There be more butchers then fell flesh; and Citizens Have no mercy in their Clubs, especially When gentlemen have so little wit, to bring There heads to'th knocking down, it's a revenge They owe you for their wives, o take heed mainly Of these left handed Halberdiers. How many will you kill with your bird-spit? You have more legs and arms at home, which makes You valiant, i'll not pare my nails to day, And yet I love my friend, as the best on you; You know I dare fight too, but in this cause You must needs pardon me, I believe the stoutest That now would seem all fire, and sword, will go With as ill will to hanging, as another, And will becom't as scurvily, take your courses. O'th two, to go to the Tavern, and be drunk In your own defence, a wench is not so dangerous Nor the Disease that waits upon her. Less for you, You would be guilty of his murder too, And snatch him from the Law, why you may doo't: 'Tis pity but the government should thank you, And if you escape the halter for't, it may be Another man in time, may cut your throat, And ther's one for another, paid in the blood. Come be your selves, these are not acts of gentlemen, Where shame, not honour must reward your daring, Though we be wild, it follows not we should Be mad outright. I am for that coast, now I think upon't I'll meet you at the new randevow within This halfhour, I expect a gentleman That has engaged my promise; i'll come t'ee Ere you be half drunk. Drink Sack and think not on't, what should be The business that old Barnacle has desired My conference? it's not to lend me money sure, He's here. I was coming to you, sir. Mine? command it, sir. That should incline, you think I am not mercenary What's your purpose? Pray clear my understanding. How, sir, you do not come to jeer me? You have herd this. Though your Language Be something strange, yet, because I think you dare not Intend me and abuse, I wonot question it, Pray to the point, I do not think, your come To have me be your second. You would have me beat some body for you. Be particular. You have so. Very well, proceed. You're held a main rich man, sir, In money able to weigh down and Alderman. And he does so. With what? You may, sir. With your favour, sir, let me be bold a little To interrupt you, were not you a Citizen? It being a thriving way A walk wherein you might direct your Nephew, Why d'ee not breed him so? To your Nephew. Now you come to me indeed, sir. What? By no means. For what? What? To have me beaten. At my head. A hundred p eces! I want money. You give me this to let your Nephew beat me. Well, sir, You do not mean, you say he should endanger My life or limbs; all you desire, if I Mistake not, is to get your Nephew credit, That being fleshed, he may walk securely, and be held Valiant by gaining honour upon me. I'll put it up, Pray send your Nephew to me, weel agree. Not before We have concluded how things shall be carried. Here's my hand. Your Nephew shall be a blade. Do so, why this, if the Dice favour me may bring all My Lands again, be sure you send him, but No words for your Nephews credit. Be there such things i'th World, i'll first to the Tavern, There I am stayed for, gentlemen I come, I'll be beat every day for such a sum. Eixt. More wine, is not this better gentlemen, Then spitting Constables? you wood have fought now, And had your brain-pans opened Let come boy, fill it me steeple-high, I am in vain of mirth, and I would cause As you shall see in endue time gentlemen. Master Little stock thou art dreaming o'th Dice. I'll play the farrier then, and drench thee for the sullens a health to all our Mistress's, we have had they single, lets shuffle they now together. Master Acre-less. You have not washed to day, go get clean manners; You rascal we have no wenches. It is not necessary thou shouldst have any: Fill me again. Let it go round, and then in hope you may Look double, i'll show you a sighed, I wonder Jack wilding Stays. He's come i'th neck. Give him his garnish. For the reckoning? now you're altogether gentlemen, I'll show you a wonder but come not to near, Keep out o'th Circle, whatsoever you think on't, This is a hundred pound, nay, not so close, These Picturs do show best at distance, gentlemen. You see it, presto— Like to your cunning juggler, I never show My trick but once you may hear more hereafter, What think you of this Master Acre-less, Master Littlestoke, And Master Sell-away ? Perish then In your infidelity. It will endure, take my word for't, why look you, For your satisfactions, no Gloves off, You have devices to defalk, preserve Your talons, and your talents, till you meet With more convenient Gamesters. I have bought it gentlemen, and you in a missed Shall see what I paid for it, thou hast not drunk yet: Near fear the reckoning man, more wine, you varletts, And call your Mistress, your Scolopendia If we Like her complexion, we may dine here. No, but I may lose it ere I go to bed, Dost think't shall musty, what's a hundred pound? I know it, My Almanac says it's a good day to woo in, Confirmed by Erram Pater, that honest Jew too, I'll pledge thee. For me? Say I come to they presently, Gentlemen, I do caution you before To be fair conditioned: one of them, the Nephew Is of a fiery constitution, And sensible of any affront, let this Character prepare him for you. There is a necessity in't, I wood not for A hundred pound but entertain him, now He knows I am here. Exit. You could not wish better opportunity, These are all gentlemen of quality, I'll call him cozen first, if it please you, To endear him to their acquaintance. I warrant you we shall do things with discretion, If he have but grace, to look and talk courageously. As I am gentleman, be confident I'll wait on you down, sir. Come, sir, pray gentlemen, bid my kinsman welcome: a spark that will deserve your knowledge. Do as you please; that's without my conditions. Let him alone. Nay, nay, cozen, pray let me persuade you. And you be thus rude— I am calm again, Cozen, I am sorry any person here Hath given you offence. And may again— Let me speak a word in private, sir. Strike me a box o'th ear presently. You shall hear more to morrow. Gone abroad? Your servant Would! this is the frosty gentlewoman, in good time, I care not if I cast away some words on her, And yet she's so precise, and over honest, I had as good never attempt her, your name is Penelope, I take it Lady. What again? What should I do wot? No, no, keep thy name, How ere thou dost thy maidenhead. I'll tell thee a hundred. This wench will jeer me. Yes, you may trust me, I have possessed a hundred maidenheads. Nay, nay; they are no commodities to keep, No fault of ours: truth is, th'are not worth Preserving, some of your own Sex acknowledge it, And yet by your complexion, you have yours still, Away with't, and in time. Yave hit me Lady: come, i'll give thee counsel; And more, i'll help thee to a chapman too, Beside what ere he pays for't, shall be at charge To mould it of himself; how light thou 'lt be Without thy maidenhead, dost not spoil thy sleep And breed the nightmare? Who wears Haircloth? gentlewoman? Not wont to be, in my Remembrance Lady. You are witty But I suppose you have no cause of such Complaint, how ever some men do want heat, Their is no general winter; I know a gentleman Can drink, and eat, and bear you company A bed, for all your jeering: do not think 'Tis I: thou shall recant this profane talk And woo me for a kiss, ere i'll stoop to thee. Heres none but friends, if Master wilding would not Told you already, I will justify 'Tis possible, you may be God with Child. By him, you are but cozens a far off, If you allow't, he need not travel far For other dispensation, what say to him? My own mere motion And good will towards him, cause I know his mind. I know not what to make on her, she may be Exit. A tumbler, for all this, i'll to her again. Exit. How now? what Gamesters ? Thar't not infectious. Pray heaven rather You do not spring a leak, and forfeit your Ballast, my confident man of War, I Have known as stout a Ship been cast away In sighed o'th Harbour. The Vessel you have been chasing. O! the Gamesters now come in: That gay man is a Lord, and with him Sell-away. He wears good clothes you see, and in the street More looked at then the Pageants, he will talk little. Right, he cannot walk Out of his sincopace, and no man carries Legs more in tune, he is danced now from his sempstress. And his Barber. He has a notable head. Which is sometime hung in more Bride-laces Then well would furnish out two Country weddings 'Tis not necessary. He is neither Scholar, nor a Courtier, If report wrong him not. With more pride then he wears embroidery. 'Tis his ambition to lose that: and A wench maintains his swearing, let him pass. A Knight, and Acre-less. Hang in his Mistress's Petticoat, for which he pawned His Knighthood too, till a good hand redeem it, He will talk you nothing but postilions Embroideries for his Coach, and Flanders Mares: What several suits for the twelve days at Christmas, How many Ladies dote upon his physiognomy: That he is limited but a hundred pound A month for diet, which will scarce maintain him In Pheasant eggs and Turkey for his motion. Now does his Barge attend him, if he came By water, but if the Dice chance to run counter, He stays till twelve in anger, devours smoke, And desperately will shoot the Bridge at midnight Without a waterman. A Country gentleman, and Littlestoke. Why? dost thou doubt him? The apparition of and Angel once Brought him to this. His generation is not known i'th Town, You see what Dice can do, now he's admired. For talking nonsense, when he has lost his money You shall meet him going up and down the ordinary To borrow money upon his head. Pawn it, if any man will lend him money on't, And says it's good security, because He cannot be long without it, they shall have The wit for the use too, he will talk desperately, And swear he is the father of all the Bulls Since Adam, if all fail he has a project To print his jests. You're right, And dedicate they to the Gamesters, yet he will Seem wise sometime, deliver his opinions As on the Bench: in beer he utters sentences, And after Sack Philosophy. Yes, and the Vinegar-bottle his man too: but now I think on't he shall excuse me, i'll lose no time; if I win, I shall have less cause to repent, if I lose, by these hilts i'll make him the cause and beat him. Are they at play? Then luck with a hundred pieces. So, so, the Dice in two or three such nights will be out of my debt, and I may live to be a landlord again. You wood seem to be no fool, because she dotes not Upon you gentlemen, I must take my chance; 'twas A lucky hundred pown'd Jack Wilding. What eating the Boxes. 'Tis the first time I had the grace to give off a winner I wonot tempt the Dice. You do not hear me complain I have not been so warm This ten weeks. Not for the Exchange to night, I am resolved. If thou wot have any money, Speak before I launch out, and command it. Call to the Master o'th house by this token—thou wot venture again then? I had forgotten too, you wonot play now. By any means go. You wonot lose this opportunity, and fool your self. Exit. Acre. Are you in earnest? But wouldst would me go? If I do not, The punishment of and Eunuch light upon me. Yes, it's very Like I went to sleep; but such a bedfellow! Do not inquire But curse your self till noon, I am charitable I do not bid thee hang thy self, and yet I have cause to thank thee, I would not have lost The turn, for all the money I won last night Jack, Such a delicious theft. I found it so and dare make my affidavit. Nor speak to her, to what purpose. She was so handsome i'th dark, you know My meaning, had been pity any light Or voice should interrupt us. If thou dost envy me There is some reason for't, thou dost imagine I have had pleasure in my days, but never, Never, so sweet a skirmish, how Like joy She grew to my embraces, not a kiss But had Elisium in't. If thou didst know but half so much as I Or couldst imagine it, thou wouldst acknowledge Thy self worse then a rascal on Record. I have not words to express, how soft, how bounteous How every thing a man with full desires Could wish a Lady, do not question me Further; 'tis too much happiness to remember I am sorry I have said so much. But that I love thee well shud'st never enjoy her. I would almost cut thy throat. But take her, and if thou partest with her, one night more for less then both the Indies thou'lt lose by her, she has paid me for my service, I ask nothing else. Take heed, And understand thy self a little better: I think you may be satisfied with what? A handsome wench it's heresy recant it I never shall be satisfied. For thy sake 'Tis possible I may not, I would have My game kept for me; what I have done Was upon your entreaty, if you have The Like occasion hereafter I Should have a hard heart to deny thee Jack. I spy my blustering Gamester. I care not if I allow thee a fit of mirth But your boy must be in comfort. He shanot hurt thee. Ancient Pe are ? Good ancient Petarre. Two heads once removed, he's somewhat Like him. The boy id hit his humour excellently. Here, cherish thy wit. Now farewell Jack, I need not urge your secrecy Touching your mistress, I have mounted for you: Only i'll caution you, look when you meet That you perform your business handsomely. I would begun so well she may suspect else, And put thee out of service, if she do, You know your wages I shall laugh at thee, And heartily; so farewell, farewell Jack. Exit. That i'll show you. I had and obligation to your father Whose love when all my Fortune's were i'th ebb, And desperately, relieved me with large sums; By whose careful manage I arrived at what I am, and I should be a rebel to Nature and goodness not to love the son Of such a friend by his misfortune made Ripe for my gratitude. Vice, sir, she will deserve as good a husband, She is handsome though I say't, and shall be rich too. She shall; I command. Jack Wilding how is't man? How goes the Plough at home? what says the Lady Guinever that was humbled in your absence? You have the credit with her, all the glory Of my nights work; does she not hide her eyes, And blush, and cry you are a fine gentleman. Turn a toside, or drop a handkerchief, And stoop, and take occasion to leere, And laugh upon thee? She's melancholy For my absence man, i'll keep her company Again to night. Let her think whom she will, so we may couple. She's a fool, I hurt her not, She cried not out I am sure, and for my body I defy the College of Physicians: Let a jury of Virgins search me. How can that be? For me? You did so: 'Twas wisely done now I collect my self, She has sometime smiled upon me. And yet she was content you should Above all the World. What wod'st would me do? Marry a strumpet? Be not abused I had No maiden head. A fair riddance, We have enough o'th tribe, I am sorry I cannot Furnish her expedition with a pair Of my own Garters. Let her make the best on't, set up shop I'th Strand, or Westminster, she may have custom, And come to speak most learnedly i'th Nose Bid her keep quarter with the Constable. And Justices Clarke and she in time may purchase. Where is't? Thank you heartily, A single life has single care, pray keep it. Two thousand pound will make a maidenhead That's crooked straight again. Here's my hand i'll consider on't no further, Is she prepared? No more. Would, would. The project moves better then I expected, What pains he takes out of his ignorance? I was not lost. What of him. There are ways to tame him. That may be done yet What wood you have me do? I shall deserve as much, To allay this mettle, as I did to quicken it. You show And Uncle's love in this, trust me to cure His valour. Put up, And ask your Uncle presently forgiveness; Or I will hoffe thee. Gentlemen you remember This noble gallant. Cozen to a killing, in your company Lent me a box o'th ear. One's too much to keep. I am a Gamester, and remembered always To pay the box; ther's first your principal, Take that for the use. They have cost him already two hundred pounds And upward, shotten Herring, thing of noise. Down presently, and before these gentlemen Desire his pardon. Then let this go round. And swear. To be obedient, never more to quarrel. If ever he prove rebellious in act, Or language, let me know it. Heartily, heartily. And whither are you going gentlemen? 'Tis charity, but that I have deep engagements, I'de wait upon you, but commend my service to him, I'll visit him ere night; you saw not Wilding ? All things Succeed beyond your thought, pray give me a little Opportunity with your kinswoman. Exit. Mi. Leo. Vio. I know not how to woo her now, sweet Lady? Pray let me ask you a question. If you had lost your way and met one, A traviler Like my self, that knew the coast O'th country, would you thank him to direct you? I think so. Can you love then? And can you love a man? You're so far on your way. Now love but me, You're at your journeys end, what say to me? That's no answer, you must say something. D'ee hear Lady? Setting this foolery aside: I know You cannot choose but love me. I have been told so. Come you lie; I could have given't In smother phrase: you're a dissembling gentlewoman. I know your heart, you have loved me a great while. What should I play the fool? if you remember I urged some wild discourse in the behalf Of your lewd Kinsman, 'twas a trial of thee That humour made me love thee; and since that thy virtue. Indeed, sir? why I have been contracted to thee. This half hour, know thy portion, and shall have it. Nay i'll have thee too. I cannot help it; thy kind cozen will have it so: 'Tis his own plot, to make thee amends, is't not Good mirth? but it's not love to thee or me, But to have me possessed he is no cuckold: I see through his device, thou art much beholding to him: He meant to have put thee off with half thy portion, But that if things come out we should keep counsel. Say is't a match? I have two thousand pound too I thank the Dice, let's put our stocks together, Children will follow; he is here already. Now will he make all sure. Gentlemen, welcome. Two thousand pound. Still perverse: Stand forth my Leonora, look upon her. You leave gentlefolks; who wishes joy. And a bundle of boys the first night? Cozen two thousand pound, and Lady now 'Tis time to clear all. Ho there, no bug-words, come We must tell something in your care. Be merry You are no cuckold, make no noise, I know That's it, offends your stomach. I touched not her, nor this with one rude Actium. Weel talk the circumstance when you come home. Your wife expected you, but when I came She had prepared light, and her Cozen here To have made you blush and chide you into honesty Seeing their chased simplicities, was won To silence, which brought on my better fortune. Be wise and no more words Thou hast a treasure in thy wife, make much on her: For any act of mine, she is as chased As when she was new born. Love love her Jack. As when she was new born. Love; love her Jack. These be loves miracles: a spring tide flow In every bosom. Here all folly's die. May never Gamester have worse fate then I. Save mistress Wilding. Sad; i'll be hanged then. One of what? His kinswoman? I thank you. You have saved me travail, farewell gentlemen, Farewell.