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Full speech
Come sister, come, we were not born to stand, t'is against the nature of our sexes kind: come, fit, and tell me, how many suitors you have, and which you most do love? and I will tell you all mine, and which I most respect. Well I have a suitor too, if he had as much wit as living, it may be I should find in my heart to love him. No Sister no, 'tis not he, for I think his wit cannot call his wealth Master, nor his wealth his wit, and yet they are both Servants to a fool. I am content Gent at your entreaties upon ̄ conditions. Secondly, you shall never make Tobacco your I doll, taking it in a morning before you say your prayers. Fourthly, you shall never come with your squibs & smoke-squirts amongst Ladies and Gentlewome ̄ , fling king out fume at your Nostrils, as a whale does salt-water, unless you be entreated by them. Fifthly, you shall presently convey your self out of our company, never to come more near us, unless you be sent for. No never: so, let him kiss the pipe. I'll hold my life he is in love with some waiting Gentlewoman. You have been very welcome Gentleme ̄ . You see sir, we are not a horseback. We would willingly serve two never friends, be cause we are brother's, and indeed two twins, and therefore are loath to be parted. For one of them the earth did never bear a wor their creature. Do? Why complain them to the Magistrates, and prevent the murder. But come, what was a for a man? I. If you do, t'is a shame you do not learn it. T'is not my profession sir, to teach a fool. Why signeur? do you make a fool of me? No, no, a thinks any thing is good enough for me. Sir we want a serrice, end are going to get a Ma ster. 'Tis the person and conditions I respect, and not face, for every Boy has a good face, and its not worth a hair. No Sister no, my love is more worthier then words can utter: I cannot sympathise his rare perfections with any earthy substance: this Globe of dirt produceth nothing worthy of his comparison, so souls perfection so refines his body, as you would think and Angel were his sire: his discourse, behaviour, and humanity, attracts to him my souls felicity. Nay who is yours? speak first. If it be mine, my heart will break: mine is Master Ruffell. In troth 'tis he. But you shall be sworn to them. Thirdly, you shall never in the praise of Tobacco disclose or dispraise by the way of making comparisons, the secrets of Ladies, or Gentlewomen, as repeating their distilled waters, their censing oils, or their smoothing un guents. Shame to thy sex, no more. Sir do'y want a Servant? Oh Lord what shall I do? 'Tis partly as yowl use me. Well. Then 'tis true, we confess to thee we are both wenches, and the love of these two Gentlemen, Spark and Ruffel hath made us leave our selves to wait on them which by misfortune we did miss. I can man a punk to a play, or slander any Gentle woman as well as any Inns a Court puny, I can as well as he, swear such a Lady is in love with me, and such a Citti zens Daughter would have come to bed to me, when all shall be as true as thy Ladies are honest. Thy Ladies are as common as any Tavern door. Purification? why has your wit lain in childbed sir? I pray do sir, yond Gentlewoman knows it. No. And I always answer every fool so. If others were of the same mettle you are, and all mine, I should quickly fell them to the Bel-ma kers. Copper sir, copper, for I take your body to be of the same mettle your nose is. Signeur, you see these Gentlewomen have not long used your company; yet you see how Tobacco hath all ready refined their spirits: Come master First you shall never while you live offer Lady or Gentlewoman and empty pipe. Why do you inquire it then? I Like it well, come lets about it presently. Which is that? Why sister, have you so oft confessed that his all perfectioned spirit points him out for for tue herself to imitate, and yet doy' ask now which is that?
Plot summary
Plot — The Fleer
Before the start of the action, Piso deposed Antifront, whose daughters thereupon fled from Florence. Antifront now travels in search of his missing children. He arrives in London under the alias Fleer, and meets some gentlemen. One of them, Spark, gets him a job with two of his countrywomen, a pair of Florentine courtesans working in London. Antifront is dismayed to discover that they are his missing daughters. Two sisters, Susan and Nan, are interested in Spark and his friend Ruffle, who are among the courtesans’ many clients. They dress up as boys and try to get the gentlemen to employ them as pages; Spark and Ruffle refuse, and the ‘pages’ end up working for two other clients, Sir John Havelittle and Piso junior, the son of the Florentine usurper. ‘Fleer’ wants to engineer a marriage for his daughters, selecting Havelittle and Piso as the eligible bachelors. The daughters prefer Spark and Ruffle, but are refused; taking offence, they ask Piso and Havelittle to kill the gentlemen, and suggest poison as the safest method. The plot is overheard by ‘Fleer’ and the ‘pages’. ‘Fleer’ gets himself another job looking after an apothecary’s shop, and sells Piso and Havelittle a poison which is really a sleeping potion. Spark and Ruffle dine with Piso and Havelittle and apparently die. The hosts are at once arrested on suspicion of poisoning and are committed for trial. Fleer is sent on an errand to the senior judge, who is unable to attend through illness, and sends word back for the other two judges to proceed without him. Given a ring to authenticate the message, Fleer instead uses it to get himself deputized as the third judge. He produces a letter which establishes that the guilt extends to the daughters as well as the poisoners, and all four are sentenced to death. News arrives that Piso’s father has died, making him the new Duke of Florence; but-he tells the Florentines to recall the deposed Antifront instead, and offers to make amends for his father’s treason by marrying Antifront’s elder daughter. Antifront reveals his identity and says Piso can do just 1606 that; his younger daughter will marry Havelittle. He produces the murder victims, still alive, and bestows them on Nan and Susan.