WAGES

Oh sir, What make you here, when there's a gallant Gentleman newly come from Court, talking with in with my Lady. Truly sir, sometime there comes a proper young Gentleman one Master Woodly. Why with my Lady sir, and he could get her good will: but he is a Gentleman I can assure ye sir, for he walks always in boots, but in troth his gentility is some thing decaying, his boots are on their deathbed, for their souls are upon parting, and I think he be a Soldier too, for his sword and his hangers are more worth then all his clothes, and a is a very proper man, for he is as tall as one of the Guard, and he will come sometime and take my La die by the hand, and pump for wit half and hour to gether. Why sir, thus he will take my Lady by the hand, and wring it half and hour together, and say no thing. Oh sir I, for he that wrings a fair Lady by the hand, and says nothing, does but pump for wit, that's certain. Faith sir he's indeed a man of no ears, for a hath been on the Pillary. Why sir? you are no Cuckold: Oh sir next to you self, none so much as your Cour tire, for even with vennum'd Breath, a speaks of them: for says he, have but a suit to one of the ̄ , & they are Like Jour deigns, which though you open the Fludgates of your boun tie, and fill them to the very brim, yet theile always stand gaping for more. Oh the very name of good Wages, will make a Sir ningman do any courtesy. God be with you mistress Correction. IT as been in a string then. Nay, let him alone, for he had Like to be burned for that opinion ere now, had not a friend of mine plucked the fire from the stake. I think it be mistress Babee sir, master Nuecome's Mistress, for she looks Like and Northern Lass, made of a strange fashion, something Like a Lute, all belly to the neck. No sir, but I would willingly have some wages. Look you sir, here she comes without calling. Alas sir thats the only way to make you do lit tle. Yet any man may cuckold you. Pray how does your Husband good Mistress Cor rection. Well, ask my Ma if he be willing, you shall find me forward I. And I p a'y which sin do you most hate? Then the first is pride. But lechery my Lady? What sayest then to drunkenness? Nay, then lea cheery scorns to be bebolding too, for I have known what it hath received in a men house, it hath sent home again nine months after, and lain at his door, and therefore the more Gentleman Like sin a great deal, because it takes the longer time of repayment, but I pray fit now, which of all this is most Like your wife. Why they say the world is Like a Bias bowl, and it runs all on the rich men's sides: others say, 'tis Like a Tennis-ball, and fortune keeps such a Racket with it, as it tosses it in to times hazard, and that devours all, and for my partly they say, 'twill shortly run upon wheels with me, for my Master swears a will have me car ed, because a thinks I have lain with my Lady. And me thinks thats a strange thing, I see no reason for't that any servingman should pray for his Masters life, considering all that he have, is in reversion of him: but come, lets follow him, for if he miss us, heel fret Like a grogram I, and fume Like a stue pot. Oh lass sir, you know I must feed on Quails. What the Devil ail you, what are you made yowl be spied anon. Give me your hand, isle do it And it a Ferrit. But the string is broken & many of them are fall len out. But what shall I tell his if she say you are gelded? Alas nothing but lies with her, and she lies with him, would you have any more? Why no, give me but attention, and with a word isle wipe away your horns. I met my Lady and he fast by the Garden wall, & asking for your jealous worship, they both replied you were not jealous, this spoke they both together: in this, you know they both did lie together, and yet made you no cuckold. Even so indeed sir. Oh sir, very honest as a pretty Semsteris, or a poor waiting Gentlewoman. Why sir, what will you do if you be? Save you my Lord. I hope ye will not strike me into any hazard of my life though. Why sir, a does with his wife Like a cowardly Cap taine in a town of Garrison, fears every assault, trembles at the battery, and doubts most, least the gates should be opened, and his enemy let in at midnight. As woman's flesh may be. Oh sir, I will not but with sanctified and hallowed thoughts, touch Sinthias brightest beams, whom all eyes do adore, and hearts do worship: where purest cham stitie does shine in spotless robes of splendant majesty, where nature emulating heaven to make her even as fair as she is virtuous, but yet I well could wish, you know y in the sky of Court are many stars, the which at midnight shoot and fallen. I think sir 'twill not be so much for your health, as if I should keep you sollable. As secret as she that sell's complexion: none but the chambermaid shall know it. YOU have your eyes Like Sunne-glasses, catched the heat of my beauty, & cast it on your own heart, and does your sighs Like bellows, make it more inflambe? then spend your tears to quenchit, for my chaste bloods ho nou_r_ shall never do it. Lust, it's Like and over-swollen river, that breaks beyond all bounds: it's a Devil bred in the blood, nurse in desire, & Like a Sallamander lives in a continual fire: it sprouteth larger then the Ivy, which embraceth, twisteth and intangleth every one within his reach, & makes no choice betwixt the goodliest Caeder & the stinckingst Elder: it's a foul usurper on the name of love, and reigns with greater domination then and Empe ror: it's a very leperous Itch, it stains, and leaves a fouler spot upon the soul then tears can wash away: but my chaste thoughts shall watch mine honour: isle muster up my prayers to fight against temptation: shall I that have been a commander of my self, now prove a slave to sin? No, no, my mounting thoughts do soar too high a pitch to stoop to any strangers lure. Say that a pecuish Fly entangled were within my never-shorn tresses, should I to save his life, cut and deform me of so rich and ornament? What though the Lord Nonesuch within my love entangled be, must my honour now be clipped to set him free? No, no, my saw is this and ever shall: he that on hope does climb does often fallen. But what shall I do? a writes here a will come: wit of a Woman now assist me, Oh aperne strings be now auspicious, for here's my Husband, something I must do: I have't. With secrecy. Her own hands. Why they say fit that mistress Correction the Mid wife is turned her Maphrodit. Why sir, she is become a Midwife, for as your her maphrodit hath two members the one to beget, the other to bring forth, so hath your Mid ife too means, the one to bring you to beget, the other to bring it forth when 'tis begotten: and look you sir, hear she appears upon her Q. Who I board her? by this light I dare not. What Gentlewomen have you at home? Pray when was Master Wrestler of the Guard at your house? Oh I, they speak in print I can tell you, and though it be a sin, to rob a man of his learning yet Courtiers are very seldom blamed for getting out of any men's books. Oh I, they terrify their enemies with patience. Indeed 'tis true, some of you Travail so far abroad as you come short home many times. I, and so does the air as well as the soil I war rant you. Peace, hear what a says. I keep their company most sir for good vit tails, for you keep such a villainous house, as if tweare always Easter eve, we still hope for better: and you know your Cook is gone already sir, for fear a should forget his occupation with you. Beside sir, if any man come to your house to dinner though he hop upon one leg, yet every man says a comes to fast, and for mine own partly sir, you have given me nothing since I came unto you. Here sir. What's he sir? I, and of their manly performance too. No, nor a Woman care a straw for a man. Faith sir you might get easier touchstones then he a great deal, theres many a Goldsmith's wife in Cheap side could help you to a better. I, as your cockatrice does for the dismembering of men. Why should you? why you cannot keep more Gen tlema ike company: beside, your punk: is Like your pollitition, for they both consume themselves, for the come more ̄ people. And your punk of the two, is the better man ber, for she Like a candle to light others's, burns his self. Eight sir. True sir, or good either. Mustard pot! Gods light, mustard Pot! and why Mustard pot? Oh Mistress Correction how do you? Peace, speak soft, that's he. A new man of my masters, and I can assure you a tall Soldier too. Indeed her Husband is a very honest painful man sir. Believe it but he is a good Scholar though Oh he hath a passing head of his own. Away I why you cannot put him away for this. Why how now fellow Slack, what is she gone? Ever since fortune denied thee wealth: all ill upon h r: but thou hast courage to defend her honour. Nay, Like enough, for I see he would willingly prove and accessary to the stealing of his own goods. What is Theft? What is sloth then? Alas, alas sir, you have no reason to be and grie, much less to de divorced, although she do trans gresse, are you not cut? have you not given her cause, is it not out of mere necessity she does it? therefore if you follow my counsel, make her amends with kindness, and put not her away. Shall she away? if she do, you do you know not what, you draw a thousand thousand enemies about your ears, her kindred theill exclaim, no friends will seek revenge, and your enemies will grow even fat with laughter at your folly. Beside: what Woman then will have you, are you not gelded? assure your self that now there is none will love you, most will hate you but all will scorn you, therefore by my advice make much of her, and keep her while you have her. Well, I see the substance of this slave is villam nigh. But isle prevent him even what I can, Since none is worse then a Serving honest man, Of all honest aminall's your Cuckold is the best, For he is sure a Gentleman, and known by his crest. Nay then a lawyer is a better trade then that, for he is sure of his money before he does his work. Peace fool peace, sayest thou when I am married? dost hear? I tell thee, there is no piece in marriage, unless it be with a dumb woman, no nor but little comfort nei there. Yes by the men, side Like a Gentleman only by the father's side, but 'twill never be any perfect peace. Because I hope to have some good behaviour r of my wife, for the peace I never look for: but soft you fellow Slack, me thinks your suit is Like a hard hearted Land lord, it begins to receive great rends. Yes isle warrant you Madam, if yowl be ruled by me, you shall see isle make him seek to be friends with you, & entreat me to speak for him too, but then I would have you seem a little strange: but you shall directly rail on him. Therefore I would have you hide your selves here behind the hangings, for 'twill not be long ere he come this way, and then you shall come forth and frame your behaviour ac cording as our discourse shall require. Why how should she, unless some Hobgoblin, some Incubus or spirit of the buttery should beget it? why she, since you were gelded, never saw a man but through a window: she hath never trod her foot awry, for fear some ill construction should attend her steps, which Like a boundless Ocean deep enraged, would drown her repu tation. Not of my word sir. What? make you friends again? But yowl prove fall e, and break that friend ship? Hum: truly I would do my good will, but I fear 'twill be but labour lost. Pray sir, if you can get some other friend to speak in it, do. Alas Sir, what would you have me do? by my troth sir, I am ashamed to speak in't: have ye not gelded and cut off all the content of marriage? why they that have the full performance of it, 'tis as much as they can do to please their Wives, and you that want all ability, must not only please her now, but make her amends for the wrong you have done her heretofore, and how have I the face to promise that which I know you have no means to perform it? Do your good will, and thats much worth sure, yet since you have be my master, the world shall not say but isle do hat I can, isle persuade what I may, you shall see there shall be no fault in me. Enter the Lady and Nan. Mass here she comes: what will you do now? Morrow Madam. By how much? Forty shillings? That you would forgive your Husband, I Madam. he did indeed sir. Then sir will I say as the proverb says, marriage and hanging comes by destiny: but if you be divorced, & will follow my counsel you shall hang your self, rather then marry again. True, in some respect, and that only because you have a longer time of repentance, but I pray sir, is't a christi and that you mean to marry? Beyond p aise. And it were a Mulberry. I, and as thick too. Sir. I will sir, and if the Wenches close my projects carry, spite of mschan ce you shall your own wife marry. News, news. Nay, I cannot speak the cause Madam? but question unless 'tis true, and mistress Peg, my master now makes love to you. Why then this fair Mistress I must confess. Push, did not I tell you he would speak to and Oak. Proof, Nay, if that be not proof, how say by this token. Oh I, by any means, only for some private reasons unto me, in which persuasion if you will practice that you know, you will prevail. Moss willingly good good Master Correction. Very pretty, and well taught, isle assum e you sir. And believe me sir, was well proved. Oh I, and confuted me too, only by reason of a scurvy old Proverb which says, Children and Fools do always tell true: but your best Lawyers do not always tell true: Ergo, your Fools make not your best Lawyers, a most strong and strange Argument. I pray Master Correction, let me entreat a Play day for your Scholars. No, you see he hath answered it. But hear me sir. Ivannish sir. Some poor Soldier sir, lately come out of the low countries. No sir my do h to give Gentleman n money, for fear of them. Why Gelding? The very same. The next is murder. Covetousness. And why the Cutpurse? Kind (man) the Ballet says. Phoe, buff is nought man, that hath been out of re quest quest ever since Soldiers have been out of date, and they poor men are now used Like Almanacs of the last year, either clap-vp behind the door, or thrust clean out of door: but if thou wilt have a suit that shall last indeed (lad) get thee a suit of law. Why is a diuor'd? Why your Lady is not with child. Oh this is excellent, come, come, come, and stand close, you shall hear how isle speak for you: and if you hear your pardon granted, come forth. Morrow Mistress Nan. I do not that so well sir, because it is the fa shion amongst them to send Capons to their Godfathers for New years gifts, and upon my life sir, sheele one time or other clap you up in a basket, and send you away for good handsel: but I pray sir who is it? This Mistress he hath sent to you. Nay good sir, do not deny me, for I have some pri vate business with you of importance. Oh you mean the Sow-gelder. I a ath been some Nobleman's Footman sure. Yes as a hangman does, for cutting off the traitors that makes the flesh rebel. Who I? not a word, my mouth is as close as a faul coners pouch, or a country wenches placket. Know't why I have seen him stand and hour to gither behind and Oaken tree, calling it sweet mistress, kind Peg and making speeches to it. Then thus he begins: Dear mistress Peg I must con f sse. Hyda, what and excellent fellow this would make to worser ell in the exchange, owe the R gue prates? Sauce box? A piece, why a piece? didst thou ever shoot in her? What sayest thou by a suit at Courtthen? That which I think will help you from being divorced. Well, lets in, and be but patient all a while, for if the worst do fallen, that ever did fallen, A plots in chase that shall out strip them all Faith Madam I have a suit unto you, but I am half a shamed to speed in't. You are divorced. Stand you for the tree, and isle speak for my Mai ster. Oh ho, but I mean he does confess she's The Fox is caught, his head is in the ouse. I think the Fool rides you, what will you have? I, Madam, but 'tis into the hands of those that love ye. Nay Madame, it must needs be so, or else the Priest will never Marry me. True, to which you all may easily persuade your Lovers, telling them with my Marriage, will be with much the less suspect effected. The better; for then you shall appoint each one of them, to choose you by their own Tokens, which you within your selves shall change: Mistress Peg shall wear Mistress Nans Ring, Mistress Nan your Chain, and you Mi stris Pegs jewel. Then come Madam, let's in: I know it will do. For this is held a principle in Schools, Love makes not fools wise men, but wise men fools. I pray you sir, whose Son is that bigger Boy? A very forward child, I promise you. I think ye spend most of your time with your Scholars here: ye keep little other company. Oh very well sir. Morrow Mistress Correction. Sir, Master Correction you are mistaken, I think he be no Cuckold. Peace, that plot is already drawn, Master Cor rection, I am sent unto you from my master, who continued ̄ mends his Love unto you, entreating you will give your diligent attendance this Evening at the Church, because himself upon his Divorce, is privately to be married to a new wife: three other couples he brings with him, they all come mass ked, yet I will give you private notice what each one is: only I must desire you not to sail. Not any. Why?