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Full speech
Here hath be a Maze, a Round, a Whyrling in Love, How Like the spokes of a Ladies Coach-wheels They run one after another: And as of them you see neither, So none of these can overtake either. And though you see them thus forsaken, They shall be married, but mistaken: Which for performance yet a while, I must be labouring to beguile. Only the men, and make them venture, To run a Circle far from Centre Of their Hope's; yet for their good, Where blinded each Like Hawk in hood, Shall Marry better then they Wooed. But Gentlemen, whose judgements fit in str ct commission on the wit: Which from the Authors pen did flow He wishes at all but this to know. that if you well do censure him, He ready is with brains and pen Another time to pleasure you, If not, he bids you all adue. For well he knows he hath done wells And so he boldly dares to tell. Yet for the children ere I go, Your censure I would willing know. For if you do the Actium blame. They ready are with pardon drawn And each of them here hoping stands That you will sign it with your hands.
Plot summary
Plot — Cupid's Whirligig
Cupid comes to London to wreak some mischief, unseen by the inhabitants. This entails making three men abandon their mistresses and court other women. Alderman Venture is trying to arrange a marriage between his daughter Nan and the son of Lord Nonsuch, but the old lord thinks both parties are too young to get married. Young Nonsuch is one of many men trying to seduce Lady Troublesome; she is chaste, but her husband is obsessively afraid of being cuckolded. When Young Nonsuch writes importuning her for an assignation, she tells her husband. He plans to intercept the would-be adulterer by bribing the person sent ahead to prepare the way. In the event, the plan goes awry: Nonsuch comes in disguise as his own herald, and gets some time alone with the lady before Sir Timothy realizes what is happening. Convinced that he is now a cuckold, the knight castrates himself. For his second attempt on Lady Troublesome, Young Nonsuch poses as a begging soldier, Slack, and gets himself hired as Sir Timothy’s household servant. The lady proves just as resistant as when he courted her in his own identity. Sir Timothy’s other servant, Wages, overhears the attempted seduction, but ‘Slack’ assures him that it was merely a test of chastity authorized by their master. ‘Slack’ tells Sir Timothy that his wife is pregnant, and encourages him to seek a divorce; Wages tries to persuade him otherwise. _ Having failed with two identities, Young Nonsuch tries a third, ‘Captain Woodley. When Lady Troublesome warns him that her husband is coming and intends violence, he hides. In fact, the caller is another would-be seducer, Exhibition. She sees him off, but Sir Timothy passes him on the way out, and arrives to find ‘Woodley’ in his wife’s room. She explains that she was hiding him from Exhibition, but Sir Timothy is not satisfied and sends ‘Slack’ to procure a divorce. This will leave him free to marry Lady Troublesome’s kinswoman, Peg, while Young Nonsuch will-be able to have Lady Troublesome. Meanwhile, the courtier Newcome, who should be wooing Peg, has transferred his affections to Nan. ‘Wages arranges a triple wedding, but plans that each lady will be disguised as another, so that the three will end up married to the ‘right’ man: Lady Troublesome to Sir Timothy, Nan to Young Nonsuch, and Peg to Newcome. After the wedding, the couples visit Old Lord Nonsuch in a wedding masque, and, upon unmasking, realize whom they have married. In the confusion, Correction the clergyman has…