DOGBERRY

Are you good men and true? Nay, that were a punishment too good for them, if they should have any allegiance in them, being chosen for the Princes watch. Truly I would not hang a dog by my will, much more a man who hath any honesty in him. Why then depart in peace, and let the child wake her with crying, for the ewe that will not hear her lamb when it bahs, will never answer a calf when he bleats. This is the end of the charge: you constable are to present the princes own person, if you meet the prince in the night, you may stay him. Five shillings to one on twith any man that knows the statutes, he may stay him, marry not without the prince be willing, for indeed the watch ought to offend no man, and it is and offence to stay a man against his will. Would ah would, well Master's good night, and there be any matter of weight chances, call up me, keep your fellows counsels, and your own, and good night, come neigh bour. One word more, honest neighbours, I pray you watch about signior Leonatoes door, for the wedding being there to morrow, there is a great coil to night, a diew, be vigitant I be seech you. First, who think you the most desartlesse man to be Constable? Come hither neighbour Seacoal, God hath blessed you with a good name: to be a welfauoured man, is the gift of Fortune, but to write and read, comes by nature. You have: I knew it would be your answer: well, for your favour sir, why give God thanks, and make no boast of it, and for your writing and reading, let that appear when there is no need of such vanity, you are thought here to be the most senseless and fit man for the Constable of the watch: therefore bear you the lanthorn: this is your charge, You shall comprehend all vagrom men; you are to bid any man stand, in the Princes name. Why then take no note of him, but let him go, and presently call the rest of the watch together, and thank God you are rid of a knave. True, and they are to meddle with none but the Princes subjects: you shall also make no noise in the streets: for, for the watch to babble and to talk, is most tolerable, and not to be endured. Why you speak Like and ancient and most quiet watchman, for I cannot see how sleeping should offend: one lie have a care that your bills be not stolen: well, you are to call at all the alehouses, and bid those that are drunk get them to bed. Why then let them alone till they are sober, if they make you not then the better answer, you may say, they are not the men you took them for. If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by virtue of your office, to be no true man: and for such kind of men, the less you meddle or make with them, why the more is for your honesty. Truly by your office you may, but I think they that touch pitch will be defiled: the most peaceable way for you, if you do take a thief, is, to let him show himself what he is, and steal out of your company. We will spare for no wit I warrant you: heeres that shall driven some of them to a noncome, only get the lear ned writer to set down our excommunication, and meet me at the Jail. Marry sir I would have some confidence with you, that decernes you nearly. Marry this it is sir. Comparisons are odorous, pallabris, neighbour Verges. It pleases your worship to say so, but we are the poor Dukes officers, but truly for mine own partly, if I were as tedious as a King I could find in my heart to bestow it all of your worship. Yea, an't it a thousand pound more than 'tis, for I hear as good exclamation on your worship as of any man in the city, and though I be but a poor man, I am glad to hear it. A good old man sir, he will be talking as they say, when the age is in, the wit is out, God help us, it is a world to see: well said i'faith neighbour Verges, well, God's a good man, and two men ride of a horse, one must ride behind, and ho nest soul i'faith sir, by my troth he is, as ever broke bred, but God is to be worshipped, all men are not alike, alas good neigh bour. One word sir, our watch sir have indeed come prehended two aspitious persons, and we would have them this morning examined before your worship. Goodman Verges sir speaks a little of the matter, and old man sir, and his wits are not so blunt, as God help I would desire they were, but infaith honest, as the skin between his brows. Gifts that God gives. It shall be suffigance. Come, let them be opiniond. Go good partner go get you to Francis Seacoal, bid him bring his pen and inkhorn to the Gaol: we are now to examination these men. Yea by mass that it is. Come you sir, if justice cannot tame you, she shall never weigh more reasons in her balance, nay, and you be a cursing hypocrite once, you must be looked to. Marry sir, they have committed false report, moreo ver they have spoken untruths, secondarily they are slanders, sixth and lastly, they have belied a Lady, thirdly they have we refied unjust things, and to conclude, they are lying knaves. Come, bring away the plaintiffs, by this time our sexton hath reformed Signior Leonato of the matter: and ma sters, do not forget to specify when time and place shall serve, that I am and ass. Moreover sir, which indeed is not under white and black, this plaintiff here, the offendor, did call me ass, I beseech you let it be remembered in his punishment, and also the watch herd them talk of one Deformed, they say he wears a key in his ear and a lock hanging by it, and borrows money in Gods name, the which he hath used so long, & never paid, that now men grow hard hearted and will lend nothing for Gods sake: pray you examine him upon that point. Your worship speaks Like a most thankful and re uerent youth, and I praise God for you. God save the foundation. I leave and arrant knave with your worship, which I beseech your worship to correct your self, for the example of others: God keep your worship, I wish your worship well, God restore you to health, I humbly give you leave to depart and if a merry meeting may be wished, God prohibit it: come neighbour. Is our whole dissembly appeared? Yea marry, let them come before me, what is your name, friend? A marvelous witty fellow I assure you, but I will go about with him: come you hither sirrah, a word in your ear sir, I say to you, it is thought you are false knaves. Well, stand aside, before God they are both in a tale: have you writ down, that they are none? Yea marry, thats the eftest way, let the watch come forth: Master's, I charge you in the Princes name accuse these men. Write down prince John a villain: why this is flat perjury, to call a Princes brother villain. Pray thee fellow peace, I do not Like thy look I promise thee. Flat burglary as ever was committed. Oh villain! thou wilt be condemned into everlasting redemption for this. Gods my life, where the Sexton? let him write down the Princes officer Coxcomb: come, bind them, thou naugh ty varlet. Dost thou not suspect my place? dost thou not suspect my years? Oh that he were here to write me down and ass! but masters, remember that I am and ass though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am nasse: No thou villain, thou art full of pretty as shall be prou de upon thee by good witness. I am a wise fellow, and which is more, and officer, and which is more, a householder, and which is more, as pret ty a piece of flesh as any is in Messina, and one that knows the Law, go to and a rich fellow enough, go to, and a fellow that hath had losses, and on that hath two gowns and every thing handsome about him: bring him away: Oh that I had been writ down and ass! Pray write down Borachio. Yours sirrah. Write down master gentleman Conrade: masters, do you serve God? Write down, that they hope they serve God: and write God first, for God defend but God should go before such villains: masters, it is proved already that you are little better than false knaves, and it will go near to be thought so shortly, how answer you for your selves? Marry that am I, and my partner.