FOOL

Let me hire him too, here's my coxcomb. Sirrah, you were best take my coxcomb. Why for taking on's partly, that's out of favour, nay and thou canst not smile as the wind sits, thou'lt catch cold shortly, there take my coxcomb; why this fellow hath banished two on's daughters, and done the third a blessing against his will, if thou follow him, thou must needs wear my coxcomb, how now nuncle, would I had two coxcombs, and two daughters. If I gave them any living, id'e keep my coxcombs my self, ther's mine, beg another of thy daughters. Truth is a dog that must to kennel, he must be whipped out, when Lady oth'e brach may stand by the fire and stink. Sirrah isle teach thee a speech. Mark it uncle, have more then thou shewest, speak less then thou knowest, lend less then thou owest, ride more then thou goest, learn more then thou trowest, set less then thou throwest, leave thy drink and thy whore, and keep in a door, and thou shalt have more, then two tens to a score. Then Like the breath of and unfeed Lawyer, you gave me nothing for't, can you make no use of nothing uncle? Preethe tell him so much the rend of his land comes to, he will not believe a fool. Dost know the difference my boy, between a bitter fool, and a swecte fool. That Lord that counsail'd thee to give away thy land, Come place him here by me, do thou for him stand, The sweet and bitter fool will presently appear, The one in motley here, the other found out there. All thy other Titles thou hast given away, that thou wast born with. No faith, Lords and great men will not let me, if I had a monopoly out, they would have partly an't, and loads too, they will not let me have all the fool to my self, they'll be snatching; give me and egg Nuncle, and isle give thee two crowns. Why, after I have cut the egg in the middle and eat up the meat, the two crowns of the egg; when thou clovest thy crown it'h middle, and gavest away both parts, thou borest thy ass at'h back over the dirt, thou hadst little wit in thy bald crown, when thou gavest thy golden one away, if I speak Like my self in this, let him be whipped that first finds it so. Fools had never less wit in a year, For wise men are grown foppish, They know not how their wits do wear, Their manners are so apish. I have used it nuncle, ever since thou madest thy daugh ters thy mother, for when thou gavest them the rod, and puttest down thine own breeches, then they for sudden joy did weep, and I for sorrow sung, that such a King should play bopeep, and go the fools among, prethe Nuncle keep a schoolema ster that can teach thy fool to lie, I would feign learn lie. I marvel what kin thou and thy daughters are, they'll have me whipped for speaking true, thou wilt have me whipped for king, and sometime I am whipped for holding my peace, I had rather be any kind of thing then a fool, and yet I would not be thee Nuncle, thou hast pared thy wit a both sides, & left nothing in the middle, here comes one of the parings. Thou wast a pretty fellow when thou hadst no needs to care for her frown, thou, thou art and Oh without a figure, I am better then thou art now, I am a fool, thou art nothing, yes for sooth I will hold my tongue, so your face bids me, though you say nothing. Mum, mum, he that keeps neither crust nor crumb, Weary of all, shall want some. That's a shealed peascod. For you trow nuncle, the hedge sparrow fed the Coo kow so long, that it had it head bit off beit young, so out went the candle, and we were left darkling. May not and Ass know when the cart draws the horse, whoop Jug I love thee. Which they, will make and obedient father. Nuncle Lear, Nuncle Lear, tarry and take the fool with a fox when one has caught her, and such a daughter should sure to the slaughter, if my cap would buy a halter, so the fool follows after. If a men brains where in his heals, Wertenberg not in dan her of kibes; Then I prethe be merry, thy wit shall never go slipshod. Shalt see thy other daughter will use thee kindly, for though she's as Like this, as a crab is Like and apple, yet I con, what I can tell. Sheel taste as Like this, as a crab does to a crab, thou canst not tell why ones nose stand in the middle of his face? Why, to keep his eyes on either side's nose, that what a man cannot smell out, a may spy into. Canst tell how and Oyster makes his shell. Nor I neither, but I can tell why a snail has a house. Why, to put his head in, not to give it away to his daughter, and leave his horns without a case. Thy Asses are gone about them, the reason why the seven stars are no more then seven, is a pretty reason. Yes thou wouldst make a good fool. Thou shouldst not have been old, before thou hadst been wise. She that is maid now, and laughs at my departure, Shall not be a maid long, except things be cut shorter. Would would, look he wears cruel garters, Horses are tide by the heals, dogs and bears Byt'h neck, munkies bit'h loins, and men Byt'h legs, when a men over lusty at legs, Then he wears wooden neatherstockes. And thou hadst been set in the stocks for that question on, thou ha'dst well deserved it. Weel set thee to school to and Ant, to teach thee ther's no labouring in the winter, all that follow their noses, are led by their eyes, but blind men, and ther's not a nose among a 100. but can smell him thats stinking, let go thy hold when a great wheel runs down a hill, least it break thy neck with follow king it, but the great one that goes up the hill, let him draw thee after, when a wise man gives thee better council, give me mine again, I would have none but knaves follow it, since a fool gives it. That Sir that serves for gain, And follows but for form: Will pack when it begin to rain, And leave thee in the storm. But I will tarry, the fool will stay, And let the wise man fly: The knave turns fool that runs away, The fool no knave perdy. Kenned. Where learned you this fool? Fool. Not in the stocks. Cry to it Nuncle, as the Cokney did to the eels, when she put um ith pâst alive, she rapt um ath coxcombs with a stick, and cried down wantons down, it her brother, that in pure kindness to his horse buttered his hay. Oh Nuncle, Court holly water in a dry house Is better then this rain water out a door, Good Nuncle in, and ask thy daughters blessing, Heers a night pities neither wise man nor fool. He that has a house to put his head in, has a good headpiece, the Codpiece that will house before the head, has any the head and he shall louse, so beggars marry many, the man that makes his toe, what he his heart should make, shall have a corn cry woe, and turn his sleep to wake, for there was never yet fair woman hut she made mouths in a glass. Marry heers Grace, & a codpis, that's a wiseman and a fool. He that has a little tine wit, with heigh ho the wind and the rain, must make content with his Fortune's fit, for the rain, it rains every day. Come not in here Nuncle, hers a spirit, help me, help me. A spirit, he says, his nam's poor Tom. Nay he reserved a blanket, else we had been all shamed. This cold night will turn us all to fools & madmen. Prithe Nuncle be content, this is a naughty night to swim in, now a little fire in a wild field, were Like and old leachers heart, a small spark, all the rest in body cold, look here comes a walking fire. Prithe Nuncle tell me, whither a mad man be a Gen tleman or a Yeoman. He's mad, that trusts in the tameness of a Wolf, a hor ses health, a boys love, or a whores oath. Her boat hath a leak, and she must not speak, Why she dares not come, over to thee. Come hither mistress is your name Gonorill. If thou Wertenberg my fool Nuncle, id'e have thee beat ̄ for being old before thy time. Cry you mercy I took you for a join stool.