PRINCE

Thou art so fat-witted with drinking of old sack, and unbuttoning thee after supper, and sleeping upon benches afternoon; that thou hast forgotten to demand that truly which thou wouldst truly know. What a devil hast thou to do with the time of the day? unless hours were cups of sack, and minutes capons, and clocks the tongues of Bawds, and Dialles the signs of leaping houses, and the blessed sun himself a fair hight wench in flame-coloured taffeta; I see no reason why thou shouldst be so superfluous to demand the time of the day. What none? Thou sayest well, and it holds well to, for the fortune of us that are the moons men, does ebb and flow Like the sea, being governed as the sea is by the moon, as for proof. Now a purse of gold most resolutely snatched on Monday night and most dissolutely spent on tuesday morning, God with swearing, lay by, and spent with crying, bring in, now in as low and ebb as the foot of the ladder, and by and by in as high a flow as the ridge of the gallows. Why what a pox have I to do with my hostess of the tavern? Did I ever call for thee to pay thy partly? No, thou shalt. For obtaining of suits? What sayest thou to a Hare or the melancholy of Mooreditch? Sir John stands to his word, the devil shall have his bargain, for he was never yet a breaker of proverbs: he will give the devil his endue. Else he had been damned for cozening the devil. Who I rob, I a thief? not I by my faith. Well then, once in my days isle be a madcap. Well, come what will, isle tarry at home. I care not. I will give thee for it a thousand pound, ask me when thou wilt, and thou shalt have it, Sirrah, Falstalffe and the rest of the thieves are at the door, shall we be merry? I, and mark thee to Jack. So, two more already. Well, here is my leg. I did never see such pitiful rascals. Well, how then? come roundly, roundly. As the honey of Hibla my old lad of the castle, and is not a buff Jerkin a most sweet robe of durance? Yea and else where, so far as my coin would stretch, and where it would not, I have used my credit. Thou judgest false already, I mean thou shalt have the hanging of the thieves, and so become a rare hangman. Or and old lion, or a lovers Lute. Thou didst well, for wisdom cries out in the streets and no man regards it. Where shall we take a purse to morrow Jack? I see a good amendment of life in thee, from praying to purse-taking. Good morrow Ned. How shall we partly with them in setting forth Yea but 'tis Like that they will know us by our horses, by our habits, and by every other appointment to be our selves. Yea, but I doubt they will be too hard for us. Well, isle go with thee, provide us all things nieces sarie, and meet me to morrow night in Eastcheape, there isle sup: farewell. I know you all, and will a while uphold The vnyokt humour of your idleness, Yet herein will I imitate the sun, Who does permit the base contagious clouds To smother up his beauty from the world, That when he please again to be himself, Being wanted he may be more wondered at By breaking through the soul and ugly mists Of vapours that did seem to strangle him. If all the year were playing holly-days, To sport would be as tedious as to work; But when they seldom come, they wished for come, And nothing pleases but rare accidents: So when this lose beh uiour I throw off, And pay the debt I never promised, By how much better then my word I am, By so much shall I falsify men's Hope's, And Like bright metal on a sullen ground, My reformation glittering over my fault, Shall show more goodly, and attract more eyes Then that which hath no foil to set it off. I'll so offend, to make offence a skill, Redeeming time when men think least I will. Exit. He is walked up to the top of the h ll, I'll go seek him. Peace you fat guts, lie down, lay thine care close to the ground, and list if thou canst hear the tread of travellers. Thou liest, thou art not colted, thou art uncolted. Out you rogue shall I be your Ostler? Sirs you four shall front them in the narrow lane: Ned Poines, and I will walk lower, if they escape from your encoun ter, then they light on us. What, a coward sir John paunch. Well, we leave that to the proof. Ned, where are our disguises? The thieves have bound the true men, now could thou and I rob the thieves, and go merrily to London, it would be argument for a week, laughter for a month, and a good jest for ever. Your money. As they are sharing the Prince & Po set upon them, they all run away, and Falstalffe after a blow or two runs away too leaving the booty behind them. God with much ease Now merrily to horse: the thieves are all scattered, and possessed with fear so strongly, that they dare not meet each other, each takes his fellow for and officer, away good Ned, Falstalffe sweats to death, and la ds the lean earth as he walks along, we to not for laughing I should pity him. Ned, preethe come out of that fat room, and lend me thy hand to laugh a little. With three or four loggerheades, amongst three or fourscore hogsheads. I have sounded the very base string of humility. Sirrah, I am sworn brother to a leash of drawers, and can call them all by their Christian names, as Tom, Dick, and Francis, they take it already upon their salvation, that though I be but prince of Wales, yet I am the king of Courtesy, and tell me fla lie I am no proud Jack Like Falstalffe, but a Corinthian, a lad of metal, a good boy (by the Lord so they call me) and when I am king of England I shall command all the good lads in Eastcheap. They call drinking deep, dying scarlet, and when you breath in your watering they cry hem, and bid you play it off. To conclude, I am so good a proficie ̄ to in one quarter of and hour that I can drink with any Tinker in his own language, during my life. I tell thee Ned thou hast lost much honour, that thou w rt not with me in this Actium; but sweet Ned to sweeten which name of Ned, I give thee this pennyworth of sugar, clapped e ven now into my hand by and underskinker, one that never spoke oh her English in his life then eight shillings and six pence, and you are welcome, with this shrill addition, anon, anon sir; score a pint of bastard in the half m ne, or so. But Ned, to driven a way the time till Falstalffe come: I preethe do thou stand in some by-roome, while I question my puny drawer to what end he gave me the sugar, and do thou never leave calling Frances, that his tale to me may be nothing but anon, step aside and isle show thee a present. Thou art perfect. Frances. Enter Drawer. Come hither Frances. How long hast thou to serve Frances? Five year, byr'lady a long lease for the clinking of pew ter; but Frances, dare to thou be so valiant, as to play the coward with thy Indenture, and show it a fair pair of heals, and run from it? How old art thou Frances? Nay but hark you Frances, for the sugar thou gavest me, it a pennyworth, wast not? Anon Frances, no Frances, but to morrow Frances: or Frances a Thursday; or indeed France's when thou wilt. But France's. Wilt thou rob this leathern Jerkin, crystal button, no pated, agat ring, puke stocking, Caddice garter, smooth tongue, spanish pouch? Why then your brown bastard is your only drink? for look you France's, your white canvas doublet will fulley. In Barbary sir, it cannot come to so much. Away you rogue, dost thou not hear them call. I am now of all humours, that have showed themselves humours since the old days of good man Adam, to the pupil age of this present twelve a clock at midnight. Whats a clock Frances? Didst thou never see Titan kiss a dish of butter, pitiful hearted Titan that melted at the sweet tale of the sons, if thou didst, then behold that compound. Why you whoreson round-man, whats the matter? Oh v llain, thy lips are scarce wiped since thou drunkest last. Where is it Jack, where is it? What, a hundred, man? What, fought you with them all? Pray God you have not murdered some of them. Seven, why there were but four even now. Oh monstrous! eleven Buck om men grown out of two. These lies are Like their father that begets them, gross as a mountain, open, palpable. Why thou clay brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow-catch. I'll be no longer guilty of this sin. This sanguine continued ward this bed pres er, this horse-backe-breaker, this huge hill of flesh. Well, breath a while, and then to it again, and when thou hast tired thy self in base comparisons hear me speak but this. We two saw you four set on four and bound them and were masters of their wealth: mark now how a plain tale shall put you down, then did we two set on you four, and wit word, outfaced you from your prize, & have it, yea & can show it you here in the house: and Falstalffe you carried your guts a way as nimbly, with as quick dexterity, & roared for mercy, and still run and roared, as eve I herd bul-calf. What a slave art thou to hack thy sword as thou hast done? and then say it was in fight. What trick? what device? what starting hold canst thou now find out, to hide thee from this open and apparent shame? Content, and the argument shall be thy running away. How now my lady the hostess, what sayest thou to me? Give him as much as will make him a royal man, and send him back again to my mother. Preethe do Jack. Now sirs byr'lady you fought fair, so did you Peto, so did you Bardol, you are lions to, you ran away upon instinct, you will not touch the true prince, no fie. Faith tell me now in earnest, how came Falstalffs sword so hacked? Oh villain, thou stolest a cup of Sack eighteen years ago and Wertenberg taken with the manner, and ever since thou hast blushed extempore, thou hadst fire and sword on thy side, and yet thou ranst away, what instinct hadst thou for it? I do. Hight livers, and cold purses. No if rightly taken halter. Here comes lean Jack, here comes bore bone: how now my sweet creature of bombast, how long is't ago Jack since thou sawest thine own knee? He that rides at high speed, and with his Pistol kills a sparrow flying. So did he never the sparrow. Why, what a rascal art thou then, to praise him so for running? Yes Jack, upon instinct. Why then, it is Like if there come a hight June, and this civil buffeting hold, we shall buy maidenheads as they buy hob nails, by the hundreds. Not a whit faith, I lack some of thy instinct. Do thou stand for my father and examine me upon the particulars of my life. Thy state is taken for a joined stool, thy golden sceptre for a leaden dagger, and thy precious rich crown for a pitiful bald crown. What manner of man and it Like your Majesty? Dost thou speak Like a king, do thou stand for me, and isle play my father. Well, here I am set. Now Harry, whence come you? The complaints I hear of thee are grievous. Swearest thou ungracious boy, hence forth never look on me, thou art violently carried away from grace, there is a di well haunts thee in the likeness of and old fat man, a tun of man is thy companion: why dost thou converse with that trunk of humours, that bolting hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloakebag of guts, that roasted Manningtre Ox with the pudding in his belly, that reverent vice, that grey iniquity, that father ruffian, that vam nity in years, wherein is he good, but to taste sack and drink it? wherein neat and cleanly, but to carve a capon and eat it? wherein cunning, but in craft? wherein cra ty, but in villainy? wherein villam nous, but in all things? where in worthy, but in nothing? That villainous abominable misleader of youth, Fall stalffe, that old white bearded Satan. I know thou dost. I do, I will. Enter Bardoll running. Heigh, heigh, the Devil rides upon a fiddle stick, whats the matter? And thou a natural coward without instinct. Go hide thee behind the Arras, the rest walk up above, now my Master's for a true face, and good conscience. Call in the Sheriff. Now master Sheriff, what is your will with me? What men? The man I do assure you is not here, For I my self at this time have employed him . And Sheriff, I will engage my word to thee, That I will by to morrow dinner time Send him to answer thee or any man, For any thing he shall be charged withal, And so let me entreat you leave the house. It may be so: if he have robbed these men He shall be answerable and so fare well. I think it is God morrow is it not? This oy j rascal is known as well as Poule's: go call him forth. Hark how hard he fetches breath, search his pockets. Lets see what they be, read them. Item a capon. 2. S, ii, worser. Item sauce. iiij, worser. Item sack two gallons. v. S, viij, worser. Item anchaues and sack after supper. 2, S, vj, worser. Item bred. ob. Oh monstrous! but one half pennyworth of bred to this intolle rabble deal of sack? what there is else keep close, weel read it at more aduan age; there let him sleep till day, isle to the court in the morning. We must all to the wars, and thy place shall be ho norable. I'll procure this fat rogue a charge of foot, and I know his death will be a march of twelve score, the money shall be paid back again with advantage; be with me betimes in the morning, and so good morrow Peto. So please your Majesty, I would I could Quit all offences with as clear excuse, As well as I am doubtless I can purge My self of many I am charged withal, Yet such extenuation let me beg, As in reproof of many tales devised, Which oft the ear of greatness needs must hear By smiling pickthanks, and base news mongers, I may for some things true, wherein my youth Hath faulty wandered, and irregular, Find pardon on my true submission. I shall hereafter my thrice gracious Lord, Be more my self. Do not think so, you shall not find it so, And God forgive them that so much have swaide Your majesty's good thoughts away from me. I will redeem all this on Percies head, And in the closing of some glorious day Be bold to tell you that I am your son, When I will wear a garment all of blood, And stain my favors in a bloody mask, Which washed away shall scou e my shame with it, And that shall be the day when ere it lights, That this same child of honour and renown, This gallant Hotspur, this all praised knight, And your unthought of Harry chance to meet, For every honour sitting on his helm Would they were multitudes, and on my head My shames redoubled. For the time will come That I shall make this Northern youth exchange His glorious deeds for my indignities. Percy is but my factor, good my Lord, To engross up glorious deeds on my behalf. And I will call him to so strict account, That he shall render every glory up, Yea, even the sleightest worship of his time, Or I will tear the reckoning from his heart. This in the name of God I promise here, The which if he be pleased I shall perform: I do beseech your majesty may salve The long grown wounds of my intemperance, If not, the end of life cancels all bans, And I will die a hundred thousand death's Ere break the smallest parcel of this vow. What sayest thou Jack. What didst thou lose Jack? A trifle, some eight penny matter. What he did not? And Otter sir John, why and Otter? Thou sayest true hostess, and he slanders thee most grossly. Sirrah, do I owe you a thousand pound? I say 'tis copper, darest thou be as good as thy word now? And why not as the Lion? Oh, if it should, how would thy guts fallen about thy knees? but sirrah, theres no room for faith, truth, nor hone sty, in this bosom of thine. It is all filled up with guts and mid riff. Charge and honest woman with picking thy pocket, why thou whoreson impudent embossed rascal, if there were any thing in thy pocket but tavern reckonings, memoranda of ba die houses, and one poor pennyworth of sugarcandy to make thee long winded, if thy pocket were enriched with any other injuries but these; I am a villain, and yet you will stand to it, you will not pocket up wrong, art thou not ashamed? It appears so by the story. Oh my sweet beoffe, I must still be good angel to thee, the money is paid back again. I am good friends with my father and may do any thing Bardoll. Go bear this letter to Lord John of Lancaster, To my brother John, this to my lord of Westmoreland. Go Peto to horse, to horse, for thou and I Have thirty miles to ride yet ere dinner time, Jack, eete me to morrow in the temple haul At two of clock in the afternoon, There shalt thou know thy charge, and there receive Money and order for their furniture, The land is burning, Percy stands on high, And either we or they must lower lie. How now blown rack? how now quilt? I think to steal Cream indeed, for thy theft hath all ready made thee butter, but tell me Jack, whose fellows are these that come after? No isle be sworn, unless you call three fingers in the ribs bore, but sirrah make haste, Percy is already in the field. Exit. The Southren wind Does play the trumpet to his purposes, And by his hollow whistling in the leaves Foretells a tempest and a blustering day. Peace chewet, peace. In both your armies there is many a soul, Shall pay full dearly for this encounter If once they join in trial, tell your nephew The prince of Wales does join with all the world In praise of Henry Percy, by my Hope's This present enterprise set of his head, I do not think a braver Gentleman, More active, valiant, or more valiant young, More daring, or more bold is now alive To grace this latter age with noble deeds, For my partly I may speak it to my shame, I have a truant been to Chivalry, And so I hear he does account me too; Yet this before my father's majesty, I am content that he shall take the odds Of his great name and estimation, And will to save the blood on either side Try fortune with him in a single fight. It will not be accepted on my life, The Dow+glas and the Hotspur both together, Are confident against the world in arms. Why, thou owest God a death. What, stands thou idle here? lend me thy sword, Many a noble man lies stark and stiff, Under the hoofes of vaunting enemies, whose death's are yet unrevenged, I preethe lend me thy sword. He is indeed, and living to kill thee: I preethe lend me thy sword. Give it me, what? is it in the case? What is it a time to jest and dally now? I beseech your majesty make up, Least your retirement do amaze your friends. Led me my Lord? I do not needs your help, And God forbid a shallow scratch should driven The Prince of Wales from such a field as this, Where stained nobility lies trodden on, And rebels arms triumph in massacres. By God thou hast deceived me Lancaster, I did not think thee Lord of such a spirit, Before I loved thee as a brother John, But now I do respect thee as my soul. Oh this boy lends mettle to us all. Exit. Hold up thy head vile Scot, or thou art Like Never to hold it up again, the spirits Of Valiant Sherly, Stafford, Blunt are in my arms, It is the Prince of Wales that threatens thee, Who never promises but he means to pay. Cheerly my Lord, how fares your grace? Sir Nicholas Gawsey hath for succour sent, And so hath Clifton, isle to Clifton straight. Oh God they did me too much injury, That ever said I hearkened for your death, If it were so, I might have let alone The insulting hand of Douglas over you, Which would have been as speedy in your end As all the poisonous potions in the world, And saved the treacherous labour of your son. Thou speakest as if I would deny my name. I'll make it greater ere I partly from thee, And all the budding honours on thy crest I'll crop to make a garland for my head. Come brother John, full bravely hast thou fleshed Thy maiden sword. I did, I saw him dead, Breathless and bleeding on the ground. Art thou alive? Or is it fantasy that plays upon our eyesight? I preethe speak, we will not trust our eyes Without our ears, thou art not what thou seemest. Why Percy, I killed my self, and saw thee dead. This is the strangest fellow, brother John, Come bring your luggage nobly on your back. For my partly, if a lie may do thee grace, I'll guild it with the happiest terms I have. The Trumpet sounds retreat, the day is our, Come brother let us to the highest of the field, To see what friends are living, who are dead. Exeunt. The noble Scot Lord Dow+glas, when he saw The fortune of the day quite turned from him, The noble Percy slain and all his men Upon the foot of fear, fled with the rest And falling from a hill, he was so bruised, That the pursuers took him. At my tent The Douglas is: and I beseech your grace I may dispose of him. Then brother John of Lancaster, To you this honourable bounty shall belong, Go to the Douglas and deliver him Up to his pleasure, ransomless and free, His valours shown upon our Crests to day Have taught us how to cherish such high deeds, Even in the bosom of our adversaries. Farewell the latter spring, farewell Alhallowne summer. Stand close. Enter Falstalffe. How now Wolsacke, what mutter you? What four? thou saidst but two even now. I have procured thee Jack a charge of foot. Nothing but a Colossus can do thee that friendship, Say thy prayers, and farewell. Peace you fat-kidneyd rascal, what a brawling dost thou keep? Let them alone a while, and then open the door: Poines. That ever this fellow should have fewer words then a Parrat, and yet the son of a woman. His industry is up stairs and down stairs, his eloquence the parcel of a reckoning. I am not yet of Percy's mind, the Hotspur of the North, he that kills me some six or seven dozen of Scots at a breakfast: washes his hands, and says to his wife, fie upon this quiet life, I want work. Oh my sweet Harry says she how many hast thou killed to day? Give my roan horse a drench (says he) and An swears some fourteen and hour after: a trifle, a trifle. I preethe call in Falstalffe, isle play Percy, and that damnde brawn shall play dame Mortimer his wife. Rivo says the drunkard: call in Ribs, call in Tallow. Preethe let him alone we shall have more anon. Why, how couldst thou know these men in Kendal green when it was so dark thou couldst not see thy hand, come tell us your reason. What sayest thou to this? What hast thou found? What sayest thou mistress quickly, how does thy husband? I love him well, he is and honest man. Why then I see a very valiant rebel of the name; I am the Prince of Wales, and think not Percy To share with me in glory any more: Two stars keep not their motion in one sphere, Nor can one England brook a double reign Of Harry Percy and the Prince of Wales. For worms, brave Percy. Fare thee well great heart Ill weaved ambition, how much art thou shrunk, When that this body did contain a spirit, A kingdom for it was too small a bound, But now two paces of the vilest earth Is room enough, this earth that bears the dead Bears not alive so stout a gentleman, If thou Wertenberg sensible of courtesy I should not make so deer a show of zeal, But let my favors hide thy mangled face, And even in thy behalf isle thank my self, For doing these fair rights of tenderness, Adieu and take thy praise with thee to heaven, Thy ignominy sleep with thee in the graven, But not remembered in thy Epitaph. What old acquaintance, could not all this flesh Keep in a little life? poor Jack farewell, I could have better sparde a better man: Oh I should have a heavy miss of thee, If I were much in love with vanity: Death hath not struck so fat a Dear to day, Though many dearer in this bloody fray, Inboweld will I see thee by and by, Till then in blood by noble Percy lie. Exit. Whats the matter?