ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

Go bear it to the Centaur, where we host, And stay there Dromio, till I come to thee; Within this hour it will be dinner time, Till that I'll view the manners of the town, Peruse the traders, gaze upon the buildings, And then return and sleep within mine Inn, For with long travail I am stiff and weary. Get thee away. A trusty villain sir, that very oft, When I am dull with care and melancholy, Lightens my humour with his merry jests: What will you walk with me about the town, And then go to my Inn and dine with me? Farewell till then: I will go lose my self, And wander up and down to view the City. He that commends me to mine own content, Commends me to the thing I cannot get: I to the world am Like a drop of water, That in the Ocean seeks another drop, Who falling there to find his fellow forth, (Unseen, inquisitive) confounds himself. So I, to find a Mother and a Brother, In quest of them (unhappy a) lose my self. Here comes the almanac of my true date: What now? How chance thou art returned so soon. Stop in your wind sir, tell me this I pray? Where have you left the money that I gave you. I am not in a sportive humour now: Tell me, and dally not, where is the money? We being strangers here, how darest thou trust So great a charge from thine own custody. Come Dromio, come, these ests are out of season, Reserve them till a merrier hour then this: Where is the gold I gave in charge to thee? Come on sir knave, have done your foolishness, And tell me how thou would to disposed thy charge Now as I am a Christian answer me, In what safe place you have bestowed my money; Or I shall break that merry sconce of yours That stands on tricks, when I am undisposed: Where is the thousand Marks thou hadst of me? Thy Mistress marks? what Mistress slave hast thou? What wilt thou flout me thus unto my face Being forbid? There take you that sir knave. Upon my life by some devise or other, The villain is overwrought of all my money. They say this town is full of cozenage: As nimble Jugglers that deceive the eye: Dark working Sorcerers that change the mind: Soul-killing Witches, that deform the body: Disguised Cheaters, prating Mountebanks; And many such like-liberties of sin: If it prove so, I will be gone the sooner: I'll to the Centaur to go seek this slave, I greatly fear my money is not safe. The gold I gave to Dromio is laid up Safe at the Centaur, and the heedful slave Is wandered forth in care to seek me out By computation and mine hosts report. I could not speak with Dromio, since at first I sent him from the Mars? see here he comes. How now sir, is your merry humour altered? As you love strokes, so jest with me again: You know no Centaur ? you received no gold? Your Mistress sent to have me home to dinner? My house was at the Phoenix ? Wast thou mad, That thus so madly thou did didst answer me? Villain, thou didst deny the golds receipt, And toldst me of a Mistress, and a dinner, For which I hope thou feltst I was displeased. Yea, dost thou jeer & flout me in the teeth? Thinkest y u I jest? hold, take thou that, & that. Beats Dro. Dost thou not know? Shall I tell you why? Why first for flouting me, and then wherefore, for urging it the second time to me. Thank me sir, for what? I'll make you amends next, to give you nothing for something. But say sir, is it dinner time? In good time sir: what's that? Well sir, then it'll be dry. Your reason? Well sir, learn to jest in good time, there's a time for all things. Let's hear it. May he not do it by fine and recovery? Why, is Time such a niggard of hair, being (as it is) so plentiful and excrement? Why, but theres many a man hath more hair then wit. Why thou didst conclude hairy men plain deam le without wit. By Dromio ? Did you converse sir with this gentlewoman: What is the course and drift of your compact? Villain thou liest, for even her very words, Didst thou deliver to me on the Mars. How can she thus then call us by our names? Unless it be by inspiration. To me she speaks, she moves me for her theme; What, was I married to her in my dream? Or sleep I now, and think I hear all this? What error drives our eyes and ears amiss? Until I know this sure uncertainty, I'll entertain the freed fallacy. I think thou art in mind, and so am I. Thou hast thine own form. Am I in earth, in heaven, or in hell? Sleeping or waking, mad or well advised: Known unto these, and to my self disguised: I'll say as they say, and persever so: And in this missed at all adventures go. Wherefore? for my dinner: I have not dined to day. You'll cry for this minion, if I Beatrice the door down. Go fetch me something, I'll break open the gate. Well, I'll break in: go borrow me a crow. Go, get thee gone, fetch me and iron Crow. Not mad, but mated, how I do not know. For gazing on your beams fair sun being by. As good to wink sweet love, as look on night. Thy sisters sister. No: it is thy self, mine own selves better partly: Mine eyes clear eye, my deer hearts dearer heart; My food, my fortune, and my sweet Hope's aim; My sole earth's heaven, and my heavens claim. Call thy self sister sweet, for I am thee: Thee will I love, and with thee led my life; Thou hast no husband yet, nor I no wife: Give me thy hand. Why how now Dromio, where runnest thou so fast? Thou art Dromio, thou art my man, thou art thy self. What woman's man? and how beside thy self? Where Scotland ? Where France ? Where England ? Where Spain ? Where America, the Indies ? What I should think of this, I cannot tell: But this I think, there's no man is so vain, That would refuse so fair and offered Chain. I see a man here needs not live by shifts, When in the streets he meets such Golden gifts: I'll to the Mars, and there for Dromio stay, If any ship put out, then straight away. While I go to the Goldsmiths house, go thou And buy a ropes end, that will I bestow Among my wife, and their confederates, For locking me out of my doors by day: But soft I see the Goldsmith; get thee gone, Buy thou a rope, and bring it home to me. And if I have not sir, I hope you have: Or else you may return without your money. Why give it to my wife, and fetch your money. Fie, now you run this humour out of breath, Come where's the Chain, I pray you let me see it. I answer you? What should I answer you. I owe you none, till I receive the Chain. You gave me none, you wrong me much to say so. Consent to pay thee that I never had: Arrest me foolish fellow if thou darest. I do obey thee, till I give thee bail. But sirrah, you shall buy this sport as deer, As all the mettle in your shop will answer. Thou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope, And told thee to what purpose, and what end. I will debate this matter at more leisure And teach your ears to list me with more heed: To Adriana Villain High thee straight: Give her this key, and tell her in the Desk That's covered over with Turkish Tapestry, There is a purse of Ducats, let her send it: Tell her, I am arrested in the street, And that shall bail me: High thee slave, be gone, On Officer to prison, till it come. What gold is this? What Adam dost thou mean? I understand thee not. What thou meanest and officer? Well sir, there rest in your foolery: Is there any ships puts forth to night? may we be gone? The fellow is distract, and so am I, And here we wander in illusions: Some blessed power deliver us from hence. Satan avoid, I charge thee tempt me not. It is the devil. Why Dromio ? Avoid then fiend, what tellest thou me of sup ping? Thou art, as you are all a sorceress: I conjure thee to leave me, and be gone. Avant thou witch: Come Dromio let us go. Five hundred Ducats villain for a rope? To what end did I bid thee High thee home? And to that end sir, I will welcome you. Come go along, my wife is coming yond der. There is my hand, and let it feel your ear. And did not I in rage depart from thence? Thou hast suborned the Goldsmith to arrest me. Wentest not thou to her for a purse of Ducats. Say wherefore didst thou lock me forth to day, And why dost thou deny the bag of gold? Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all, And art confederate with a damned pack, To make a loathsome abject scorn of me: But with these nails, I'll pluck out these false eyes, That would behold in me this shameful sport. What will you murder me, thou Jailor thou? I am thy prisoner, wilt thou suffer them to make a res cue? O most unhappy strumpet. Out on thee Villain, wherefore dost thou mad me? Come to the Centaur, fetch our stuff from thence: I long that we were safe and found aboard. I will not stay to night for all the Town, Therefore away, to get our stuff aboard. I think I had, I never did deny it. Who herd me to deny it or forswear it? Thou art a Villain to impeach me thus, I'll prove mine honour, and mine honesty Against thee presently, if thou darest stand: Neither. I never saw my Father in my life. The Duke, and all that know me in the City, Can witness with me that it is not so. I never saw Siracusa in my life. Plead you to me fair dame? I know you not: In Ephesus I am but two hours old, As strange unto your town, as to your talk, Who every word by all my wit being scanned, Wants wit in all, one word to understand. Because that I familiarly sometime Do use you for my fool, and chat with you, Your sauciness will jest upon my love, And make a Common of my serious hours, When the sun shines, let foolish gnats make sport, But creep in crannies, when he hides his beams: If you will jest with me, know my aspect, And fashion your demeanour to my looks, Or I will Beatrice this method in your sconce. Sweet Mistress, what your name is else I know not; Nor by what wonder you do hit of mine: Less in your knowledge, and your grace you show not, Then our earth's wonder, more then earth divine. Teach me deer creature how to think and speak: Lay open to my earthy gross conceit: Smothered in errors, feeble, shallow, weak, The folded meaning of your words deceit: Against my souls pure truth, why labour you, To make it wander in and unknown field? Are you a God? would you create me new? Transform me then, and to your pour I'll yield. But if that I am I, then well I know, Your weeping sister is no wife of mine, Nor to her bed no homage do I owe: Far more, far more, to you do I decline: O train me not sweet Mermaid with thy note, To drown me in thy sister flood of tears: Sing Siren for thy self, and I will dote: Spread over the silver waves thy golden hairs; And as a bud I'll take thee, and there lie: And in that glorious supposition think, He gains by death, that hath such means to die: Let Love, being light, be drowned if she sink. I see these Witches are afraid of swords. Egeon art thou not? or else his ghost. No sir, not I, I came from Siracuse. I, gentle Mistress. And so do I, yet did she call me so: And this fair Gentlewoman her sister here Did call me brother. What I told you then, I hope I shall have leisure to make good, If this be not a dream I see and hear. I think it be sir, I deny it not. This purse of Ducats I received from you, And Dromio my man did bring them me: I see we still did meet each others man, And I was taken for him, and he for me, And thereupon these errors are arose. He speaks to me, I am your master Dromio. Come go with us, we'll look to that anon, Embrace thy brother there, rejoice with him.