SPEED

Sir Protheus : save you: saw you my Master? Twenty to one then, he is shipped already, And I have played the Sheep in losing him. You conclude that my Master is a Shepherd then, and I Sheep? Why then my horns are his horns, whither I wake or sleep. This proves me still a Sheep. Nay, that I can deny by a circumstance. The Shepherd seeks the Sheep, and not the Sheep the Shepherd; but I seek my Master, and my Master seeks not me: therefore I am no Sheep. Such another proof will make me cry baâ. I Sir: I (a lost-Mutton) gave your Letter to her (a lac'd-Mutton) and she (a lac'd-Mutton) gave me (a lost-Mutton) nothing for my labour. If the ground be overcharged, you were best stick her. Nay Sir, less then a pound shall serve me for car rying your Letter. From a pound to a pin? fold it over and over, It's threefold too little for carrying a letter to your lover I. You mistook Sir: I say she did nod; And you ask me if she did nod, and I say I. Now you have taken the pains to set it toga there, take it for your pains. Well, I perceive I must be feign to bear with you. Marry Sir, the letter very orderly, Having nothing but the word noddy for my pains. And yet it cannot overtake your slow purse. Open your purse, that the money, and the matter may be both at once delivered. Truly Sir, I think you'll hardly win her. Sir, I could perceive nothing at all from her; No, not so much as a ducat for delivering your letter: And being so hard to me, that brought your mind; I fear she'll prove as hard to you in telling your mind. Give her no token but stones, for she's as hard as steel. No, not so much as take this for thy pains: To testify your bounty, I thank you, you have cestern'd me; In requital whereof, henceforth, carry your letters your self; And so Sir, I'll commend you to my Master. Why then this may be yours: for this is but one. Well, your old vice still: mistake the word: what news then in your paper? Why man? how black? Let me read them? Thou liest: I can. Marry, the son of my Grandfather. Come fool, come: try me in thy paper. Inprimis she can milk. Item, she brews good Ale. Item, she can sow. Item she can knit. Item, she can wash and scour. Item, she can spin. Item, she hath many nameless virtues. Here follow her vices. Item, she is not to be fasting in respect of her breath. Item, she hath a sweet mouth. Item, she does talk in her sleep. Item, she is slow in words. Item, she is proud. Item, she hath no teeth. Item, she is cursed. Item, she will often praise her liquour. Item, she is too liberal. Item, she hath more hair then wit, and more faults then hairs, and more wealth then faults. Item, she hath more hair then wit. And more faults then hairs. And more wealth then faults. What then? For me? And must I go to him? Why didst not tell me sooner? 'pox of your love Letters. Sir we are undone; these are the Villains That all the Travellers do fear so much. Master, be one of them: It's and honourable kind of thievery. Sir, your Glove. Madam Silvia: Madam Silvia. She is not within hearing Sir. Your worship S , or else I mistook. And yet I was last chidden for being too slow. She that your worship loves? Marry by these special marks: first, you have learned (Like Sir Protheus ) to wreathe your Arms Like a Malcontent: to relish a Love-song, Like a Robin -redbreast: to walk alone Like one that had the pestilence: to sighs, Like a Schoolboy that had lost his A. B. C. to weep Like a young wench that had buried her Grandam: to fast, Like one that takes diet: to watch, Like one that fears robbing: to speak puling, Like a beggar at Hall low-Masse: You were wont, when you laughed, to crow Like a cock; when you walked, to walk Like one of the Lions: when you fasted, it was presently after dinner: when you looked sadly, it was for want of money: And now you are Metamorphis'd with a Mistress, that when I look on you, I can hardly think you my Master. They are all perceived without you. Without you? nay, that's certain: for with out you were so simple, none else would: but you are so without these follies, that these follies are within you, and shine through you Like the water in and Urinal: that not and eye that sees you, but is a Physician to comment on your Malady. She that you gaze on so, as she sits at supper? Why sir, I know her not. Is she not hard-favoured, sir? Sir, I know that well enough. That she is not so fair, as (of you) well-fa vourd? That's because the one is painted, and the oh there out of all count. Marry sir, so painted to make her fair, that no man counts of her beauty. You never saw her since she was deformed. Ever since you loved her. If you love her, you cannot see her. Because Love is blind: Oh that you had mine eyes, or your own eyes had the lights they were wont to have, when you chid at Sir Protheus, for going un gartered. Your own present folly, and her passing de formity: for he being in love, could not see to garter his hose; and you, being in love, cannot see to put on your hose. True sir: I was in love with my bed, I thank you, you swinged me for my love, which makes me the bolder to chide you, for yours. I would you were set, so your affection would cease. And have you? Are they not lamely writ? O excellent motion; o exceeding Puppet: Now will he interpret to her. O, 'giue ye-good-ev'n: here's a million of manners. He should give her interest: & she gives it him. And yet you will: and yet, another yet. O Jest unseen: inscrutible: invisible, As a nose on a men face, or a Wethercocke on a steeple: My Master sues to her: and she hath taught her Suitor, He being her Pupil, to become her Tutor. O excellent devise, was there ever herd a better? That my master being scribe, To himself should write the Letter? Nay: I was rhyming: it's you y to have the reason. To be a Spokesman from Madam Silvia. To your self: why, she woes you by a figure. By a Letter, I should say. What needs she, When she hath made you write to your self? Why, do you not perceive the jest? No believing you indeed sir: But did you perceive her earnest? Why she hath given you a Letter. And y to letter hath she delivered, & there and end. I'll warrant you, it's as well: For often have you writ to her: and she in modesty, Or else for want of idle time, could not again reply, Or fearing else some mess ̄ her, y to might her mind discover Her self hath taught her Love himself, to write unto her lover. All this I speak in print, for in print I found it. Why muse you sir, it's dinner time. I, but Harken sir: though the Chameleon Love can feed on the air, I am one that am nourished by my victuals; and would feign have meat: o be not Like your Mistress, be moved, be moved. Lance, by mine honesty welcome to Padua. Come-on you madcap: I'll to the Alehouse with you presently; where, for one shot of five pence, thou shalt have five thousand welcomes: But sirrah, how did thy Master partly with Madam Julia ? How now Signior Lance ? what news with your Mastership? Master, Sir Thurio frowns on you. Not of you. 'Twere good you knocked him. But shall she marry him? How then? shall he marry her? What, are they broken? Why then, how stands the matter with them? What and ass art thou, I understand thee not. What thou sayest? It stands under thee indeed. But tell me true, wil't be a match? The conclusion is then, that it will. It's well that I get it so: but Lance, how sayest thou that that my master is become a notable Lover? Then how? Why, thou whoreson Ass, thou mistakest me, I tell thee, my Master is become a hight Lover. Why? At thy service.