PANDARUS

Will this gear never be mended? Well, I have told you enough of this: For my partly, I'll not meddle nor make no farther. He that will have a Cake out of the Wheat, must needs tarry the grinding. I the grinding; but you must tarry the bolting. I the bolting; but you must tarry the leau'ing. I, to the leavening: but heeres yet in the word hereafter, the Kneading, the making of the Cake, the heating of the Oven, and the Baking; nay, you must stay the cooling too, or you may chance to burn your lips. Well: She looked yesternight fairer, then ever I saw her look, Or any woman else. And her hair were not somewhat darker then Helens, well go too, there were no more comparison be tween the Women. But for my partly she is my Kinswo man, I would not (as they term it) praise it, but I would somebody had herd her talk yesterday as I did: I will not dispraise your sister Cassandra is wit, but— I speak no more then truth. Faith, I'll not meddle in't: Let her be as she is, if she be fair, it's the better for her: and she be not, she ha the mends in her own hands. I have had my Labour for my travel, ill thought on of her, and ill thought on of you: Gone between and between, but small thanks for my labour. Because she's Kin to me, therefore she's not so fair as Helen, and she were not kin to me, she would be as fair on Friday, as Helen is on Sunday. But what care I? I care not and she were a Black-a-Moore, it's all one to me. Not I. Pray you speak no more to me, I will leave all as I found it, and there and end. What's that? what's that? Good morrow Cozen Cressid : what do you talk of? good morrow Alexander : how do you Cozen? when were you at Illium? What were you talking of when I came? Was Hector armed and gone ere yea came to Illium? Hellen was not up? was she? E'ene so; Hector was stirring early. Was he angry? True he was so; I know the cause too, heel lay about him to day I can tell them that and there's Troilus will not come far behind him, let them take heed of Troilus ; I can tell them that too. Who Troilus ? Troilus is the better man of the two. What not between Troilus and Hector ? do you know a man if you see him? Well I say Troilus is Troilus. No not Hector is not Troilus in some degrees. Himself? alas poor Troilus I would he were. Condition I had gone barefoot to India. Himself? no? he's not himself, would a were himself: well, the Gods are above, time must friend or end: well Troilus well, I would my heart were in her bo die; no, Hector is not a better man then Troilus. He is elder. the others not come too't, you shall tell me anon there tale when the others come too't: Hector shall not have his will this year. Nor his qualities. Nor his beauty. You have no judgement Niece; Hellen her self swore the other day, that Troilus for a brown favour (for so it's I must confess) not brown neither. Faith to say truth, brown and not brown. She praised his complexion above Paris. So, he has. I swear to you, I think Hellen loves him better then Paris. Nay I am sure she does, she came to him the other day into the compassed window, and you know he has not passed three or four hairs on his chin. But to prove to you that Hellen loves him, she came and puts me her white hand to his cloven chin. Why, you know it's dimpled, I think his smiling becomes him better then any man in all Phrigia. Does he not? Why go to then, but to prove to you that Hellen loves Troilus. Troilus? why he esteems her no more then I e steam and addle egg. I cannot choose but laugh to think how she tick led his chin, indeed she has a maruel's white hand I must needs confess. And she takes upon her to spy a white hair on his chin. And Cassandra laughed. And Hector laughed. Quoth she, here's but two and fifty hairs on your chin; and one of them is white. Well Cozen, I told you a thing yesterday, think on't. Hark they are coming from the field, shall we stand up here and see them, as they pass towards Illium, good Niece do, sweet Niece Cressida. Here, here, here's and excellent place, here we may see most bravely, I'll tell you them all by their names, as they pass by, but mark Troilus above the rest. That's Aeneas, is not that a brave man, he's one of the flowers of Troy I can you, but merke Troilus, you shall see anon. That's Antenor, he has a shrow wit I can tell you, and he's a man good enough, he's one of that soun dest judgement in Troy whosoever, and a proper man of person: when comes Troilus ? I'll show you Troilus anon, if he see me, you shall see him him nod at me. You shall see. That's Hector, that, that, look you, that there's a fellow. Go thy way Hector, there's a brave man Niece, Oh brave Hector ! Look how he looks? there's a con tenance; is't not a brave man? Is a not? It does a men heart good, look you what hacks are on his Helmet, look you yonder, do you see? Look you there? There's no jesting, laying on, tak't off, who ill as they say, there be hacks. Swords, any thing he cares not, and the devil come to him, it's all one, by Gods lid it does ones heart good. Yonder comes Paris, yonder comes Paris : look ye yonder Niece, is't not a gallant man to, is't not? Why this is brave now: who said he came hurt home to day? He's not hurt, why this will do Helen's heart good now, would? Would I could see Troilus now, you shall Troy lus anon. That's Hellenus, I marvel where Troilus is, that's Helenus, I think he went not forth to day: that's Hell lenus. Hellenus no: yes heel fight indifferent, well, I marvel where Troilus is; hark, do you not haere the people cry Troilus? Hellenus is a Priest. Where? Yonder? That's Daphobus. It's Troy lus ! Ther's a man Niece, hem Brave Troilus, the Prince of Chivalry. Asses, fools, dolts, chaff and bran, chaff and bran; porridge after meat. I could live and die in the eyes of Troilus. Never look, never look; the Eagles are gone, Crows and Daws, Crows and Daws: I had rather be such a man as Troilus, then Agamemnon, and all Greece. Achilles ? a Drayman, a Porter, a very Camel. Well, well? Why have you any discretion? have you any eyes? Do you know what a man is? Is not birth, beauty, good-shape, discourse, manhood, learning, gen tlenesse, virtue, youth, liberality, and so forth: the Spice, and salt that seasons a man? You are such another woman, one knows not at what ward you lie. Say one of your watches. You are such another. Where? Good Boy tell him I come, I doubt he be hurt. Fare you well good Niece. I'll be with you Niece by and by. I, a token from Troilus. Friend, you, pray you a word: Do not you fol low the young Lord Paris ? You depend upon him I mean? You depend upon a noble Gentleman: I must needs praise him. Fair be to you my Lord, and to all this fair come pany: fair desires in all fair measure fairly guide them, especially to you fair Queen, fair thoughts be your fair pillow. You speak your fair pleasure sweet Queen: fair Prince, here is good broken Music. Truly Lady no. Rude in sooth, in good sooth very rude. I have business to my Lord, deer Queen: my Lord will you vouchsafe me a word. Well, sweet Queen you are pleasant with me, but, marry thus my Lord, my deer Lord, and most estee med friend your brother Troilus. Go too sweet Queen, go to. Commends himself most affectionately to you. Sweet Queen, sweet Queen, that's a sweet Queen I faith— Nay, that shall not serve your turn, that shall it not in truth la. Nay, I care not for such words, no, no. And my Lord he desires you, that if the King call for him at Supper, you will make his excuse. What says my sweet Queen, my very, very sweet Queen? What says my sweere Queen? my cozen will fallen out with you. No, no; no such matter, you are wide, come your disposer is sick. I good my Lord: why should you say Cressida ? no, your poor disposer's sick. You spy, what do you spy: come, give me and Instrument now sweet Queen. My Niece is horrible in love with a thing you have sweet Queen. Come, come, I'll hear no more of this, I'll sing you a song now. I you may, you may. Love? I that it shall i'faith. In good troth it begins so. Love, love, nothing but love, still more: For Oh loves Bow, Shoots Buck and Do: The Shaft confounds not that it wounds, But tickles still the soar: These Lovers cry, o ho they die; Yet that which seems the wound to kill, Does turn o ho, to would would he: So dying love lives still, Oh ho a while, but would would would, Oh ho groans out for would would would—heigh ho. Is this the generation of love? Hight blood, hight thoughts, and hight deeds, why they are Vipers, is Love a generation of Vipers? Sweet Lord whose a field to day? Not I honey sweet Queen: I long to hear how they sped to day: Yowl remember your brother's excuse? Farewell sweet Queen. I will sweet Queen. How now, where's thy Master, at my Cozen Cressida's? Oh here he comes: How now, how now? Have you seen my Cousin? Walk here ith' Orchard, I'll bring her straight. She's making her ready, sheele come straight; you must be witty now, she does so blush, & fetches her wind so short, as if she were fraid with a sprite: I'll fetch her; it is the prettiest villain, she fetches her breath so short as a new taken Sparrow. Come, come, what need you blush? Shames a baby; here she is now, swear the oaths now to her, that you have sworn to me. What are you gone a gain, you must be watched ere you be made tame, must you? come your ways, come your ways, and you draw backward weel put you in that fills: why do you not speak to her? Come draw this curtain, & let's see your picture. Alas the day, how loath you are to offend day light? and 'twere dark you'd close sooner: So, so rub on, and kiss the mistress; how now, a kiss in fee-farm? built there Carpenter, the air is sweet. Nay, you shall fight your hearts out ere I partly you. The Falcon, as the Tercell, for all the Ducks ith River: go too go too. Words pay no debts; give her deeds: but sheele bereave you 'oth' deeds too, if she call your activity in question: what billing again? here's in witness where of the Parties interchangeably. Come in, come in, I'll go get a fire? What blushing still? have you not done talking yet? I thank you for that: if my Lord get a Boy of you, yowl give him me: be true to my Lord, if he flinch, chide me for it. Nay, I'll give my word for her too: our kindred though they be long ere they are wooed, they are con stant being won: they are Burrs I can tell you, they'le stick where they are thrown. Pretty i'faith. Leave: and you take leave till to morrow mor ning. Amen. Whereupon I will show you a Chamber, which bed, be cause it shall not speak of your pretty encounters, press it to death: away. And Cupid grant all tong-tide Maidens here, Bed, Chamber, and Pander, to provide this gear. How now, how now? how go maidenheads? Hear you Maid: where's my cozin Cressid ? To do what? to do what? let her say what: What have I brought you to do? Would, would: alas poor wretch: a poor Chipochia, hast not slept to night? would he not (a naughty man) let it sleep: a bugbear take him. Who's there? what's the matter? will you beat down the door? How now, what's the matter? Who's there my Lord Aeneas? by my troth I knew you not: what news with you so early? Here? what should he do here? Is he here say you? it's more then I know, I'll be sworn: For my own partly I came in late: what should he do here? Is't possible? no sooner God but lost: the devil take Anthenor ; the young Prince will go mad: a plague upon Anthenor ; I would they had brok's neck. Ah, would! Would I were as deep under the earth as I am above. Prithee get thee in: would thou hadst never been born; I knew thou wouldst be his death. Oh poor Gen tleman: a plague upon Anthenor. Thou must be gone wench, thou must be gone; thou art changed for Anthenor : thou must to thy Father, and be gone from Troilus : it'll be his death: it'll be his baine, he cannot bear it Thou must. Do, do. Be moderate, be moderate. Here, here, here, he comes, a sweet duck. What a pair of spectacles is here? let me em brace too: o heart, as the goodly saying is; Oh heart, hea vie heart, why sighest thou without breaking? where he answers again; because thou canst not ease thy smart by friendship, nor by speaking: there was never a truer rhyme; let us cast away nothing, for we may live to have need of such a Verse: we see it, we see it: how now Lambs? I, I, I, I, it's too plain a case. Where are my tears? rain, to lay this wind, or my heart will be blown up by the root. A goodly medicine for mine aching bones: o world, world, world! thus is the poor agent disp sde: O trai tours and bawds; how earnestly are you set awork, and how ill requited? why should our endeavour be so desired, and the performance so loathed? What Verse for it? what instance for it? let me see. Full merrily the humble Bee-doth sing, Till he hath lost his honey, and his sting. And being once subdued in armed tail, Sweet honey, and sweet notes together fail. Good traders in the flesh, set this in your painted clothes; As many as be here of Panders hall, Your eyes half out, weep out at Pandar is fallen: Or if you cannot weep, yet give some groans; Though not for me yet for your aching bones: Brothers and sisters of the hold-dore trade, Some two months hence, my will shall here be made: It should be now, but that my fear is this: Some galled Goose of Winchester would hiss: Till then, I'll sweat, and seek about for eases; And at that time be queath you my diseases. Why he is very young, and yet will he within three pound lift as much as his brother Hector. But there was such laughing, Queen Hecuba laughed that her eyes ran over. Marry at the white hair that Hellen spied on Troilus chin. They laughed not so much at the hair, as at his pretty answer. I'll be sworn it's true, he will weep you an'twere a man born in April. Mark him, not him: Oh brave Troilus : look well upon him Niece, look you how his Sword is blou died, and his Helm more hacked then Hector's, and how he looks, and how he goes. Oh admirable youth! he never saw three and twenty. Go thy way Troilus, go thy way, had I a sister were a Grace, or a daughter a Goddess, he should take his choice. Oh admirable man! Paris? Paris is dirt to him, and I warrant, Helen to change, would give money to boot. He? no, sheele none of him, they two are twain. Go too, a bargain made: seal it, seal it, I'll be the witness here I hold your hand: here my Cousin's, fever you prove false one to another, since I have taken such pains to bring you together, let all pitiful goers between be called to the world's end after my name: call them all Panders; let all constant men be Troylusses, all false women Cressidas, and all brokers between, Panders: say, Amen. Do you hear my Lord? do you hear? Here's a Letter come from yond poor girl. A whoreson pthisic, a whoreson rascally pthisic, so troubles me; and the foolish fortune of this girl, and what one thing, what another, that I shall leave you one of th's days: and I have a rheum in mine eyes too; and such and ache in my bones; that unless a man were cursed, I cannot tell what to think on't. What says she there? Why, but hear you? But hear you? hear you? That's true, make no question of that, two and fifty hairs quoth he, and one white, that white hair is my Father, and all the rest are his Sons. Jupiter quoth she, which of these hairs is Paris my husband? The for ked one quoth he, plucked out and give it him: but there was such laughing, and Hellen so blushed, and Paris so chafed, and all the rest so laughed, that it passed. What's all the doors open here? You know me, do you not? Friend know me better, I am the Lord Pandarus. I do desire it. Grace, not so friend, honour and Lordship are my title: What Music is this? Know you the Musicians. Who play they to? At whose pleasure friend? Command, I mean friend. Friend, we understand not one another: I am too courtly, and thou art too cunning. At whose request do these men play? Who? my Cousin Cressida. It should seem fellow, that thou hast not seen the Lady Cressida. I come to speak with Paris from the Prince Troilus : I will make a complemental assault upon him, for my business seethes.