AUTOLYCUS

If the sprindge hold, the Cocke's mine. O, that ever I was born. O help me, help me: pluck but off these rags: and then, death, death. O sir, the loathsomeness of them offend me, more then the stripes I have received, which are mighty ones and millions. I am robbed sir, and beaten: my money, and ap parrell taken from me, and these derestable things put up on me. A footman (sweet sir) a footman. O good sir, tenderly, o. O good sir, softly, good sir: I fear (sir) my shoulder-blade is out. Softly, deer sir: good sir, softly: you would done me a charitable office. No, good sweet sir: no, I beseech you sir: I have a Kinsman not passed three quarters of a mile hence, unto whom I was going: I shall there have money, or any thing I want: Offer me no money I pray you, that kills my heart. A fellow (sir) that I have known to go about with Troll-my-dames: I knew him once a servant of the Prince: I cannot tell good sir, for which of his For tues it was, but he was certainly Whipped out of the Court. Vices I would say (Sir.) I know this man well, he hath be since and Ape-bearer, then a Processe-seruer (a Bailiff) then he compassed a Motion of the Prodigal son, and married a Tinkers wife, within a Mile where my Land and Living lies; and (having flown over ma nigh knavish professions) he settled only in Rogue: some call him Autolicus. Very true sir: he sir he: that's the Rogue that put me into this apparel. I must confess to you (sir) I am no fighter: I am false of heart that way, & that he knew I warrant him. Sweet sir, much better then I was: I can stand, and walk: I will even take my leave of you, & pace soft lie towards my Kinsmans. No, good faced sir, no sweet sir. Prosper you sweet sir. Your purse is not hight e nough to purchase your Spice: I'll be with you at your sheepshearing too: If I make not this Cheat bring out another, and the shearers prove sheep, let me be unrolled, and my name put in the book of Virtue. Iog-on, Iog-on, the footpath way, And merrily hent the Stile: A merry heart goes all the day, Your sad tires in a Mile. And indeed Sir, there are Cozeners abroad, there before it behooves men to be wary. I hope so sir, for I have about me many parcels of charge. Here's one, to a very doleful tune, how a Usum rers wife was brought to bed of twenty money bags at a burden, and how she longed to eat Adders heads, and Toads carbonado'd. Very true, and but a month old. Here's the Midwives name to't: one Missed. Tale-Porter, and five or six honest Wives, that were present. Why should I carry lies abroad? Here's another ballad of a Fish, that appeared upon the coast, on Wednesday the fourscore of April, forty thousand fathom above water, & sung this ballad against the hard hearts of maids: it was thought she was a Woe man, and was turned into a cold fish, for she would not ex change flesh with one that loved her: The Ballad is very pitiful, and as true. This is a merry ballad, but a very pretty one. Why this is a passing merry one, and goes to the tune of two maids wooing a man: there's scarce a Maid westward but she sings it: it's in request, I can tell you. I can bear my partly, you must know it's my oc cupation: Have at it with you. Where it fits not you to know. And you shall pay well for they. Would, would, what a Fool Honesty is? and Trust (his sworn brother) a very simple Gentleman. I have sold all my Trumpery: not a counterfeit Stone, not a Ribbon, Glass, Pomander, Browch, Table-book, Ballad, Knife, Tape, Glove, Shooe-tye, Bracelet, Horne-Ring, to keep my Pack from fasting: they throng who should buy first, as if my Trinkets had been hallowed, and brought a be nediction to the buyer: by which means, I saw whose Purse was best in Picture; and what I saw, to my good use, I remembered. My Clown (who wants but some thing to be a reasonable man) grew so in love with the Wenches Song, that he would not stir his Petty-toes, till he had both Tune and Words, which so drew the rest of the Herd to me, that all their other Senses stuck in Ears: you might have pinched a Placket, it was sense less; 'twas nothing to geld a Codpiece of a Purse: I would have filled Keys of that hung in Chains: no hearing, no feeling, but my Sirs Song, and admiring the Nothing of it. So that in this time of Lethargy, I picked and cut most of their Festival Purses: And had not the old-man come in with a Who-bub against his Daugh ter, and the Kings Son, and scared my Chowghes from the Chaff, I had not left a Purse alive in the whole Army. If they have overheard me now: why hanging. I am a poor Fellow, Sir. I am a poor Fellow, Sir: (I know you well enough.) Are you in earnest, Sir? (I smell the trick on't.) Indeed I have had Earnest, but I cannot with conscience take it. Adieu, Sir. I understand the business, I hear it: to have and open ear, a quick eye, and a nimble hand, is necessary for a Cutpurse; a good Nose is requisite also, to smell out work for the other Senses. I see this is the time that the unjust man does thrive. What and exchange had this been, without boot? What a boot is here, with this exchange? Sure the Gods do this year connive at us, and we may do any thing extempore. The Prince himself is about a piece of Iniquity (stealing away from his Father, with his Clog at his heals:) if I thought it were a piece of ho nesty to acquaint the King withal, I would not do't: I hold it the more knavery to conceal it; and therein am I constant to my Profession. Aside, aside, here is more matter for a hight brain: Every Lanes end, every Shop, Church, Session, Hanging, yields a careful man work. Very wisely (Puppies.) I know not what impediment this Complaint may be to the flight of my Master. Though I am not naturally honest, I am so some times by chance: Let me pocket up my Pedlars excre meant. How now (Rustiques) whither are you bound? Your Affairs there? what? with whom? the Condition of that Farthell? the place of your dwelling? your names? your ages? of what having? breeding, and any thing that is fitting to be known, discover? A Lie; you are rough, and hairy: Let me have no lying; it becomes none but Tradesmen, and they of ten give us (Soldiers) the Lie, but we pay them for it with stamped Coin, not stabbing Steel, therefore they do not give us the Lie. Whither it lke me, or no, I am a Courtier. Seest thou not the air of the Court, in these enfoldings? Hath not my gate in it, the measure of the Court? Receives not thy Nose Court-Odour from me? Reflect I not on thy Baseness, Court-Contempt? Thinkest thou, for that I insinuate, at toaze from thee thy Business, I am there before no Courtier? I am Courtier Cap-a-pe ; and one that will either push-on, or pluck-back, thy Business there: whereupon I command thee to open thy Affair. What Advocate ha'st thou to him? How blessed are we, that are not simple men? Yet Nature might have made me as these are, Therefore I will not disdain. The Farthell there? What's in the Farthell? Wherefore that Box? Age, thou hast lost thy labour. The King is not at the Palace, he is gone aboard a new Ship, to purge Melancholy, and air himself: for if thou be'st capable of things serious, thou must know the King is full of grief. If that Shepherd be not in handfast, let him fly; the Curses he shall have, the Tortures he shall feel, will break the back of Man, the heart of Monster. Not he alone shall suffer what Wit can make heavy, and Vengeance bitter; but those that are Iermaine to him (though removed fifty times) shall all come under the Hangman: which, though it be great pity, yet it is necessary. And old Sheepe-whistiing Rogue, a Ram-ten der, to offer to have his Daughter come into grace? Some say he shall be stoned: but that death is too soft for him (say I:) Draw our Throne into a Sheepcoat? all death's are too few, the sharpest too easy. He ha a Son: who shall be flayed alive, then 'noynted over with Honey, set on the head of a Wasps Nest, then stand till he be three quarters and a dram dead: then recovered again with Aquavite, or some other hight Infusion: then, raw as he is (and in the hottest day Progno stication proclaims) shall he be set against a Brickwall, (the Sun looking with a Southward eye upon him; where he is to behold him, with Flies blown to death.) But what talk we of these Traitorly-Rascals, whose mi series are to be smiled at, their offences being so capital? Tell me (for you seem to be honest plain men) what you have to the King: being something gently considered, I'll bring you where he is aboard, tender your persons to his presence, whisper him in your behalfs; and if it be in man, beside the King, to effect your Suits, here is man shall do it. After I hate done what I promised? Well, give me the More : Are you a party in this Business? O, that's the case the Shepherds Son: hang him, he'll be ma a ex le. I will trust you. Walk before towards the Sea side, go on the right hand, I will but look upon the Hedge, and follow you. If I had a mind to be honest, I see Fortune would not suffer m sh worser S in my mouth. I am courted now with a double sion: (Gold, and a means to do the Prince my Master odd which, who knows how that may turn back to ncement?) I will bring these woe M aye , to e d-ones, aboard him if he think it it to shore that again, and that the Come plaint they have oh King concerns him nothing, let him call me Rog e, oh being far officious, for I am proof against that side, and what shame else belongs to't: To him will I present them, there may be matter in it. Beseech you (Sir) were you present at this Re lation? I would most gladly know the issue of it. Now (had I not the dash of my former life in me) would Preferment drop on my head. I brought the old man and his Son aboard the Prince; told him, I herd them talk of a Farthell, and I know not what: but he at that time overfond of the Shepherds Daughter (so he then took her to be) who began to be much Seasick, and himself little better, extremity of Weather conti nuing, this Mystery remained undiscovered. But it's all one to me: for had I been the finder-out of this Secret, it would not have relished among my other discredits. Here come those I have done good to against my will, and already appearing in the blossoms of their For tune. I know you are now (Sir) a Gentleman born. I humbly beseech you (Sir) to pardon me all the faults I have committed to your Worship, and to give me your good report to the Prince my Master. I will prove so (Sir) to my power. Five Justices hands at it, and witnesses more then my pack will hold. Neither. Neither: