SIR TOBY

What a plague means my Niece to take the death of her brother thus? I am sure care's and enemy to life. Why let her except, before excepted. Confine? I'll confine my self no finer then I am: these clothes are good enough to drink in, and so be these boots too: and they be not, let them hang them selves in their own straps. Who, Sir Andrew Ague-cheeke ? He's as tall a man as any's in Illyria. Why he ha three thousand ducats a year. Fie, that you'll say so: he plays of that Viol-de-ga -boys, and speaks three or four languages word for word without book, & hath all the good gifts of nature. With drinking healths to my Niece: I'll drink to her as long as there is a passage in my throat, & drink in Illyria: he's a Coward and a Coystril that will not drink to my Niece till his brains turn of that toe, Like a parish top. What wench? Castiliano vulgo : for here coms Sir Andrew Agueface. Sweet sir Andrew. My Nieces Chambermaid. And thou let partly so Sir Andrew, would thou mightest never draw sword again. Oh knight, thou lackest a cup of Canary: when did I see thee so put down? No question. Pur-quoy my deer knight? Then hadst thou had and excellent head of hair. Passed question, for thou seest it will not cool my nature Excellent, it hangs Like flax on a distaff: & I hope to see a huswife take thee between her legs, & spin it off. Shee'l none of that Count, she'l not match above his degree, neither in estate, years, nor wit: I have herd her swear't. Tut there's life in't man. Art thou good at these kicke-chawses Knight? What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight? And I can cut the Mutton too't. Wherefore are these things hid? Wherefore have these gifts a Curtain before they? Are they Like to take dust, Like mistress Mals picture? Why dost thou not go to Church in a Galliard, and come home in a Carranto? My very walk should be a Jig: I would not so much as make water but in a Sinke-a-pace: What dost thou mean? Is it a world to hide virtues in? I did think by the excellent constitution of thy leg, it was formed un der the star of a Galliard. What shall we do else: were we not born under Taurus? No sir, it is legs and thighs: let me see thee Can per. Would, higher: would, would, excellent. A Gentleman. It's a Gentleman here. A plague of these pickle herring: How now Sot. Lechery, I defy Lechery: there's one at the gate. Let him be the devil and he will, I care not: give me faith say I. Well, it's all one. Approach Sir Andrew : not to be a bed after midnight, is to be up betimes, and Deliculo surgere, thou knowest. A false conclusion: I hate it as and unfilled Can. To be up after midnight, and to go to bed then is early: so that to go to bed after midnight, is to go to bed be times. Does not our lives consist of the four Ele ments? the art a scholar; let us therefore eat and drink Marian I say, a stoop of wine. Welcome ass, now let's have a catch. Come on, there is six pence for you. Let's have a song. A love song, a love song. Good, good. A contagious breath. To hear by the nose, it is dulcet in contagion. But shall we make the Welkin dance indeed? Shall we rouse the night-Owle in a Catch, that will draw three souls out of one Weaver? Shall we do that? Oh the twelve day of December. We did keep time sir in our Catches. Sneck up. Farewell deer heart, since I must needs be gone. But I will never die. Shall I bid him go. Shall I bid him go, and spare not? Out of tune sir, you lie: Art any more then a Stew ard? Dost thou think because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more Cakes and Ale? the art in that right. Go sir, rub your Chain with crumbs. A stope of Wine Maria. Doo't knight, I'll write thee a Challenge: or I'll deliver thy indignation to him by word of mouth. Possess us, possess us, tell us something of him. What for being a Puritan, thy exquisite reason, deer knight. What wilt thou do? Excellent, I smell a device. He shall think by the Letters that thou wilt drop that they come from my Niece, and that she's in love with him. Good night Penthisilea. She's a beagle true bred, and one that adores me: what of that? Let's to bed knight: Thou hadst need send for more money. Send for money knight, if thou hast her not in that end, call me Cut. Come, come, I'll go burn some Sack, 'tis too late to go to bed now: Come knight, come knight. Come thy ways Signior Fabian. Wouldst thou not be glad to have the niggard lie Rascally sheepbiter, come by some notable shame? To anger him we'll have the Bear again, and we will fool him black and blue, shall we not sir And drew ? Here comes the little villain: How now my Mettle of India? Here's and overweening rogue. Peace I say. Ah Rogue. Peace, peace. Oh for a stonebow to hit him in the eye. Fire and Brimstone. Bolts and shackles. Shall this fellow live? And do's not Toby take you a blow of the lips, then? What, what? Out scab. O peace, and the spirit of humours intimate rea ding aloud to him. Marry hang thee brock. Excellent Wench, say I. And with what wing the stallion checks at it? I, or I'll cudgel him, and make him cry Oh. I could marry this wench for this device. And ask no other dowry with her, but such anon there jest. Wilt thou set thy foot of my neck. Shall I play my freedom at tray-trip, and become thy bondslave? Like Aquam vite with a Midwife. To the gates of Tartar, thou most excellent devil of wit. Save you Gentleman. Will you encounter the house, my Niece is desi rous you should enter, if your trade be to her. Taste your legs sir, put them to motion. I mean to go sir, to enter. Thy reason deer venom, give thy reason. Did she see the while, old boy, tell me that. And they have been grand Jury men, since before Noah was a Sailor. Why then built me thy Fortune's upon the basis of valour. Challenge me the Counts youth to sighed with him hurt him in eleven places, my Niece shall take note of it, and assure thy self, there is no loue-Broker in the world, can more prevail in men commendation with woman, then report of valour. We'll call thee at the Cubiculo: Go. I have been deer to him lad, some two thousand strong, or so. Never trust me then: and by all means stir on the youth to and answer. I think Oxen and waine-ropes cannot hale them together. For Andrew, if he were opened and you find so much blood in his Liver, as will clog the foot of a flay, I'll eat the rest of the anatomy. Look where the youngest Wren of mine comes. And cross gartered? Come bring us, bring us where he is. Which way is he in the name of sanctity. If all the devils of hell be drawn in little, and Legion himself possessed him, yet I'll speak to him. Go too, go too: peace, peace, we must deal gently with him: Let me alone. How do you Malvolio ? How is't with you? What man, defy the devil: consider, he's and enemy to mankind. Prithee hold thy peace, this is not the way: Do you not see you move him? Let me alone with him. Why how now my bawcock? how dost y u chuck? I biddy, come with me. What man, 'tis not for gravity to play at cherry pit with Satan Hang him foul Col I r. Is't possible? Come, we'll have him in a dark room & bound. My Niece is already in the belief that he's mad: we may carry it thus for our pleasure, and his penance, till our we ry pastime tired out of breath, prompt us to have mercy on him: at which time, we will bring the device to the bar and crown thee for a finder of madmen: but see, but see. Give me. Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurvy fellow. Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason for't. Thou comest to the Lady Olivia, and in my sighed she uses thee kindly: but thou liest in thy throat, that is not the matter I challenge thee for. I will waylay thee going home, where if it be thy chance to kill me. Thou killest me Like a rogue and a villain. If this Letter move him not, his legs cannot: I'll giu`t him. Go sir Andrew : scout me for him at the corner of the Orchard Like a bum-Baylie: so soon as ever thou seest him, draw, and as thou drawest, swear horrible: for to comes to pass oft, that a terrible oath, with a swag ring accent sharply twang'd off, gives manhood more approbation, then ever proof it self would have earned him. Away. Now will not I deliver his Letter: for the behaui our of the young Gentleman, gives him out to be of good capacity, and breeding: his employment between his Lord and my Niece, confirms no less. Therefore, this Letter being so excellently ignorant, will breed no terror in the youth: he will find it comes from a Clodde-pole. But sir, I will deliver his Challenge by word of mouth; set upon Ague-cheeke a notable report of valour, and driven the Gentleman (as I know his youth will aptly receive it) into a most hideous opinion of his rage, skill, fury, and impetuosity. This will so fright them both, that they will kill one another by the look, Like Cockatrices. Gentleman, God save thee. That defence thou hast, betake the too't: of what nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know not: but thy intercepter full of despite, bloody as the Hun ter, attends thee at the Orchard end: dismount thy tuck, be yare in thy preparation, for thy assailant is quick, skill full, and deadly. You'll find it otherwise I assure you: therefore, if you hold your life at any price, betake you to your guard: for your opposite hath in him what youth, strength, skill, and wrath, can furnish man withal. He is knight dubbed with unhatched Rapier, and on carpet consideration, but he is a devil in private brall, souls and bodies hath he divorced three, and his incense meant at this moment is so implacable, that satisfaction can be none, but by pangs of death and sepulcher: Hob, nob, is his word: giu`t or take't. Sir, no: his indignation derives it self out of a we ry computent injury, therefore get you on, and give him his desire. Back you shall not to the house, unless you undertake that with me, which with as much safety you might answer him: therefore on, or strip your sword stark naked: for meddle you must that's certain, or for swear to wear iron about you. I will do so. Signiour Fabian, stay you by this Gentleman, till my return. Why man he S a very devil, I have not seen such a virago: I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard, and all: and he gives me the stuck in with such a mortal motion that it is inevitable: and on the answer, he pays you as surely, as your feet hits the ground they step on. They say, he has been Fencer to the Sophy. I but he will not now be pacified, Fabian can scarce hold him yonder. I'll make the motion: stand here, make a good show on't, this shall end without the perdition of souls, marry I'll ride your horse as well as I ride you. I have his horse to take up the quarrel, I have persuaded him the youths a devil. There's no remedy sir, he will fight with you for's oath sake: marry he hath better bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now scarce to be worth tal king of: therefore draw for the supportance of his vow, he protests he will not hurt you. Come sir Andrew, there's no remedy, the Gen tleman will for his honours sake have one bowt with you: he cannot by the Duello avoid it: but he has promised me, as he is a Gentleman and a Soldier, he will not hurt you. Come on, too't. You sir? Why, what are you? Nay, if you be and undertaker, I am for you. I'll be with you anon. Come hither Knight, come hither Fabian: Weel whisper over a couplet or two of most sage saws. A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward then a Hare, his dishonesty appears, in leaving his friend here in necessity, and denying him: and for his coward ship ask Fabian. Do, cuff him soundly, but never draw thy sword I dare lay any money, 'twill be nothing yet. Come on sir, hold. Come sir, I will not let you go. Come my young soldier put up your iron: you are well fleshed: Come on. What, what? Nay then I must have and Ounce or two of this malapert blood from you. Madam. Jove bless thee M. Parson. To him r Topas. The knave counterfeits well: a good knave. To him in thine own voice, and bring me word how thou findest him: I would we were well rid of this knavery. If he may be conveniently delivered, I would he were, for I am now so far in offence with my Niece, that I cannot pursue with any safety this sport the up shot. Come by and by to my Chamber. That's all one, has hurt me, and there's the end on't: Sot, didst see Dick Surgeon, sot? Then he's a Rogue, and a passy measures panyn: I hate a drunken rogue. Will you help and Asse-head, and a coxcomb, & a knave: a thin faced knave, a gull? By this hand they are scoundrels and substra ctor that say so of him. Who are they? Accost Sir Andrew, accost. Why, thou hast put him in such a dream, that when the image of it leaves him, he must run mad. Fartheewell, and God have mercy upon one of our souls. He may have mercy upon mine, but my hope is better, and so look to thy self. Thy friend as thou usest him, & thy sworn enemy, Andrew Ague-cheeke. Well said M. Parson. My most exquisite sir Topas. You mistake knight: Accost, is front her, board her, woe her, assail her. My Lady's a Catayan, we are politicians, Maluolios a Peg-a-ramsie, and Three merry men be we. Am not I consanguinious? Am I not of her blood: tilly valley. La die, There dwelled a man in Babylon, Lady, Lady. Oh I, make up that, he is now at a cold sent. oh, write it in a martial hand, be cursed and brief: it is no matter how witty, so it be eloquent, and full of invention: taunt him with the license of Ink: if thou thou'st him some thrice, it shall not be amiss, and as ma nigh Lies, as will lie in thy sheet of paper, although the sheet were big enough for the bed of Beware in Eng land, set they down, go about it. Let there be gaul e nough in thy ink, though thou write with a Goo e-pen, no matter: about it. His very genius hath taken the infection of the device man. I will meditate the while upon some horrid message for a Challenge. Hold sir, or I'll throw your dagger over the house.