FESTE

Let her hang me: he that is well hang'de in this world, needs to fear no colours. He shall see none to fear. Where good mistress Marry ? Well, God give them wisdom that have it: & those that are fools, let them use their talents. Many a good hanging, prevents a bade marriage: and for turning away, let summer bear it out. Not so neither, but I am resolved on two points Apt in good faith, very apt: well go thy way, if sir Toby would leave drinking, thou Wertenberg as witty a piece of Eves flesh, as any in Illyria. Wit, an't be thy will, put me into good fooling: those wits that think they have thee, do very oft prove fools: and I that am sure I Jack thee, may pass for a wise man. For what says Quinapalus, Better a witty fool, then a foolish wit. God bless thee Lady. Do you not hear fellows, take away the Lady. Two faults Madonna, that drink & good counsel will amend: for give the dry fool drink, then is the fool not dry: bid the dishonest man mend himself, if he mend, he is no longer dishonest; if he cannot, let the Butcher mend him: any thing that's mended, is but patched: virtue that transgresses, is but patched with sin, and sin that a mends, is but patched with virtue. If that this simple Syllogism will serve, so: if it will not, what remedy? As there is no true Cuckold but calamity, so beauty's a flower; The Lady bade take away the fool, therefore I say again, take her away. Misprision in the highest degree. Lady, Cucullus non facit monachum : that's as much to say, as I wear not motley in my brain: good Madonna, give me leave to prove you a fool. Dexteriously, good Madonna. I must catechise you for it Madonna, Good my Mouse of virtue answer me. Good Madonna, why mournest thou? I think his soul is in hell, Madonna. The more fool (Madonna) to mourn for your Brother's soul, being in heaven. Take away the Fool, Gentlemen. Now Mercury endue thee with leasing, for thou speakest well of fools. Thou hast spoke for us (Madonna) as if thy eldest son should be a fool: whose scull, Jove cram with brains, for here he comes. One of thy kin has a most weak Pia-mater. Good Sir Toby. Like a drowned man, a fool, and a mad man: One draught above heat, makes him a fool, the second maddes him, and a third drowns him. He is but mad yet Madonna, and the fool shall look to the madman. How now my hearts: Did you never see the Pic ture of we three? I did impeticos thy gratillity: for Maluolios nose is no Whipstock. My Lady has a white hand, and the Myrmidons are no bottle-ale houses. Would you have a love-song, or a song of good life? What is love, 'tis not hereafter, Present mirth, hath present laughter: What's to come, is still unsure. In delay there lies no plenty, Then come kiss me sweet and twenty: Youths a stuff will not endure. Byrlady sir, and some dogs will catch well. Hold thy peace, thou Knave knight. I shall be con strained in't, to call thee knave, Knight. I shall never begin if I hold my peace. Beshrew me, the knights in admirable fooling. His eyes do show his days are almost done. Sir Toby there you lie. What and if you do ? Oh no, no, no, no, you dare not. Yes by S. Anne, and Ginger shall be hot you that mouth too. Are you ready Sir? No pains sir, I take pleasure in singing sir. Truly sir, and pleasure will be paid one time, or another. Now the melancholy God protect thee, and the Tailor make thy doublet of changeable Taffeta, for thy mind is a very Opal. I would have men of such constan cy put to Sea, that their business might be every thing, and their intent every where, for that's it, that always makes a good voyage of nothing. Farewell. No sir, I live by the Church. No such matter sir, I do live by the Church: For, I do live at my house, and my house doth stand by the Church You have said sir: To see this age: A sentence is but a cheu'rill glove to a good wit, how quickly the wrong side may be turned outward. I would therefore my sister had had no name Sir. Why sir, her names a word, and to dally with that word, might make my sister wanton: But indeed, words are very Rascals, since bonds disgraced them. Troth sir, I can yield you none without words, and words are grown so false, I am loath to prove rea son with them. Not so sir, I do care for something: but in my con science sir, I do not care for you: if that be to care for no thing sir, I would it would make you invisible. No indeed sir, the Lady Olivia has no folly, she will keep no fool sir, till she be married, and fools are as Like husbands, as Pilchers are to Herrings, the Hus bans the bigger, I am indeed not her fool, but his cor rupter of words. Foolery sir, does walk about the Orb Like the Sun, it shines every where. I would be sorry sir, but the Fool should be as oft with your Master, as with my Mi stris: I think I saw your wisdom there. Now Jove in his next commodity of hair, send thee a beard. I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia sir, to bring a Cressida to this Troilus. The matter I hope is not great sir; begging, but a beggar: Cressida was a beggar. My Lady is within sir. I will construe to them whence you come, who you are, and what you would are out of my welkin, I might say Ele meant, but the word is overworn. Will you make me believe, that I am not sent for you? Well held our i'faith: No, I do not know you, nor I am not sent to you by my Lady, to bid you come speak with her: nor your name is not Master C sario, nor this is not my nose neither: Nothing that is so, is so. Vent my folly: He has herd that word of some great man, and now applies it to a fool. Vent my fol lie: I am afraid this great lubber the World will prove a Cockney: I prithee now ungird thy strangeness, and tell me what I shall vent to my Lady? Shall I vent to his that thou art coming? By my troth thou hast and open hand: these Wise men that give fools money, get themselves a good re port, after fourteen years purchase. This will I tell my Lady straight, I would not be in some of your coats for two pence. Well, I'll put it on, and I will dissemble my self in't, and I would I were the first that ever dissembled in such a gown. I am not tall enough to become the function well, nor lean enough to be thought a good Student: but to be said and honest man and a good house keeper goes as fairly, as to say, a careful man, & a great scholar. The Competitors enter. Bonos die sir Toby : for as the old hermit of Prague that never saw pen and ink, very wittily said to a Niece of King Gorbodacke, that that is, is: so I being M. Parson, am M. Parson; for what is that, but that? and is, but is? Sir Topas the Curate, who comes to visit Maluo lio the Lunatic. Out hyperbolical fiend, how vexest thou this man? Talkest thou nothing but of Ladies? Fie, thou dishonest Satan: I call thee by the most modest terms, for I am one of those gentle ones, that will use the devil himself with courtesy: sayest thou that house is dark? Why it hath bay Windows transparent as bari cadoes, and the clear stores towards the South north, are as lustrous as Ebony: and yet complainest thou of ob struction? Madman thou errest: I say there is no darkness but ignorance, in which thou art more puzel'd then the Egyptians in their fog. What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning Wildfowl? What thinkest thou of his opinion? Fare thee well: remain thou still in darkness, thou shalt hold the opinion of Pythagoras, ere I will allow of thy wits, and fear to kill a Woodcock, lest thou dis possess the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee well. Nay I am for all waters. Heigh Robin, jolly Robin, tell me how thy Lady does. My Lady is unkind, perdy. Alas why is she so? She loves another. Who calls, would? M. Malvolio ? Alas sir, how fell you beside your five wits? But as well: then you are mad indeed, if you be no better in your wits then a fool. Advise you what you say: the Minister is here. Malvolio, Malvolio, thy wits the heavens restore: en deavour thy self to sleep, and leave thy vain bibble babble. Maintain no words with him good fellow. Who I sir, not I sir. God buy you good sir Topas: Mar ry Amen. I will sir, I will. Alas sir be patient. What say you sir, I am shent for speaking to you. Welladay, that you were sir. I will help you too't. But tell me true, are you not mad indeed, or do you but counterfeit. Nay, I'll never believe a madman till I see his brains I will fetch you light, and paper, and ink. I am gone sir, and anon sir, I'll be with you again: In a trice, Like to the old vice, your need to sustain. Who with dagger of lath, in his rage and his wrath, cries ah would, to the devil: Like a mad lad, pair thy nails dad, Adieu good man devil. Good M. Fabian, grant me another request. Do not desire to see this Letter. I sir, we are some of her trappings. Truly sir, the better for my foes, and the worse for my friends. No sir, the worse. Marry sir, they praise me, and make and ass of me, now my foes tell me plainly, I am and Ass: so that by my foes sir, I profit in the knowledge of my self, and by my friends I am abused: so that conclusions to be as kisses, if your four negatives make your two affirmatives, why then the worse for my friends, and the better for my foes. By my troth sir, no: though it please you to be one of my friends. But that it would be double dealing sir, I would you could make it another. Put your grace in your pocket sir, for this once, and let your flesh and blood obey it. Primo, secundo, tertio, is a good play, and the old saying is, the third pays for all: the triplex sir, is a good tripping measure, or the bells of S. Bennet sir, may put you in mind, one, two, three. Marry sir, lullaby to your bounty till I come a gen. I go sir, but I would not have you to think, that my desire of having is the sin of covetousness: but as you say sir, let your bounty take a nap, I will awake it anon. Oh he's drunk sir Toby and hour ago: his eyes were set at eight in that morning. Look then to be well edified, when the Fool delivers the Madman. By the Lord Madam. No Madam, I do but read madness: and your Ladyship will have it as it ought to be, you must allow Vox. So I do Madonna: but to read his right wits, is to read thus: therefore, perpend my Princess, and give ear. I Madame. Why some are born great, some achieve great ness, and some have greatness thrown upon them. I was one sir, in this Interlude, one sir Topas sir, but that's all one: By the Lotd Fool, I am not mad: but do you re member, Madam, why laugh you at such a barren rascal, and you smile not he's gaged: and thus the whirligig of time, brings in his revenges. God send you sir, a speedy Infirmity, for the better increasing your folly: Sir Toby will be sworn that I am no Fox, but he will not pass his word for two pence that you are no Fool. What hoa, I say, Peace in this prison. Would not a pair of these have bred sir? Truly Madam, he holds Belzebub at the staves end as well as a man in his case may do: has here writ a letter to you, I should have giuen't you to day morning. But as a madmans Epistles are no Gospels, so it skills not much when they are delivered.