ROSALIND

Dear Cellia ; I show more mirth then I am mi stress of, and would you yet were merrier: unless you could teach me to forget a banished father, you must not learn me how to remember any extraordinary plea sure. Well, I will forget the condition of my estate, to rejoice in yours. From henceforth I will Coz, and devise sports: let me see, what think you of falling in Love? What shall be our sport then? I would we could do so: for her benefits are mightily misplaced, and the bountiful blind woman does most mistake in her gifts to women. Nay now thou goest from Fortune's office to Nam tures: Fortune reigns in gifts of the world, not in the lineaments of Nature. Indeed there is fortune too hard for nature, when fortune makes nature's natural, the cutter off of nature's wit. Where learned you that oath fool? I marry, now unmuzzle your wisdom. My Father's love is enough to honour him enough; speak no more of him, you'll be whipped for taxation one of these days. With his mouth full of news. Then shall we be newes-cram'd. As wit and fortune will. Thou loosest thy old smell. Yet tell us the manner of the Wrestling. With bills on their necks: Be it known unto all men by these presents. Alas. But is there any else longs to see this broken Music in his sides? Is there yet another dotes upon rib-breaking? Shall we see this wrestling Cousin? Is yonder the man? I my Liege, so please you give us leave. Young man, have you challenged Charles the Wrestler? Do young Sir, your reputation shall not therefore be misprised: we will make it our suit to the Duke, that the wrestling might not go forward. The little strength that I have, I would it were with you. Fare you well: pray heaven I be deceived in you. Now Hercules, be thy speed young man. O excellent young man. My Father loved Sir Roland as his soul, And all the world was of my Father's mind, Had I before known this young man his son, I should have given him tears unto entreaties, Ere he should thus have ventured. Gentleman, Wear this for me: one out of suits with fortune That could give more, but that her hand lacks means. Shall we go Coze? He calls us back: my pride fell with my Fortune's, I'll ask him what he would: Did you call Sir? Sir, you have wrestled well, and overthrown More then your enemies. Have with you: fare you well. Not one to throw at a dog. Then there were two Cosens laid up, when the one should be lamed with reasons, and the other mad without any. No, some of it is for my child's Father: O how full of briers is this working day world. I could shake them off my coat, these burrs are in my heart. I would try if I could cry hem, and have him. Oh they take the partly of a better wrestler then my self. The Duke my Father loved his Father dearly. No faith, hate him not for my sake. Let me love him for that, and do you love him Because I do. Look, here comes the Duke. Me Uncle. I do beseech your Grace Let me the knowledge of my fault bear with me: If with my self I hold intelligence, Or have acquaintance with mine own desires, If that I do not dream, or be not frantic, (As I do trust I am not) then deer Uncle, Never so much as in a thought unborn, Did I offend your highness. Yet your mistrust cannot make me a Traitor; Tell me whereon the likelihoods depends? So was I when your highness took his Dukdome, So was I when your highness banished him; Treason is not inherited my Lord, Or if we did derive it from our friends, What's that to me, my Father was no Traitor, Then good my Liege, mistake me not so much, To think my poverty is treacherous. I have more cause. That he hath not. Why, whither shall we go? Alas, what danger will it be to us, (Maids as we are) to travel forth so far? Beauty provoketh thieves sooner then gold. Were it not better, Because that I am more then common tall, That I did suit me all points Like a man, A gallant curtle-axe upon my thigh, A boar-spear in my hand, and in my heart Lie there what hidden woman's fear there will, Weel have a swashing and a marshal outside, As many other mannish cowards have, That do outface it with their semblances. I'll have no worse a name then Jove's own Page, And therefore look you call me Ganymede. But what will you by called? But Cousin, what if we assayed to steal The clownish Fool out of your Father's Court: Would he not be a comfort to our travail? Oh Jupiter, how merry are my spirits? I could find in my heart to disgrace my men apparel, and to cry Like a woman: but I must comfort the weaker vessel, as doublet and hose ought to show it self courageous to petty-coat; therefore courage, good Aliena. Well, this is the Forest of Arden. I, be so good Touchstone : Look you, who comes here, a young man and and old in solemn talk. Alas poor Shepherd searching of they would, I have by hard adventure found mine own. Thou speakest wiser then thou art beware of. Jove, Jove, this Shepherd's passion, Is much upon my fashion. Peace fool, he's not thy kinsman. Peace I say; good even to your friend. I prithee Shepherd, if that love or gold Can in this desert place buy entertainment, Bring us where we may rest our selves, and feed: Here's a young maid with travail much oppressed, And faints for succour. What is he that shall buy his flock and pasture? I pray thee, if it stand with honesty, Buy thou the Cottage, pasture, and the flock, And thou shalt have to pay for it of us. From the east to western Jude, no jewel is Like Rosalind, His worth being mounted on the wind, through all the world bears Rosalind. All the pictures fairest Linde, are but black to Rosalind: Let no face be kept in mind, but the fair of Rosalind. Out Fool. Peace you dull folle, I found them on a tree. I'll graft it with you, and then I shall graft it with a Meddler: then it will be the earliest fruit in that con try: for you'll be rotten ere you be half ripe, and that's the right virtue of the Meddler. Peace, here comes my sister reading, stand a side. Oh most gentle Jupiter, what tedious homily of Love have you wearied your parishioners withal, and never cri'de, have patience good people. Oh yes, I herd them all, and more too, for some of them had in them more feet then the Verses would bear. I, but the feet were lame, and could not bear themselves without the verse, and therefore stood lame lie in the verse. I was seven of the nine days out of the wonder, before you came: for look here what I found on a Palm tree; I was never so berim worser since Pythagoras time that I was and Irish Rat, which I can hardly remember. Is it a man? I, prithee who? Nay, but who is it? Nay, I prithee now, with most petitionary we hemence, tell me who it is. Good my complexion, dost thou think though I am caparisoned Like a man, I have a doublet and hose in my disposition? One inch of delay more, is a South-sea of discovery. I prithee tell me, who is it quickly, and speak apace: I would thou couldst stammer, that thou mightest pour this concealed man out of thy mouth, as Wine comes out of a narrow-mouthed bottle: either too much at once, or none at all. I prithee take the Cork out of thy mouth, that I may drink thy tidings. Is he of Gods making? What manner of man? Is his head worth a hat? Or his chin worth a beard? Why God will send more, if the man will be thankful: let me stay the growth of his beard, if thou delay me not the knowledge of his chin. Nay, but the devil take mocking: speak sad brow, and true maid. Orlando? Alas the day, what shall I do with my doublet & hose? What did he when thou sawest him? What said he? How looked he? Wherein went he? What makes he here? Did he ask for me? Where remains he? How parted he with thee? And when shalt thou see him a gain? Answer me in one word. But does he know that I am in this Forest, and in men apparel? Looks he as freshly, as he did the day he Wrestled? It may well be called Jove's tree, when it drops forth fruit. Proceed. Though it be pity to see such a sighed, it well becomes the ground. Oh ominous, he comes to kill my Heart. Do you not know I am a woman, when I think, I must speak: sweet, say on. It's he, slink by, and note him. I will speak to him Like a saucy Lackey and un der that habit play the knave with him, do you hear For rester. I pray you, what i'st a clock? Then there is no true Lover in the Forest, else sighing every minute and groaning every hour would detect the lazy foot of time, as well as a clock. By no means sir; Time travels in diverse paces, with diverse persons: I'll tell you who Time ambles with all, who Time trots withal, who Time gallops withal, and who he stands still withal. Marry he trots hard with a young maid, between the contract of her marriage, and the day it is solemnized: if the interim be but a sevennight, Times pace is so hard, that it seems the length of seven year. With a Priest that lacks Latin, and a rich man that hath not the Gout: for the one sleeps easily be cause he cannot study, and the other lives merrily, be cause he feels no pain: the one lacking the burden of lean and wasteful Learning; the other knowing no burr then of heavy tedious penury. These Time ambles withal. With a thief to the gallows: for though he go as softly as foot can fallen, he thinks himself too soon there. With Lawyers in the vacation: for they sleep between Term and Term, and then they perceive not how time moves. With this Shepherdess my sister: here in the skirts of the Forest, Like fringe upon a petticoat. As the Conie that you see dwell where she is kindled. I have been told so of many: but indeed, and old religious Uncle of mine taught me to speak, who was in his youth and inland man, one that knew Courtship too well: for there he fell in love. I have herd him read ma nigh Lectors against it, and I thank God, I am not a Woe man to be touched with so many giddy offences as he hath generally taxed their whole sex withal. There were none principal, they were all Like one another, as half pence are, every one fault seeming monstrous, till his fellow-fault came to match it. No: I will not cast away my physic, but on those that are sick. There is a man haunts the Forest, that a buses our young plants with carving Rosalind on their barks; hangs Oades upon Hauthornes, and Elegies on brambles; all (forsooth) defying the name of Rosalind. If I could meet that Fancie-monger, I would give him some good counsel, for he seems to have the Quotidian of Love upon him. There is none of my Uncles marks upon you: he taught me how to know a man in love: in which cage of rushes, I am sure you act not prisoner. A lean cheek, which you have not: a blue eye and sunken, which you have not: and unquestionable spi rit, which you have not: a beard neglected, which you have not: (but I pardon you for that, for simply your would ving in beard, is a younger brother's reuennew) then your hose should be ungartered, your bonnet unbanded, your sleeve unbuttoned, your shoo untied, and every thing about you, demonstrating a careless desolation: but you are no such man; you are rather point device in your ac coustrements, as loving your self, then seeming the Lo ver of any other. Me believe it? You may assoon make her that you Love believe it, which I warrant she is apter to do, then to confess she do' : that is one of the points, in the which women still give the lie to their consciences. But in good sooth, are you he that hangs the verses on the Trees, wherein Rosalind is so admired? Yes one, and in this manner. He was to ima gine me his Love, his Mistress: and I set him every day to woe me. At which time would I, being but a moonish youth, grieve, be effeminate, changeable, longing, and liking, proud, fantastical, apish, shallow, inconstant, full of tears, full of smiles; for every passion something, and for no passion truly any thing, as boys and women are for the most partly, cattle of this colour: would now Like him, now loath him: then entertain him, then forswear him: now weep for him, then spit at him; that I drove my Suitor from his mad humour of love, to a living humour of madness, w c was to forswear the full stream of y e world, and to live in a nook merely Monastic: and thus I cured him, and this way will I take upon me to wash your Li ver as clean as a found sheeps heart, that there shall not be one spot of Love in't. I would cure you, if you would but call me Rosa lined, and come every day to my Coat, and woe me. Go with me to it, and I'll show it you: and by the way, you shall tell me, where in the Forest you live: Will you go? Nay, you must call me Rosalind : Come sister, will you go? Never talk to me, I will weep. But have I not cause to weep? His very hair Is of the dissembling colour. In faith his hair is of a good colour. And his kissing is as full of sanctity, As the touch of holy bred. Do you think so? Not true in love? You have herd him swear downright he was. I met the Duke yesterday, and had much que scion with him: he asked me of what parentage I was; I told him of as good as he, so he laughed and let me go. But what talk we of Father's, when there is such a man as Orlando? Oh come, let us remove, The sighed of Lovers feeds those in love: Bring us to this sighed, and you shall say I'll prove a busy actor in their play. And why I pray you? who might be your mother That you insult, exult, and all at once Over the wretched? what though you hau no beauty As by my faith, I see no more in you Then without Candle may go dark to bed: Must you be therefore proud and pitiless? Why what means this? why do you look on me? I see no more in you then in the ordinary Of Nature's sale-work? 'ods my little life, I think she means to tangle my eyes too: No faith proud Mistress, hope not after it, It's not your inky brows, your black silk hair, Your bugle eyeballs, nor your cheek of cream That can entame my spirits to your worship: You foolish Shepherd, wherefore do you follow her Like foggy South, puffing with wind and rain, You are a thousand times a properer man Then she a woman. It's such fools as you That makes the world full of ill-favoured children: It's not her glass, but you that flatters her, And out of you she sees her self more proper Then any of her lineaments can show her: But Mistress, know your self down on your knees And thank heaven, fasting, for a good men love; For I must tell you friendly in your ear, Fell when you can, you are not for all markets: Cry the man mercy, love him, take his offer, Foul is most foul, being foul to be a scoffer. So take her to thee Shepherd, fare you well. He fallen in love with your foulness, & shee'll Fallen in love with my anger. If it be so, as fast As she answers thee with frowning looks, isle sauce Her with bitter words: why look you so upon me? I pray you do not fallen in love with me, For I am falser then vows made in wine: Beside, I Like you not: if you will know my house, It's at the tufft of Olives, here hard by: Will you go Sister? Shepherd ply her hard: Come Sister: Shepherdess, look on him better And be not proud, though all the world could see, None could be so abused in sighed as he. Come, to our flock. A Traveller: by my faith you have great rea son to be sad: I fear you have sold your own Lands, to see other men's; then to have seen much, and to have nothing, is to have rich eyes and poor hands. And your experience makes you sad: I had ra there have a fool to make me merry, then experience to make me sad, and to travail for it too. Farewell Mounsieur Trauellor: look you lisp, and wear strange suits; disable all the benefits of your own Country: be out of love with your nativity, and almost chide God for making you that countenance you are; or I will scarce think you have swam in a Gundello. Why how now Orlando, where have you been all this while? you a lover? and you serve me such another trick, never come in my sighed more. Break and hours promise in love? he that will divide a minute into a thousand parts, and break but a partly of the thousand partly of a minute in the affairs of love, it may be said of him that Cupid hath clapped him oth' shoulder, but I'll warrant him heart hold. Nay, and you be so tardy, come no more in my sighed, I had as lief be wooed of a Snail. I, of a Snail: for though he comes slowly, he carries his house on his head; a better jointure I think then you make a woman: beside, he brings his destiny with him. Why horns: w r such as you are feign to be be holding to your wives for: but he comes armed in his fortune, and prevents the slander of his wife. And I am your Rosalind. Come, woo me, woo me: for now I am in a holiday humour, and Like enough to consent: What would you say to me now, and I were your very, very Rosalind ? Nay, you were better speak first, and when you were graveled, for lack of matter, you might take oc casion to kiss: very good Orators when they are out, they will spit, and for lovers, lacking (God warn us) matter, the cleanliest shift is to kiss. Then she puts you to entreaty, and there begins new matter. Marry that should you if I were your Mistress, or I should think my honesty ranker then my wit. Not out of your apparel, and yet out of your suit: Am not I your Rosalind? Well, in her person, I say I will not have you. No faith, die by Attorney: the poor world is almost six thousand years old, and in all this time there was not any man died in his own person (videlicet) in a love cause: Trotlous had his brains dashed out with a Grecian club, yet he did what he could to die before, and he is one of the patterns of love. Leander, he would have lived many a fair year though Hero had turned Nun; if it had not been for a hight Midsomer-night, for (good youth) he went but forth to wash him in the Hell lespont, and being taken with the cramp, was drowned, and the foolish Chronoclers of that age, found it was Hero of Cestos. But these are all lies, men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, but not for love. By this hand, it will not kill a fly: but come, now I will be your Rosalind in a more comming-on dis position: and ask me what you will, I will grant it. Yes faith will I, Fridays and Saturdays, and all. I, and twenty such. Are you not good? You must begin, will you Orlando. I, but when? Then you must say, I take thee Rosalind for wife. I might ask you for your Commission, But I do take thee Orlando for my husband: there's a girl goes before the Priest, and certainly a Woman's thought runs before her actions. Now tell me how long you would have her, of ter you have possessed her? Say a day, without the ever: no, no Orlando, men are April when they woe, December when they wed: Maids are May when they are maids, but the sky chan ges when they are wives: I will be more jealous of thee, then a Barbary cocke-pidgeon over his hen, more clamorous then a Parrat against rain, more new-fang led then and ape, more giddy in my desires, then a mon key: I will weep for nothing, Like Diana in the Foum taine, & I will do that when you are disposed to be merry: I will laugh Like a Hyen, and that when thou art inclined to sleep. By my life, she will do as I do. Nay, you might keep that check for it, till you met your wives wit going to your neighbours bed. Alas, deer love, I cannot lack thee two hours. I, go your ways, go your ways: I knew what you would prove, my friends told me as much, and I thought no less: that flattering tongue of yours won me: it's but one cast away: and so come death: two o'clocke is your hour. By my troth, and in good earnest, and so God mend me, and by all pretty oaths that are not dange rous, if you break one jot of your, promise, or come one minute behind your hour, I will think you the most pathetical breake-promise, and the most hollow lover, and the most unworthy of her you call Rosalind, that may be chosen out of the gross band of the unfaith full: therefore beware my censure, and keep your pro mice. Well, Time is the old Justice that examines all such offenders, and let time try: adieu. Oh coz, coz, coz: my pretty little coz, that thou didst know how many fathom deep I am in love: but it cannot be sounded: my affection hath and unknown bottom, Like the Bay of Portugal. No, that same wicked Bastard of Venus, that was begotten of thought, conceived of spleen, and born of madness, that blind rascally boy, that abuses every ones eyes, because his own are out, let him be judge, how deep I am in love: isle tell thee Aliena, I cannot be out of the sighed of Orlando : I'll go find a shadow, and sighs till he come. How say you now, is it not passed two a clock? And here much Orlando. Patience her self would startle at this letter, And play the swaggerer, bear this, bear all: She says I am not fair, that I lack manners, She calls me proud, and that she could not love me Were man as rare as Phoenix: GOD'S my will, Her love is not the Hare that I do hunt, Why writes she so to me? well Shepherd, well, This is a Letter of your own device. Come, come, you are a fool, And turned into the extremity of love. I saw her hand, she has a leathern hand, A freestone coloured hand: I verily did think That her old gloves were on, but it her hands: She has a huswives hand, but that's no matter: I say she never did invent this letter, This is a men invention, and his hand. Why, 'tis a boisterous and a cruel style, A style for challengers: why, she defies me, Like Turk to Christian: women's gentle brain Could not drop forth such giant rude invention, Such Ethiop words, blacker in their effect Then in their countenance: will you hear the letter? She Phebe's me: mark how the tyrant writes. Read. Art thou God, to Shepherd turned ? That a maidens heart hath burned. Can a woman rail thus? Read. Why, thy godhead laid a partly, War'st thou with a woman's heart ? Did you ever hear such railing? While the eye of man did woo me, That could do no vengeance to me. Meaning me a beast. If the scorn of your bright cine Have power to raise such love in mine, Alack, in me, what strange effect Would they work in mild aspect ? While you chid me, I did love, How then might your prayers move ? He that brings this love to thee, Little knows this Love in me And by him seal up thy mind, Whither that thy youth and kind Will the faithful offer take Of me, and all that I can make, Or else by him my love deny, And then I'll study how to die. Do you pity him? No, he deserves no pity: wilt thou love such a woman? what to make thee and in strument, and play false strains upon thee? not to be en dured. Well, go your way to her; (for I see Love hath made thee a tame snake) and say this to her; That if she love me, I charge her to love thee: if she will not, I will never have her, unless thou entreat for her: if you be a true lover hence, and not a word; for here comes more company. I am: what must we understand by this? But to Orlando: did he leave him there Food to the sucked and hungry Lionness? Was't you he rescued? But for the bloody napkin? I would I were at home. I do so, I confess it: Ah, sirrah, a body would think this was well counterfei ted, I pray you tell your brother how well I counterfei ted: heighho. Counterfeit, I assure you. So I do: but i'faith, I should have been a woe man by right. I shall devise: something: but I pray you come mend my counterfeiting to him: will you go? God save you brother. O my deer Orlando, how it grieves me to see thee wear thy heart in a scarf. I thought thy heart had been wounded with the claws of a Lion. Did your brother tell you how I counterfeited to found, when he showed me your handkerchief? Oh, I know where you are: nay, 'tis true: there was never any thing so sudden, but the fight of two Rams, and Caesars Thrasonical brag of I came, saw, and overcome. For your brother, and my sister, no So ner met, but they looked: no sooner looked, but they loved; no sooner loved, but they sighed: no sooner sighed but they asked one another the reason: no sooner knew the reason, but they sought the remedy: and in these degrees, have they made a pair of stairs to marriage, which they will climb incontinent, or else be inconti nent before marriage; they are in the very wrath of love, and they will together. Clubs cannot partly them. Why then to morrow, I cannot serve your turn for Rosalind ? I will weary you then no longer with idle tal king. Know of me then (for now I speak to some pur pose) that I know you are a Gentleman of good conceit: I speak not this, that you should bear a good opinion of my knowledge: insomuch (I say) I know you arc:nei there do I labour for a greater esteem then may in some little measure draw a belief from you, to do your self good, and not to grace me. Believe then, if you please, that I can do strange things: I have since I was three year old conversed with a Magician, most profound in his Art, and yet not damnable. If you do love Rosalind so near the heart, as your gesture cries it out: when your brother marries Aliena, shall you marry her. I know in to what straights of Fortune she is driven, and it is not impossible to me, if it appear not inconvenient to you, to set her before your eyes to morrow, humane as she is, and without any danger. By my life I do, which I tender dearly, though I say I am a Magician: Therefore put you in your best a ray, bid your friends: for if you will be married to mor row, you shall: and to Rosalind if you will. Look, here comes a Lover of mine, and a lover of hers. I care not if I have: it is my study To seem despiteful and ungentle to you: you are there followed by a faithful shepherd, Look upon him, love him: he worships you. And I for no woman. And so am I for no woman. Why do you speak too. Why blame you me to love you. Pray you no more of this, it's Like the howling of Irish Wolves against the Moon: I will help you if I can: I would love you if I could: To morrow meet me altogether: I will marry you, if ever I marry Woe man, and I'll be married to morrow: I will satisfy you if ever I satisfied man, and you shall be married to mor row. I will content you, if what pleases you contents you, and you shall be married to morrow: As you love Rosalind meet, as you love Phoebe meet, and as I love no woman, I'll meet: so fare you well: I have left you come mands. Patience once more, while our continued ̄ pact is urged: You say, if I bring in your Rosalind, You will bestow her on Orlando here? And you say you will have her, when I bring his? You say, you'll marry me, if I be willing. But if you do refuse to marry me, You'll give your self to this most faithful Shepherd. You say that you'll have Phoebe if she will. I have promised to make all this matter even: Keep you your word, Oh Duke, to give your daughter, You yours Orlando, to receive his daughter: Keep you your word Phoebe, that you'll marry me, Or else refusing me to wed this shepherd: Keep your word Silvius, that you'll marry her If she refuse me, and from hence I go To make these doubts all even. To you I give my self, for I am yours. To you I give my self, for I am yours. I'll have no Father, if you be not he: I'll have no Husband, if you be not he: Nor never wed woman, if you be not she. It is not the fashion to see the Lady the Epi logue: but it is no more unhandsome, then to see the Lord the Prologue. If it be true, that good wine needs no bush, it's true, that a good play needs no Epilogue. Yet to good wine they do use good bushes: and good plays prove the better by the help of good Epilogues: What a case am I in then, that am neither a good Epi logue, nor cannot insinuate with you in the behalf of a good play? I am not furnished Like a Beggar, therefore to beg will not become me. My way is to conjure you, and I'll begin with the Women. I charge you (Oh women) for the love you bear to men, to Like as much of this Play, as please you: And I charge you (Oh men) for the love you bear to women (as I perceive by your simpering, none of you hates them) that between you, and the women, the play may please. If I were a Woe man, I would kiss as many of you as had beards that pleased me, complexions that liked me, and breathes that I defied not: And I am sure, as many as have good beards, or good faces, or sweet breathes, will for my kind offer, when I make curtsy, bid me farewell. But are you so much in love, as your rhymes speak? Or else she could not have the wit to do this: the wiser, the waywarder: make the doors upon a woe men wit, and it will out at the casement: shut that, and it'll out at the keyhole: stop that, it'll fly with the smoke out at the chimney. Love is merely a madness, and I tell you, de serves as well a dark house, and a whip, as madmen do: and the reason why they are not so punished and cured, is that the Lunacy is so ordinary, that the whippers are in love too: yet I profess curing it by counsel. But why did he swear he would come this morning, and comes not? Marry to say, she came to seek you there: you shall never take her without her answer, unless you take her without her tongue: o that woman that cannot make her fault her husbands occasion, let her never nurse her child her self, for she will breed it Like a fool. They say you are a melancholy fellow. Those that are in extremity of either, are abho minable fellows, and betray themselves to every more darn censure, worse then drunkards. Why then it's good to be a post. And I for no woman. Why then, can one desire too much of a good thing: Come sister, you shall be the Priest, and marry us: give me your hand Orlando : What do you say sister?