STRUMBO

Either the four elements, the seven plam nets and all the particular stars of the pole Anta stick, are adversative against me, or else I was begotten ten and born in the wane of the Moon, when every thing is says Lactantius in his fourth book of Constultations doth say, goes a ward. I mai sters I, you may laugh, but I must weep; you may joy, but I must sorrow; shedding salt tears from the watery fountains of my most dainty fair eyes, along my comely and smooth cheeks, in as great plenty as the water runneth from the buc kingtubbes, or read wine out of the hogs heads: for trust me gentlemen and my very good friends, and so forth: the little God, nay the desperate God Cum prit, with one of his vengible birdbolts, hath shot me unto the heel: so not only, but also, o fine phrase, I burn, I burn, and I burn a, in love, in love, and in love a, ah Strumbo what has thou seen, not Dinam with the Ass Tom ? Yea with these eyes thou hast seen her, and therefore pull hem out: for they will work thy bale. Ah Strumbo hast thou herd, not the voice of the Nightingale, but a voice sweeter then hers, yea with these ears hast thou herd them, and therefore cut them off, for they have caused they sorrow. Nay Strumbo kill thy self, drown thy self, hang thy self, starve thy self. O but then I shall leave my sweet heart. O my heart, Now pate for thy master, I will dite and aliquant love-pistol to her, and then she hearing the grand verbosity of my scripture, will love me presently. Let him write a little and then read. My pen is nought, gentlemen lend me a knife, I think the more haste the worst speed. So it is mistress Dorothy, and the sole essence of my soul, that the little sparkles of affection kindled in me towards your sweet self, hath now increased to a great flame, and will ere it be long consume my poor heart, except you with the pleasant water of your secret fountain, quench the furious heat of the same. Alas I am a gentleman of good fame, and name, majestical, in parrell comely, in gate portly. Let not therefore your gentle heart be so hard as to despise a proper tall young man of a handsome life, and by despising him, not only, but also to kill him. Thus expecting time and tide, I bid you farewell Your servant, Signior Strumbo. O wit, O pate, Oh memory, Oh hand, Oh ink, Oh paper. Well now I will send it away. Trompart, Trompart, what a villain is this? Why sirrah, come when your master calls you Trompart. Anon sir. And how I have cherished thee always, as if you had be the fruit of my loins, flesh of my flesh, and bone of my bone? Then show thy self herein a trusty sir vant, and carry this letter to mistress Dorothy, and tell her. Speaking in his ear. Nay masters you shall see a marriage by and by. But here she comes. Now must I frame my amorous passion. O my sweet and pigsney, the fecundity of my ingeny is not so great, that may declare unto you the sorrowful sobs and broken sleeps, that I suf fred for your sake; and therefore I desire you to re ceiue me into your familiarity. For your love does lie, As near and as nigh: Unto my heart within, As mine eye to my nose, My leg unto my hose, And my flesh unto my skin. Alas mistress Dorothy this is my luck, that when I most would, I cannot be understood: so that my great learning is and inconvenience unto me. But to speak in plain terms, I love you mi stress Dorothy, if you Like to accept me into your fa miliaritie. Sayest thou so sweet wench, let me lick thy toes. Farewell mistress. If any of you be in love, pro vide you a cap ase full of new coined words, and then shall you soon have the succado de labres, and something else. Exeunt. Void of all ennie and of strife: And yet our gains be much withal: For merry pastime and joyful glee: Dan, dan, dan, dan. In our shop still withouten fail: Dan diddle dan. This makes us work for company: Dan, dan, dan, dan: Drink thou the rest Trumpart amain: Dan, dan, dan, dan. Why but hear you sir, has your king a nigh commission to take any man against his will. I promise you I can scant believe it, or did he give you commission? King Nactabell, I cry God mercy, what have we to do with him, or he with us? but you sir master capo tail, draw your pastebourd, or else I promise you, I'll give you a canuasado with a basti nano over your shoulders, and teach you to come hither with your implements. Put me out of your book then. Truly master gentleman, I lack no money, if you please I will resign it to one of these poor fellows. Oh wife I have spun a fair thread, if I had be quiet, I had not be pressed, and therefore well may I waiment; But come sirrah shut up, for we must to the wars. Wild fire and pitch, wild fire and pitch. Wild fire and pitch, &c. Place, Would, would, would, laugh, a month and a day at him; place, I cry God mercy, why do you think that such poor honest me ̄ as we be, hold our habitacles in kings palaces: Would? would, would. But because you seem to be and abominable chieftain, I will tell you our state. From the top to the toe, From the head to the shoe; From the beginning to the ending, From the building to the burning. This honest fellow and I had our mansion cot tage in the suburbs of this city, hard by the temple of Mercury. And by the common soldiers of the Shitens, the Scythians; what do you call them? with all the suburbs were burned to the ground, and the ashes are left there, for the country wives to wash bucks withal. And that which grieves me most, my loving wife, Oh cruel strife; the wicked flames did roast. And therefore captain crust, We will continually cry, Except you seek a remedy Our houses to redifie Which now are burned to dust. Near the Tavern, I by lady sir it was spoken Like a good fellow. Do you hear sir, when our house is built, if you do chance to pass or re pass that way, we will bestow a quart of the best wine upon you? Nay with this staff great Strumbos instru meant, I'll crack thy cocks come paltry Scythian. Oh horrible, terrible. Lord have mercy upon us; Master's I think this is a holy day, every man lies sleeping in the fields, but God knows full soar against their wills. Let me alone I tell thee, for I am dead. I will not speak, for I am dead I tell thee. Where be they? cox me unny, bobekin let me be rising, be gone, we shall be robbed by and by. Exeunt. Nay neighbour Oliver, if you be so hot, come prepare your self, you shall find two as stout fellows of us, as any in all the North. A very hard question neighbour, but I will solve it as I may; what reason have you to de maund it of me? Mass thou sayest true, well, but would you have me marry her therefore? No I scorn her, and you, and you. I, I scorn you all. No as I am a true gentleman. I you come in pudding time, or else I had dressed them. Who speak you too, me? No by my troth, mistressenicebice, how fine you Can ̄ nickname me, I think you were brought up in the university of bridewell, you have your rhetoric so ready at your tongues end, as if you were never well warned when your were young. If you be so plain mistress drigle dragle, fare you well. O my head, my head, leave, leave, leave, I will, I will, I will. I but hear you goodman Oliver ? it will not be for my ease to have my head broken every day, therefore remedy this and we shall agree. You are a sweet nut; the devil crack you. Masters I think it be my luck, my first wife was a loving quiet wench, but this I think would weary the devil. I would she might be burned as my other wife was. If not, I must run to the halter for help. Oh codpiece thou hast done thy master, this it is to be meddling with warm plackets. Oh alas sir, you are deceived, I am not Mere cury, I am Strumbo. By the faith of my body good fellow, I had rather give and whole ox then that thou shouldst serve me in that sort. Dash out my brains? Oh horri ble, terrible. I think I have a quarry of stones in my pocket. Thou knowest my pretty boy what a good master I have be to thee ever since I took thee into my service. Gate, Oh petty treason to my person, no where else but by your backside; gate, o how I am vexed in my collar; gate, I cry God mercy, do you hear master king? If you mean to gratify such poor men as we be, you must built our houses by the Tavern. You are welcome gentleman, what will you any old shoes or buskin's, or will you have your shoes clouted, I will do them as well as any Cobbler in Cathues whatsoever? Oh master Cobbler you are far deceived in me, for done you see this? I come not to buy any shoes, but to buy your self; come sir you must be a souldi er in the kings cause.