in A New Wonder, A Woman Never Vexed — Rowley, William; Heywood, Thomas (?)
Metadata
Play
A New Wonder, A Woman Never Vexed
Author
Rowley, William; Heywood, Thomas (?)
Year (catalogued)
1632
First performance
1611
Decade
1630s
Genre
Comedy
Play type
Adult Professional
Company
Unknown
Speech prefix(es)
Host.
Words
363
Characters
1964
Typicality
0.33 (cosine to cluster centroid)
TCP id
A11153
BritDrama no.
2084
Cluster
Cluster 23 — Gulls, fops & laughing-stocks
Important excerpts
No keyword-matching excerpt could be extracted (the cluster label doesn't share vocabulary with this character's speech).
Full speech
WElcome still my Merchant's of bona Speranza; What's your traffic Bulleyes? What beware deal you in? Cards, Dice, Bowls, or Pigeon-holes; sort'm Your selves; either Passage, Novum, or Mumchance? Say my brave Bursmen, what's your recreation? Not a hold unstopped in my house, but this my Thrists. Tush, you are young men, it's too soon to thrive yet: He that gathers young, spends when he's old: It's better to begin ill, and end well, than to Begin well and end ill: Miserable father's have For the most partly unthrifty sons; leave not Too much for your heirs, Boys. Honest traders, thrifty lads, they are rubbing on't; Towardly Boys, every one strives to lie nearest the Mistress. Here my brave Wags. How now my fine Trundletayles; My wooden Cosmographers: My bowling Alley in and uproar? Is Orlando up in arms? I must be stickler; I am Constable, Justice, and Beadle in mine Own house, I accuse, sentence, and punish: Have amongst you; look to my box Boys; He that breaks the peace, I break his pate For recompense; look to my box, I say. So all's whist; they play upon the still pipes now, The Bullbeggar comes when I show my head, Silence is a virtue, and I have made'm virtuous, Let'm play still till they be penny less; pawn Till they be naked, so they be quiet, welcome, And welcome. How now, how now, my roaring Tamberlain, take Heed the Soldan comes; And 'twere not for profit, Who would live amongst such Bears? why Ursa Major I say, what in Capite Draconis? is there No hope to reclaim you, shall I never live in quiet For you? I come amongst you, you maledictious slaves; I'l Utter you all; some I'l take ready money for, and lay Up the rest in the stocks: look to my box, I say. I think he's here, Sir. Nay sweet Sir, no bloodshed in my house; I am lord Of misrule, pray you put up, Sir. Why, this is quarreling; Make after in time: Some of your own Crew, to try the weight has Lifted them; look out I say. How, your cloak? Ine'r knew thee worth one.
Plot summary
Plot — A New Wonder, A Woman Never Vexed
Old Forster has recently made his fortune by marrying a rich widow, but they are both dissatisfied with the financial irresponsibility of his brother and son, whom ===== PAGE 17 ===== 1624 they are on the point of disowning. Robert, the son, has purloined some of his stepmother’s money to buy his uncle, Stephen Forster, out of debtors’ prison; he also gives Stephen money to buy new clothes. Stephen uses the money for gambling, and is cheated. Robert is disappointed to find him in the gaming-house, and he himself likewise gets into trouble with his stepmother for going there, even though he only went in to look for Stephen. Mistress Forster has an uncommonly even- tempered friend, another rich widow, who enjoys miraculous good fortune. When she loses her wedding ring in the river, it turns up inside a salmon bought by her maid. She meets Stephen at the gaming-house and likes him. She suggests that he should marry for money, and offers herself. He accepts, and they perform a hand-fasting. Jane is being pursued by two undesirable suitors, an old knight and a young fool. Her father, Alderman Brune, suggests Robert Forster as a third option, if he can be reconciled with his father. Brune is Old Forster’s partner in a mercantile venture, but accepts Forster’s offer to buy him out; he takes payment in cloth rather than cash, which clears Forster’s warehouses for the new merchandise due in any day. However, Forster continues to look askance at Robert. News arrives that the ships have sunk in the Thames: Forster is bankrupt, and voluntarily commits himself to prison in order to avoid his creditors. Stephen takes charge of his new wife’s property, and proves, against expectations, to be provident rather than spendthrift. He asks Robert to help him manage the estate, and adopts him as his heir, insisting only that he does nothing to help his father. However, Stephen himself pays the prison-keeper to ensure that his brother remains comfortable. When Jane’s two other suitors complain of the favour shown to Robert, Stephen produces evidence that they are in debt to the widow’s first husband (and therefore now to him), and the threat of arrest gets rid of them. The widow generously accepts their payment of £200 to discharge a debt of ten times that amount. Unable to resist his sense of filial obligation, Robert purloins the money and gives it to his father. Stephen pretends to be angry, but secretly pays off his brother’s creditors and thereby secures his release.…