JARVIS

Yes, if dinner be ready for my Mistress. But prithe sir, is't for certain, for yet it cannot sink into my head, that she is to be married to morrow. Bedded call you it, and she be bedded no better then heel bed her, she may lie antaliz'd and eat wishes. Well, and she be S ipt by threescore and ten, may she live sixscore and eleven, and repent twelve times a that's once and hour. God's-foot here's one runs division before the Fiddlers. She will be mad to morrow sirrah. A chip of the same block, a fool Sir. your Master a cool cup of Beer. I thought y'had brought the fool with you Sir. Why here's one comes to the business now. There's but one raw bit Sir? Mad, by this hand, a witty Gallant. By this light, a fellow of and excellent breeding. He came unbidden, and brought his stool with him. Yes, and swell Like a couple of gibed Cats, met both by chance i'th dark, in and old Carret. Are they none of Duke Humsreyes furies, do you think, that they devised this plot in Paul's to get a dinner? They will eat him for the second course—these are suitors to my Mistress sure, things that she sleights, set your fear boldly in, Widows are not caught as maids kiss, faintly, but as Mastiffs fight, valiantly. Here is Wine for you Sir. Here are some eggs for you Sir. Troth sir here's none i'th house, pray make a for sue of necessity, and drink to her in this glass of Claret. The Welshman labours at it. I wood not have my wishes wronged, if I should bring it about handsomely, you can be honest? No, a smooth Gallant sir, do not you fail to be here soon at nine, still provided, you will be honest, if I con vey you not under her bed, throw me a top o'th Tester, and say me oh o'th way Like a rusty Bilboe. This dinner would have showed better in bed-lane, and she a tother side, holds her whole nest of suitors play, what Art decks the dark Labyrinth of a woman's heart. Exit. Taken up i'th Kitchen Sir. Sir, not to delay, but to debellitate the strength of your Active apprehension of my Mistress favour. Hark in your ear, she will have her nest fea red with no British breed. Yes, Where ther's Wisdom, Wit, and Valour, but as amongst our English, we may have one Fool, a Knave, a Coxecombe, and a Coward, she bid me tell ye, she has seen such wonders come out of Wales in one shirt, you're and Ass, and sheele have none of you He pelts as he goes pitifully. But pray forsooth, how do you mean to dispose of your suitors? And now have I a whimsy, newly jumped into the coll of ingenious apprehensive, to sauce him daintisy, that for that, what think ye of the Gentleman that brought a a stool with him out of the Hall, and sat down at dinner with you in the parler? But what say you to the mad victorious Alexander? He will mind you ere morning: troth Mistress There waits a Gentleman i'th next room, that hath a long time loved you, and has watched for such and hour, when all was out of doors, to tell you so; and none being within but you and I, he desires you would hear him speak, and there's and end on't. And honest man. Why, he told me so. Because all the wit I had cood get no bodies else. But and honest man will never tell you he's a knave. And the honest man dares look upon my Mi stress. Exit. And to a Widow wife, Nobly liberal, and discreetly Credulous, Cupid hath sent me. Look ye here's Jarvis haangs by Geometry, and here's the Gentleman. For less I am not that afar off ta ken with the Sainted praises of your wealthy beauty, your person, wisdom, modesty, and all that can make woman gracious, in this habit sought and obtained your sir vice. I love you. I wood keep from you. Had my desires bodies How I cood beat them into better fashion, And teach them Temperance, For I rid to find you; And at a meeting amongst many Dams, I saw you first: O how your taking eyes, Those actives sparkling sweet discovered twins, In their strong captivating motion, told me The story of your heart, a 10 0 Cupid's Me thought sat playing on that pair of Christails, Carrying to the swiftness of conetous Fancy, The very letters we spell love with. I have struck her to the heart, through my face Appareled with this field of gravity, The neglected roughness of a Soldiers dart. These diamond pointed eyes but hither through, and you will see a young spring on't, but question times fair ones. They 'le confess, though with a blush they have often found good wine at and old bush. My blood is young, and full of amorous heats, which but branched out into these lusty veins, Wood play, and dally, and in wanton Turnings Wood teach you strange constructions. Let time and place then with Loves old friend opportunity instruct you to be wise. Of a Lawyers Clarke wench, that with six such Catches, leapt in five years from his Desk to his Coach drawn with four horses. Marriage a cloying meat, marry who thou woot to make a show to shroud thee from the storms round headed opinion, that sways all the world, may let fallen on thee. Me Cozen? thou shalt call once in a month, or so: I'll read false Letters from a far distant Uncle, insert his commendations to thee, hug thy believing husband into a pair of handsome horns. Look upon him with one eye, and wink upon thee with tother. Wouldst have any more? are in earnest. The softest wax ever sealed bawdy business. Now for old Bloodbound, I will meet you upon the Change Sir, with a blind bargain, and then help your son to a good pennyworth: this night shall be all mirth, a Mistress of delight. Exeunt. Phaw, that's a stale one, she shall speak to him in her own accent, he shall call her by her own name lea ving out the Bawd, yet she shall violently believe he loves her, and he shall confidently believe the same which he requires, and she but presents. Enter Mistress Coote. Fallen off, she comes. Here I have discovered him, it's he by his coughs, remember your instructions, & use few words, for though till to night you knew it not, and will he married early in the morning, to prevent a Vintners Widow, that lays clay me to him. Ask her if she wood live sir, she walks a lose yonder. Nay, amongst all of you, weel cozen one great one, that had laid a pernicious plot this night, with a cluster of his roaring friends to surprise her, carry her down to the water side, pop her in at Puddle-dock, and carry her to Graves end in a pair of Oars. He's a Knight abounding in deeds of charity, his name Sir Nicholas Name. And he cood but get her down there. Would, do you not perceive a fellow walk up and down muffled yonder? That fellow has dogd us all the way, and I fear all is frustrate. I know him now. He serves him. He shall not touch you, only I remember this of ter-noone, this Fellow by what he had gathered by caves dropping, or by frequent observation, asked me privately if there were no meeting betwixt you and my Mistress to night in this place, for a Widow he said he knew you were to meet. Now I handsomely threw dust in's eyes, and yet kept the plot swift a foot too, Itold him you were here to meet a Widow too, whom you long loved, but would not let her know't till this afternoon, naming to him one of my Ants, a Widow by Fleet-ditch, her name is Mi stris Grey, and she keeps diverse Gentlewomen lodgers. To turn the sent then, and to cheat Inquisition the more ingeniously. Be sure all this night studably in the hearing of a nigh that you shall but suspect to be within hearing to call her nothing but Mistress Coote. Yes, you may put her in so, but be sure you cohere in every particle, with the precedent Fallacy, as that you have loved her long, though till this day, and so as I did de monstrate. Trust that with her wit, and my instructions we suspected a spy, and therefore she will change her voice. One thing more, and ye meet presently, mine Aunt has had mine husbands, tell her yowl hazard a limb and make the tenth. Go forward towards him, be not too full of prattle, but make use of your instructions. Is't not a fool finely? I told you she was tutored. Fool and he have any private discourse with her, they discover themselves one to another, and so spoil the plot, no trick, no by no means sir, to hazard your person with her, the bold rogue may come up close to discover her to be my Mistress, and recover her with much danger to you. And a sword six foot in length, I'll carry her home for you, therefore not a light be stirring; for I know your Rivals will watch your house, Sim shall show us the chamber, weel conduct her up ith dark, shut the door to her above, and presently come down and let you in be low. Go you with me, so, so, I will Cage this Cookow, and then for my young Madcap, if all hit right, this mor nings mirth shall crown the Craft o'th night, follow me warily. O Mistress, the saddest Accident i'th street yonder. You must pardon my boldness, into your bedchamber, there is a Gentleman slain in a fray at the door yonder, and the people wonnot be persuaded, but that he that did it, took this house, there is the Con stable, Churchwardens, and all the Headmen of the Pa rish, be now searching, and they say they will come up hither to your bed chamber, but they'le find him, I'll keep them down as long as I can, I can do no more then I can. Exit. Gentlemen pray keep down. I have kept my promise Sir, you're catched the old one. No body but John, for sooth, recovering a Tobacco snuff, that departed before supper. A woman cannot have a handsomer cloud, then a hair-brained Husband: I will be your Cooze, he shall be my Cuckold. He has been a wooing Sir, and has fetched over the delicatest young Virgin, her Father died but a week since, and left her to her marriage, five thousand pound in more ney, and a parcel of Land, worth three hundred Perannum. A very virtuous brood. I have done Sir. Time is a puling Sirrah, I may tell it thee, a mid night surfeit too may cut off Sander, I'll cozen their Wives, make all mine own, and then, O Jarvis what a moneyed generation shall I get, upon this widow Coote that hath two teeth. This was your bargain upon the Exchange Sir, and because you have ever been addicted to old proverbs, and pithy Saws, pray let me seal up the mistake with one that will appear very seasonably. Save you gallants, do you want any guess? Call me thy Coz, and carry it handsomely. Widow, wood I were off again. I must cast my skin; and am catched—why Coz. Let her alone, if her husband do not know this. He is not dead Sir, he had it spread a purpose, he is in England, and in your house, and look: do you not see him? Here, here he is that hath found rash jealousy, Loves joys, and a wife whose discreet carriage Can intimate to all men a fair freedom. And to one be faithful, such a wife I prove, Her husbands glory worth a wealthy Love. Come my deserving Wife, Wisdom this day remarries us. And Gentlemen From all our errors we'll extract this truth, Where vicious ends prepose, they stand on wheels, And the least turn of chance throws up their heals: But virtues Lovers ever green do last, Like Laurel which no lightning can blast. And the R mane answer is, the English goose Sir. Pray sir have more care of a Woman's repu tation. Come, Come, put on Sir, I have acquainted ye both with your Father's intended marriage, that morning you shall certify him very early by Letter, the quality of your Fortune's, and return to your c bedience, and that you and your wife, still concealing the parties, will Attend him to Church, John and I'll be there early, as commanded by my Mistress, to discharge our attendance: about goes the plot, out comes the project, and these's a wedding dinner dressed to your hands. You shall wear horns with wisdom, that is in your pocket. Why your welch wooer.