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Full speech
MAdam, the wretched Pamphilus! Is through your cruelty and suspicion dead. Madam, I joy to see With how much sorrow you receive his death. I will restore you comfort: Pamphilus lives. If you be not, You ought in justice. Madam, by all oaths My master bears a love so firmly constant To you, and only you; he talks, thinks, dreams Of nothing but Techmessa. When he hears The found of your blessed name, he turns Chamaeleon, And lives on that sweet air. Here he has sent me he lays down his sword, to pull out his let ters. With letters to you; which I should deliver I know not, nor himself: for first he writes, And when that letter likes him not, begins A second style, and so a third and fourth, And thus proceeds, then reads they over all, And knows not which to send: perchance tears all. The paper was not fair enough to kiss So white a hand, that letter was too big, A line uneven, all excuse prevailed, Language, or phrase, or word, or syllable, That he thought harsh and rough. I have herd him wish Above all blessings heaven can bestow (So strange a fancy has affection taught him) That he might have a quill from Cupid's wing Dipped in the milk of Venus, to record Your praises and his love. I have brought you here Whole packets of affection. If I do not think women were God with riddling, whip me: Hocas, pocas, here you shall have me, and there you shall have me. A man cannot find out their meaning without the siéve, and sheers. I conceive they now to be engendered of nothing but the wind and the weathercock. What? my sword gone? Would! Well. This same pandarly-rogue Ballio has God it; he sovus suspicions of my master here, because he cudgels him into man ners. And that old scold Dypsas hires him to it. How could such a devil bring forth such and Angel as my Lady Techmessa? unless it were before her fallen. I know all their plots, and yet they can not see they. Heaven keep me from love, and preserve my eye sighed. Go plot Enginners, plot on: I'll work a countermine, and it'll be brave, And old rogue overreached by a young knave. THat's he, I charge you apprehend the villain. Confess, or I will have thee instantly Hanged for a sign on thine own post. For which your sweet neck must endure the halter. Pray let me intercede. My name is Paegnium.— Three Ladies!
Plot summary
Plot — The Jealous Lovers
Simo lives an ascetic life so that his son Asotus will inherit a large fortune. Asotus asks for money now, and is given some. His tutor Ballio persuades him that it is vulgar to carry his own purse, and undertakes to do so for him. Tyndarus and Techmessa are both prone to jealousy of their respective lovers, Evadne and Pamphilus; Tyndarus even doubts Evadne’s chastity when she kisses him over-enthusiastically. Asotus tries to chat up Evadne, but she refuses him. He manages to purloin one of her ear-rings and, to avenge himself for the rebuff, shows it to Tyndarus, who reacts predictably. Ballio makes a play for Techmessa by encouraging her to think Pamphilus unwilling to defend her honour, and she charges him to take Pamphilus’ sword from him. He steals it from Pamphilus’ page while he is delivering letters to Techmessa, then tells her that he was given it by Pamphilus rather than rise to the provocation to fight. The page summons officers to arrest Ballio, and he confesses the ruse. Asotus also admits his slander of Evadne, and both are allowed to choose their own punishment; they elect to cudgel one another. Techmessa and Tyndarus decide to test their lovers: Tyndarus asks Pamphilus to woo Evadne, and Techmessa asks Evadne to respond to Tyndarus’ advances; the result confirms them in their jealousy, until the situation is explained. Techmessa’s mother Dipsas is keen to cross Evadne’s love, partly because she resents the fact that Evadne was brought up in her household despite being another man’s child, and partly because she fancies Tyndarus herself. When the pair are due to meet at Ballio’s house, Dipsas persuades Ballio to fill it with debauchees. This is easy enough, because Asotus keeps company there with poets, soldiers, and a courtesan, Phryne, whom he intends to marry. Eavesdropping on the revelry, Simo falls in love with Phryne himself, until Asotus forcefully persuades him to back off and contribute half his estate to Phryne’s marriage settlement. Tyndarus and Evadne are disconcerted by the roistering going on at the house, and Tyndarus rescues her from unwelcome advances. He asks her for sex by way of reward, and is rebuffed—then explains that this was another test. Pamphilus also arrives at the house, to meet Techmessa, but his presence triggers Tyndarus’ jealousy, while Evadne’s does the same for Techmessa when she arrives. Tyndarus and Techmessa agree on a ruse, and solicit the help of Ballio and Asotus: they will feign suicide and see how…