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Full speech
If thou command our service, we will die Dull earth with crimson, till the tears of orphans, Widows and mother's wash it white again: We'll strow thy walks with legs, and arms, and thighs, And pay thee tribute thousand heads a day, Fresh bleeding from the trunk: and panting hearts Not dead shall leap in thy victorious paw. I durst do more for beauteous Phrynes sake. Yield, or I see a breakfast for the crows. Then with my steel I whip thy rash contempt. There's mettle in him. I do deny't, she's my monopoly. I have seen thousands sighs out souls in groans And yet have laughed:—it has been sport to see, A mangled carcase broached with so many wounds That life has been in doubt which to get out at. Do they not call for arms? and fright thee, mortal, Out of thy wits? Do they not break the legs, And crush the skulls that dare approach too near Their honoured graves? —When I shall come to dwell In your dark family, if a noisome carcase Offend my nostrils with too rank a sent, Know—I shall rage—and quarrel,—till I fright The poor inhabitants of the charnel house: That here shall run a toe, a shinbone there: Here creeps a hand, there trowles and arm away. One way a crooked rib shall halting High, Another you shall trundling find a skull. Like the distracted citizens of a town Beleaguered,—and in danger to be taken. Do not, live hare, pull the dead lions beard. THrasimachus, a whole one.
Plot summary
Plot — The Jealous Lovers
Simo lives an ascetic life so that his son Asotus will inherit a large fortune. Asotus asks for money now, and is given some. His tutor Ballio persuades him that it is vulgar to carry his own purse, and undertakes to do so for him. Tyndarus and Techmessa are both prone to jealousy of their respective lovers, Evadne and Pamphilus; Tyndarus even doubts Evadne’s chastity when she kisses him over-enthusiastically. Asotus tries to chat up Evadne, but she refuses him. He manages to purloin one of her ear-rings and, to avenge himself for the rebuff, shows it to Tyndarus, who reacts predictably. Ballio makes a play for Techmessa by encouraging her to think Pamphilus unwilling to defend her honour, and she charges him to take Pamphilus’ sword from him. He steals it from Pamphilus’ page while he is delivering letters to Techmessa, then tells her that he was given it by Pamphilus rather than rise to the provocation to fight. The page summons officers to arrest Ballio, and he confesses the ruse. Asotus also admits his slander of Evadne, and both are allowed to choose their own punishment; they elect to cudgel one another. Techmessa and Tyndarus decide to test their lovers: Tyndarus asks Pamphilus to woo Evadne, and Techmessa asks Evadne to respond to Tyndarus’ advances; the result confirms them in their jealousy, until the situation is explained. Techmessa’s mother Dipsas is keen to cross Evadne’s love, partly because she resents the fact that Evadne was brought up in her household despite being another man’s child, and partly because she fancies Tyndarus herself. When the pair are due to meet at Ballio’s house, Dipsas persuades Ballio to fill it with debauchees. This is easy enough, because Asotus keeps company there with poets, soldiers, and a courtesan, Phryne, whom he intends to marry. Eavesdropping on the revelry, Simo falls in love with Phryne himself, until Asotus forcefully persuades him to back off and contribute half his estate to Phryne’s marriage settlement. Tyndarus and Evadne are disconcerted by the roistering going on at the house, and Tyndarus rescues her from unwelcome advances. He asks her for sex by way of reward, and is rebuffed—then explains that this was another test. Pamphilus also arrives at the house, to meet Techmessa, but his presence triggers Tyndarus’ jealousy, while Evadne’s does the same for Techmessa when she arrives. Tyndarus and Techmessa agree on a ruse, and solicit the help of Ballio and Asotus: they will feign suicide and see how…