SIMPLICIUS

What Philosophy is this? Nothing but Aristippus. Would? what's this? The great Philosopher lately come hither. Verily then Aristippus is duplex, Nominalis & Re alis; or else the Philosopher lives Like Diogenes in dolio: the President of Hogshead College: but I mean one A ristippus in non-Latin alphabet the great Philosopher. Certainly, there are Aristippus his Scholiers: Sir, pray can you resolve me what is Gradus compossibilitatis? Oh Gentlemen, you will bind me to thank you in Poculo Gratiarum. But what Philosophy does he read, and what hours does he keep? Hath he many Scholars, Sir? Oh pray help me to the sighed of him. But I pray you at what price reads he? But who is this? Yes Mehercule Sir, for I have always accounted Philosophy to be omnibus rebus ordine, naturam, Tempore, honore prius; and these Schoolmen have so puzzled me, & my Dicti onaries, that I despair of understand ̄ ding them either in summo gradum, or remisso. I lay sick of and Would ceitas, a fortnight, and could not sleep a wink for't; therefore good Sir teach me us in non-Latin alphabet , as you can, and pray let it be Conceptis vorbis, and ex mente Philosophi. Will tactus virtualis serve the turn Sir? Well Sir, I will do it Queen and poten jam obedientialem. I Sir, Secundum veritatem intrinsecam, & non equi u ce. How pray you Sir, intention, or execution? But me thinks there is one Scrupulum, it seems to be actus illicitus, that we should drink so much, it being lately forbidden, and therefore Contra formam statuti. Yes Sir, I am one of your Pupils now, unitate n e rica, we have made and end of it, secundum ultimum Comple mentum, & actualitatem. We will attend Sir, and that bibulis auribus, It's very true, I have done the Like my self, till I have had a disgrace for my Mittimus. Per prasentes me Simplicium. O heavens, I could hear him, and ternitatem, and that àm à part ante quam à part post. Oh proceed, proceed, thy instructions are mere. Orthodoxal, thy Philosophy canoni call, I will study thy scieutiam both speculativam & practicam. Pray let me once more forswear the pollution of Beer, for it is and abominable heretic, I'll be his perfect enemy, till I make him and bottle-Ale fly the Country. Why meet him Tutor? you may easily meet him. I know him Sir, & cognition distincta & confu â I warrant you, do you not smell him Tutor? I know who made this All manack against drinking Sack? would Stroffe? have I found you Stroffe? you will show your self, I see, when all is done, to be but a Brewers Clarke. A Paradox? let me be cramped if I sleep then, but what, must we sleep in the day then? And why in the morning? It's true, I see, we may learn something of our fell low Pupils, and what must we do now, fellow pupils? What must we do now? What is that? Fellow Pupil, I'll confer a note with you. Fellow Pupil, I'll confer a note with you too. But what shall we have for repetitions now? How begins it pray you? Oh God Sir, when I was in the state of ignorance, I continued ed it without book, thinking it had been a Position. Aristippus is better in every letter, Then Fab r the Parisiensis, Then Scotus, Soncinas, and Thomas Aqui as, Or Gregory Gandanensis: Then Cardan and amus, then old Paludanus, Albertus and Gabriella, Then Pico Mercatus, or Scaliger Natus, Then Niphus or Zabarellam. Hortado, Trombetus, were fools with Toletus, Zanardus, and Will de Hales, With Occam, In ellus, and mad Algazellus, Philoponus and Natali , The Conciliator, was but a mere prater, And so was Apollinaris: Iandunus, Plotinus, the Dunc Eugubinus, With Masius, Savil, and Swarez, Fonseca, Durandus, Becanus, Holandus, Pererius, Auienture: Old Trismigistus, whose volumes have missed us, Ammonius, Bonaventure, Mirandula Comes, with Proclus and So es, And Guido the Carmelita: The nominal Schools, and the College of fools, No longer is my delighta: Hang Brirewood and Carter, in Crakenthorps garter, L to Keckerman too be oane us, I'll be no more beaten, for greasy lack Seato , Or Cunning of Sandersonus. The censure of Cato's, shall never amate us, Their frosty beards cannot nip us: Your Ale is too muddy, good Sack is our study, Our Tutor is Aristippus. No sure, this could not have been done without Eggs and Greensauce, or and Oatmeal Poultice at least. Would we had the pledging on't. Oh happy man that hast conferred a note with the King of France! What is this? the Dolphin? now verily it looks Like a Green Fish: what's yonder Greek too? Now surely it is the Philosophers Motto: Hippathi-happathi; aut disce, aut discede incontinenter, a very good disjunction. This boy would have put a fallacy upon me, in Interrogation plurium. This boy is a mere Animal; would, would, he. He has not a jot of Language in him more then Anon, anon, Sir. Oh Giggleswicke, thou happy place of education! This poor wretch knows not what a Philosopher means. To see the simpleness of these people; They do ever thing in non-Latin alphabet , and have not a jot, not and inch of in non-Latin alphabet in them. Oh what had become of me, if I had not gone barefoot to my Praeceptor, with a Satchel at my back? Slaves are they that heap up mountains, Still desiring more and more, Still let's carouse in Bacchus fountains, Never dreaming to be poor, Give us then a Cup of liquour, Fill it up unto the brim, For then me thinks my wits grow quicker, When my brains in liquour swim. Would brave Arstippus. Pox of Aristotle and Plato, and a company of dry Rascals: But heigh brave Aristippus. With all my heart Sir, and totaliter, for I have as great a mind as materiam pri to be informed with your in structions. O I am ravished with this admiral Metaphysical Lecture, if ever I drink Beer again, let me turn civil Law year, or be powdered up in one of Luther's barrels, pray lend me the book again, that I may forswear it. Fie upon it, I could love Sir Gyles for presenting those notorious Alewives. O, Aristippus, Aristippus, thou art equally divine in non-Latin alphabet the only father of Quodlibets, the Prince of For malities, I ask my Stars whose influence does govern this rbem sublunarem, that I may live with thee, and die Like the royal Duke of Clarence, who was soused up to immor tality in a But of Malmesey. O wonderful, wonderful Philosophy If I be a coward any longer, let me swear a little to drink Sack, for I will be as valiant as any of the Knights Errant: I perceive it was only culpam ignorantiae, not pra a disposition S that made me a coward: but Oh Enthusiastic, rare, Angelical Philoso phy, I will be a Soldier, a Scholar, and every thing, I will hereafter nec peccare in mat rid, nec informed. Beer, rascally Beer was the first parent of Sophisters, and the fallacies: But proceed, my Pythagoras, my ipse dixit of Philosophy. Hang me then when I turn graven. It's true, per sidem Historicam, for I have read how when he had vanquished the whole world in drink, that he wept there was no more to conquer. And if I be not entered, and have my name admit ted into some of their books, let forma misti be beaten out of me. If mine have any other motion, it shall be pr ter nam turam, I, and contra too, if I li e: I Like that art of music wondrous well, life is not life without it; for what is life but and harmonious lesson, played by the soul upon the Organs of the body. Oh witty sentence! I am mad already, I see the immortality, would brave Aristippus: but in Poetry, it's the sole predominant quality, the sap and juice of a verse, yea, the spring of the Muses is the fountain of Sack, for to think Helicon a battle of Beer, is as great a sin, as to call Pegasus a Brewers Horse. Dixi, dost thou say? I, and I'll warrant thee the best Dixi in Cambridge: who would fit poring on the learned Barbarism of the Schoolmen, that by one of thy Lectures might confute them all, pro & con? I begin to would e distincti on, & actualiter, & habitualiter, yet a pox to see, I cannot leave them, nec principaliter, nec formaliter; yet I begin to love the Fox better than subtilnesse. O Tutor, Tutor, well might Fox be a College Porter, that he might open the Gates to none but thy Pupils: come fellow Pupils, if I did not love you, I were in non-Latin alphabet , and and absurdity in the abstract; Let's practice, let's practice, for I'll ollow the steps of my Tutor night and day: by this Sack, I shall love this Philosophy: before I herd this Lecture, Banks his Horse was and Aristotle; in comparison of me: I can laugh to think what a foolish Simpli us I was this morning, and how learn dly I shall sleep to night. I'll say my partly to you both. Salve me, it's but a Surgeons compliment, Signior Medico de Campo; but you are welcome Sir, my Tutor wants help. Are you there you Usquebaugh Rascal, with your Me theglin juice? I'll teach you Sir to break a Philosophers pate; I'll make you leave your distinctions as well as I have done. Hark, they are drinking your healths, within, and I must have it too, I am only left here to offer my supplicat to you, that my grace may pass, and then if I may but come mence in your approbation, I will take a degree in drinking, and because I am turned a jovial mad rascal, I have a great desire to be a Midsummer Batch'lor, I was only stayed to ask your leaves to go out. Is this the end, I pray you Sir, is this the Finis? in non-Latin alphabet