ARISTIPPUS

What a coil's here? what fellow's that? he looks Like a mad hogshead of March-beer that had run out, and threatened a deluge: what is he? But Sack is the life, soul, and spirits of a man, the fire which Prometheus stole, not from Jove's Kitchen, but his Wine-Cellour, to increase the native heat and radical moisture, without which, we are but drowsy dust, or dead clay: this is Nectar, the very Nepenthe the gods were drunk with, it's this that gave Ganymede, beauty, Hebe youth, to Jove his heaven and eternity; do you think Aristotle drank Perry, or Plato Cyder? do you think Alexander had ever conquered the world, if he had been sober? he knew the force & valour of Sack, that it was the best armour, the best encou ragement, and that none could be a good Commander, that was not double drunk, with Wine and Ambition. Therefore the Garrisons are all drinking Schools, the Soldiers trained up to the mustering of pewter pots day lie, learning to continued temne death, by accustoming to be dead drunk: scars do not so well become a Captain, as Car buncles. A read nose is the grace of a Sergeant Mayor, and they unworthy the place of Ancients that have not good continued lours, the best shot to be discharged is the Tavern bill, the best Alarm is the sounding of healths, and the most abso lute March is reeling. Thus you may easily perceive the profit of Sack in military discipline, for that it may justly seem to have ta ken the name of Sack from sacking of Cities. And since it is the nature of light things to ascend, what better way, or more agreeing to nature can be invented, whereby we might ascend to the height of know ledge, then a light head? A light head being as it were allied with heaven, first found out, that the motion of the orbs was circular Like to its own, which motions, teste Arist tele, first found that intelligence: so that I conclude all intelligence, in tellect, and understanding to be the invention of Sack, and a light head; what mists of error had cloaded Philosophy, till the never sufficiently praised Copernicus found out that the earth was moved, which he could never have done, had he not been instructed by Sack, and a light head? This is the Philosophy, the great Stagirite read to his Pupil, Alexander, wherein how great a proficient he was, I call the faith of History to witness. Now, to make our demonstration to prove, no wine, no Philosophy, is that admirable Axiom, in vino veritas, and you know that Sack and truth are the only Buts which Philosophy aims at. Sack, Clarret, Malmsey, White-wine and Hipo cras are your five Predicables, and Tobacco your individuum, your Money is your substance, full cups your quantity, good wine your quality, your Relation is in good company, your Actium is beating, which produceth another predicament in the Drawers, called passion, your quando is midnight, your v I the Dolphin, your situm leaning, your habitus carousing, afterclaps are your post predicaments, your priorums breaking of jests, your post riorums of glasses, false bills are your fallacies, the shot is subtili obiectio, and the discharging of it is, veraso lutio, several humours are your moods, and figures, where quartam sigura, or gallons must not be neglected, your drink king is Syllogisms, where a pottle is the Mayor terminus, and a pint the minor, a quart the medium, beginning of healths are the premises, and pledging the conclusion, for it must not be divided, Topics or common places are the Ta erns, and Hamon, Wolf, and Farlowes are the three best Tutors in Universities. To persuade the Vintner to trust you, is good Rhetoric, and the best figure is Synecdoche to pay partly for the whole, to drink above measure, is a Science beyond Geometry, falling backward is stargazing, and no lacobs Staff comparable to a Tobacco pipe, the sweet harmony of good-fellowship, with now and then a discord, is your ex cellent music, Sack it self is your Grammar, sobriety a mere solecism, and Latin be it true, or be it false, a very cud gell to your Priscianus pa es, the r ckoning is Arithmetic enough, a receipt of full cups are the best physic to procure vemit, and forget king of debts and art of memory; and here you have and Encuelopoedia of Sciences, whose method being circular, can never be so well learned, as when your head runs round. I know some of these halfpenny Almanac ma kers do not approve of this philosophy, but give you most abominable counsel in their Beggars Rhymes, which you are bound to believes as faithfully, as their predictions of foul and fair weather, you shall hear some of Erram Pate Poetry. I wish you all carefully, Drink Sack but sparingly, Spend your coin to ifuly, Keep your health warily, Take heed of , Wine is and enemy Good is sobriety, Fly baths and Venery. For your often potations much crudities cause, by hin dring the course of mother Nature's laws, therefore he that desires to live till October, ought to be drunk in July, but I hold it to be a great deal better that he went to bed sober. And let him alone, thou man in the Moon, yet hadst thou but read a leaf in this admired Author, this aureum flumen, this torrens cloquentiae, thou wouldst have scorned to have been of the water Poets Tribe, or Skeltons family, but thou hast never tasted better Nectar than out of Fennors Wassail Bowl, which hath so transformed him, that his eyes look Like two Tunnels, his nose Like a Fausset with the Spicket out, and therefore continually dropping: the Almanac makers, and Physicians are alike grand enemies of Sack, as for Physicians being fools, I cannot blame them if they neglect Wine, and minister simples, but if I meet with you, I'll teach you another receipt. But far better speaks the divine Ennius against your Ale, and Barleybroth, who knew too full well the virtue of Sack, when Numquam isi potus and arma prosiluit di cenda; his verses are in Latin, but because the audience are Scholars, I have translated them into English, that they may be understood. Here read them. But above the wit of humanity, the divine Virgil hath extolled the Encomium of Sack in these verses. Thus resting in the opinion of that admirable Po et, I make this draught of Sack, this Lectures perjod. Why as young as the Morning, all life, and soul, not a dram of body; I am newly come back from hell, and have seen so many of my acquaintance there, that I wonder whose Art hath restored me to life again. Sir I do owe you my life, and all that is mine: think of any thing that lies in the compass of my Philo sophy, and it's your own. Give him a Gown then, ere we admit him to our Lecture hereafter. Now noble Signior Medico de Campo, if you will walk in, let's be very jovial and merry, it's my see cond birthday, let's in, and drink a health to the company. We car not or money, riches, or wealth, Old Sack is our money, old Sack is our health, Then let's flock hither Like Birds of a feather, To drink, to fling, To laugh and sing, Conferring our notes together, Conferring our notes together. Come let us laugh, let us drink, let us sing, The winter with us is as good as the Spring, We care not a feather For wind, or for weather, But night and day We sport and play, Conferring our notes together, Conferring our notes together. Why, none of my credit hath choked up your doors. Why dost thou call me Conjurer? I send no Fairies to pinch you, or Elves to molest you: has Robin Good fellow troubled you so much of late? I scarce believe it, for I am sure, since Sack and I came to town, your house hath not been so much haunted. If he and his Beer will not be quiet, draw um both out. Kick him out of the presence, his company will metamorphose us to balderdash. Come Pupil, have you any mind to study my Philosophy? I warrant thee a good proficient, but ere you can be admitted to my Lectures, you must be matriculated, and have your name recorded in A b Academic. Give him the oath. What, have you enrolled him in Albo? have you fully admitted him into the society, to be a member of the body Academic? Well then, give the attendance. Most graven audience, considering how they thirst after my Philosophy, I am induced to let you taste the benefit of my knowledge, which cannot but please a judicious palate: for the rest I expel them my Schools, as fitter to hear Thales, and drink Water. The many errors that have crept into the science, to distract the curious Reader, are sp ȝung from no other causes, then small Beer, and sober sleeps; whereas were the lauda ble custom of Sack drinking better studied, we should have fewer Gowns, and more Scholars. Now the whole University is full of your honest Fellows, that breaking lose from a Yorkshire Belfrey, have walked to Cambridge with Satchels on their shoulders: these you shall have them study hard for four or five years, to return home more fools then they came; the reason whereof, is drinking College taplash, that will let them have no more learning, then they size; nor a drop of wit more then the Butler sets on their heads. Others there be that spend their whole lives in A then , to die as wise as they were born; who as they brought no wit into the world, so in honesty they will carry none out on't. It's Beer that drowns the souls in their bodies: H sons Cakes, & Paix his Ale hath frothed their brains: hence is the whole tribe contemned, every Prentice can jeer at their brave Cassocks, and laugh the Velvet Caps out of countenance. It's Beer that makes you so ridiculous in all your behaviour: hence comes the Bridelike simpering at a Justice of Peace his Table, and the not eating methodically, when being laughed at, you show your teeth, blush, and excuse it with a Rhetorical Husteron Proteron. It's Beer that hath putrified our Horsemanship, for that you cannot ride to Beware, or to Barkway, but your Hackneys sides must witness your journeys. A Lawyers Clarke, or and Inns a Court Gentleman that hath be fed with false Latin, and Pudding Pie, contemn you as if you had not learning enough to confute a Now rint universi. If you discourse but a little while with a Courtier, you presently betray your learned Ignorance, answering him he concludes not Syllogistically, and asking him in what Mood and figure he sp akes in, as if Learning were not as much out of fashion at Court, as clothes at Cambridge. Nor can you entertain discourse with a Lady, without endange ring the half of your Buttons; all these, and a thousand such errors, are the friends of Beer, that nurse of Barbarism, and foe to Philosophy. Next, it is the only Elixar of Philosophy, the very Philosophers stone, able, if studied by a young Heir, mu drear rum specus, to change his House, Lands, Livings, Tenc ents, and Liveries into aurum potabile: So that though his Lord ships be the f were for't, his manners shall be the more; whose L nds being dissolved into Sack, must needs make his soul more capable of divine meditation, he being almost in the state of separation, by being purged, and freed from so much earth.