1 SCHOLAR

What ails thou, thou musing man? Diddle diddle do. Well Domine, though the horam octavam be not come, yet you may be gone. Lay your hand on the book. First, you must swear to defend the honour of Aristippus, to the disgrace of Brewers, Alewives, & Tapsters, and profess your self a foe , to Maltmen, Tapsters, and read Lettices. Next, you shall swear to observe the customs and ordinances instituted and ordained by and Act of Parliam meant in the reign of King Sigebert, for the establishing of good government in the ancient foundation of M er Col ledge. That you keep all acts and meetings, tam priva time, in private houses, quam publice, in the Dolphin Schools: that you dispute in tenebris, yet be not asleep at reckonings: but always and every where show your self so diligent in drinking, that the Proctor may have no joust cause to suspend you for negligence. Lastly, that you never walk into the Town, without your habit of drinking, the Fuddling Cap, and Can sting Hood; especially when there is a Convocation, and of all things take heed of running to the Assizes. , that follows the Assizes. A good note, for we cannot see wood for trees, nor Scholars for Gowns. Only here's the difference: Ambition makes them rise, and Wine makes them fallen. And the Hogshead is that puteus Democriti, from whence they might both be drawn. There is a drink made of the Stygian Lake, Or else of the waters the suries do make, No name there is bade enough by which it to call, But yet as I wist, it is cleped Ale; Men drink it thick, and piss it out thin. Much filth by Saint Loy that it leaves wit in, But I of complexion am wondrous sanguine, And will love by the Morrow a cup of wine, To live in delight was ever my won, For I was Epicurus his own son, That held opinion that plainly delight Was very felicity perfect: A Bowl of wine is wondrous boon cheer To make one blithe, buxom and deboneere, It'll give me such valour and so much courage, As cannot be found betwixt Hull and Carthage. Why? confer our notes. Gramercy brave lad, and it's a good one, and excel lent Criticism; I would not have lost it for Eustathius and his Bishopric, it's a general rule, and true without ex ception. Why the Catch against the Schoolmen in praise of our Tutor Aristippus: Can you sing Simplicius? Aristippus is better. Signior de Medico Campo, if you have any art or skill, show it now, you never had a more deserving Patient. He was then and eyewitness: but I hope he wears spectacles, Signior. The one with raw Beef, and the other with Ink horns. Believe me, and that was a Cure beyond Scoggins Fleas. By my faith, and that would be a good State Glister. His head Sir is so wondrously bruised, it's almost passed cure. Good Signior make no such delay, cure him, and have one wonder more to fill up your Legend. The Catholic Bishop of Barbers, the very Me tropolitan of Surgeons, Signior de Medico Campo. The only Hospital of soars. One that is able to undo the Company of Bar bersurgeons, and College of Physicians, by making all disea ses fly the Country. Sir, death it self dares not anger him, for fear he should beggar the Sextons by suffering no graven to be made, he can choose whither any shall die or no. And would it not anger a man of Art to be the scorn of a what lake you Sir? None at all precisely, but indistinctly all: Night and day he powers forth his instructions, and fills you out of meam sure. More than all the Philosophers in the Town beside. He never rests but is still called for. Aristippus says one, A ristippus says another: He is generally asked for, yea, and by Doctors sometime. Why truly his price hath been raised of late, and his we ry name makes him the dearer. The University Ramist, a Malt Heretic; alias the Wild man that is grown mad to see the daily resort to Ari stippus: but let us leave him to his frenzi . But come you Lads that love Canary, Let us have a mad fegary: Hither, hither, hither, hither, All good Fellows flock together. Brains, wits, senses, all sly hence: let fools live limed in Cages: I am the Wild-man, and I will be wild: is this and age to be in a men right wits, when the lawful use of the throat is so much neglected, and strong drink lies sick on his deathbed? It's above the patience of a Malt-horse, to see the contempt of Barley, and not run mad vpon't. This is Aristippus, Aristippus, now a Devil or two take his read nosed Philosophy: It's he, my beer, that has vowed thee to the Vinegar-bottle; but I'll be revenged: when next I meet him, I'll twist and twitch his bush-beard from his Tavern face: It's not his hypathie happithi can carry him out. Let him look to be found er dashed by me, then ever he was by Dr were for his impudence. I'll teach my Spanish Done a French trick, I'll either plague him with a Pox, or have some Claret whore burn him for and heretic, and make him challenge acquaintance of M ld-Sack : If he was not either sent hither from the Britch Politic, or be not im ployed by Spinola to seduce the Kings lawful Subjects from their allegiance to strong Beer, let me hold up my hand at the bar, and be hanged at my Signpost, if he had not a hand in the Powder-treason! Well, I say nothing, but he has blown up good store of men in his days, house and land and all. If they take no order with him here in the Uni versity, the poor Cou ̄ try were as good have the man in the Moon for their Pastor, as a Scholar. They are all so infe cted with Aristippus his Arminianism, they can preach no Doctrine but Sack and read Noses. As for the Wild-man, they have made him horn-mad already. Heighday, there goes the Hunts-up: this is the Mandrakes voice that undo's me: you may hear him in faith. This is the Devil of his that goes up and down Like a roaring-Sheeps-head to gather his Pewter Library. I'll fit him I faith. Now you Calves-skin impudence, I'll thresh your Jacket. O'tis the Wild-man sir! a zealous brother that stands up against the persecution of Barleybroth, and will maintain it a degree above the reputation of Aquavitae. Kiss the book. Yes, in the morning.