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Full speech
Would, would quha brought their bittocks hither The mekill fiend resave the fithir: I trow ȝe was not all together, This twel-month at ane preaching. Allace I launch for little luck, I launch to sie ane old Carl gucke: Wow wow sa fame as he walled f ____ , From he fallen till his fleitching. Now wally as the Carl he caiges. Gudeman quha hes maid ȝour mustages? Lo as the bo of fourescoir ages, As he might not be biddin: Came ȝe to wow our Lass, now lachter, Ȝe ar sa rasch their will be slachter, Ȝe will not spair nor speir quhais aucht his, Ȝe ar sa raschlie riddiu. The devil cum lick that beird old rowan Now sie the trottibus and trowane, Sa busily as sho is wowane, Sie as the carling craks: Beguile the bairn sho is bot young, Foul fallen they lips, God nor that tongue, War doubill gilded with Nurisch dung, And ill coheir on they cheikis. Quha ever saw in all their life, Twa cappit Cairlis make sik ane strife, To taken a young man for his wife, Ȝon cadgell walled be glaid: The fiend resave the feckles frunt, Put down thy hand and graip his cunt, The Carl kennis not, he is sa blunt, Give scho be man or maid. Old guckis the mundie, sho is a gilly, Scho is a Colt-foill, not a filly, Scho wants a dow, bot hes a pillie, That will play the ane pass: Put down thy hand vane Carl and graip, As they had wont to cheis the Paip, For thou hes got ane joke jaip, In likeness of ane Lass. Brisilla Dochter mine give eir, A Mother I have brought the heir, To me a wife and darling deir, I the command therefore His honour, serve, obey and luif, Wirk ay the best for his behuif, To pleis his sie thy pairt thou pruif, With wit and all devoit. Use his even as ȝour awin my dow, Keip his, for sho shall lie with ȝow, Quhill I may lawfully avow, To lay ȝow be my side: Ane faith perfumit with fine folly, And money vane word alla-volie, Thy prayer is not halfsa holy, House-lurdane as it semis: Bot all inventit for a wile, Thy bedfallow for to beguile, The bony Lass bot to defile, Nam dowbilnes that demes. Would would, would would, would would, would would, The fiend resave the lachters a, Quhilk is the wisest of us twa, Man quhidder thou or I? Flemit fuill, hes thou not tint thy feill, That takes thy wife to be ane Deill, Thou is far vainest I wait well, Speir at the standers by. Well clappit burd quhan will ȝe kiss? Old fuill, the fiend resave the miss, Ȝe trowit to get ane burd of bliss, To have ane of their Maggies: Quhat think ȝe now? how is the case, Now ȝe'ill all doit, allace, allace, Now grace and honour on that face, Quod Robein to the Haggies.
Plot summary
Plot — Philotus
Rejected by Emily, Philotus engages a bawd to help with his wooing. She recounts to Emily the advantages of marrying a rich old man: social position, fashionable clothes, a life of luxury, and the prospect of early widowhood. Emily is more concerned about his sexual performance, but the bawd emphasizes the opportunities she will have to commit adultery. When Emily remains unconvinced, Philotus agrees with her father Alberto that each will marry the other’s daughter. Emily still refuses, so Alberto threatens her with imprisonment on a bread-and-water diet. She asks for time to think it over. Flavius is a suitor more to Emily’s liking. She absconds disguised as a page, but is seen by her father’s servant. Philotus and Alberto search for her, but find her brother Philerno, who has returned home unrecognized. They take him for his cross-dressed sister: Alberto forgives ‘her’ provided that ‘she’ now consents to the marriage. Philotus takes ‘her’ home and lodges ‘her’ with Brisilla, his daughter and Alberto’s fiancée. Brisilla witnesses a miracle: Philerno prays to be turned into a man to evade the marriage, and instantly becomes one. The nuptial day arrives, and Flavius sees Philotus being married to ‘Emily’. Assuming the Emily he has at home to be a devil in human form, he throws her out of the house. Meanwhile, Philerno hires a whore to take - his place on the wedding night, and she demonstrates who is the dominant partner by beating Philotus. Confronted by Alberto and Flavius, he shows’ his bruises and insists that his Emily, not Flavius’, must be the interloping devil. Philerno reveals his true idéntity, and Philotus realizes with horror that the young man has been sleeping with his daughter. Alberto agrees to waive his claim on Brisilla so that she can-marry Philerno. Philotus acknowledges that he is to blame for ===== PAGE 353 ===== 1585 his own misfortunes, for failing to behave like the old man he is.