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Full speech
Neighbour on nothing, but on the matter I so often moved to you: if you do any thing for charity, help me; if for neighbourhood or brotherhood, help me: never was one so cumbered as is poor Lampryscus: and to be gin, I pray receive this pot of Honey to mend your fare. By my first wife, whose tongue uvea ried me alive, and sounded in my ears Like the clapper of a great Bell, whose talk was a conti nuall torment to all that dwelled by her, or lived nigh her, you have herd me say I had a hand some daughter. I am (as you know neigh bour) a man unmarried, and lived so unquietly with my two wives, that I keep every year holy the day wherein I buried the ̄ both; the first was on saint Andrews day; the other on saint Lukes. She it is that afflictes me with her continual clamours, and hangs on me Like a Burre: poor she is, and proud she is, as poor as a sheep new shorn, and as proud of her Hope's, as a Peacock of her tail well grown. As cursed as a wasp, and as forward as a child new taken from the mother's teat, she is to my age, as smoke to the eyes, or as vi negar to the teeth. By my other wife I had a daughter, so hard favoured, so foul and ill faced, that I think a grove full of golden trees; and the leaves of Rubies and Diamonds, would not be a dowry answerable to her deformi tie. Farewell and a thousand, and now goes poor Lampryscus to put in execution this excellent counsel. Exeunt.
Plot summary
Plot — The Old Wives Tale
PLOT Lost in the woods, three pages encounter Clunch the smith, and accept the hospitality of his cottage. One of them goes to bed with him while his wife, Madge, tells the others a tale. Delia, the daughter of the King of Thessaly, has been abducted by the sorcerer Sacrapant, who can only be killed by a dead man, and whose power depends on a light in a glass which can only be broken by a woman who is neither wife, widow, nor maid. Delia's two brothers come to England in search of her, and meet Erestus. They give him alms and he prophesies to them. He too is a victim of Sacrapant, who has transformed him into an old man by day and a bear by night, and driven his betrothed lady, Venelia, out of her mind. The brothers enter Sacrapant's domain, but are imprisoned by Furies and set to work digging for gold. Delia, forgetting her identity under the influence of a potion, is appointed as their overseer. Others are also searching for Delia. One is the wandering knight Eumenides, another the braggart Huanebango; the former gives generous alms to Erestus, but the latter refuses. Eumenides happens upon a fight between Wiggen and the parish officials, who are refusing to bury Wiggen's dead brother Jack; Eumenides resolves the dispute by giving all his remaining money to pay for the funeral. Huanebango attempts to force his way into Sacrapant's cell, and is ejected by the Furies; Sacrapant strikes him deaf and Corebus blind. Lampriscus has two daughters, one ugly in looks and the other in temperament. Erestus advises that they should fetch water from the well of life and there see their fortune. Zantippa, the ill-tempered one, maltreats the well's spirit, a head, but finds the unconscious, newly deaf Huanebango lying beside it: her future husband will be unable to hear her shrewish words. Celanta, the ill-faced one, becomes the blind Corebus' wife. She treats the head in the well better, and is rewarded with corn and gold. The despairing Eumenides meets Jack, and accepts him as a companion. At a tavern, the knight will not eat because he cannot pay, but finds his purse miraculously full of money. He vows to give Jack a half share in everything he gets on his travels. Jack renders Eumenides resistant to Sacrapant's magic by stopping his ears, then invisibly takes the enchanter's sword and garland. Sacrapant falls dead. Eumenides digs up the glass light, but is unable to break it; that falls to Venelia, who, being betrothed but unwed, is neither maid nor wife, and so…