PEDANTE

¶Sweet heart and bag pudding go you so swiftly? Have with you then, do you lack any company? ¶I pray you tell me one thing before you part, I think you be somewhat wetherwise by your art. Do you know me by acquaintance, or guess you by aim? That you hit so right on my office in stead of my name? ¶True sweet heart, but I pray Thee be not angry with Me But give me leave a little while to move a question to Thee. What is your name, and where do you dwell? ¶Be not so strange fair Lady, I know your name very well, And the name of your mistress, and the place where you dwell. ¶Then I perceive I shall be driven to try who is the stronger. stop her. I shall tell you one thing if it please you to stay: ¶Be not angry I beseech you, to hear that is true, You are the fairest Creature that ever I did view. ¶I Like you, and Love you, before all the Creatures that ever I knew, ¶You might if you tried me, for I come of the siniters: ¶Good mistress Attilia, because you have haste: I will talk with you more, when your business is passed. If I can be spared from my Master so long, soon at night: I will resort to your house, and lay my meaning wide open before your sighed. ¶What a drunken wooer am I that gave her never a lick, This falls out pat for my Master Fedele, and comes in the neck. By cogging and counterfeiting Love, as you see: If Attilia be so mad, as to Like and Love Me, By her all the Juggling ofher mistress I shall know: And find whither any new continued ̄ mers, have set my Master beside the cushion or no. ¶These tidings will be joyful to my master I am sure, Who for love of Victoriam suffers many a sharp shower: Enter Fe deal. Lo where he comes walking by him self alone, With his head full of thoughts, and his heart full of moan. Rouse up your wits Sir, what are you a sleep? Never be so base minded to a woman to creep. See, see, your cap on your head, good manners forgotten, Now you are come to your own swinge, you know me not. Do your duty to your master, good nurture is best: In via virtutis non progredi, regredi est. ¶You know that it may be said of me, which was said of Ulysses, Multorum hominum Moors qui vidit et urbes. Therefore if you desire Me your cares to relieve: The best counsel I can, to you I will give. ¶Did not I teach you long ago out of tragical Seneca: His golden saying, duo omnium malorum foeminam ? Did I not cause you with your pen in the margin of your book, to mark that place: And yet will you be tooting on a beautiful face? Which no otherwise vanishes, and away doth go: Then water, that never returns to the spring, from whence it did flow. Beauty is so tickle a foundation to bear any frame: And Love so uncertain, that it throws the house on his head that built the same. Whereupon I gave you a good lesson of old: Every letter thereof would be written in Gold. Quod inuat exiguum est, plus est quod laedit amantes: They know what I mean that are versificautes ¶Adultus Iuvenis tandem custode remoto: Cereus in vitium flecti, monitoribus asper. The right course of the world, now he runs upon wheels: Had I known this when you were a boy, I would have hampered your heels. It were a good deed to set all your fortune at even and odd: And let you alone till you are beaten with your own rod. But the Love that I bear to you every day: Will not suffer me to see this good wit cast away. Some tidings I have for you, therefore be not afraid: I am grown in acquaintance with Victoria's maid. By whom I trust in the end to know: What Suitors to her Mistress resort too and from. If no body else do follow the game: The spark that you left in her breast, will break out in a flame. ¶I know where to prick that the vain may bleed: See how fair he doth speak, when his humour I feed. This passes Prosodia, Sintaxis and all, 'Tis the way to my profit to stoop to his call. Exit. ¶Degeneres animos timor arguit, faint heart never won fair Lady they say: And Amor odit inertes, take that by the way. Seeing she appointed this time, forward with a courage, never stand you in doubt: Imagination many times fetches wunders about. Not because it changes the course of the thing you would find: But because it doth rule and govern the mind. ¶ Andate allegramente, you are right under her window now: What shall I do, will you have me to leave you? ¶This greeting me thinks is none of the best: I see by his countenance he likes not the rest. ¶What news in your letter Sir, tell Me? ¶You are the fearfullest gentleman that ever I knew: It is impossible that should be true. Your own doubtfulness tangles you still in the briers, Did I never teach you: That a woman denies that in show, which in deed she desires. Are all those horrible oaths which so oft she hath sworn, Any likelihood that she would leave you forlorn? Remember her tears and her pitiful looks: If she Love you not still, I dare burn my books. ¶You are to hasty a Soldier, too the battle to go, If you will be revenged ere your enemy you know. ¶Farewell Sir, commit the care to my hand, As close as I can, in this place I will stand. Unseen unto any, yet viewing of all: A pretty scowte set to take a knave in a pitfall. Yonder come some, whatsoever they been, Stand close Pedante, that no body see. ¶ Oh I cricca di vacche ? What cattle have we hear? Be they women, or devils in the likeness of women that appear? ¶Ah miserable Pedante, would I were away, I quiver so fast, that I feel no ground: 'Tis a company of witches I hold forty pound. ¶A rope on them all, they go a caterwauling I trow, Whom they mean to torment I would gladly know. And this is Victoriam disguised in place. ¶The greatest Fiend of hell come and take you all. ¶ Ottomanus, Sophy, Turk, and the great Cham: Robin Goodfellow, Hobgoblin, the devil and his dam. Oh vi possono portar in precipitio. ¶Then take you this Image of wax that you see, Crackstone the Captain delivered it to Me. Being his turn as he said for to watch this night, And breaking up sentinel when it began to be light. This Image he told me in the street he found, Lying harden by the chapel upon the ground. This is the same that was made to inchante Fortunio, Behold it and see whither I say truth or no. ¶A Dio. Exit. ¶ Est moram damnosa, pray let us away, For yonder my Master your coming doth stay. ¶With a good will Sir, thats the thing I desire, But if I meet not Attillia, the fat is in the fire. For my Masters sake, I began to love her in jest, And may chance to swallow a Gudgeon in earnest. For love is a Fox, he begins at first by dalliance and play: Then increases his gettings every day. Enter Attilia. O deus adjunxit nostris suam numina votis. Behold I beseech you my delicate Mistress. ¶Ridetur chorda qui semper aberrate eadem. I cannot abide Sir, to harp still upon one string, It is too Cuckolike they say, one song continually to sing. It were good for you to learn quickly in what cléefe you should take your partly, And be speedily revenged on her that strikes such a dagger to your heart. O they are full of deceit, cogging, flattery, foisting, twitle-twatle, and I know not what, This Genus demonstrativam, is such a bottomless sea, you will never have done if you enter into that. The dispraise of women is so great, that without doubt, All the tongnes in the world are not able to set it out. T'is one of my precepts, to be short and sharp in word and bloe, When they anger you, bid the devil take them all, and make no more ado. ¶I herd you well enough. I think I must bring you to Copiam rerum ̄ again for cham ̄ ge of stuff, Leave these exclamations, and crying out upon women now, If you look well to your self, the fault is in you. You would needs love, though in your last lecture among your sententiae, similitudines and dicendi flores. I made you write this in your paper book, Littore quot conchae, tot sunt in amore dolores. ¶Now you find it by proof, I believe you will not. But let this matter pass, and tell me Sir, how with Fortunio you speed, Did you touch him so near that his heart did bleed? ¶Tush take you no care: Look that some pretty corner, by you may be espied, Where you and Fortunio your selves may hide. Be both of you here about the midst of the night, That when I come out, both of you of me may have a sighed. I at departure will bid Victoriam farewell, Commend my entertainment, and say it doth excel. This will make him to think as soon as I am gone, That Victoriam loves not him alone. ¶See what and old Fox these rotten rags shrowds, I can play the knave and convey it in the clouds. But hear you Sir? ¶Hold fast Master Fortunio, till I be out of his reach, Least he cut me in pieces when he hears me preach. ¶Adieu Sir, If Apollo the very brother of Diana and Jupiters son, For the love of a Lady that was hard to be won. Thought it no shame in a Shepherds weed, Him self to debase, the sooner to speed. Should I that am not worthy to bear out Apollos chamberpot, think any scorn, That these rascolly rags by me should be worn. So long as I do it my suit for to move: And further my Master with my slavering love. Quod exemplo fit, jure fieri putant, Tully doth say, Whose authority is a privilege to follow this way. Therefore God Apollo whose example I take, Vouchsafe to stay the course of thy Chariot a while for my sake. Suffer not thy horses to hasten the day, But prolong y e night, as when Jupiter thy father with Alcmena lay. Peradventure I may get a young Hercules as well as he, But for very sin and shame too, so it should be. If I speed well this day, I will shut up my school door every year, It shall be festival to my Scholars, to make good cheer. They shall play if they will, from morning to night, During that time, they shall not be continued ̄ strained to come in my sighed. This will be cake and pudding to them that are truantly, And care not how little they take for their money. A begging Pedante, I a begging I go, Beg at Virginia's gate. Tic, toc, fate unam limosina, á un poverino. ¶What bold beggar have we at the gate, Pamphila comes Pamphila. to the door. Art thou not ashamed to go a begging so late? ¶No good mistress, it is no shame at all, But the greatest honour that unto a man may fallen. For and Alms is a gift, and a gift is a token of reverence I trow, And reverence is, when our superiors we know. Thus I being presented of all men with alms as you see, Reverenced of all men of force I must been. ¶Farewell and be hanged, there I was overreached with a crookte measure, Wit bought at this rate is and excellent treasure. Beginnings are harden, this proverb is old, Therefore at some other bodies door I mean to be bold. Tic, toc, fate limosina: popoli mei benedetti, Beg at Victoria's gate. I iddio v'aiuterá, nelle vostre tribulationi. Tic, toc, chi la diva over la faram dire, Enter Crackstone out of Victoria's house. Di buona mortem non potrà morire. ¶Good master beat not the poor, when they make their moan, T'is not long since your courage was as cold as a stone. ¶No good master, be good to me, I beseech you, for I have done, I were best to be quiet till he be gone. ¶O, Traditora. ¶Go goodman Goose, provide you, & arm you as well as you can, Lay about you, and play the proper man. In tempore veni, I came hither in the neck, My master shall speedily hear of this trick. Yet will I go forward with my business as I decreed, And try how well of my purpose I am Like to speed. Tic toc, unam limosina all poueretto, Date Signora per l'amour di Dio. ¶Oh delicate Victoriam so long as I live, For this entertainment, great thanks will I give. The remembrance of the sweetness of this night so well passed, Will feed me with honey while my life doth last. Exit. ¶It is as I tell you. Attilia told me, that her mistress had made a request, To Crack-stone, to sheathe his sword in your breast. Beside I go as you know, disguised to the house for and other in tent, I saw him come thence, bragging what he would do, in the streets as he went. ¶Ah, Sirrah, I perceive we shall go a batfowling this night, I would y e Captain would come, that of this pretty sport I might have a sighed. ¶Kill, kill, kill. ¶Give me a Bill. Here Crack-stone runs into the net, Fedele after him; leaving Pedante on the stage. ¶Fast enough by this time I trow. Is this my lusty kill Cow, that will eat up so many men at a bit, And when he deals with a shadow will not stand to it? ¶O what this Captain would do, if he were out of his skin, Till his courage be cooler, I pray you hold him in. ¶Then let him be led through every street in y e town, That every crackrope, may throw rot ̄ eggs at y e clown. ¶You will tell me more anon, when every maid in this town, Hath emptied her alms box on the top of your crown. ¶He rolls in his Retorike as and Ape in his tail, Wind and tide at commandment, he flies with full sail. ¶Slack the cords there my Master's, give him sea-room in haste, Close air is not wholesome for Gallants to taste. ¶Follow my counsel, and be ruled by Me, Then shalt thou see Captain, what I'll do for Thee. I'll teach Thee a way, to cry quittance with her before it be long, And make her recant her chatering at window with and other song. ¶That's it she would have. But I beseech you Sir, tarry till the day be light, I am loath to go stumbling in the streets this night, ¶Very well Sir, bear you the net after, I have some business with the Captain to be dispatched. Now master Captain come with me, for as soon as my master to bed I have brought, You shall see what a thing for you I have wrought. And because you have determined on Victoriam to revenge your wro ̄ g, It must be done this night or never, time do not prolong. As her flattery this night, bring did you in bands, So this night I shall deliver her into your hands. ¶I would not be he that should so courageous a Captain, and valiant Gentleman deceive. Therefore try me, & trust me, for this time I purpose to take my leave ¶I am so fast wrapped in the upper sheet. That I can not get out, I pray you make not such haste, Till you think that the hottest of the broil be past. ¶He that breaks me of my sleep, is none of my Friend, ¶What strange kind of broil is this that is begun? ¶Master. ¶Your cake is dow, ¶In every Tennis Court in the world, false play it is found, To take up the Ball at the second rebound. ¶Oh mischievous head, master did you hear this gear, Such a girl is worth gold in a deer year. ¶What master Crack-stone, and mistress Attilia, you are welcome to the butts, ¶Why so Sir? ¶So you may if you please, take your eyes in your hand, Turn about Sir, and see where Victoriam does stand. And as for Attilia, as you brew, so bake, I am not so base minded your leavings to take. ¶I must I perceive whither I will or no. La mia mala fortuna m'ha fatto d'auenire cosa I meglio sa rebbe ch'io non fussi natam, m'incresce non poter attenderui la promessa, ma piú mi duole, I mi siam tolta la commodita deal vederui, perô see m'amate, non passate mai piú di quam, perch sarete causam della mia rovina. This is strange upon strange, your days are out worn, Pedante in terprets the Letter. "My fortune is such, that it had been better for Me I had never been born. "I am sorry that I can not stand to my word: "And more sorry, that fortune to Me will not your presence afford. "Sith I am robbed of your company whom most I desire: "If you Love Me come no more this way, for Breeding my trouble, and kindling of fire. Here is a sléeueles answer with all my heart, You have your errand Sir, now when you will you may depart. ¶What remedy then? ¶ Accidit in puncto, quod non contingit in anno, very good cou ̄ fell for this I can give. Do you see this brave robe? ¶But why I have brought it, you cannot tell, ¶Did not I tell you that for your sake I began ̄ to curry favour with Victoria's maid? ¶She took order this very day with Me, Put on the Robe. That disguised on this manner, as by and by you shall see. Even thus Sir behold, I should come this night, Disguised that no man might know me by sighed. And beg and alms at the door, she would let me in Straight, And make me a posset for my labour, that so well can weight. We shall be as merry as cup and can, when I am once there, ¶Your charity good mistress, ¶God reward you good mistress, I will not forsake it. Exit.