SOMEBODY

But is it true the fame of Nobody, For virtue, almsdeeds, and for charity, Is so renowned and famous in the Country? Which Somebody shall altar ert be long. His fame is great, how should we help it? What deeds of note is he else famous for? The slaves ambitious and his life I hate. Do what thou wilt, before we end this strife, I'll make thee ten times weary of thy life. And I'll pursue thee where so ere thou fliest, Nor shalt thou rest in England till thou diest. Upon them then. What has he escaped us. It shall be thus, now you have seen his shape, Let him be straight imprinted to the life: His picture shall be set on every stall, And proclamation made, that he that takes him, Shall have a hundred pounds of Somebody, Country and City, I shall thus set free, And have more room to work my villainy. Sir you have sworn to manage these affairs, Even with your best of judgement. You shall have equal share with Somebody, Provided, you will help to apprehend that Nobody, On whom the gilded shall lie, Of all those cheating tricks I have devised. What does this Nobody? Thus it shall be, use my direction. In Court and country I am Somebody, And therefore apt and fit to be employed: Go thou in secret being a subtle knave. And sow seditious slanders through the Land, Oppress the poor, suppress the fatherless, Deny the widows food, the starved relief, And when the wretches shall complain their wrongs, Being called in question, swear it Nobody, Rack rends, raise prizes, Buy up the best and choice commodities At the best hand, then keep them till their prizes Be lifted to their height, and double rate, And when the raisers of this dearth are sought Though Somebody do this, protest and swear It Nobody before Judge and Magistrate: Bring scandals on the rich, raise mutinous lies Upon the state, and rumours in the Court, Backbite and sow dissension amongst Friends, Quarrels amongst neighbours, & debate amongst strangers, Set man and wife at ods, kindred at strife, And when it comes in question, to clear us, Let every one protest and swear for one, And so the blame will fallen on Nobody. About it then, if these things well succeed, You shall prevail, and we applaud your speed. See where he comes, I will withdraw and see, The event and Fortune's of our last policy. Somebody was indeed. Whither I'll follow thee with Swallows wings, And nimble expedition, there to raise New brawls and rumours to eclipse thy praise. Those subtle, sly insinuating fellows Whom Somebody hath sent into the country, To rack, transport, extort, and to oppress, Will I call home, and all their wits employ Against this public Benefactor, known Honest, for all the rumours by us sown. But howsoever, I am sworn his foe, And opposite to all his meriting deeds, This way must do, though my deuining thoughts This augury amidsts their changes have, That Somebody will at length be proved a knave. That is the gallant, apprehend him straight, 'Tis he that sows sedition in the Land, Under the colour of being charitable, When search is made for such in every Inn, Though I have seen them housd, the Chamberlain For gold will answer there is Nobody: He or all bankrupts is a common bail , And when the execution should be served Upon the sureties, they find Nobody : In private houses who so apt to lie, As those that have been taught by Nobody, Servants forgetful of their Masters friends, Being asked how many were to speak with him While he was absent, they say Nobody, Nobody breaks more glasses in a house, Then all his wealth hath power to satisfy: If you will free this City then from shame, Seize Nobody, and let him bear the blame. Fie what a toil it is to find out nobody, I have dogd him very close, yet he is God into the court be before me. Sir you have sworn to fight with nobody, Do you stay here, and watch at the court gate, And when you meet him challenge him the field, While I set Lime-twigs for him in all Offices, If either you or I, but prosper right, He needs must fallen by policy or slight. Oh have I found you, this is he my friends, We have long sought, you know when it inquired, Who brought the false Dice, and the cheating cards Into the court, it answered Nobody. now sirrah we have brought you before the king, Where your heart now? Or if needs I must die a traitors death, That Nobody may see me when I die. Those are called high Fulloms. Those low Fulloms Those Demi-bars. Those bar Sizeaces. Those Bristle dice. Content, lets straight about it. Lay hold upon him, bear him to the prison. Are you confederate in this treason sirrah? To prison with them, now the bird is caught, For whom so long, through Britain have I sought. And where your heart sirrah? Health to your Majesty, and to the Queen, With a heart lower then this humble earth whereon I kneel. I beg against this fellow, Justice my liege. Against Nobody. First, when this monster made his residence Within the country, and dispersed his shape Through every shire and country of the Land, Where plenty had before a quiet seat, And the poor commons of the Land were full, With rich abundance and satiety, At his arrive, great dearths and scarcity, By engrossing come, and racking poor men's rends. This makes so many poor and honest Farmers, to fell their leases, and to beg their bred, this makes so many beggars in the Land. My Lord I tras't him, and so found him out, But should your Lordship not believe my proof, Examine all the rich and wealthy chuffs, Whose full crammed Garners to the roofs are filled, In every dearth who makes this scarcity, And every man will clearly quit himself, Then consequently, it must be Nobody. Base copper money is stamped, the mint disgraced, Make search who does this, every man clears one, So consequently it must be Nobody. Beside, whereas the nobles of the land, And Gentlemen built goodly manner houses, Fit to receive a King, and all his train, And there kept royal hospitality, Since this intestine monster Nobody, Dwells in these goodly houses keeps no train, A hundred Chimneys, and not one cast smoke, And now the cause of these, mock-beggar Hall, Is this they, are dwelled in by Nobody, For this out of the country he was chased. Then touching his abuses in the court. How canst thou answer these. Mercy great King. Since I must needs be martird grant me this, That Nobody may whip, or torture me, Or hang me for a traitor. Away with them I say. What should I say my Lord, see hear complaints, Made in the city against nobody, Aswell as in the country. See their bills, Heeres one complains his wife hath been abroad, And asking where she revels night, by night, She answers she hath been with nobody. Hears queans maintained in every suburb street, Ask who maintains them, and 'tis nobody. Watches are, beaten, and Constables are scoffed, In dead of night men are made drunk in taverns, Girls lose their maiden heads at thirteen years, Pockets picked, and purses cut in throngs.