WILL SUMMERS

A couple of pratty boys, if they would wash their faces, and were well breecht and hour or two. The rest of the green men have reasonable voices, good to sing cat ches, or the great Jowben by the fires side, in a winter's evening. But let us hear what Summer can say for himself, why he should not be hist at. Famamalum, quo non velocius ullum. By my troth, they have voices as clear as Crystal: this is a pratty thing, if it be for nothing but to go a begging with. The truth is, this fellow hath been a tapster in his days. Oh brave hall! Oh, well said, butcher. Now for the credit of Wostershire. The finest set of Morris-dancers that is between this and Stretham: marry, me thinks there is one of them dau ̄ ceth Like a Clothiers horse, with a woolpack on his back. You friend with the Hobbyhorse, go not too fast, for fear of wearing out my Lords tyle-stones with your hobnails. Beshrew my heart, of a number of ill legs, I never saw worse dancers: how blessed are you, that the wen ches of the parish do not see you! A small matter. I know one spent in less then a year, eight and fifty pounds in mustard, and and other that ran in debt, in the space of four or sive year, above fourteen thousand pound in lute strings and grey paper. Heigh ho. Here is a coil in deed to bring beggars to stocks. I promise you truly, I was almost asleep; I thought I had be at a Sermon. Well, for this one nights exhortation, I vow (by Gods grace) never to be good husband while I live. But what is this to the purpose? Hur come to Powl (as the Welshman says) and hur pay and halfpenny for burr seat, and hur hear the Preacher talge, and a talge very well by Jesu, but yet a cannot make hur laugh: go a Theater, and hear a Queens Fice, and he make hur laugh, and laugh hur bellyful. So we come hither to laugh and be merry, and we hear a filthy beggarly Oration, in the praise of beggary. It is a beggarly Poet that writ it: and that makes him so much commend it, because he knows not how to mend himself. Well, rather then he shall have no employment but lick dishes, I will set him a work my self, to write in praise of the art of stooping, and how there was never any famous Thresher, Porter, Brewer, Pio ner, or Carpenter, that had straight back. Repair to my chamber, poor fellow, when the play is done, and thou shalt see what I will say to thee. Fie, fie of honesty, fie: Solstitium is and ass, perdy, this play is a gally-maufrey: fetch me some drink, some body. What cheer, what cheer, my hearts? are not you thirsty with liftening to this dry sport? What have we to do with scales, and hourglasses, except we were Bakers, or Clock-keepers? I cannot tell how other men are addicted, but it is against my profession to use any scales, but such as we play at with a boul, or keep any hours, but dinner or supper. It is a pedantical thing, to respect times and seasons: if a man be drinking with good fellows late, he must come home, for fear the gates be shut; when I am in my warm bed, I must rise to prayers, because the bell rings. I Like no such foolish customs. Actors, bring now a black Jack, and a roundlet of of Renish wine, disputing of the antiquity of read noses; let the prodigal child come out in his doublet and hose all greasy, his shirt hanging forth, and never a penny in his purse, and talk what a fine thing it is to walk summerly, or fit whistling under a hedge and keep hogs. Go forward in grace and virtue to proceed; but let us have no more of these graven matters. I think the Sun is not so long in passing through the twelve signs, as the son of a fool hath been dis putting here, about had I wist. Out of doubt, the Poet is bribde of some that have a mess of cream to eat, before my Lord go to bed yet, to hold him half the night with riff, raff, of the rumming of Elanor. If I can tell what it means, pray God, I may never get breakfast more, when I am hungry. Troth, I am of opinion, he is one of those Hieroglyphical writers, that by the figures of beasts, planets, and of stones, express the mind, as we do in A. B. C. or one that writes under hair, as I have herd of a certain Notary Histions, who following Dam rius in the Persian wars, and desirous to disclose some see crets of import, to his friend Aristagoras, that dwelled afar off, found out this means: He had a servant that had be long sick of a pain in his eyes, whom, under pretence of cum ring his malady, he shaved from one side of his head, to the other, and with a soft pencil wrote upon his scalp, (as on parchment) the discourse of his business, the fellow all the while imagining, his master had done nothing but anoint his head with a feather. After this, he kept him secretly in his tent, till his hair was somewhat grown, and then wiled him to go to Aristagoras into the country, and bid him shave him, as he had done, and he should have perfect remedy. He did so: Aristagoras shaved him with his own hands, read his friends letter; and when he had done, washed it out, that no man should perceive it else, and sent him home to buy him a night cap. If I wist there were any such knavery, or Peter Bales Brachigraphy, under Sols bushy hair, I would have a Barber, my host of the Murrions head, to be his Interpretor, who would whet his razor on his Richmond cap, and give him the terrible cut, Like himself, but he would come as near as a quart pot, to the construction of it. To be sententious, not superfluous, Solemnizing should have be beholding to the Barbour, and not the beard-master. Is it pride that is shadowed un der Imberbis Apollo, a beardless Poet. this two-leg'd Sun, that never came nearer heaven, then Dubbers hill? That pride is not my sin, Slovens Hall, where I was born, be my record. As for covetousness, intem perance and exaction, I meet with nothing in a whole year, but a cup of wine, for such vices to be conversant in. Pergite porro, my good children, and multiply the sins of your ab surdities, till you come to the full measure of the grand hiss, and you shall hear how we will purge rheum with censuring your imperfections. Faith, this Scene of Oriȝon, is right prandium caninum, a dogs dinner, which as it is without wine, so here's a coil about dogs, without wit. If I had thought the ship of fools would have stay de to take in fresh water at the I'll of dogs, I would have furnished it with a whole kennel of col lections to the purpose. I have had a dog my self, that would dream, and talk in his sleep, turn round Like Ned fool, and sleep all night in a porridge pot. Mark but the skirmish between sixpence and the fox, and it is miracu lous, how they overcome one another in honourable courtesy. The fox, though he wears a chain, runs as though he were free, mocking us (as it is a crafty beast) because we would ving a Lord and master to attend on, run about at our plea sures, Like masterless men. Young sixpence, the best page his master hath, plays a little, and retires. I warrant, he will not be far out of the way, when his master goes to dinner. Learn of him, you deminitiue urchins, how to behave your selves in your vocation, take not up your standings in a nut tree, when you should be waiting on my Lords trencher. Shoot but a bit at butts, play but a span at points. What ever you do, memento mori: remember to rise betimes in the morning. Is there no man that will give them a hiss for a largess? Well, go thy ways, thou bundle of straw; I'll give thee this gift, thou shalt be a Clown while thou livest. As lusty as they are, they run on the score with Georges wife for their posset, and God knows who shall pay goodman Yeo men, for his wheat sheaf: they may sing well enough, Trowle the black bowl to me, trowle the black bowl to me: for, a hundredth to one, but they will be all drunk, ever they go to bed: yet, of a slavering fool, that hath no conceit in any thing, but in carrying a wand in his hand, with commendation when he runneth by the high way side, this stripling Harvest hath done reasonable well. Oh that some body had had the wit to set his thatched suit on fire, and so lighted him out: If I had had but a Jet ring on my finger, I might have done with him what I list; I had spoiled him, I had took his apparel prisoner; for it being made of straw, & the nature of let, to draw straw unto it, I would have nailde him to the pommel of my chair, till the play were done, and then have carried him to my chamber door, and laid him at the threshold as a wisp, or a piece of mat, to wipe my shoes on, every time I come up dirty. What and ass is this? I cannot drink so much, though I should burst. If you will needs make me a drunkard against my will, so it is, isle try what burden my belly is of. Of all gods, this Bacchus is the ill-fauourd'st misshapen God that ever I saw. A pox on him, he hath Christ ned me with a new nickname of sir Robert Tosspot, that will not partly from ̄ me this twelmonth. Ned fools clothes are so per fumde with the beer he poured on me, that there shall not be a Dutchma ̄ within 20 mile, but he'll smel out & claim kindred of him. What a beastly thing is it, to bottle up ale in a ma ̄ S belly, when ̄ a man must set his guts on a gallo ̄ pot last, only to purchase the alehouse title of a boon companion? Carouse, pledge me and you dare: S'wounds, isle drink with thee for all that ever thou art worth. It is eve ̄ as 2. men should strive who should run fur thest into the sea for a wager. Me thinks these are good house hold terms; Will it please you to be here, sir? I continued ̄ mend me to you: shall I be so bold as trouble you? saving your tale I drink to you. And if these were put in practice but a year or two in taverns, wine would soon fallen from six and twenty pound a tun, and be beggars money, a penny a quart, and take up his Inn with wast beer in the alms tub. I am a sinner as others: I must not say much of this argument. Every one when he is whole, can give advice to them that are sick. My Master's, you that be good fellows, get you into corners, and soup off your provender closely: report hath a blister on her tongue: open taverns are telltales. Non peccat, quicun que potest peccasse negare. Out upon it, who would be a Scholar? not I, I promise you: my mind always gave me, this learning was such a filthy thing, which made me hate it so as I did: when I should have been at school, construing Bat, mi fili, mi fili, mi Bat, I was close under a hedge, or under a bairn wall, playing at span Counter, or Jack in a box: my master Beatrice me, my father Beatrice me, my mother gave me bred and butter, ye all this would not make me a squitter-book. It was my desti nigh, I thank her as a most courteous goddess, that she hath not cast me away upon gibridge. Oh, in what a mighty vain am I now against Horn-books! Here before all this compa nigh, I profess my self on open enemy to Ink and paper. I'll make it good upon the Accidence body, that In speech is the devils Pater noster: Nouns and Pronouns, I pronounce you as traitors to boys buttocks, Syntaxis and Prosodia, you are tormenters of wit, & good for nothing but to get a school master two pence a week. Hang copies, fly out phrase books, let pens be turned to picktooths: bowls, cards & dice, you are the true liberalscie ̄ ces, I'll never be Goosequil, gentleme ̄ , while I live. A virtuous son, and I'll lay my life on't, he was a Cavalier and a good fellow. Lord have mercy on us, how lamentable it's Thus we may see, the longer we live, the more we shall learn: I never thought honesty and ass, till this day. Oh intolerable lying villain, that was never begotten without the consent of a whetstone. What and old Ass was that? Me thinks, he should have coynde Carret roots rather: for as for money, he had no use for, except it were to melt, and solder up holes in his tub withal. This same Harry Baker is such a necessary fell low to go on arrants, as you shall not find in a country. It is pity but he should have another silver arrow, if it be but for crossing the stage, with his cap on. And I can tell you, that's as plentiful alms for the plague, as the sheriffs tub to them of Newgate. Oh sir, you needs not, you may buy them at Lon done better cheap. As good men as you, and have thought no scorn to serve their prenticeships on the pillory. I, that bounty would I feign meet, to borrow money of, he is fairly blessed now a days, that escapes blows when he begs. Verba dandi & reddendi, go together in the Grammar rule: there is no giving but with condition of resto ring: ah Benedicite, well is he hath no necessity of gold ne of sum stenance; slow good hap comes by chance; flattery best fares; Arts are but idle wares; fair words want giving would ̄ ds; the Leto begs that hath no lands; fie on thee thou scurvy knave, that hast nought, and yet goest brave; a prison be thy death bed, or be hanged all save the head. No by my troth, nor mother's neither, I am sure I could never find it. This Back-winter plays a railing partly to no purpose, my small learning finds no reason for it, except as a Back-winter or and after winter is more raging tempestuous, and violent then the beginning of Winter, so he brings him in stamping and raging as if he were mad, when his father is a jolly mild quiet old man, and stands still and does nothing. The court accepts of your meaning; you might have writ in the margin of your playbook, Let there be a few rushes laid in the place where Back-winter shall tumble, for fear of raying his clothes: or set down, Enter Back-winter, with his boy, bringing a brush after him, to take off the dust if needs re choir. But you will never have any wardrobe wit while you live. I pray you hold the book well, we be not nonplus in the latter end of the play. Very true, for I have herd it for a proverb many a time and oft, Hunc os fatidum, fah, he stinks Like a phi sition. What sayest thou? hast thou made a good batch? I pray thee give me a new loaf. How is't? how is't? you that be of the graver sort, do you think these youths worthy of a Plaudite for pray king for the Queen, and singing of the Letany? they are poor fellows I must needs say, and have bestowed great labour in sowing leaves, and grass, and straw, and moss upon cast suits. You may do well to warm your hands with clapping, before you go to bed, and send them to the tavern with merry hearts. Here is a pretty boy comes with and Epilogue, to get Enter a tle boy with and Epilogue. him audacity. I pray you fit still a little, and hear him say his lesson without book. It is a good boy, be not afraid, turn thy face to my Lord. Thou and I will play at poutch, to mor row morning for a breakfast. Come and fit on my knee, and I'll dance thee, if thou canst not endure to stand.