MISTRESS STITCHWELL

But me thinks a nap in a morning's good. I would you would use it in bed then. Yes husband, your finisher is a pretty a fellow as ever did tradesman or his wife service. He pitcheth the bar, and throws the stone; it does me good to think of it. What's that, pray sir? It seems great Physicians will busy themselves a bout small things: but they are not of my mind. I pray sir, why does that Gentleman shun your company? I hope we fright him not. It had been man ners to salute me. Then I must pay the fees. Now out upon him. I thought he was gelded, he is so fat. Beast that I was to be so unmerciful to a dumb thing; I had a dog served so for the same purpose. May all the curses our injured sex can study, fallen upon him for it: and I think we can curse. I beseech you kind sir leave us not. Let's get him arraigned as one was in a play. Let me alone to aggravate his indictment to the Jury; which shall be twelve Midwives of my acquaintance: yet I'll be sworn I never used any of them. Why sweetheart; why husband; why John; do you leave your Wife behind, to be taken up by every body? Now the love of men society defend me from this abuser of creation. Come not near me thou man of clouts; thou maulkin of virility; thou half woe man, and all beast: or with these nails I will tear out thine eyes, and all the double things are left about thee. There's nothing in you indeed sir; your friend hath given me your character. You pretend to hate woe men, because women have reason to hate you. Yes sir; you may take delight in them, but they little in you. Come not too near, there's infection in it: my blood desires no freezing. The Summer of my youth is not yet half spent; or if it were Autumn with me, high feeding and ease requires something. Why, I am a woman sir. You say true sir: I hear it with a heavy heart. But I hope sir, you would not have me make my husband a Cuckold. I needs no instructions for secrecy. Trust me a handsome Gentleman. The wickedness of his friend to believe him so. Dare you kiss me sir? You shall do what you will with me, but ma king my husband Cuckold. What, back again! No by my Strand-honesty. I'll to Totenham-court after my husband. If there be that necessity at any time that I must make my husband a Cuc kold, I'll do it before his face: any Citizens Wife can do it behind her husbands back. Kind gentlemen, hold my heart, o. Nay one at once: pray hold it hard, o O my breath: there's not so much wind left in me, as would make a noise to be excused with the creaking of ones shoo: o You are a kind husband to leave me behind. Had it been with one that had loved a woman, showed her the nearest way, or laid her down upon his cloak when she had been weary. But I think I fitted him. You shall enjoy your friend sir. Exeunt. Kindly sir, or I am waspish. A wasp you know hath a sting. By no means sir : dancing will hurt his Sciati a. Yes, and will know him better if he come near me. He is one into whom the spirit of Swetnam's crept. I hope sir you are of a kinder disposition to our sex. I'll dance with you Mr. Changelove. You'll have more anon husband, then your head will well carry. Why how now husband? you'll be tippled presently. I would you were gone once for me. Fie husband, you forget your self. Nay, gentlemen he is such another man; when he hath God a cup or two he'll not stick to abum e his betters. I beseech you bear with him, I shall be ready to bear with any of you. You mean wrestlers sweetheart; you are so ta ken with your Cornish P entice. I tell ye gentlemen, hea ring him talk the other day of the hug, I wished him to show me what 'twas: the stiff knave presently gives me a fallen: but it was upon a soft bed. Pray sir, forbear. Is this a place to make ones husband a Cuckold in? Pray sir, talk not to me of weakness. The sir vaunts of the house will suspect us presently. Indeed sir I durst ee'n venture to make him cuc hold, might I be sure you would get a boy. And shall he be Like the father? I mean my husband. Kind sir, you even deserve it for your policy. But I am so afraid. Ay me. Pray sir, hide your self: Happily, here's and empty tub. To them Stitch. Here husband. You must press upon women's retirement. Empty it in the fields then; let not the servants take notice you are such a sloven. Fie beast: defile a necessary implement of housewifry? This it's to drink healths to Cuckolds. You might have been one your self, were not I the honester woe man; which is more then many of your neighbours can say for themselves. Truly no sir. There's no more then what hath been ever since I was his wife; fifteen years and up wards, a long time of barrenness. I think it would grieve any woman. I came him there for something else then to be railed at. The effects of drinking, Mr. Changelove: his head should be troubled with something else, were he ruled by me. But he cares not for my counsel, nor me. I could eene curse mine own kindness, that am ready still to make more of him then he does of me. What sir? I warrant you mean make him a Cuckold. You were ever kind Mr. Changelove. Fie Mr. Changelove, you are such a tempter. Pray many a woman would not hold out so long. And infirmity he hath to talk in's sleep. Nay I assure you he will rise sometime and do the office of a waking man in his dream, and not know of it in the Morning. Wicked man; he dreams now that I would make him a Cuckold. Take it patiently Sir: his fit will be over pre sently. Pray sir, forgive him: I dare undertake he'll be sorry for it when he wakes. If any thing I can may make amends. Now drunkard, are you recovered yet? Gone, being weary of such a sot as you make your self. Pretend a walk for health and recreation, to be drunk so early? I had done well to have served you in your kind: here were gentlemen enough that would have brought me home; and some not far off that used me kindly, while you snorted to fright sl as, and dreamt perhaps some wickedness of me. I promise you, you shall never mend me, till you do better your self. You know John I am easy to be wrought upon. O the extortion of Tottenham-Court! Sure husband, he intends this a satisfaction for his beating. It may pass indeed for a merry one by a good fire in Winter, which I love dearly. With two or three good companions, and a gossips feast. Alas I cannot endure such naked weapons. I knew before he did but dissemble: that made me so desir us to try him. There was a Tub at Totenham ; you I now the success of it. Love me M r Changelove? Take heed my Husband do not dream of it. You see gallants what success attends your en to prizes. Henceforth account not every City Wife Wanton, that on lie loves a merry life. Bestir your stumps a little sir. Are women such bug bears, especially handsome ones? for I have been flattered. I durst undertake yet, had you one of us in a corner. I'll warrant husband I'll bring him into play. Exit. S cresie, Mr. Changelove ? I would have you know I will be open to all the world. I'll do no more in the dark, then in this very place, were my husbands eyes open.