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Full speech
Our being my Ladi S Gentleman Usher, her not protect you in the come pet on . Warrant, shred of baseness to favours, and mine own de servings. Mr. S. Secretary is my Ladies gentl woman, and by privilege. Warrant, thou art the Epitome of my Master's au thority, and the abridgement of justiceship. Warrant, thou liest. Keep at distance Warrant, lest I am thee, and send thee from Constable to Constable in a Wheel barrow. Warrant, thou art the very parings of a Pedan tick to flout the completeness of education. Because thy dulness is capable of no more then to frame Hetroclites from men's names, and scribble a warrant or a mittimus by a president; yet thou art a Justices Clerk. Yes, my Rapier and mine arm shall maintain it upon his life, I love you best. He that offers to love her beside my self, die. Nor I; death must determine it. Yes, and kill him too. I fear nothing but death and the Gallows; from which you may save me. Beg me, I say beg me. Let not my good parts be made unuseful by and untimely turn at Tyburn. Me thinks I see the pitiful spectators condoling me. The fishwives drowning their dead soles with salt water from their eyes; the Oyster-wives weeping for me in most la mentable pickle. And hundred Chambermaids running stark mad, and as many more falling into the green sick ness with longing for me. Beg me therefore (I say) re solve to beg me, and make great hast. It is my fear a above death, that otherwise some rich City Heir will prevent you. Resolve therefore to be the first that shall beg me. Confirm it then with a kiss, and inspire and Herculean valour into me. That sure is Warrant. I'll go this way. It shall never be said I went after a man to kill him, though I am confident Mistress Secretary will beg me. Yes, yes; it's Warrant: I smell him hitherto. That some Shark would come now and take away his hat or cloak. That he were but within twice my swords length. Who may these be? my wish (I hope) some good fellows to rob him. It's so; they are robbing him, and I scorn to aid him. Teach the rogue to be such a coward: he might have come to me. It's done sure. Now will I home, proclaim him a coward, and triumph. Would l do they waylay me! the rogue hath him ed them to Beatrice or rob me. And ague of fear is upon me. Now could I wish my self transformed into a beast, and have four legs. These two which have been my most useful members will surely fail. You mistake Sir, I am a Gentleman Usher. I hope Gentlemen you worser e not mean to rob me? Trust me, I have no money, but a few farthings of my Ladies to give poor people. No I protest Gentlemen. I have but this only case for my Carcase: and it'll not be quite paid for till the next quarter. Nay kind Gentlemen, I had rather stand to my Ladies bounty, then be beaten. And I find out the Constable. Now Warrant. Now shall we be jeered out of our skins. A Gentleman Usher. That I had but his head here; how I would shave it.
Plot summary
Plot — Covent Garden
Dungworth comes to London from the country with his servants, Ralph and Dobson, intending to sell some of his lands and buy himself a knighthood. Artlove aims to woo Dorothy Worthy, and Mistress Tongueall offers her services as matchmaker —but also helps the foolish Littleword to the same ends. Hugh Jerker's objective is to cuckold Dorothy's father, Sir Generous Worthy: Lady Worthy was Jerker's mistress before she was forced to marry Sir Generous to get her away from him. Warrant and Spruce are both interested in the waiting-woman, Susan, and meet to fight a duel over her. Warrant has taken the precaution of procuring an advance pardon for killing Spruce, and Spruce anticipates that, if he kills Warrant, Susan will save his life with a gallows wedding. In the event, both are too cowardly to fight, and Susan and Dorothy, who are watching, engage Dobson and Ralph to attack them. Both talk their way out of a beating, leaving behind clothes and money. The servants consider taking up robbery as a profession. They have an altercation with Dorothy's brother, but Artlove intervenes and sees them off. Young Worthy vets his rescuer as a potential brother-in-law, and recommends him to Dorothy. She resents this interference, but eventually accepts Artlove. At the tavern, Ralph and Dobson are arrested for the robbery and brought before Sir Generous; but Warrant refuses to admit that he was robbed, and the case collapses. Ralph and Dobson conduct a mock-trial, with themselves as judge and constable, and use the opportunity to pass satirical comment on several characters.Lady Worthy arranges an assignation with Jerker, and asks Susan to be the lookout. Instead, Susan fetches the jealous Sir Generous, who arrives to see hiswife kissingJerker. Jerker suggests that he should divorce her; but she explains that the assignation was set up to cure her husband's jealousy.