JERKER

Friend Art-love, the good fortune of a petticoat light upon thee, in the name of Venery what makest thou here? art' in quest of a smock-bedfellow. He hath got leave of his Uncle to live here in my tuition. He thrive's well in his conceit, a right Jer ker; he begins to love a wench already. Try Cos. and satisfy your self. Nothing comes from thee but documents. I swear I should love thee much better if thou hadst less virtue. I prithee leave thy Stoicism, and become and Epi cure with me. My little Cos. here shall prove with unde nyable arguments that drinking and wenching are the one lie virtues in a gentleman of the last edition: to be excel lent at them is a masterpiece of education. Beside, they are the only acumens of wit. Take heed thy judgement be not brought in que scion. Why diseased wits are— How, a man Cousin! I would not have you so forward Cousin. You must be sure to deal with found beware. His Character in his own language is I and no; yet he speaks well in paper. He is a wit, but somewhat a dull one. There are hidden policies in the world. Thou hast a bookish humour; I a wenching one; and why may not his dulness dream of some rich match! Mris. Tongal's the only matchmaker in the Town. Art thou in love? I can assoon credit and impossibility. Thou in love! why it's more improbable then the projection of draining Marshland with a windmill. But prithee what is she? Sure thou hast not boldness enough to speak to her. Thou wouldst blush, and fallen into some pathetical book discourse, or tell her the story of Hero and Leander, to make her tenderness whine. 'Tis not the way. Get access to her; and after one mannerly salute, double and Triple thy kisses; tumble her a little, and if opportunity serve, offer the rest: Magic hath not a Philter Like it. Yes, questionless. Now I see thou art mad: but prithee strive to conceal it; the place is public. Out of fools Paradise: thou art in it. But pray you Gentleman protract not his satisfaction with these circumstantial delays. While Mris. Dorothy and he are busy, you and I will taste the sweetmeats in your Ladies Closet. No, no, she loves thee her self. Take her. Me thinks she's very beautiful; what pinken-eyes; what a sharp chin! Why her features transcend Mopsa's in the Arcadia. Farewell loving Gentleman. She hath preven ted me. Sure friend she came but to mock thee. 'Twas little less then downright impudence. Come, come; I was ordained to do thee good. Thou knowest I had a Mistress, whose friends disliking my wildness, married her to the Father of the Gentlewoman whom thou lovest (horns be his punishment for it.) She loves me still; and I do not despair of making him Cuc kold. We'll arm our selves with a quart or two, and then I'll bring thee to her. More passion yet! It thou the mark wouldst hit, Let Sack inspire thee: it's the Soul of Wit. Madame, I am bold to commend this Gentleman, who will deserve your acquaintance. There are medicines to cure it Madame. It's but courtesy and manners. And can there be greater disparity? Would it not seem a Prodigy in nature, To have green Summer with her rose-crowned head Kiss the white isicles from Winter's beard? Extinguish her bright fires in his cold bosom? Madame, I know your sportive Youth desires A more proportioned mixture. Come, let's try. Fire put to fire increases active Flames; Contraries dull each other with confusion: Such are the frozen kisses of your Husband, Unto your warm delights— Let his jealousy construe it into truth. Madame, however I appear in my wildness, I shall continue to your Ladyship in my first desires. So with this tribute of my devotion. Before you are capable of it. Then you would write Satires Coz? Mr. Dasher, this freeness hath doubled the favour; vizit us of your own accord! You have a virtue Sir, I could wish communi cated. To cozzen Cousin. The Theory, but not the Practic. I converse much in Taverns; and the use should only be a thrifty prevention. Indeed Mr. Dasher our Wine's nought. I only gave him matter for a compliment. I am studying a conceited health. No Puritan will pledge that. Art come friend, and Mr. Worthy? What accident brought you two together? If he bite. Here's that shall blunt his fangs. Though I appear In outward carriage apt to make distrust Condemn me vicious; yet my Soul retains (Beside a generous disposition Derived from noble blood) some scrupulous sparks Of better conscience. Call it not self-flattery In that I am mine own defenses instrument. Report sufficiently may inform your knowledge, (Nor is it error) that my interest In her you now call Mother Was beyond all dispute: our equal loves Moved in one circle; and our thoughts were fixed Nor can I vary; she's the object still Of my desires. I confess I use Wanton solicits; and should scarce resist My wishes satisfaction she consenting. But those delights would end in such a loathing, That I should never more have merciful thought There can be any goodness left in Woman. Dost distaste you Sir, That I defend my self? I do abhor the thought of injury. Nor shall my spirit fallen in the just plea Of mine own right. He's not a Crane Coz. Your forwardness is dangerous. It's as you take it Coz. Then here's a health to her that best deserves The attribute of Fair: whose white and read Prove what's life's mixture. From whose forms exactness Rules of Proportion might be better drawn Then from Arts Principles. To her whose Youth Warms Winter's icy bosom with her Spring; Yet will not wrong your Father. As it goes round, Each give his Mistress some command nding Character. Nay, Coz; . Mr. Dasher, your Wine S highly commended. But Mr. Dasher, you have and eminent House, ex extraordinary Wine and entertainment; but no Sign at first to distinguish it. Had there not been a third. Sir, we are Gentlemen; and by that privilege Though we submit to politic Government In public things may be our own lawmakers In moral life. If we offend the law The law may punish us; which only strives To take away excess, not the necessity Or use of what's indifferent, and is made Or good or bade by 'ts use. We do not drink To a distemper, and from thence derive the original of mischiefs: nor is pleasure Our law but temperance. Creation made Every thing good, if we abuse it not. Then good Sir, (though you find enormitles Amongst the rabble) be not so suspicious Of our more careful carriage, that are gentlemen. Why friend? because wanton familiarity Make's us less serious when we are alone, Must it necessitate we cannot speak In a high cause! Cousin, you must be careful Of your behaviour: you are before a Justice. Some busy ones have arrogated much; But being told their own have ever since Given Gentlemen a endue respect. We know your table's plentifully furnished. The reckoning M. Dasher As the end proves it. And since your constancy Hath held out against my lewd temptations, Which have as well been trials of your virtues As acts of wantonness, I here desist. Henceforth my tongue shall never uttor found Offensive to your modesty. I did it Sir, In gratitude for your hospitality. Please you to take my counsel. Be divore't. You needs no proofs, since she's her own accuser. I'll then procure a dispensation And we'll be mar ed. Here my solicits cease. But I desire I may em ine the servant of your virtues, And wear your favours livery, whose example H h wone on my resolves to reconcile My lder soul. A right Sack Justice. Prithee salute this little gentleman my Cousin: he hath more age and wit then his small proportion does promise. It's a bliss above the feigned Elysium To clasp a dainty waste; to kiss a lip Melts into Nectar; to behold and eye Shoot amorous fires, that would warm cold Statues Into a life and motion; play with hair Brighter then that was stellified. And when the wanton appetite is cloyed With thousand satisfactions of this kind, Then follow's the absoluteness Of all delight. But were desire restrained From variation, soon 'twould satiate, And glut it self to loathing. Fie Cousin, contain. The Gentleman cannot brook it. Some more wine Boy. Is Mr. Art love returned? Not so Coz. all folly may be in Youth: But many times it's mixed with grave discretion, That tempers it to use; and make's it judgement Equal if not exceeding that which Palseys Hath almost shaken into a disease. But why would you be in love Coz.