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Full speech
Young master Wit-good. Why what's the news Bully-Hadland? Why man, why? How: let me see this trick, and I'll say thou hast more Art then a Conjurer. Do I love Sack and Ginger? Come forfeitures to a Usurer, fees to and officer, punks to and Host, and Pigs to a Parson desiredly? why then la. Wilt thou command me now? I am thy spirit, conjure me into any shape. No it's a tongue with a great TO my boy that wins a widow. Command all my beasts ith house. Wilt thou but trust the managing of thy business with me? Thank you for your good report i'faith sir, and if I stand you not instead, why then let and Host come off Hic & haec hostis, a deadly enemy to Dice, Drink, and Venery; come where's this widow? Fear you nothing sir, I have lodged her in a house of credit I warrant you. Firm sir Dampit ? sure I have herd of that Dampit. He looked as if he would obey the commandment well, when he began first with stealing. How the devil came he by it? Bless your venerable worship. He calls me thief at first sighed, yet he little thinks I am and Host? Faith sir, I am sent from my Mistress to any sufficient Gentleman indeed, to ask advise upon a doubtful point, it's indifferent sir, to whom I come, for I know none, nor did my Mistress direct me to any particular man, for she's as mere a stranger here as my self, only I found your worship within, and 'tis a thing I ever loved sir to be dispatched as soon as I can: Faith a Country Gentlewoman and a widow sir, yester day was the first flight of us, but now she intends to stay till a little Term business be ended. It runs there in the writings sir, among her Lands, widow Meddler? Yes, I uva nt you, have you sir, not the rich widow in Staffordsheere : No doubt your worship might do much then, but she's fairly promised to a bachiler already. A Country Gentleman too, one whom your worship knows not Ime sure: has spent some few follies in his youth, but marriage by my faith begins to call him home, my Mistress loves him sir, and love covers faults you know, one master Wit-good if ever you have herd of the Gentleman: Thats his name indeed sir; my Mistress is Like to bring him to a goodly seat yonder, four hundred a year by my faith, I sir A Lestershire gentleman sir. Faith he brought her up to town sir, has the best carded in all the bunch fort, her heart: and I know my Mistress will be married, ere she go down, nay I'll swear that, for she's none of those widows that will go down first, and be married of ter, she hates that I can tell you sir. Why do's your worship know him sir? Then your worship may save me a labour, for I had charge given me to inquire after him. No doubt sir: Why very true sir. Since your worship has so much knowledge in him, can you resolve me Sir what his living might be, my duty binds me sir to have a care of my mistress estate, she has been ever a good mistress to me though I say it, many wealthy Sui ters has she Nonsuted for his sake, yet though her Love be so fixed, a man cannot tell whither his Non-performance may help to remove it sir; he makes us believe he has lands and living. Nay I know not i'faith. Is he so sir, to see how rumor will altar, trust me sir we herd once he had no lands, but all lay morgagde to and Uncle he has in town here. I can assure you sir it credibly reported to my Mistress. That was my saying still sir. I do beseech your sir do me the favour to conceal it, what a Beast was I to utter so much: pray sir do me the kindness to keep it in, I shall have my coat pulled over my ears, ant should be known, for the truth is an't please your worship, to prevent much rumour and many suitors, they intend to be married very suddenly and privately. So I might have no anger sir— I dare trust your worship sir, but I'm a stranger to your house, and to avoid all Intelligencers I desire your worships ear. Please you sir now I have begun with your worship when shall I attend, for your advice upon that doubtful point, I must come warily now. The time shall cause my attendance. I am the worst of six sir, good enough for blue-coats. Not so sir. Master Wit-good your Uncle— A pretty familiar Priggin rascal, he has his partly with out book? What Mistress? The devil of ring I can find? My Mistress? is she not here sir? She sent me for a Ring. What? I trac'de e'm nearly.— And hear for certain, they have took Cole-harbor. My life for yours sir now, I know my Mistress's mind to well towards your Nephew, let things be in preparation, and isle train her hither in most excellent fashion: Master Wit-good. A thing that concerns my Mistress sir. I and you knave too, (cry your worship mercy) you are both Like to come into trouble I promise you sir, a praecon tract I fear they have too much proof on't sir, old Lucre he runs mad up and down and will to law as fast as he can, young Wit-good laid hold on by his creditors, he exclaims upon you a tother side, says you have wrought his undoing, by the in iurious detaining of his contract. He will have utmost satisfaction. The law shall give him recompense he says. True sir— A pretty shift i'faith, I commend a woman when she can make away a letter from her husband handsomely, and this was cleanly done by my troth. This will be some revenge yet. Yes sir, there are as good Teirs in the house, as any are in England. Has she so, the better for her and the worse for you. I'll be her Servingman for once. I knew't, shall we then see our merry days again? A sign he should follow the law by my faith. Yet that report goes currant. Is your worship his Uncle sir. That's none of my name sir. How sir! what have I done. I would not have it known it came by my means,— May I speak one word with you in private sir? Hark hither, I hear say thou art in most credit with her. Widow? not a word! Let that come to me, His Uncle a severe extortioner, A Tyrant at a forfeiture, greedy of others Misery's, One that would undo his brother; nay swallow Up his father, if he can Within the fathoms of his conscience. True 'tis next the door? Arthur, is the cupbard of plate set out, I'll do what I may sir always saving my self harmless. Is not this a better place then 5. Mark a year standing wages; say a man had but 3. such clients in a day, me thinks he might make a poor living ont, beside I was never brought up with so little honesty, to refuse any men money never; what g lles there are a this side the world, now know I the wid dowes mind, none but my young master comes in her clutches, would, would, would.
Plot summary
Plot — A Trick to Catch the Old One
The spendthrift Witgood has mortgaged all his lands to his uncle, Lucre, but he is still in debt, and fear of his creditors keeps him away from London. Nevertheless he must go there if he is to make his fortune by marrying Joyce, the wealthy niece to Lucre’s enemy Walkadine Hoard. He conspires with Jane, a courtesan, to give the impression that he now has good prospects: she poses as a rich country widow who plans to marry him. Lucre’s attitude to his nephew is immediately transformed: hoping to acquire the widow’s lands too after the wedding, he denies the existence of the mortgage and lends Witgood money for new clothes. News of the widow also attracts Witgood’s creditors, but he persuades them that if they are over-attentive they will break his engagement, and thereby wreck their chances of repayment: the widow must continue to believe him to be financially secure. To that end, they eagerly agree to lend him even more money. Meanwhile Jane herself is a magnet for suitors, including the young men who were earlier trying to woo the reluctant Joyce, who is only interested in Witgood. Hoard throws his hat in the ring, bringing gentlemen to give Witgood a bad testimonial and discredit Lucre’s claims that there is no mortgage. Jane denies that she has any lands, but Hoard takes it for winsomeness and insists that her love is all that matters. They arrange an elopement; she absconds from Witgood at a tavern and marries Hoard. Lucre intervenes, not knowing he is too late, and gets her to promise that she will not change her marital status until he has made matters good by returning his nephew’s mortgage, which he duly does before witnesses. On discovering that he has been tricked, he initiates a law-suit, alleging that the widow’s marriage to Hoard is invalidated by a pre-contract to Witgood. Hearing that he has lost the widow, Witgood’s creditors have him arrested. Jane persuades Hoard to pay his debts and secure his release in exchange for his signature on a legal document renouncing any marital claim on her. Hoard drives a hard bargain with the creditors, but Witgood is duly freed. He secretly marries Joyce and delights his uncle with the truth that Hoard has married a whore. Hoard himself learns this when his brother comes from the country to attend the nuptial celebrations, and recognizes Jane. Jane points out that Hoard has only his own avarice to blame: she never misrepresented herself as having ===== PAGE 206 ===== 206 | 1467.A Trick to Catch the Old…