TANGLE

I give you leave sir, you have your Veniam, now fill me a brown Toste sirrah. Is that a question in law? Let me haa't removed presently sir. Now as you were saying Sir, isle come to you immediately too. I'm a little busy sir, I pray sir? Non declaravit Adversarius sayest thou: what a Villain's that, I have a trick to do thee good: I will get thee out a Prox, & make him declare with a Pox to him. Si declarasset, If he should declare there, Non and judicium, do you fear corruption? then isle relieve you agaen: you shall get a Supers diae, Non molest andam; and it big her. In Octavo of the Duke: I remember the year well. O was I? Still in Law. I had not breathed else now, 'tis very marrow, very manna to me to be in law: idem been dead ere this else: I have found such sweet pleasure in the vexation of others, that I could wish my years oh ver and over again, to see that fellow a Beggar, that bawling Knave a Gentleman: a matter borough 'een to a judgement to day, as far as ere was to begin again to morrow: Oh Raptures I here a writ of Demur, there a Procedendo, here a Sui surrara, there a Capiendo, Tricks, Delays Money-lawes: I have been a Tearme-trotter my self any time this five and forty years, a goodly time & a gram tious: in which space I would been at least sixteen times beggard, and God up again: and in the mire again, that I have stunk again, and yet God up again. And all not worth forthy shillings. The pleasure of a man is all. A stake pulled out of my hedge, theres one: I was well beaten I remember, that's two: I took one a bed with my wife again her will, that's three: I was called cuckold for my labour that's four: I took anon there a bed again, that's five the ̄ one called me wittal that's six: he killed my Dog for Barking, sea en: my Maid Servant was knocked at that time, eight: my wife miscar ryed with a push, Nine, & sic de coeteris, I have so vexed and beggared the whole parish, with process, Suppoe neas, and such Like molestations, they are not able to spare so much ready money from a Term, as would set up a new Weathercock: the Churchwardens are feign to go to law with the Poors money. His wife? I bith mass, he would fell his soul if he knew what Merchant would lay out money upon't, and some of they have needs of one they swear so fast. Non audiuisti, didstnere here of that trick? why Pistor a Baker sold his wife tother day to a cheese monger, that made Cake and Cheese: another to a Counterfeit ferer: a third to a common player: why you see 'tis continued ̄ mon: never fear the Captain, be ha not so much wit to be a President himself: I promised to furnish him with and odd Scrivener of mine own to draw the bar gain, and sale of his Lady, your horses stand here Gentleman. I shall be busily plunged till towards bed time, above the chin in profundis. Nothing but this sir, to set your worships hand to the commendation of a Knave whom no body speaks well on. Vestras Deducite Culpas —nothing but robbing a Vestry. Your worship would make a fruitful Come mon-wealths man, the Constable lets e'm alone, looks on, and says nothing. Indeed your worship speaks true in that sir: they blind him with beer, and make him so narrow eyed, that he winks naturally at all their Knaveries, A Writ of Delay, Longsword. Scandala Magnatum, Backesword. Capias cominus, Case of Rapyers. A Latitat, sword and Dagger. O! that's out of use now, sword and Buckler was called a good conscience, but that weapons left long ago, that was too manly a fight, too found a weapon for these our days, sl'id we are scarce able to lift up a Buckler now, our arms are so bound to the Pox: one good bang upon a Buckler would make most of our Gentlemen fly a pieces, 'tis not for these lintie times, our Lawyers are good Rapyer and Dagger men, theile quickly dispatch your—money. O sir, the properties altered, you shall see less fighting every day then other, for every one gets him a Mistress, and she gives him wounds enough, and you know, the Surgeons cannot beehere and there too, if there were read wounds too, what would become of the Reinish wounds? Very well sir. I lie in this court for you sir, my Rapyer is my Attorney, and my Dagger his Clarke. 'Tis but his proper colour sir, his Father was and Iremonger, he will never look brighter, the rust ha so eat into him, ha never any leisure to be made clean. Non Vacat exiguis rebus adesse Jovi. You're excellent at it sir—and now you least think on't, I arrest you sir. Nay very bade sir by my faith—I follow you still, as the Officers will follow you as long as you have a penny. Take heed I bring you not to and Nisiprius sir. 'Tis Court day now, Declarat Atturnatus, my Attorney gapes for money. Let nine years pass, five hundred crowns cast away a both sides, and the suit not twenty, my Counsellors wife must have another hood you know, and my Attorneys wife will have a new forepart, yet see at length law, I shall have law: now beware, I bring you to a narrow exigent, and by no means can you avoid the Proclamation— Now follows a writ of execution, a Capias, ut Legatum, gives you a wound mortal, trips up your heals, and lays you ith Counter. I cry your worship heartily mercy sir, I thought we had been in Law together, Adversarius contra adversarium by my troth. Twa's long of your Attorney there, he might a stayed the execution of Capias ut Legatum, and re moved you with a Supersedeas non molestandum into the Court of Equity. You had recovered cost else sir. Nay, that's Certoscio, and execution is very chargeable. Nay, that's Recto upon Record, for I my self was overthrown in eighty eight by a Taylor, and I have had a Stitch in my side ever since, o! Now, now, now, now, now, upon my knees I praise Mercury the God of law, I have two suits at issue, two suits at issue. I will not hear, i'ue other business. Beseech not me, beseech not me, I am a mortal man, a Client as you are, beseech not me. Then hang thy self. Mad me not, torment me not, tear me not, yowl give me leave to hear mine own cause, mine own cause Well said my Lawyer, well said, well said. O cry thee mercy, give me thy hand,—fare thee well,—ha no relief again me then,—his demurs will not help him, his Sursarara's will but play the knaves with him. What, what, what? Hold: Pray give me leave to be mad. May I not be mad in quiet? Very syrup of Toads, and perseru'd Adders. Hear me, do but hear me, I pronounce a terrible, horrible curse upon you all—and wish you to my Attorney: see where a Praemunire comes a Dedimus potestatem, and that most Dreadful Execution, Excom municato Capiendo, there's no bail to be taken, I shall rot in fifteen Jails: make Dice of my bones, and let my Counsellors Son play away his Father's money with e'm; may my bones revenge my quarrel!— A Capias Cominus ? here, here, here, here: quickly dip your Quills in my blood, off with my skin and write four teen lines of a side—there's and honest conscionable fellow, he takes but ten shillings of a Bellowes-men der—here's another deals all with charity, you shall give him nothing, only his wife and embroidered Petty coat, a gold fringe for her tail, or a border for her head, ah sirrah! you shall catch me no more in the sprindge of your Knaveries. Your Mittimus shall not serve, I'll set my self free with a Deliberandum, with a Deliberandum, mark you: A judgement, I crave a judgement, yea! Nunc pro tunc, Corruption alicuius, I peeped me a Raven in the face, and I thought it had been my Solister: o the pens prick me. Avua, yile have none ont, give me and Auditam que rela, or a Testificandum, or a dispatch in twelve Terms, there's a blessing, there's a blessing. That's a fool. She never saw the Dogs and the Bears fight, A Country thing. Now if it should ever come to a Testificandum, what be his witnesses? Non metuis testes? more valiant man then Orestes Nay you shall always find me a found Carded, I stood not ath Pillory for nothing in eighty eight, all the world knows that: now let me dispatch you sir; I come to you Presenter. Has he that knavery? But has he put in bail above canst tell? Why then thy best course shall be, to lay out more money, take out a Procedendo, and bring down the cause and him with a Vengeance. As for the other party, let the Auditam querela alone, take me out a special Supplicavit, which will cost you enough, and then you pepper him. For the first party after the Procedendo yowl get costs, the cause be king found, yowl have a Judgement, Nunc pro Tunc, yowl get a Venire fancies to warn your Jury, a Decem tales to fill up the number, and a Capias ut Legatum for your execution. You see it apparently I Can ̄ not hide it from ̄ you: nay more, in foelice horam be it spoken, you see i'm old, yet have I at this present, nine and twenty suits in Law. And I so fetch up all the men every Term time that 'tis impossible to be at civil cuckoldry, within our selves, unless the whole country rise upon our wives. Why do you so much wonder at that? why this is my course: my Mare and I come up some five days before a Term. Here I Lodge as you see amongst Inns, and places of most receipt— By which advantage I dive into Country men's causes, furnish they with knavish counsel, little to their profit, buzzing into their Ears, this course, that writ, this office, that Ʋ ltimum refugium, as you know I have words enough for the purpose. Enough a law, no matter for conscience. For which busy and laborious sweating courtesy, they can not choose but feed me with money, by which I main taine mine own suits: ho, ho, ho. Another special trick I have, no body must know it, which is, to prefer most of those men to one Attorney whom I affect best, to answer which kind ness of mine, he will sweat the better in my cause, and do them the less good, tak't of my word, I helped my Attorney to more Clients the last Term then he will dispatch all his life time: I did it. Now sir. For me? a man of war: a man of law is fit for a man of war: we have no leisure to say prayers: we both kill a Sunday morning's: I'll not be long from your sweet company. Then do you wisely Captain. A lusty crack or wind go with thee. Hah: I'll have him for thee. Why thus am I sought after by all professions; here's a weather beaten Cap taine, who not long since new married to a Lady with dow, would now feign have sued a Divorce between her and him, but that her honesty is his only hind rance: to be rid of which, he do's determine to turn her into white money, and there's a Lord his Chapman has bid five hundred Crowns for her already. Or for his partly, or whole in her. No, no I say if it be for defect of Appearance, take me out a special Significavit. Then if he purchase and Alias or Capias, which are Writs of custom, only to delay time, your Proce dendo do's you Knights service—that's nothing at all, get your Distringas out as soon as you can for a Jury. Do I prithee, attend me, isle take it kindly, a Vo luntate. I am in debt to your worships remembrance. They are under fine and Recovery, your wor ship shall easily recover them. I am afraid I shall overthrown you sir i'faith. Indeed that same odd word Use, makes a man a good Lawyer, and a woman and arrant—tuh tuh, tuh, tuh, tuh, now am I for you sir: but first to bring you into form, can your worship name all your weapons? Your long sword, thats a writ of delay. I was bound to follow the suit sir. Thats I, thats I, thank you my learned counsel for your good remembrance: I hope I shall overthrown him horse and foot. I suffer, I suffer,—till I here a judgement. What old Signeur Justicer,—embrace me another time and you can possible: how do's all thy wives chil dren,—well? that's well said yfayth. Prithee do not ravish me, let me go. Sirrah, I would brought him to and Exigent hark that's my cause, thats my cause the ̄ der, I twind'g him, I twind'g him. Ah, get me a ne exeat Regno quickly, nay you must not stay vppo'nt, idem feign have you gone. Would, a, a. The devil, the devil, the devil. Ah hah I rejoice then he's puzzled & muzzled too Is't come to a Soepe corpus? I've other business, not so much idle time. I'm, aduizde by my learned counsel, Yea! is my cause so muddy? do I stick, do I stick (fast? Advocate here's my hand, pull, art made of flint? Wilt not help out?—alas there's nothing in't. O and extent, a Proclamation, a Summons, a Re cognisance, a Tachment. and Injunction, a Writ, a Seizure, a Writ of praeisement, and Absolution, a Quietus est. O sick, sick, Signior Ply-fee, sick: lend me thy Nightcap, o! Hail sacred patience, I begin to feel I have a Conscience now, Truth in my words, Compass sion in my heart, & above all, in my blood peaces music, Use me how you can, You shall find me and honest-quiet man. O, pardon, that I dare behold that face, "Now I've least law, I hope have most grace, A Charitate, you do a charitable deed in't sir. Fifteen Terms, that's but a short sword. This bail will not be taken sir, they must be two Citizens that are no Cuckolds. Very well sir. No more sir, he that brings me happy news first isle relieve first. There you started me sir—yet for all your Demurs, Plures, and Sursurarers, which are all Long swords: that's Delays: all the comfort is, in nine years a man may overthrown you. I, I, I, pray so still, pray so still, theile thrive the better Prithee I will not know thee now, 'tis a busy time, a busy time with me.