SHORTYARD

Then do you please us best sir. You make me icth sir. Most true? A woman? What is the mark you shoot at. Your revenge is more glorious, To be a cuckold is but for one life, When land remains to you, your heir, or wife! I beseech his name. Easy? It may fallen right. Happily! Let your care dwell in me soon shall it shine, What subtlety is in man, that is not mine. And Essex genrleman sir. Indeed sir. I'll give you that comfort then sir, you must not want money as long as you are in town sir. I am bound in my love to him to see you furnished, and in that comfort I recover my salute again sir. I rather study to be deer unto you—boy, fill some wine.—I knew not what fair impressier I received, at first, but I began to affect your society very speedily. To master Alsup sir, to whose remembrance, I could love to drink till I were passed remembrance. How now Boy? Give it me, for I thirst. Your suit shall end in one Term sir: my name is Blastfield. Sir, you shall not give out so meanly of your self in my company for a Million: make Such privy to your dis grace? you're a Gentleman of fair Fortune's; keep me your re putation; set they all, there's crowns foe you. You must always have a care of your Reputation here in Town master Easy, although you ride down with no thing, it skills not. Why, well said. And then you'll leave us, thats your fashion. But he's more base taht carries out his winnings. None will do so but those have base beginnings I wonder you should pass. And that you're suffered. I knew the time, he wore not half a shirt, joust Like a Pee. Faith he compounded with a couple of Napkins at Barnet, and so trus'd up the lower parts. But master Lethe ha forgotten that too. Nay but good Ma Easy, do not do your self that tiran nigh I beseech you, I must not would you altar your body now for the Purge of a little money: you undo me and you do. Pox of money, talk not on't I beseech you, what said I to you? Mass I am out of cash my self too,—Boy. Run presently to master Gum the Mercer, and will him to tell out two or three hundred pound for me, or more ac cording as he is furnished: I'll visit him ith morning say. Do you hear boy? If master Gum be not sufficiently ready, call upon master Profit the Goldsmith. Boy. Let them both rest till another occasion: you shall not needs to run so far at this time, take one nier hand go to Ma. Quomodo the Draper, and will him to furnish me instantly. Master Easy, let a man bear himself portly, the whor sons will creep to him a'th their bellies, and their wives a'th their backs: ther's a kind of bold grace expected through out all the parts of a Gentleman: then for your observances, a man must not so much as spit but within line and fashion. I tell you what I would done: sometime I carry my water all Lon done over, only to deliver it proudly at the Standard, and do I pass altogether unnoted think you? No, a man can no sooner peep out his head, but ther's a bow bent at him out of some watch tower, or other. Push, you know a bow's quickly ready, though a Gun belong a charging, and will shoot five times to his once, Come, you shall bear your self Jovially: take heed of setting your looks to your losses, but rather smile upon your ill luck, and invite they to morrow to another break fast of Bones. What? peace? I am ashamed to hear you: will you cease in the first lose, show me one Gentleman that ere did it? Fie upon't I must use you to company I perceive, youde be spoilde else: forswear Dice? I would your friends herd you i'faith. I hope so, what would Gentlemen say of you? there goes a Gull that keeps his money, I would not have such a report go on you, for the World as long as you are in my company. Why man fortune alters in a Minute, I would known those have recovered so much in and hour, their purses were never sick after. How now? mark their humours master Easy. Thats a penitent Maudlen Dicer. Laugh at him master Easy. Thats the true-wicked-blasphemous, and soul-shud dering Dicer, that will curse you all service time, & attribute his ill luck always to one Drab or other. Why, we thank him i'faith. Not so I beseech you, I give my friends leave to be inward with me,—will you walk Gentlemen? What good sweet bedfellow. Mass that was well remembered of thee—I per ceyue the Trout will be a little troublesome ere he be catched—Boy. Boy Here sir. Run to Master Goome, or Master Profit, and car rye my present occasion of money to em. Why master Quomodo, what a fruitless Motion have you put forth, you might well assure your self this gen tleman had it not if I wanted it: why our purses are brother's we desire but equal Fortune's: in a word w'are man and wife, they can but lie together, and so do we. And to say truth, 'tis more for the continuing of this Gentleman's credit in Town then any incitement from mine own want only, that I cou to to be so immediately furnish — you shall hear him confess as much himself. O here comes the Boy now: How now Boy, what says master Goome, or master Profit? A Bastard be it, spite and shame. Bewitched I think. So disastrously. The mealy Moth consume it, would he hame turn Pedlar now? what should I do with cloth? And thy utter dissolution amongst Gentlemen for e er. Quomodo should hang, rot, stink. Drop Dam. Master Richard Easy: you may easily hit on't. I never pass my Month you know. I never miss you. Push, their ordained to sweat for Gentlemen,— Porters backs and women's bellies bear up the world. Ye'aue found it sir. Come Master Easy. It shall be yours I say. I will not i'faith. I should show little bringing up, to take the way of a stranger. Not a whit sir. Let it be so I pray. So his right wing is cut, will not fly far Passed the two City hazards, Poultry, and Woodstreete. We do sir. Would the Coin would come away now, we have deserved for't How now? what's the matter? speak? What's the news? Pish— Why what would you say? I where? how? the best is it lies all upon my neck, Master Quomodo, can you help me to any money fort? speak His name: Sfoo't will he give any thing. Will he give any thing?—the Brokers will give no thing? to no purpose. What if he should offer but a hundred pound? Say you so? 'Tis true, he said so indeed. For indeed he ha no grace at all. This sir, but I scarce Like my Mistress now: the loins can never be safe where the Flies be so busy— Wit by experience bought foils wit at School: Who proves a deeper knave then a Spent fool, I am gone for your worships wine sir. Yet at last, Master Quomodo is as firm as his promise. Let me see, I am seven hundred pound in bound now to the Rascal. That's my Ambition sir. Is that the beauty you famde so? Who be those so industrious about her? Prithee whats that? Would they so little conscience? You parcel of a rude, saucy and unmannerly nation. Cannot a Gentleman purchase a little fire to thaw his appetite by, but must you that have been daily sindg'd in the flame, be as greedy to beguile him on't? how can it ap pear in you but maliciously, and that you go about to en gross hell to your selves? he aven forbid, that you should not suffer a stranger to come in, the Devil himself is not so un mannerly, I do not think but some of them rather will be wise enough to beg Offices there before you, and keep you out, marry all the spite will be they cannot fell e'm a gen. Clubs, clubs,—Gentlemen stand upon your Guard. And to conclude a Coward, infallible of your side, why do you think i'faith I took you to be a Coward? do I think yowl turn your back to any man living? yowl be whipped first. But that man shows himself a Knave, for he dares not show his own face when he does it, for some of the common counsel in Henry the eights days thought it more destie at that time, that one Vizard should look upon a neither. How now? what piece of stuff comes here? Vinited. Toe's all To sweet Master Lethe. This Re is wine is Like the scouring-stick to a gun, it makes the Barrel clear: it ha and excellent virtue, it keeps all the Sinks in man and woman's body sweet in June and July, and to say truth, if Ditches were not cast once a year, and Drabs once a Month, there would be no abiding i'th City. A letter comes well after privy, it makes amends. Are you not well? Byr'lady and the Mother is a pestilent, wilful, trouble some sickness I can tell you, if she light upon you handsome lie. Very assuredly. Did you let it go so i'faith? I, her answer. Nay, hear out his answer, or there's no goodness in you. Show your self a Gentleman, she had the patience to read your letter which was as bade as this can be, what will she think on't, not hear her answer? speak, good his drudge. That's very wholesome for your body, nay you must keep in your arms. And you love me, lets follow him Gentlemen. I count a hundred pound well spent to pursue a good jest Master Easy. Well said i'faith, hang money-good jests are worth silver at all times. So, No man is so impudent to deny that— Spirits can change their shapes, and soonest of all into Sergeants: because they are Cousin Germanes to spirits, for there's but two kind of arrests till Doomsday, the Devil for the soul, the Sergeant for the body, but afterwards the de vill arrests body and soul Sergeant & all, if they be knaves still, and deserve it now my yeoman aslight. Never let come near thy belee e that heel take pri son, or stand out in law, knowing the debt to be endue, but still expect the presence of Master Blastfield, kind M. Blast field, worshipful M Blastfield—and at the last— The Boy: a warning-piece,—see where he comes. Master Richard Easy of Essex we arrest you. Deliver your weapons quietly sir. You're arrested at the suit of M. Quomodo. How strange you make it, you're a landed Gentleman sir, I knew 'tis but a trisse, a bound of seven hundred pound. Is not your name there? Why and 'tis for fashions sake that we arrest you. Whose that Sir? O, In Essex! I thought you had been in London, where now your business lies, honesty from Essex will be a great while a coming sir, you should look out and honest pair of Citizens. No, there's enough in Town. To him then lets set forward:—Yeoman Spider man, castan eye about for Master Blastfield. Can you blame him sir—we that daily fray away Knight's, may fright away Boys I hope. Bless master Quomodo. Very true sir,—but this Gentleman lighting into our hands first— We thought good to make use of that opportunity, and hold him fast. So we told him sir, and that it lay in your worships curtezie to arrest which you please. Do you here sir, a my troth we pity you, would you a nigh store of Crowns about you? I must tell you this, you have fell in to the hands of a most merciless devourer, the very gul athe city, should you offer him money, Goods or lands now, hee'd rather have your body in prison, he's a such a nature. Eas. Prison w'are un done then. He's a such a nature, look?—Let him owe any man a spite what's his course: he will lend him money to day, a purpose to rest him tomorrow. Has at least sixteen at this instant proceeded in both the Counters: some batchler, some Master's, some doctors of captivity of 20. years standing and he desires nothing more then imprisonment. I, then things would not be as they are—what will you say to us if we procure you two substantial subsi die Citizens to bail you spite on's heart, and set you at li bertie to find out master Blastfield. Much. I love to prevent the malice of such a rascal, perhaps you might find master Blastfield to night. Fie.—and yowl seek to secure your bail, because they will be two Citizens of good account, you must do that for your credit sake. A pox on him, you cut his throat then,—no words. I told you so. Under your leave master Quomodo, the Gentleman craves the furtherance of and hour, and it sorts well with our occasion at this time, having a little urgent business at Guild hall, at which minute weel return, and see what agreement is made. He's your prisoner; and being safe in your house at your own disposing, you cannot deny him such a request: beside, he hath a little faith in Ma. Blastfields coming sir. Are you the Gentleman in distress? O ou mercy 'tis Blastfield indeed. That's all your refuge. Gentleman, what's your to her name? Oh Master Easy—I would we could rather plea sure you otherwise Master Easy, you should soon perceive it, isle speak a proud word we have pitied more Gentlemen in distress, then any two Citizens within the freedom— but to be bail to sea en hundred pound Actium, is a matter of shroud weight. Shall we venture once again, that have been so of ten undone by Gentlemen? I Like the Gentleman's face well, he doe's not look as if he would deceive us. Come weel make a desperate voyage once again, weel try his honesty, and take his single bound, of body Goods and Lands. Master Quomodo? Come then, and be a witness to a Re ullisance. Master Easy, you must have and especial care now to find out that Blastfield. The will you selse, Master Quomodo will come upon ut, and you. Well since I see you have such a good mind to be ho nest e lea e some greater sweat with you to find him my self. Where shall we seek him now? you lead me fair ant's sir. A Citizen of my e see and substance to walk so long a foot. How would you had me hold him by the tail sir then? I am glad, I am where I am then, I perceive it time of all hands. What? have you found him yet? neither? what's to be done now? isle venture my body no further for any Gentle men pleasure, I know not how soon I may be called upon, and now to overheat my self.— This is you that slept with him, you can make fools of us, but isle turn you over to Quomodo fort. I'll prevent mine own danger. Though I love Gentlemen well, I do not mean to be undone for they. Made fools of us! not to be found! Gentlemen, 'Slid they were born to undo us I think, but for my partly, I'll make and oath before master Qomodo here, never to do Gentlemen good while I live. Away; if you had any grace in you, you would be a shamed to look us ith face, ywis I wonder with what brow you can come amongst us, I should seek my Fortune's fa re enough if I were you, and neither return to Essex, to be a shame to my predecessors, nor remain about London, to be a mock to my successors. Here are his lands forfeited to us master Quomodo, and to avoid the inconscionable trouble of law, all the assi ance he made to us, we willingly resign to you. But master Quomodo, if you would but conceive it aright, the land would fallen fitter to you then to us. You have a towardly son and heir as we hear. We have neither posterity in Town nor hope for any abroad; we have wives, but the marks have been out of their mouths these twenty years, and as it appears, they did little good when they were in: we could not stand a bout it sir, to g to riches and children too 'tis more then one man can do. And I am of those Citizens minds that say, let our with es make shift for children and they will, they get none of us; and I cannot think, but he that has both much wealth and many children, has had more helps coming in then himself. 'Tis so assure unto you. Landed master Quomodo. The happiest good that ever Shortyard felt, I want to be expressed, my mirth is such, To be struck now eene when his joys were hie, Men only kiss their knaveries, and so die, Iu'e often marked it. He was a famous Coozner while he lived, And now his Son shall reap it, isle would the lands, Let him Study law after, 'tis no labour to undo him for ever: but for Easy, Only good confidence did make him foolish, And not the lack of Sense, that was not it, 'Tis worldly craft beats down a Scholars wit, For this our Son and heir now, he From his conception was entailed and Ass, And he ha kept it well, twenty five years now, Then the sleightest art will doo't, the lands lie fair, No Sin to beggar a deceivers heir. I hear you sir. Hold, hold. Why do but hear me sir, you will not think what I have done for you. Why look you, 'tis not so, your not told true, I have Coosned him again merely for you, Merely for you sir, it my meaning then That you should wed her, and have all again. A my troth 'its true sir: look you then here sir, you shall not miss a little scroll sir, pray sir, let not the City know me for a knave, there be richer men would envy my prefer meant if I should be known before e'm. How now? fresh warders. This is the fruit of Craft, Like him that shoots up hie, looks for the shaft And finds it in his forehead, so does hit The Arrow of our fate, wit destroys wit: The head the bodies bane, and his own bears, You hae Corn enough, you need not reap mine ears, Sweet Master Blastfield. My Lord isle quickly resolve you that it comes to me This cousner whom too long I called my patron, To my thought dying, and the fool his son Possessed of all, which my brain partly sweat for, I held it my best virtue, by a plot To get from him what for him was ill God. When no sooner mine, But I was glad more quickly to resign. Hence forth no woman shall complain for measure. Push, a Gentleman that keeps his days even here ith City (as I my self watch to do) shall have many of those answers in a twelvemonth, master Easy. To morrow night, This Gentleman, by me invites you all, Do you not Master Easy? No more master Blastfield now—poor Easy har dly be set. And that's enough, for by that meanes' you have made your self able to the Bound, as well as that Base field Tut, what's your bound sir? Thus make you men at parting dutiful, And rest beholding to you, 'tis the slight To be remembered, when you're out of sighed. I, let me see, this is it: sign of three Knaves, 'tis it I thought you would know me anon. Oh salute him fairly, he's a kind Gentleman, a we rye in ward of mine. Why whats the matter? How master Quomodo, pray say not so, sl'ud you undo me then. That's strange me thinks. Let me see,—three days. Would? That's true i'faith. I never thought upon that—I look't still when that should come from him, we have strickly examined our expenses, it must not be three days Master Quo modo. Well Master Easy, none but you could have per swaded me to that, come, would you would dispatch then Master Quomodo, where's this cloth? Clothe's good. Faith to Master Beggar-land, he's the only Mar chant now: or his Brother Master Stilliard-downe, there's little difference. You have always found me righteous in that. No faith not yet—Boy! A custom they're bound to alate by the default ofe vill debtors, no Citizen must lend money without two be bound in the bound, the second Man enters but for custom sake. Byth mass stay, isle learn that Master Quomodo! Must the second party that enters into bound only for fashions sake needs be a Citizen? what say you to this Gen tleman for one? Why he's a Gentleman of a pretty living sir. Well said, to him thy self, take him up roundly. The Nets broke. Now must I catch him warily. Master Easy—Mark my words, if it stood not upon the eternal lose of thy credit against Supper— The pawning of thy horse for his own Victuals. Run boy, bid they ring out, he's dead, he's g ne. I have not Scope enough within my breast, To keep my joys containde: I'm Quomodoes heir: the Lands assurances, and all are mine (I have trip his Sons heals up) above the ground, His father left him: had I not encouragement? Do not I know what proves the Father's pray? The Son never looks on't, but it melts away. Do not I know the wealth that's God by fraud? Slave's share it Like the riches of a Bawd. Why 'tis a curse unquenchable, never cools. Knaves still commit their consciences to fools: And they betray who o'wde em, heeres all the bonds, All Easies writings, let me see: So many Acres of good meadow— What? A bargain then master Idem, clap hands—he's finely cheated: come, let's all to the next Tavern and see the money paid. We have took a Course to set your prison ner free.