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Full speech
Beshrew you now, why did you entice me from my father Well heaven forgive you, you train me up too't. And if I should prove a harlot now, I should be bound to curse you. If I had not a desire to go Like a gentlewoman, you should be hanged, ere you should get me too't I warrant you. You know I have no power to doo't, and that makes you so wilful: for what woman is there such a beast that will deny any thing that is good. No, and she bear a brave mind she will not I warrant you. Beshrew your sweet enchantments, you have won. O as soon as may be, I am in a swoon till I be a gentlewoman, and you know what flesh is men meat, tell it be dressed. Why do you work a Sundays Taylor? Troth and so do most of us women, the better day the better deed we think. Out you saucy pestiferous Pander, I scorn that y faith. Why I think no less, how can he know me, when I scarce know my self. But so well you lay wait for a man for me. Is that the fellow? 1 Lady it is. Art thou willing to serve me fellow? Well, weel try both our likings for a month, and then either proceed, or let fallen the suit. No truly, our Term ends once a month, we should get more then the Lawyers, for they have but four Terms a year, and we have twelve, & that makes e'm run so fast to us in the Vacation. There's for your bodily advice Taylor, and theres for your head-counsell, and I discharge you both till to mor row morning again. I warrant you for that—which Gown becomes me best now, the purple Satin or this? O my beloved strayer! I consume in thy absence. He says he ha a place there. Let my Servant go for't. Yowl make him mad anon. A Gentlewoman must swagger a little now and then I perceive, there would be no civility in her Chamber else, though it be my hard fortune to have my keeper there a cow ard, the thing that's kept is a Gentlewoman born. Then saving my quarrel to you all. Now be shrow your hearts, and you do not. Do you deceive me so? are you towards marriage y faith Master Lethe it shall go hard but isle forbid the Banes, isle send a mess ̄ her into your bones, another into your purse but isle doo't. I prithee do not leave me. Why thou art and unreasonable fellow i'faith, do not all Trades live by their beware, and yet called honest Livers? do they not thrive best, when they utter most, and make it away by the great? is not hole-sale the chiefest merchandise? do you think some Merchant's could keep their wives so brave but for their hole-sale? you're foully deceived and you think so. Why you fool you, are not Gentlewomen Sinners? and there's no courageous Sinner amongst us, but was a Gen tlewoman by the Mother's side I warrant you: beside, we are not always bound to think those our father's that marry our Mother's, but those that lie with our Mother's, and they may be Gentlemen born & born again for ought we know, you know. I crave it on my knees, such was his vow at first, He says it true my Lord, There's to many of them already. Nay Gentlemen, you wrong us both then, stand from me, I protest isle draw my silver Bodkin upon you. Master Lethe we may lie together lawfully hereafter, for we are coupled together before people enough i'faith.
Plot summary
Plot — Michaelmas Term
Rearage and Andrew Lethe are rivals for the hand of Quomodo’s daughter: her mother favours Rearage and her father Lethe. Lethe has assumed gentry status, and is concerned when his plebeian mother arrives from the country; but she does not recognize him, and he employs her as a go-between. Hellgill brings a country wench to London, promising to pass her off as a gentlewoman. He dresses her up and she begins to attract gallants, including Lethe. Her father comes looking for her, and, not recognizing him, she takes him on as a servant. A third visitor from the country is Richard Easy, who is entrapped by Shortyard and Falselight, the agents of Ephestian Quomodo. Shortyard gambles with Easy, persuading him to keep on betting in the hope of breaking his losing streak. In consequence, he needs money to fund his social life, and seeks to borrow it from Quomodo. He is induced to take the loan in cloth, which he can sell on to realize the money; ===== PAGE 155 ===== 1604 posing as the fictitious ‘Blastfield’, Shortyard also signs the bond. Quomodo and his accomplices engineer a downturn in the market: the cloth has to be sold for less than half its true value. When the bond falls due for repayment a month later, Blastfield cannot be found, and Easy is arrested. Quomodo’s accomplices pose as wealthy citizens and stand bail for Easy, so long as he signs over all his possessions to them. When Blastfield still cannot be found, the bailsmen give Quomodo Easy’s lands in lieu of the bail they owe him. Easy is ruined, but Quomodo’s wife Thomasine, who has witnessed the cozenage, takes pity on him and lends him money. Concerned about his son Sim’s possible prodigality, Quomodo feigns his own death to see how people will take it. He attends his own funeral disguised as a beadle, but nobody has a good word to say about him. Thomasine quickly marries Easy, who learns how he was duped. Shortyard cozens Sim of Easy’s lands, but is forced to restore them to Easy to cover himself; but Easy still has him arrested. Still in disguise, Quomodo collects his fee for attending the funeral; Thomasine has him sign a document renouncing any further claim on the household, and for a joke he signs his own name. When this is noticed, he reveals his identity and institutes legal proceedings against Thomasine and Easy. On the day of his marriage to Susan, Lethe is arrested for lewd behaviour with the country wench. All the cases come before a judge, who will only accept Quomodo’s identity when…