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Full speech
Fain would I meet the gentleman. What is the means? I would as gladly to enjoy his sighed, embrace it as the— Here Lady, convey my heart unto him in this Jewel, Against you see me next you shall perceive I have profited, in the mean season tell him I am a prisoner yet, a'th Master's side, My husbands jealousy, that Master's him, as he does master me, And as a keeper that locks prisoners up, Is himself prisoned under his own key, Even so my husband in restraining me, with the same ward bars his own liberty. I owe you more then thanks, but that I hope My husband will requite you. Her friends are sorry for that Sir. Alas good soul, Eee'n tot'h last gasp a kind soul. Pray pardon me sir, alas my visitation cannot help her. The world's condition is it self so vild Sir, 'Tis apt to judge the worst, of those deserve not, 'Tis and ill-thinking age, and do's apply All to the form of it own Luxury, This censure flies from one, that, from another, That man's her Squire, says he; her Pimp, the tother, She's of the stamp, a third, fourth, I would known her: Iu'e herd this, not without a burning cheek: Then our attires are taxed, our very gate Is called in question, where a husbands presence Scatters such thoughts, or makes e'm sink for fear Into the hearts that breed e'm, nay surely if I went Sir, I would entreat your company. That's all one; although you bring me but to'th door Sir, I would entreat no farther. I'faith you shall not, I do not desire it sir. Give me your hand you will do so Sir. Why then I go Sir. Keep in your dew sir, least when you would, you want it. 'Tis that I strive to get. I would not take your man sir, though I did purpose going. Will you but hear a word from me? My husband himself brought me to'th door, walks below for my return; jealousy is prick-eared, and will hear the waging of a hair. Of my desire. At three days end my husband takes a journey. May it prosper still, Till then I rest a captive to his will: Once again health, rest, and strength to thee sweet Lady: farewell, you witty squall; good M. Doctor have a care to her body if yous stand her friend, I know you can do her good. Why, were you within the hearing sir? Be not so fierce, your will shall be obaide. Why how now sir? it desperately adventured, I little looked for you until the morrow. I at your chamber? By my life you wrong me sir. Firsty' are not ignorant what watch keeps over me, And for your chamber, as I live I knowt not. What is't disturbs you sir?— Would? Mercy defend me. What shall become of me my own thoughts doom me. I vow it on my knees, with tears true bred No man shall ever wrong my husbands bed.
Plot summary
Plot — A Mad World, My Masters
Sir Bounteous Progress is much sought after for his generosity, but one person who has not benefited is his heir, Follywit. Down on his luck, Follywit decides to take some of his inheritance early. He poses as a lord and invites himself to stay with Sir Bounteous, and, during the night, changes clothes and burgles the house. Sir Bounteous is aghast that a lord has been robbed under his roof, and reimburses Follywit’s pretended losses. Harebrain is suspicious of his wife: he hires men to watch the house, takes away her bawdy reading matter, and allows her only the company of Lady Gullman, whom he takes for a pious virgin. In fact, Gullman is a courtesan working as a go-between for Penitent Brothel, and devises a plan to allow him access: she feigns sickness, and Harebrain allows his wife to visit her; Penitent Brothel poses as her physician. Other visitors include Sir Bounteous, Gullman’s principal client, and two other would-be clients, all of whom give money to ‘the doctor’. Mistress Harebrain arrives and has sex with Penitent Brothel. Meanwhile Gullman pretends to hold a conversation with her for the benefit of the eavesdropping Harebrain, who takes his wife home confident in her chastity. Worried that Sir Bounteous may leave his estate to a courtesan, Follywit poses as Gullman, visits the knight’s country house, and steals jewels. Back in London, he persuades Gullman to marry him on the expectation of his inheritance, not realizing who she is. Meanwhile, Penitent Brothel undergoes a spiritual conversion: his horror at his own lust is compounded by an encounter with a succubus in the shape of Mistress Harebrain. He visits the real Mistress Harebrain, partly to establish that it wasn’t her and partly to apologise for having endangered her chastity. Harebrain overhears them and is delighted. The Harebrains are invited to a feast at Sir Bounteous’s house. Follywit and his associates, disguised as actors, provide the entertainment, a comedy entitled The Slip, and Follywit persuades Sir Bounteous to hand over more valuables, including a watch, for use as props. The ‘actors’ are arrested escaping with their loot, but Follywit improvises to suggest that the constable is only a character in the ===== PAGE 231 ===== 1605 play. They tie him up get away, but return in their own persons. The truth comes out when the stolen watch starts to chime in Follywit’s pocket. He assures Sir Bounteous that he will settle down now that he has a wife, and is discomfited to…