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Full speech
Captain, Regent, Principal, A would, our little forecast. I deny the last, for if you drink never so much, you drink within measure. Because the drawers never fill their pots. You may built upon that Captain. How Captain? But prithee Captain? From the crown of our head, to the sole of our foot bully. Im'e sorry my Lord your Lordship has lost. A good nights sleep my Lord, nothing else. Curtains drawn My Lords cloth's, his honor's rising. His Lordship must know that Sir. Will do you no pleasure to know't Sir. Since your worship will needs know't, they have stolen away a jewel in a blue silk ribbon of a hundred pound price, beside some hundred pounds in fair Spur-Royals. Your worship's much about it Sir. O pardon me Sir Bounteous, that were a dishonour to my Lord, should it come to his ear, I should hazard my undoing by' it. There will be scarce time to tell it sir, my Lord will away instantly. Faith and you are Like to have no other guess Sir Bounteous, if you have none but us, I'll give you that gift i'faith. Two hundred pounds in fair Rose-Nobles I protest. Cuds me, how now Captain? What's that Sir? I that's too true Sir. Faith from discourse, yet all the policy That I could use, I could not get her name. But the ma ̄ ner of her coming was described to me. Marry sir she comes, most commonly coached. Right sir, then alighting, she's privately received by master Gunwater. Then is your Grandsire rounded it'h ear, the key given after the Italian fashion, backward, she closely conveyed into his closet, there remaining, till either opportunity smile upon his credit, or he send down some hight caudle to take order in his performance. How now Sir? In your Lordship's Portmantua. I had rather have war, Captain. Nay, and you be at your distinctions Captain, I'll follow behind no longer. Al's sure and safe, on with your vizard sir; the sir vaunts are all bound. So, so, led on, on. Here Bully-Captaine. Oh admirable spirit! Troth a match Captain, of all hands. Sli'd hers a house haunted indeed. That were double happiness, to put thy self into money and her out of favour. What will you do now sir? But that's against kind Captain, for they are all ways long a making ready. You shall have your will maintenance, I love mad tricks as well as you for your heart sir; but what shift will you make for upper bodies Captain? Ready? Tuv's so well Captain, I would you could make such another Musse at all adventures. True, there I left sir, guarded with some leash of Pimps. Nay isle give thee thy endue behind thy back, thou art as mad a piece of Clay— Nay they were both 'ith Court long ago sir. We should laugh at that i'faith. Two notable fit landing places for Leachers, P. and C. Putney and Cue. Fear not us Captain, there's none here but can fight for a whore as well as some Inns a Courtman? Sfoot whose yonder? We spied that weakness in him long ago sir, your worship must bear with him, the men much overseen, only in respect of his office we obeyed him, both to appear con formable to law, and clear of all offence: for I protest sir, he found us but a horse back: Hang they, pensions, and alowancces, four pence half penny a meal, hang they. As I have a soul, thats all, and all he can lay to us. 'Sfoot, being a horseback sir, that must needs follow. As fast as we can sir. A vengeance of this soolecy. Captain do you hear? is she your wife in earnest? Nothing but pity you sir.
Plot summary
Plot — A Mad World, My Masters
Sir Bounteous Progress is much sought after for his generosity, but one person who has not benefited is his heir, Follywit. Down on his luck, Follywit decides to take some of his inheritance early. He poses as a lord and invites himself to stay with Sir Bounteous, and, during the night, changes clothes and burgles the house. Sir Bounteous is aghast that a lord has been robbed under his roof, and reimburses Follywit’s pretended losses. Harebrain is suspicious of his wife: he hires men to watch the house, takes away her bawdy reading matter, and allows her only the company of Lady Gullman, whom he takes for a pious virgin. In fact, Gullman is a courtesan working as a go-between for Penitent Brothel, and devises a plan to allow him access: she feigns sickness, and Harebrain allows his wife to visit her; Penitent Brothel poses as her physician. Other visitors include Sir Bounteous, Gullman’s principal client, and two other would-be clients, all of whom give money to ‘the doctor’. Mistress Harebrain arrives and has sex with Penitent Brothel. Meanwhile Gullman pretends to hold a conversation with her for the benefit of the eavesdropping Harebrain, who takes his wife home confident in her chastity. Worried that Sir Bounteous may leave his estate to a courtesan, Follywit poses as Gullman, visits the knight’s country house, and steals jewels. Back in London, he persuades Gullman to marry him on the expectation of his inheritance, not realizing who she is. Meanwhile, Penitent Brothel undergoes a spiritual conversion: his horror at his own lust is compounded by an encounter with a succubus in the shape of Mistress Harebrain. He visits the real Mistress Harebrain, partly to establish that it wasn’t her and partly to apologise for having endangered her chastity. Harebrain overhears them and is delighted. The Harebrains are invited to a feast at Sir Bounteous’s house. Follywit and his associates, disguised as actors, provide the entertainment, a comedy entitled The Slip, and Follywit persuades Sir Bounteous to hand over more valuables, including a watch, for use as props. The ‘actors’ are arrested escaping with their loot, but Follywit improvises to suggest that the constable is only a character in the ===== PAGE 231 ===== 1605 play. They tie him up get away, but return in their own persons. The truth comes out when the stolen watch starts to chime in Follywit’s pocket. He assures Sir Bounteous that he will settle down now that he has a wife, and is discomfited to…