GULLMAN

Master Penitent Brothel. You're the fortunate man sir, Knight a'th holland skirt: there wants but opportunity and she's wax of your own fashioning, she had wrought her self into the form of your love before my art set finger to her. So it should seem by the music, the only jar is in the grumbling base viol her husband. Sighs not M. Penitent, trust the managing of the but sines with me, 'tis for my credit now to see't well finished: if I do you no good sir, you shall give me no money sir. O from sir Bounteous Progress : he's my kee per in deed, but ther's many a piece of venison stolen that my keeper wots not on; theres no park kept so warily, but loo ses flesh one time or other; and no woman kept so privately, but may watch advantage to make the best of her pleasure: and in common reason one keeper cannot be enough for so proud a park as a woman. Mother I am too deep a Scholar grown To learn my first rules now. Sha's always carried it well in those places sir; witness three bastards a piece: how do's your sweet bed fellow sir? you see I'm her boldest visitant. Alas, she needs none sir. I'll bestow my labour sir. I've said enough to her. Fah. It is not so much worth sir, I am a very ill con sellor truly. You're too blame i'faith sir, I shall never deserve it. Such gifts will soon entreat me. O M. Penitent Brothel ! A thought, a trick, to make you sir especially happy, and yet I my self a savour by it. you know her husband lingering in suspect, Locks her from all society, but mine. I only am admitted, yet hitherto That ha done you no real happiness; by my admittance I cannot perform that deed, that should please you, You know: wherefore thus I've conuaid'd it, I'll counterfeit a fit of violent sickness. Nay 'tis not so good by my faith, but to do you good. Puh, all the world knows women are soon down; we can be sick when we have a mind to't, catch and ague with the wind of our fans, surfeit upon the rumpe of a Lark, and bestow ten pound in physic vpon't; we're likest our selves when we're down: 'tis the easiest Art and cunning for our sect to counterfeit sick, that are always full of sits when we are well; for since we were made for a weak imperfect crea ture, we can fit that best that we are made for: I thus transla ted, and your self slipped into the form of a Physician. Here's somewhat to set up with; how soon he took occasion to slip into his own flattery, soothing his own defects; he only fears he has done that deed, which I never feared to come from him in my life, this purchase came un looked for. The same woman still, huh. Little alteration, Fie, fie, you have been to lavish Gentlemen. What do you mean gentlemen, put up, put up, you see I'm down and cannot strive with you, I would rule you else; you have me at advantage, but if ever I live, I will requite it deeply. Hah, huh. Your physic works, lend me your hand. Mistress Harebrain, give my wit thanks hereafter, your wishes are in sighed, your opportunity spacious. Whooh— Pish, you are a faint-liuer, trust your self with your pleasure, and me with your security, go. Pray fit down, there's a low stool, good Mistress Harebrain, this was kindly done; huh give me your hand; huh, alas how cold you are: even so is your husband, that worthy wise Gentleman; as comfortable a man to woman in my case, as ever trod—huh—shoe leather, love him, honour him, stick by him, he lets you want nothing, that's fit for a woman; and to be sure on't, he will see himself that you want it not. Yes, yes, I eat a Cullisse and hour since. O it lies about my heart much. Bound, no, no, I'de a very comfortable stool this morning. Will you be going then? Thanks good Mistress Harebrain, welcome sweet Mistress Harebrain, pray commend me to the good gentleman your husband. And to my uncle Uvinchcombe, and to my Aunt Lipsalue, and to my cousin Falsetop, and to my cousin Lickit, and to my cousin Horseman, and to all my good cosens in Clearken well, and Saint Ioneses. Take pity of your waiter, go: farewell sweet Mistress Harebrain. What news mother? Fondly and wilfully she retains that thought, That every sin is damned. Fear not me mother. Sha's set up her resolution already sir. The gentleman would persuade me in time to dis grace my self, and speak ill of mine own function. Push, feign would you meet him, why, you do not take the course. Is that the means? Shall I have hearing? listen? When husbands in their ranck'st suspicions dwell, Then 'tis our best Art to dissemble well, Put but these notes in use, that I'll direct you, He'll curse himself that ere he did suspect you, Perhaps she will solicit you, as in trial To visit such and such, still gived denial, Let no persuasions sway you, they are but fetches Set to betray you, Jealousies, slights and reaches, Seem in his sighed to endure the sighed of no man, Put by all kisses, till you kiss in common, Neglect all entertain, if he bring in Strangers, keep you your chamber, be not seen; If he chance steal upon you, let him find, Some book lie open gainst and unchaste mind, And coted Scriptures, though for your own pleasure, You read some stirring pamphlet, and convey it Under your Skirt, the fittest place to lay it, This is the course my wench to enjoy thy wishes, Here you perform best, when you most neglect, The way to daunt, is to outvie suspect, Manage these principles but with Art and life, Welcome all Nations, thou'rt and honest wife. I'll tell him how you wish it, and I'll wear My wits to the third pile, but all shall clear. Think you so Lady? he ha small reason for't. Faith I am weary sir. I cannot draw her from her strict opinion. With all the arguments that sense can frame. Go, sirrah, run presently to M. Penitent Brothel ; you know his lodging, knock him up, I know he cannot sleep for sighing; tell him I've happily bethought a mean, To make his purpose prosper in each limb, Which only rests to be approved by him: Make hast, I know he thirsts for't. Within. O. I will give trust to you sir, the cause then why I raised you from your bed so soon; wherein I know sighs would not let you sleep, thus understand it: You love that woman (M. Harebrains wife) Which no invented means can crown with freedom, For your desires and her own wish, but this, Which in my slumbers did present it self. Tutman, any guacksaluing terms will serve for this purpose; for I am pitifully haunted with a brace of elder brother's, new perfumed in the first of their Fortune's, and I shall see how forward their purses will be to the pleasing of my palate, and restoring of my health; lay on load enough upon e'm, and spare e'm not, for there good plump fleshly Asses, and may well enough bear it: let gold, Ambre, and dissolved Pearl, be common ingrediences, and that you can not compose a cullisse without e'm: put but this cunningly in practice, it shall be both a sufficient recompense for all my pains in your love, and the ready means to make Mistress Harebrain ; way, by the visiting of me to your mutual desi read company. Would, what news? Sli'd, it's the knight that privately maintains me, a little short-olde. spiny Gentleman, in a great doublet. He's my sole Revenue, meat, drink, and ray meant; my good Physician work upon him, Im'e weak. Ah, Sir Bounteous. Sweet Sir Bounteous. Huh, weak Knigh, huh. All parts alike Sir. I fear that much sir. You have done your good will Sir. So, is he gone? O, there welcome, they bring money. M. Doctor, M. Doctor? So. You live a Ladies life with him, go where you will, ride when you will, and do what you will. I know you do, you needs not tell me that; t'were ee'n pity of your life i'faith, if ever you should wrong such and innocent gentleman; fie Mistress Harebrain, what do you mean? come you to discomfort me? nothing but weeping with you? Still, still weeping? huff, huff, huff, why how now woman? heigh, high, high, for shame leave; suh, suh, she cannot and swear me for snobbing. Oh no, lay your hand here Mistress Harebrain : I there, O there, there lies my pain good gentlewoman: soar? O I, I can scarce endure your hand upon't. Would you with me sir? Y'ear passed my reach. With a safe conscience, sir. Give me your hand, sir, you never yet begun with me. Pray gentleman, stay not above and hour from my sighed. Pray change your opinion sir, I am not for that use. I shall hear that I would not. If ever, here: but what fo'rs Grandsire, 'twill scarce please him well. And thats worth they all. A my troth and I were not married, I could find in my heart to fallen in love with that Player now, and send for him to a supper; I know some i'th town that have done as much, and there took such a good conceypt of their parts into'th twopenny room, that the Actors have been found ith morning in a less compass then their Stage, though it never so full of gen tlemen. Pray let me go, why mother what do you mean? I beseech you mother? is this your conquest now? great glory 'tis to overcome a poor and silly virgin. Not a word yet. How mean you that sir? What I have been is passed, be that forgiven, And have a soul true both to thee and heaven. Oh destiny, have I married a Thief mother?