PURGE

Thy will is known, and this for answer say, 'Tis fit that wisemen should their wives obey. And now sweet duck know, I have been for my cousin Ge rardines Will and have it, a has given thee a legacy, but the to tall is Maria's. Master Doctor, your wife and master Dryfat are most well come, now were my cousin Gerardine & Master Lipsalue here, our number were complete. 'Tis here master Doctor, all his worth is Maria's and locked in a trunk, which by to morrow Sun, shall be deli uered to your custody. Cousin Gerardine, shall the Will be read before supper? It shall, read you good Master Lipsalue. Brothers and a sister, thats the word, How bea stly was I mistaken last day, J should have said a Brother in the Family—And I said a Familiar brother, for which J and my family were thrust out of doors: but as Titus Silus of Holborn bridge most learnedly was wont to say, quoth — Right sweet Duck. Your stay gentleman does wrong to a great many of good stomachs, your suppers expect you. A talent I have therein, I must confess, nor am I very nice at fit times to show it; for your better instructions therefore, you must never hereafter frequent Taverns nor Taphouses, no Masks nor Mummeries, no pastimes nor Play houses. 'Tis now come to a whisper, what young Familists be these? i'faith I'll make one, isle trip you wife, I sent your footing wife. For Gallus writes, Paraselsus can tell, Pothicaries have brains, and Noses eke to smell, J fear I shall have small cause to thank that diligence, but do your worst, He that hath read fine hear-balls in one year, can find a trick which shall prevent this gear, they are going, follow Purge, close, close and softly, Like a Horsekeeper in a Ladies matted Chamber at mid night. Nay J will come to you else Master Dryfat: those senses (as you term them) are of much efficacy in carnal mix tures, that is, when we crowd and thrust a man and a woman together. Do you indeed, blessing on your heart: are you up right in your dealings? I am mistress Purge, Purges wife the pothecary: what of that? What so close at it: I thought this was one end of your exercise. Byrlady I think there is small profit in this, I'll wink no more for I am now tickled with a conceit that it is a scur vy thing to be a Cuckold. A pox o'your Stamp. How? no room for me nor my familiarity? why whats the difference between a familiar brother, and a brother in the Family? Oh I know: J made eclipses of in, in this place where it should have been expressed, so that the want of in, put me clean out; or let me see: may it not be some mystery drawn from Arithmetic? For my life these Familists love no substracti on, take nothing away, but put in and and as much as you will, and after addition follows multiplication of a most Pharasi thipocriticall crew. Well for my partly I Like not this family, nor indeed some kind of private lecturing that Women use: look toot, you that have such gadders to your wives: self willed they are as children, and i'faith capable of not much more then they peevish by custom, naturally fools. J remember a pretty wooden sentence in a preamble to and exercise, where the Reader prayed: that men of his Coat might grow up Like Cedars to make good wainscot in the house of sincerity, would not this wainscot phrase be writ in Brass, to publish him that spoke it for and Animal: why, such wooden pellets out of earthen Trunks, do strike these females into admiration, hits them home, sometime (perhaps) in at one ear, and out at tother, and then they depart in opinion, wiser then their neighbours, fraught with matter, able to take down and mor tifie their husbands. Well isle home now, and bring the true word next time: I shall expect my wife anon read hight with zeal, and big with melting tears; and this night do I expect, (as her manner is) she will weep me a whole Chamberpot full, Loquor Lapides ? do J cast pills abroad? 'tis no matter what I say, J talk Like a Pothicary (as I am) I have only purged my self of a little choler and passion, and am now armed with a patient resolution, but how? to put my Horns in my Poc ket? no: What wise men bear is not for me to scorn, 'Tis a hornorable thing to wear the horn. Oh women what are many of you? Oh marriage, the rage of all our Misery's, my wife is a de sembling strumpet. Your advices are very pithy, therefore in private let me disclose my intent. And I have a joust Appeal against my wife. True sir, you have herd of the hold in the wall, where they assemble together in the day time, Like so many Bees under a hive. J cannot tell sir, but for my partly, I am much noted as I go Master Lipsalue, and Master Gudgin, who were her continued ̄ panions at that same time. Mine is very currant sir, J can show you good gilded. I mean my wives gilded. My wife must needs be gentle, for she can bear double. Most Voluble and eloquent proctor. That's my horns: she flouts me to my face, and I will not endure it: I shall carry her mark to my graven: master Donc tor she has given me that, that Esculapius (were he now exta ̄ to) could not heal, nor Edax rerum take away? I, mark that middle kiss master Doctor? No master Doctor, I have and other boult to shoot, that shall strike her dead, she shall not have a word to say. Here's Clergy. A Familiar brother. Oh the misery of married men's estate! I would have a law that all such which pray little should instantly be married, for then would they pray conti nually if it were but to be rid of their wives. Surely if affliction can bring a man to heaven I cannot see how any married man can be damned, J have made my self a plain Cuckold. A pile on ye, want you? had you not been so manable, here are some would have saved you that labour. What shall I do in this extremity, had I but witness of the fact, I would make her answer it before authority, This is my wedding Ring; 'Tis hit I know it by the posy This I took from her finger in the dark, and she was therewith very well pleased, were not this tro, a sufficient testimony? She knows not that it was my self God so near her, J will take council; well, little know Bachelors the Misery's they undergo, when they prostrate themselves to women. What master Lipsalue and master Guggin are you disguised testimonies, nay then Revenge look big? Elphe and Phayrie Help to revenge the wronged Pothecary? Master Lipsalue and master Gudgin, let them be called. How! to the relief of the distressed Geneva ? Justice master Doctor: I may now decline victus victa victum, one word more shall overthrow her: I my self was a Familist that day, who more Jealous then zealous in devotion, thrust in amongst the rest (as I had most right) on purpose to found her, to find out the knavery: short tale to make, I got her Ring, and here it is? let her deny it if she can; and what more I discovered, non est nunc narrandi locus. Impudence dost not blush? art not ashamed to lie so abominable. You may enjoin me sir but — Then wife at master Doctors enioyntment (so thou wilt promise me to come no more at the Family) I receive thee into the lists of my favour. So have I mine, A Brother in the family, I must be a fa milist to day. I'll follow this gear while 'tis on foot yfayth. Yes my honest Paritor, heers thy Fee. Why thus sir: getting the word, I dogd her to the Family where closing with her I whispered so pleasing a tale in her ear, that J God from her her wedding Ring, & her 'tis. You understand my case now? Worser. Gl. And mine too sir? I have most right to her name, her name master Plac ket is my wife, Mistress Purge Sir: To what place dost thou belong? To answer a crime of concupiscence, whats that I pray? First take your fee master Exigent, that you may have the more feeling, and urge it home when you come toot, mine is a discovery of my wives Iniquity at the Family of love. A brother in the family.