GLISTER

Tricks and shows; protestations with men are Like tears with Women, forgotten ere the cheek be dry: Gerardine is a gentleman, his Lands be in Sta tutes: A is not for thee nor thou for him, a is a Gallant, and young thoughts be most unconstant. Tut, Love is and idle fantasy, bred by desire, nursed by delight, And humour that begins his dominion in Leo the Lion, the sign of the heart, and ends in Aries the Ram, the sign of the head, His power is to stir the blood, pricks up the flesh, fills all the body with a libidinous humour, and is indeed the overture of all Ladies: which to prevent, J have banished Ge rardine (your dearly beloved) my house, and as for you, since I 2 pages missing Which fortune, God send my enemy: Love is a cold heat, a bitter sweet, a pleasure full of pain, a huge lose, and no gain, why shouldst thou love him only? Hold you content shall this Will be read? The tedious night is passed, and the jocund morn looks more lively and fresh, then and old gentlewoman's glazd face in a new periwig; By this time my humorous lo ver is at Gravesend, and J go with more joy to fetch his trunk, than ever the valiant Trojans did to draw in the Grecian Jade, his goods shall into the walls of my Troy, and be offered to a face more lively, then ever was that thrice ravished Helen, yet with such Caution, that no danger shall happen to me. Is this frantic Will done, will master Gerardine to sea, let me tell you I am no whit sorry, let such as will be headstrong bite on the bridle. His countenance. Admit him, what should he be for a man: what Master Lipsalue is't you? why thus obscured, what discontent overshadows you. Oh I perceive then 'tis some City Star that attracts your aspect. Not a penny for my self, but my Spirits indeed they must be fed; walk you by here, while I think upon a spell. What mystery should this be, Lipsalue and Gudgin both in love with mistress Purge, and come to me to help them by Art magic? 'Tis some gullery sure; yet if my invention hold, isle fit them: Enter one. Whose within there, fetch me in all hast two good whips, I think you may have them not far hence; Jt shall be so, now tell me master Gudgin does no man know of your love to mi strisse Purge : Then sir know isle effect it; but understand withal, the apparition will be most horrid, if it appear in his proper form, and will so amaze and dull your senses, that your appe tite will be lost and weak, though mistress Purge should at tend it naked Now sir, could you name a friend with whom you are most conversant, in his likeness should the spirit ap pear. He shall, but have no power to strike. Probatum upon my word, I have seen the expe rience, if it fail, say I am a fool, and no Magician. Tut, you are master Dryfatt the Merchant, your skill is greater in Connyskins and Wollpacks, then in Gentlemen, his Lands be in Statutes, you Merchants were wont to be Merchant staplers, but now Gentle men have got up the trade, for there is not one gentleman amongst twenty but his land be ingagd in twen ty Statutes staple. I think egregious ignorance will go near to save this age, their blindness takes me for a conjurer: yester day a Justice of peace salutes me, with proffer of a brace of And gells to help him to his footcloth, some 3. days before stolen, and was feign to use his men cloak in stead on't. And from what good exercise come you three. I have taken up this standing to see my Gallants play at Barriers with Scourge-sticks for the honour of my Punk: and in good time I see my brave Spirits shining in bright Ar mour nakedly burning in the Hell fire of Lechery, and ready for the hight encounter: found Trumpets, the Combatants are mounted. Wife range not too far I would advise you? Come home in time? vex me not beyond sufferance: The two edged sword of thy tonge, hath drawn blood o'my? patience, I say thou art all this while in and error. Oh the raging jealousy of a woman! do you hear wife I will show my self a man of sense, and answer you with si lence, or Like a man of wisdom, speak in brief: I say you are a scowld, and beware the Cucking stool? Flax and fire, flax and fire, here are fellows come in the neck, to light their matches at my tynder. This gear cottens i'faith. I should have and oar in her boat too by right? spoke by. Was ever Beard so backbitten: this were enough to make read beards turn medley: and dash them clean out of countenance: but I hope Like mine they fear no colours: and you were ten Courtiers isle front you: I must give you physic with a pox: well, if I pepper you not, call me Doctor Doddipoll: Master Lipsalue and master Gudgin you are heartily welcome, I am very glad to see you well. Why master Lipsalue ? Not so sir, you must distinguish of men: though this J know, virtue is not the end of all science, which commonly keeps the professor poor, some study questuary and gainful Arts, and every one would thrive in's calling, but i'faith gen tlemen, what wind drives you hither? But not the Stone Collect? If you were troubled with that, my wife can tell you of and excellent remedy. No entreaty gentlemen, you shall command me to search the very profundity of my skill for you. Have them in wife, and show them their lodging? I will think upon and oh there receipt, and follow you immediately. To the fool you mean: I know you would the horn of plenty for me, which you would derive unto me, from the li berality of your bawdies, not your minds; here are Lords, that having learned the Oh.P.Q. of Courtship, travel up and down among Citizens wives to show their learning, and bringing up: as if the City were not already a good proficient in the Court Hornebooke: yes I warrant they have heads as capa ble as other men; I and some of them can wisely say with the philosopher, that in knowing all they know nothing. Well, because I am of the Livery, and pay Scot and Lot a amongst you, do but observe how isle fetch over my gallants for your sakes; they say I am of the right hair, and indeed they may stand too't, and hold the position good; saving with my wife: soft, are they not at pro and contra already? I know they are hight spurs, and I must have and eye to the main. They have been whipped already for lechery, and yet the pride of the flesh pricks them; well I must in, I have given them such a Pill shall take them down, for lust must have his fill. Oh no sir, understand me, only fathered upon me. What else sir, I have reason. Master Poppin, you shall have Innocence to speak for me? Then J hope you will be as good to us, as the fiue-fin her at Maw. J would give a hundred pounds my wife had so gentle a spirit. Here master Doctor. You take me wrong master Proctor? Wife thou hast no shame nor womanhood in thee, thy conscience knows me. Master Doctor I would, were it but to redeem her lost good name. That will I instantly—So, this is done, which to gether with my Niece do I deliver by these presents to the use of master Gerardine. Nothing but commendations, farewell: your sweet heart Gerardine is by this time cold of his hope to enjoy thee: he's gone, and a more equal and able husband shall my care ere long provide thee: what clients have been here in my absence wife? Walk you into that room, I will bethink my self for your good, and instantly resolve you; let the gentle man come in: Lipsalue in love with my vessel of ease? come to me to help him to a morsel most affected by mine own palate? No more but so, I have shaped it, the conceit tickles me. Sir, as a stranger J welcome you, what master Gudgin have J caught you: J thought it was a gallant that walked muffled, Come, let me behold you at full, here are no Sergeants man. So lie thou there; my noble gallants isle so firk you: Sir my Spirit agrees in Lipsalues shape; to morrow betwixt the hours of four and five, shall mistress Purge be rapt with a whirlwind into Lypsalues chamber, thats the fittest place: for by the break of day Lipsalue shall be mounted, and forsake the City for three days, so my Spirit resolves me Now sir, by my Art, at that very hour shall his chamber door fly open, into which boldly enter in this sort accoutered: put me on a pure clean shirt, leave off your doublet, (for Spirits endure nothing polluted) take me this whip in your hand, and being entered you shall see the Spirit in Lipsalues shape, in the self same form that you appear; speak these words here ready written, take three bold steps forward, then whip him soundly, who straight vanishes and leaves mistress Purge to your will. And no otherwise sir; let me understand how you thrive: would, would, would, now to my friend Lipsalue, I must possess him with the same circumstance, wherein J am assured to get per petuall laughter in their follies, and my revenge. What more flatterers about my carrion? more battery to my walls? shall I never be rid of these Petronel Flashes? As for my friend Gerardine, the wind of my rage has blown him to discover countries, and let the sea purge his love away and him together, I care not: young wenches now are all o'the hoigh: we that are gardyans must respect more beside Titles, gold lace, person, or parts, we must have Lordship's and manors, elsewhere as well as in the man: wealth commands all, and wealth isle have, or else my Minion shall lead Apes in hell. J must after this gallant too, isle know his randiuous, and what company he keeps. Thats joust nothing. But how sir would you have me to procure you access to mistress Purge, you never knew a physician a bawd. 'Tis enough: isle to my Spirit— are these whips come there? What! Gerardine, Dryfat and Club ? Oh: hast thou brought the Trunk honest Club, I come mend thy honest care, here's for thy pains. Go in sweet wife, and give my Niece good counsel: His name. Shall I unbutton my self unto you; after the receipt of a purgation for then are their pores most open: but what creature of a Courtier is it, hath drawn your head into the woodcocks noose. With much facility I assure you: but you must un derstand, that the apparition of a spirit is dreadful, and with all covetous, and with no small sum of gold hired to such feats. Upon my life master Purge, I smell you sir. Indeed fame reports you to be a good Trumpeter of causes, I must retain you sir to found mine? True; I am brought hither by the malice of my wife Master Exigent (so I think you are called) I under stand you have the Law at your fingers ends. If they be they will beray all. Faith sir, a scandalous Letter devised to wrong my repu tation, about a Bastard in the Country which should be mine. Would, would, would. Oh for one of the hoops of my Cornelius Tub: I must needs be gone, I shall burst my self with laugh king else: Magic hath no such Rule, men can not find, Lust ever better handled in his kind. Here they come, in pain I warrant them: how works your physic Gallants? do you go well to the ground? now Cuckold the Doctor? wife who's your first man now, now strike with the scabbard: would, would, would. Master doctor: Truth needs not the foil of Rhe torick, I will only in Monosillaba answer for my self, (as sometime a wise man did) such and such things are laid to my charge, which J deny, you may think of me what you please, but I am as innocent in this, as the child new born. They are afraid one of another, look how they trem ble, the flesh and the devil strengthen them: would, would, would. And about my Niece God with child, in my own house.