DRYFAT

Me thinks t'were a reasonable match to bestow your Niece on master Gerardine : A is a most hopeful gentleman, and his revenue such, that having your Nieces portion to clear it of all incombraunces, will maintain them both in a very worthy degree. Aha, I think she ticklde you there. Well Master Doctor Pity the state of a poor gentle man it is in you to stay his journey, and make him & your self happy in his choice. Thats false, the no lover in his perfect sense. Thats true, for their legacies must go out of your moveables. 'Tis not so, 'tis not so. Come, your fists Gentlemen your fists. Whither away mistress Purge ? What by night? Indeed I think we perform those functions best, when we are not thrall to the fetters of the body. The Organs of the body, as some term them. To speak more familiarly Mistress Purge, they are the senses: the sighed, hearing, smelling, taste, and feeling. I, a sense. And not of the rest? You come to me now Mistress Purge. I commend this zeal in you Mistress Purge, J desire much to be of your society. Yes, J do love to stand to any thing I do, though J loose by it, in truth J deal but too truly for this world: You shall hear how far I am entered in the right way already: First I live in Charity and give small Alms to such as be not of the right Sect. J take under twenty i'th hundred, nor no forfeiture of Bonds unless the law tell my conscience I may doo't, I set no pot on a Sundays, but feed on cold meat dressed a Satter days, I keep no holy days, nor fasts, but eat most flesh o'fry days of all days i'the week: J do use to say inspired graces able to starve a wicked man with length, I have Aminadabs and A brams to my God sons, and I chide them when they ask me blessing: and I do hate the read letter, more then J follow the written verity. Nay I can tell you I am or will be of the right stamp. I the word good Mistress Purge. Enough J have my lesson. Two brother's and a Sister in the Family—Let in. Jf I deceive your trust, the general plague seize me, that is, may I die a Cuckold. Why till a be taken tardy. How long all women kind may by the statute profess and swear they are maids. Faith Gentlemen, I think to relate for news what I here of Doctor Glister would come stale to your hea rings. Now you shall see him tickle her with a Quorum nomina Come Club come, the a merry Fray towards, we shall see the death of melancholy, wherein thou and I must call a grand Jury of jests together, and pass upon them with the Club Law. I and by the way of exhortation it prints this moral Sentence on their Costards, in Capital Letters Agree? for the Law is costly. Why (master Gerardine ) man, has his name for the pur pose, he shall be called Doctor Stickler, Lupus est in Fabulam, here he comes. Full full, we are in labour man, and we shall die with out midwifery. Easily, easily, all shall be called the Club law. Why thus: Club is the Crier, I am Poppin the Proctor and you Stickler the Doctor, he calls them to appear, I must be of their counsel, & you must atone them put them together we may know their cases, and be in their Elements (mark you me) but they cannot be in ours, Tut, none knows our secrets, we can speak fustian above their understand ̄ ding, & make Asses ears attentive, I'll play Ambodexter tell them 'tis a plain Case and put them down with the club law; so that (as Club said well ee'now) our knavery is as near allied, as felling of wood and getting of children. Do so, they come, they come? welcome Master Doctor Glister and master Purge, ther's a commission to be sat upon this day, to open a passage for imprisoned truth, concerning Acts yet in tenebris. I know it well, I take you for no beast: believe me (ma ster Doctor) denial and reason are two main grounds, stand upon them and you cannot err. Your case master Purge? Come home Crura Thimo plenam, and lodge among hornets, is't not so? No doubt of that sir, your wife can furnish you with notes out of her Cotations. But how came you to detect her? Very good a, re they cited in the quorum nomina? So much the better 'twill savour well for Master Purge. I marry, there spoke and Angel, guilt's currant indeed, let me feel't let me feelt. Tut, Innocence is a fool, I care not for's company, I can speak enough without him. No rather as Hercules, to lip labour them with the Club Law, tut let me alone. Then briefly thus: I have compared their tales, how short they will come of their wives I know not: and first for mistress Purge, Crier call mistress Purge ? Her own husband upon the late discovery of a Crew of narrow Rust strait laced, yet lose bodied Dams, with a Rout of Omnium gatherums, assembled by the title of the fa mily of love; which master Doctor if they be not punished and suppressed by our Club Law, each men copy hold, will become free hold, specialties will turn to generalties and so from v nity to parity, from parity to plurality, & from plurality to uni uersalitie, their wives, the only ornaments of their houses and of all their wares, goods and Chattel, the chief moveables will be made common. Answer me to this Mistress Purge, where's your wed ding Ring? Nay now she falters: my Client can show that Ring, God from her at the Family, when these two Courtling had at the same time beleaguerd her Fort. His clamorous wife, who seems to enforce a separation about a Bastard in the Country, which should be his, only fa ther'd upon him. Under correction thus much can I say for my clients Justification; Indeed he hath traveled well in the beating of pulses, and hath been much conversant in women's Jordans, but he had ever a care to raise his patient, being before cast down: his charitable disposition hath been such to poor folk, that he never took above four pence for the casting of a water, which good custom was so well known among all his patients, that if sixpence were at any time offered him they might be bold to ask and have two pence again. He hath been so skilful and painful withal, in the cure of the green sickness, that of my knowledge) he hath risen at all hours in the night to pleasure maids that have had it. And for that foul mouthed disease termed by a fine phrase— a pox on't what dee cal't? o! the Grincomes, at that he hath played his doctors prize, and writes Nil ultra to all Bountiba ̄ ckes. So that the wise woman in Pissing alley, nor she in Do-little lane are more famous for good deeds the ̄ he. Then master Doct or, out of these presumptions, beside his flat denial (a more infallible ground) you may gather his innocence, and let him have his purgation. The very same: your are welcome to our Club Law? Was it performed by the youths. What? art thou a welch Carrier, or a Northern Land lord, thart so saucy. By a bell and a Clackdish, how's that? Ma. Gerardine, disguised & a shore, nay then J smel a Rat. Hows this, hows this! I should procure a fellow to play the Parritor, and I my self should play the Proctor: but upon what occasion should they be summoned? And now I recall it to memory, I herd somewhat to that effect last night, in master Beardbush the Barbers shop, but how will this sort, who shall accuse him? Then take both word and hand, 'tis done, Club (mistress Purges prentice) shall be the Sumner. Well Master Gerardine, I hope to see you a Familist be before I die. And may those principles fructify in your weak man bers: I'll be gone, and with most quick dexterity provide you a Crier: To morrow at my house (said you) they should ap pear. Thus enough time out of sighed. Excellent! and have spent some study in the mystical cases of Venery: J can describe how often a man may lie with another men wife, before a come to the white sheet. Why 'tis a Law enacted (by the common counsel of Sta tute Caps) to qualify the rage of the Time, to follow, to call back, and sometime to encounter gentlemen when they run in arrearages, I tell thee the no averment against our Book Cases: 'Tis the Law called make peace, it makes them even, when they are at ods, it shows them a flat case, as plain as a pack staff, that is, knocks them down without circumstance I can box Cases, and scold & scratch it out amo ̄ gst them About a Bastard in the Country which should be yours? hum; 'tis very Like you then, it should seem. Only fathered upon you, cum nemini obtrudi potest; I un derstand you and Like you well to, you do not flatter your self in your own Case, no: 'tis not good, well what more: Byrlady burdens of some weight, which you make light of—you deny? Otherwise called the house of Venery, where they hun her and thirst for't. Well, out of that ring we will wring matter that shall carry meat ith mouth. But what witness or proof can you produce to make good your wives iniquity, and your own Cuccoldry The some difference between these two tempers. Here comes master Doctor, now rig up your vessels, e very one to his Tackling. Reverend Doctor we have stayed your coming: Crier cry silence? Master Doctor: I have herd in general terms, the Tales of master Doctor Glister, and master Purge, which have in mutual manner jumped into the Quagmyre of my mind, out of which quagmyre (by your enforcement, and mine own duty) I pluck them up by the ears, and thus in naked appa rance I present them. Cast about this way, and beray what you can concer ning Mistress Purge, who stands here upon her purgation, either to prove mundified or contaminated, according to the tenor piece of your principal Evidence, first give them the Book? Crier, call Doctor Glister? Cease your clamour, and attend my speech; most Wor shipfull, reverend and judicial Doctor, for the quickening of your memory I will give you a Breviate of all that hath been spoken: Master Doctor Glister hath a cradlefull and a belly full (you see) thrust upon him, and master Purge a head fool. Your wife is and angry honilesse wasp, whose sting I hope you needs not fear? and yours carries honey in her mouth, but her sting makes your forehead swell: your wife makes you deaf with the shrill Triple of her tonge, and yours makes you horn mad with the tenor of her Tail. In fine, master Doctors re fuge is his conscience, and Master Purge runs at his wives Ring. Why till their bellies be so big that it cannot be no longer concealed, but come forward towards Glis ters. I do J do, they are as different as a Doctor & a Dunce, a man and a beast, heers the Comp ̄ dium; yours master Doctor stands upon the negative, & yours master Purge upon the affir matiue Pauca sapienti, J have't, J have't. My Sagbut shall do it most pathetically; tell me in brief the nature of your Case?