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Full speech
My Knight with a brace of Footmen, is come and brought up his Ewe Mutton, to find a Ram at London, I must hasten it, or else pick a Famine, her Bloods mine, and that's the surest. Well Knight, that choice spoy is only kept for me. Turn not to me till thou mayest lawfully, it but whets my stomach, which is too sharp set already. Read that note carefully, keep me from suspicion still, nor know my zeal but in thy Heart: read and send but thy liking in three words, I'll be at hand to take it. How strangely busy is the Devil and riches, Poor Soul kept in too hard, her Mother's Eye, is cruel towards her, being to him, 'twere a good mirth now to set him a work to make her wedding Ring. I must about it. Rather then the gain should fallen to a Stranger, 'twas honesty in me to enrich my Father. Oh nothing now, all that I wish is present. I would have a wedding Ring made for a Gentlewoman, with all speed that may be. Of some half ounce, stand fair and comely, with the Spark of a Diamond. Sir 'twere pity to loose the least grace. So is the Mistress. Yes sure I think I have her measure about me, good faith it's down, I cannot show't you, I must pull too many things out to be certain. Let me see, long, and slender, and neatly jointed, Just such another Gentlewoman that's your Daughter Sir. I protest I never saw two Maids handed more alike I'll never seek farther, if you'll give me leave Sir. I, and I'll bide all lose Sir. Shall I make bold with your finger Gentlewoman? That fits her to a hair Sir. Mass that's true, Posy I faith eene thus Sir. Love that's wise, blinds Parents Eyes. What Sir? Pardon you? I Sir. Yes faith I will. Thy doom take hold of thee. Being so it's soon, thanks, and your leave sweet Gentlewoman Brother I have sought you strangely. With all speed thou canst procure a Licence for me. Cuds-foot she's lost else, I shall miss her ever. Thanks by hundreds. The hapiest meeting that our souls could wish for Here's the Ring ready, I am beholding unto your Father's hast, has kept his hour. Back, be silent. It vows your service Sir. Sir I obey your time. Oh Sir, if ever you felt the force of love, pity it in me. Here it's ready Sir. The Ring and all things perfect, she'll steal hither. Oh here she's come Sir. My honest Brother. Hard fate. And you cannot see with those two Glasses, put on a pair more. I think you did, you received money for't. Like enough Sir, you have taken me at the worst time for words that ever you picked out, faith do not wrong me Sir. You're in the happiest way to enrich your self, And pleasure me Brother, as Men feet can tread in, For though she be locked up, her vow is fixed only to me; Then time shall never grieve me, for by that vow, E'ne absent enjoy her, assuredly confirmed that none Else shall, which will make tedious years seem gamefull To me, In the mean space loose you no time sweet brother, You have the means to strike at this Knights Fortune's, And lay him level with his bankrout merit, Get but his Wife with Child, perch at tree top, And shake the golden fruit into her Lap, About it before she weep her self to a dry ground, And whine out all her goodness. Nay and you'll follow my suit, & save my purse too Fortune dotes on me, he's in happy case Finds such and honest friend i'the Common place. Why there thou hast it right, I look for her this Evening Brother. I will deliver you of the wonder straight Brother, By the firm secrecy, and kind assistance Of a good Wench i'the House, who made of pity, Weighing the case her own, she's led through Gutters, Strange hidden ways, which none but Love could find, Or have the Heart to venture, I expect her Where you would little think. Hope tells me so, But from your love and time my peace must grow. I love them with my Heart for't. Barne-Elmes. Go, and you honest watermen that stay, Here's a French-crown for you, There comes a Maid with all speed to take water, Row her lustily to Barne-Elmes after me. What made you stay so long? Away quick, there's a Boat waits for you, And I'll take water at Pauls-wharfe, and overtake you. Oh thy news splits me. Enough, leave me Like my Joys, Sir saw you not a wretched Maid pass this way? Heart Villain, is it thou? I must break through thee then, there is no stop That checks my Tongue, and all my hopeful Fortune's, That Breast excepted, and I must have way. Sir you'll gain the Heart in my Breast at first? Oh now it's quit Sir. No longer Slave? But one bout? I'll follow thee to death, but have't out. My joy wants utterance.
Plot summary
Plot — A Chaste Maid in Cheapside
Sir Walter Whorehound lives high on the expectation of an inheritance: unless Sir Oliver Kix produces an heir, his estate will pass to Sir Walter — and Sir Oliver is impotent. Sir Walter maintains Allwit and his wife, paying for everything, in return for exclusive sexual access to Mistress Allwit: he is the true father of the children presumed to be Allwit’s. But Sir Walter is ===== PAGE 327 ===== 1613 planning to discontinue the arrangement and get married: the goldsmith Yellowhammer has agreed to marry his son Tim to a Welsh gentlewoman whom Sir Walter has introduced as his niece, and Sir Walter hopes himself to marry Tim’s sister Moll. Moll has other ideas: her sweetheart Touchwood plans to elope with her, and has Yellowhammer himself make the wedding ring, umaware of the bride’s identity. The elopement is foiled, however: Yellowhammer and Sir Walter intervene just as Touchwood is putting the ring onto Moll’s finger, and Moll is taken home and locked up. Touchwood’s elder brother is poor but virile, and cannot afford to cohabit with his wife for fear that she may produce a legitimate child he will not have the means to support. He has fathered a prolific number of bastards, and refuses to acknowledge one of them when a former paramour, a country wench, brings it to him. She then disposes of the baby by duping two corrupt promoters set to prevent the illicit trade in meat during Lent: she hides the child in a basket and allows them to confiscate it as contraband. Lady Kix’s maid suggests that Touchwood Seniors excessive fertility might solve Sir Oliver’s problems in begetting an heir; Sir Oliver agrees to pay him £400 for the job. Mistress Allwit gives birth to another of Sir Walter’s children. Tim Yellowhammer arrives home from Cambridge and is sent to see his mother at the christening party; he is priggish about being in female company, contrary to university rules, and the women are drunkenly embarrassing. Encouraged to woo his fiancée, Tim finds it heavy going: he tries to converse with her in Latin, she with him in Welsh. Allwit learns of Sir Walter’s plans for Moll, and tries to forestall them by telling Yellowhammer that his prospective son-in-law is a notorious whoremonger, but Yellowhammer is unconcerned by this. Moll disappears from home: she and Touchwood Junior have eloped again, with the help of the London watermen; but her mother drags her home by the hair. Yellowhammer decides to accelerate matters: the wedding is to be tomorrow, and Moll…