TIM

Oh, I'm betrayed. Mother you do entreat Like a fresh Woman, It's against the Laws of the University, For any that has answered under Bachelor To thrust amongst married Wives. Call up my Tutor Mother, and I care not. I have not brought him up, he stands at door, Negatur, there's Logic to begin with you Mother. Come I from Cambridge, and offer me six plumbs? Served Like a Child, When I have answered under Bachelor? Oh monstrous absurdity, Never was the Like in Cambridge since my time, Life whip a Bachelor, yow'ld be laughed at soundly, Let not my Tutor hear you, 'Twould be a Jest through the whole University, No more words Mother. That did he Mother, but now I have they all in my own Pate, and can as well read they to others. Time, hark you Timothius Mother, Timothius. Oh this is horrible, she wets as she kisses, Your Handkerchief sweet Tutor, to wipe them off, as fast as they come on. This is intolerable, This woman has a villainous sweet breath, did she not stink of Comfits, Help me sweet Tutor, or I shall rub my Lips off. Perhaps that's the sweeter, and we shall dispatch the sooner. Hoist I beseech thee. I'm glad I scaped it, it was some rotten kiss sure, It dropped down before it came at me. Come Tutor. Negatur argumentum Tutor. Faller is sane. Quomodo probam domine. Sic argumentaris domine, stultus non habet rationem, ergo non est animal rationale, negatur argumentum again Tutor. Participate. Ʋ to homo, probabo tibi in silagismo. Sic probo domine, stultus est homo sicut tu & ego sum, homo est animal rationele, sicut stultus est animal rationale. Nothing but reasoning about a Fool Mother. Why what's a Fool Mother? I come to you now. It's pretty I faith, and well guest of a Woman never brought up at the University: but bring forth what Fool you will Mother, I'll prove him to be as reasonable a Creature, as my self or my Tutor here. It's the easiest thing to prove a Fool by Logic, By Logic I'll prove any thing. I'll prove a Whore to be and honest Woman. It'll do't I tell you. Faith I can, and all their Daughters too, though they had three Bastards. When comes your Taylor hither? By Logic I'll prove him to be a Man, Let him come when he will. Pish I made haberdins of they in Church porches Pox I have it here now. These women must have all out. Grammaticam? Would, would, would. Are you not ashamed Tutor, Gramatica? Why Recte scribendi at que loquendi ars, ser-reuerence of my More there. I mar'le what this Gentlewoman should be, That I should have in marriage, she's a stranger to me: I wonder what my Parents mean I faith, To match me with a stranger so: A Maid that's neither kiss nor kin to me: Life do they think I have no more care of my Body, Then to lie with one that I never knew, A mere stranger, One that never went to School with me neither, Nor ever play-fellows together, They're mightily overseen in't me thinks, They say she has Mountains to her marriage, She's full of Cattle, some two thousand Runts, Now what the meaning of these Runts should be, My Tutor cannot tell me, I have look't in Riders Dixcionarie for the Letter R, And there I can hear no tidings of these Runts neither, Unless they should be Rumford Hogs, I know them not, And here she comes, If I know what to say to her now In the way of marriage, I'm no Graduate, Me thinks I faith it's boldly done of her To come into my Chamber being but a stranger, She shall not say I'm so proud yet, but I'll speak to her, Marry as I will order it, She shall take no hold of my words I'll warrant her, She looks and makes a coursey, Salve tu quo que puellam puleherima, Quid vis nescio nec sane curo, Tully is own phrase to a Heart. Ferter me hercule tu virgo, Wallia ut opibus abundis maximis. I have no Latin word now for their Runts, I'll make some shift or other: Itterum dico opibus abundat maximis montibus & fontibus & ut ita dicam Rontibus, atta men vero homauculus ego sum naturam simule art bachalarius lecto profecto non parata. Cog foggin, I scorn to cog with her, I'll tell her so too in a word near her own Language: Ego non cogo. By my faith she's a good scholar, I see that already She has the Tongues plain, I hold my life she has traveled, What will folks say? There goes the learned couple, Faith if the truth were known, she hath proceeded. I'm glad my Mother's come to partly us. As well as a Man might do Mother, in modest Latin. And she recoiled in Hebrew. All comes to one Mother. Who told me so much? Heart and she can speak English, I'll clap to her, I thought you'd marry me to a stranger. Oh delicious, one may discover her Country by her kissing, It's a true saying, there's nothing tastes so sweet as your Welch Mutton: It was reported you could sing. And it's my mind I swear before I marry, I would see all my Wives good parts at once, To view how rich I were. I would not change my wife for a Kingdom, I can do somewhat too in my own Lodging. Thieves, Thieves, my Sister's stolen, Some Thief hath God her: Oh how miraculously did my Father's Plate escape, 'Twas all left out Tutor. Beside three chains of Pearl & a Box of Curral. My Sister's gone, let's look at Trig-staires for her, My Mother's gone to lay the Common-staires, At Puddle-wharf, and at the Dock below, Stands my poor silly Father, Run sweet Tutor, run. That's a buff Sergeant Tutor, he'll never were out. With Padlockes Father, the Venetian uses it, My Tutor reads it. He says true Father, a wise man for love will seek every hold: my Tutor knows it. Dicit Virgillius Father. Run mad I think, I thought she would have drowned her self, she would not stay for Oars, but took a Smelt-boat: sure I think she be gone a fishing for her. Look on her Tutor, she hath brought her from the Water Like a Mermaid, she's but half my Sister now, as far as the Flesh goes, the rest may be sold to Fish wives. Why Father, my Tutor and I will both watch in Armour. Take you no care for that, if needs be I can send for conquering mettle Tutor, never lost day yet, it's but at Westminster, I am acquainted with him that keeps the Monuments, I can borrow Harry the Fifth's Sword, it'll serve us both to watch with. Faith busy Mother about and Epitaph, Upon my Sisters death. No: but she means to be, and that's as good, And when a thing's done, it's done, You taught me that Mother. Making one too, in principal pure Latin, Cul'd out of Ovid de Tristibus. Changed? Gold into white Money was never so changed, As is my Sisters colour into paleness. Looks she Like Death, and never a word made yet, I must go Beatrice my Brains against a Bedpost, And get before my Tutor. Come from the University, To marry a Whore in London, with my Tutor too? Oh Tempora! Oh Mors! I bought a Jade at Cambridge, I'll let her out to execution Tutor, For eighteen pence a day, or Brainford Horseraces, She'll serve to carry seven Miles out of Town well. Where be these Mountains? I was promised Mountains, But there's such a Missed, I can see none of they. What are become of those two thousand Runts? Let's have about with them in the mean time. A Vengeance Runt thee. Troth I thank you. I grant you I may prove another Men Wife so, But not mine own. Why then my Tutor and I will about her, As well as we can. Ʋ xor non est Meritrix, ergo falacis. I perceive then a Woman may be honest according to the English Print, when she is a Whore in the Latin. So much for Marriage and Logic. I'll love her for her Wit, I'll pick out my Runts there: And for my Mon taines, I'll mount upon — Flectere si neguro Superos Acherouta mourbo, mother