ALLWIT

What Davy Dahanna, welcome from North Wales I faith, and is S r Walter come? Into the Maids sweet Davy, and give order his Chamber be made ready instantly, my Wife's as great as she can wallow Davy, and longs for nothing but pickled Coucombers, and his coming, and now she shall ha'te Boy. Thy very sighed will hold my Wife in pleasure, till the Knight come himself. Goin, in, in Davy. The Founders come to Town, I am Like a Man finding a Table furnished to his hand, as mine is still to me, prays for the Founder, bless the right Worshipful, the good Founders life. I thank him, has maintained my House this ten years, not only keeps my Wife, but a keeps me, and all my Family, I am at his Table, he gets me all my Children, and pays the Nurse, monthly, or weekly, puts me to nothing, rend, nor Church duties, not so much as the Scavenger, the happiest state that ever Man was born to. I walk out in a morning, come to breakfast, Find excellent Cheer, a good Fire in Winter, Look in my Coal-house about Midsommer-eeue, That's full, five or six Chaldorne, new laid up, Look in my back yard, I shall find a steeple Made up with Kentish Faggot's, which o're-lookes The Water-House and the Windmills, I say nothing But smile, and pin the door, when she lies in, As now she's even upon the point of grunting, A Lady lies not in Like her, there's her imbossings, Embrodring, spanglings, and I know not what, As if she lay withal the gaudy Shops In Gressams Bursse about her, then her restoratives, Able to set up a young Pothecary, And richly stock, the Foreman of a Drug-shop. Her Sugar by whole Loaves, her Wines by Roundlet. I see these things, but Like a happy Man, I pay for none at all, yet Fools think's mine, I have the name, and in his Gold I shine. And where some Merchant's would in Soul kiss Hell, To buy a Paradise for their Wines, and die Their Conscience in the Bloods of prodigal Heirs, To deck their Night-piece, yet all this being done, Eaten with jealousy to the inmost Bone, As what affliction Nature more constrains, Then feed the Wife plump, for another's veins. These torments stand I freed of, I am as clear From jealousy of a Wife, as from the charge. Oh two miraculous blessings, it's the Knight Hath took that labour, all out of my hands, I may fit still and play, he's jealous for me, Watches her steps, sets spies, I live at ease, He has both the cost and torment, when the strings Of his Heart freats, I feed, laugh, or sing, La dildo, dildo la dildo, la dildo dildo de dildo. Now Sirs, S r Walters come. Your Master, what am I? Pray am not I your Master? Ergo Knave, your Master. Proud of your Worships health Sir. Eene after your own making Sir, She's a tumbler a faith, the Nose and Belly meets. At the good hour, they will and please your wor ship. I thank your kind worship Sir. The game begins already. Now I must do it, or he'll be as angry now, as if I had put it on at first bidding, it's but observing, it's but observing a Men humour once, and he may have him by the Nose all his life. His jealousy begins, am not I happy now That can laugh inward whilst his Marrow melts? Of my soul and conscience Sir, she's a Wife as honest of her Body to me, as any Lords proud Lady can be. No I protest Sir. Oh I beseech you Sir, I'll stop that gap Where ever I find it open, I have poisoned His Hope's in marriage already, Some old rich Widow's, and some landed Virgins, And I'll fallen to work still before I'll loose him, He's yet too sweet to partly from. Would Villain, peace. Peace Bastard, should he hear em. are two foolish Children, they do not know the Gentleman that sits there. Where's your Legs Whore sons? They should kneel indeed if they could say their Prayers. True, and if she bear a Male child, there's the Man in the Moon Sir. There was a Man, the Boy had never been there else. No by my troth, I'll swear it's none of mine, let him that God it keep it, thus do I rid my self of fear, Lie soft, sleep hard, drink Wine, and eat good cheer. I'll go bid Gossips presently my self, That's all the work I'll do, nor needs I stir, But that it is my pleasure to walk forth And air my self a little, I am tied to nothing In this business, what I do is merely recreation, Not constraint. Here's running to and from, Nurse upon Nurse, Three Chare women, beside maids & neighbours children. Fie, what a trouble have I rid my Hands on, It makes me sweat to think on't. I am going to bid Gossips for your W psalm child Sir, A goodly Girl I faith, give you joy on her, She looks as if she had two thousand pound to her portion And run away with a Taylor, A fine plump black eyed slut, Under correction Sir, I take delight to see her: Nurse. I call not you, I call the Wet Nurse hither, Give me the wet Nurse, I it's thou, Come hither, come hither, Lets see her once again; I cannot choose But buss her thrice and hour. Thinkest thou so Nurse, What sayest to What and Neck? Pup sayest thou me so, pup little Countess, Faith Sir I thank your Worship for this Girl, Ten thousand times, and upward. Here take her in Nurse, wipe her, and give her Spoon-meat. And now about these Gossips. To your own Child Sir? Troth I commend your care Sir, it's a thing That I should never have thought on. I am studying who to get for Godmother Suitable to your Worship, Now I have thought on't. I'll fit your Worship then with a Male Partner. A kind proper Gentleman, Brother to M r Tuch wood. A neat Bachelor. In troth I pity him, he never stands still, Poor Knight what pains he takes, sends this way one, That way another, has not and hours leisure, I would not have thy toil, for all thy pleasure, Would, how now, what are these that stand so close At the Street-corner, pricking up their Ears, And snuffing up their Noses, Like rich-men's Dogs When the first Course goes in? By the mass Promoters, It's so I hold my life, and planted there To arrest the dead Corpse of poor Calves and Sheep, Like ravenous Creditors, that will not suffer The Bodies of their poor departed Debtors To go to the graven, but eene in Death to vex And stay the Corpse, with Bills of Middlesex, This Lent will fat the whoresons up with Sweetbreds, And lard their whores with Lamb-stones, what their gols Can clutch, goes presently to their Mols and Dols, The Bawds will be so fat with what they earn, Their Chins will hang Like Udders, by Easter-eeue, And being stroak't, will give the Milk of Witches, How did the Mungrels hear my wife lies in? Well, I may baffle they gallantly, By your favour Gentlemen I am a stranger both unto the City, And to her carnal stricktnesse. Pray tell me where one dwells that kills this Lent. Faith any Flesh, But I long especially for Veil and Greensauce. I have half a scornful stomach, no Fish will be admitted. Lent, what cares Colon here for Lent? That I was, I marry. Some Apple-loft as I take it, or a Cole-house, I know not which I faith. It's a busy day at our House Davy. Truss, truss me Davy. How do's this Suit fit me Davy? Thou hast hit it right Davy, We ever jumped in one, this ten years Davy, So well said, what art thou? Oh sweet youth, into the Nurse quick, Quick, it's time I faith, Your Mistress will be here? Here comes our Gossips now, Oh I shall have such kissing work to day, Sweet Mistress Ʋ nderman welcome I faith. Thanks to your Sisterly wishes M r Ʋ nderman. There are some Wives within, and some at home. Verily you are and Ass forsooth, I must fit all these times, or there's no Music, Here comes a friendly and familiar payer, Now I Like these Wenches well. Faith well I thank you Neighbour, and how dost thou? My gettings wench, they are poor. They are pretty foolish things, Put to making in minutes, I never stand long about they, Will you walk in Wenches? Yes Sir, that's he must be your Worships Partner In this days business, M r Tuchwoods Brother. Ready Sir. Why then so hope I too for company, I have nothing to do else. Well said Nurse, About, about with them amongst the Gossips, Now out comes all the tasseld Handkerchiefs, They are spread abroad between their Knees already, Now in goes the long Fingers that are washed Some thrice a day in Vrin, my Wife uses it, Now we shall have such pocketing, See how they lurch at the lower end. Again, she has taken twice already. A Pox it seems your purity loves sweet things well that puts in thrice together, had this been all my cost now I had been beggared, these Women have no consciences at sweet meats, where ever they come, see and they have not could out all the long Plumbs too, they have left nothing here but short riggle-tayle-Comfits, not worth mouthing, no mar'le I herd a Citizen complain once, that his Wives Belly only broke his Back: Mine had been all in fitters seven years since, but for this worthy Knight, that with a prop upholds my Wife and me, and all my estate buried in Bucklers-berrie. Now the cups trole about to wet the gossips whistles It pours down I faith, they never think of payment. Now bless thee, two at once, I'll stay no longer, It would kill me and if I paid for't, Will it please you to walk down and leave the women. Troth I cannot blame you. A Pox twice tipple you, you are last & lowest. Here's a noise, not parted yet? Hyda, a Lookingglass, they have drunk so hard in Plate, That some of them had needs of other Vessels, Yonder's the bravest Show. Come along presently by the Pissing-conduit, With two brave Drums and a Standert-bearer. You had more needs to sleep then eat, Go take a nap with some of the Brothers, go, And rise up a well edified, boldified Sister, Oh here's a day of toil well passed over, Able to make a Citizen Hare mad, How hight they have made the Room with their thick Bums, Dost not feel it Davy? What's here under the Stools? Is't no worse thinkest thou? Fair Needle work Stools, cost nothing with them Davy Look how they have laid them, Ee'ne as they lie themselves, with their Heals up, How they have shufflled up the Rushes too Davy With their short figging little shittle-corke-heels, These Women can let nothing stand as they find it, But what's the secret thou'st about to tell me My honest Davy? Life rip my Belly up to the Throat then Davy. Marriage Davy, send me to hanging rather. When, where, what is she Davy? I have no time to stay, nor scarce can speak, I'll stop those wheels, or all the work will break. The Yellowhammers in Oxfordshiere, Near Abington. I hope the zeal I bring with me shall deserve it. I understand by rumours, you have a Daughter, Which my bold love shall henceforth title cousin. I herd of her virtues, and other confirmed graces. Fame sets her out with richer ornaments, Then you are pleased to boast of, It's done modestly, I hear she's towards marriage. And with a Knight in Town, S r Walter Whore hound. I am the sorrier for't. It's not too far passed is't? It may be yet recalled? Resolve me in that point you shall hear from me. I am very joyful Sir. By no means cus, she's quite undone then, And you'll curse the time that ever you made the match, He's and arrant whoremaster, consumes his time and state, —whom in my knowledge he hath kept this 7 years, Nay cus, and other Men Wife too. Maintains the whole house, apparels the husband, Pays servants wadges, not so much, but — Knows? I and glad he may too, it's his living, As other Trades thrive, Butchers by selling Flesh, Poulters by venting Connies, or the Like cous. Tush, what cares he for that? Believe me cous, no more then I do. All's one to him, he feeds and takes his ease, Was never the Man that ever broke his sleep, To get a Child yet by his own confession, And yet his Wife has seven. S r Walter is Like to keep they, and maintain they, In excellent fashion, he dares do no less Sir. Children? Boys thus high, In their Cato and Cordelius. Why, one can make a Verse, And is now at Eaton College. It had eaten nearer if it had not been prevented. One Allwit is Wife. I that work did cost the Knight above a hundred mark. Would, would, would, this Knight will stick by my ribs still, I shall not lose him yet, no Wife will come, Where ever he woos, I find him still at home, Would, would, What shall become of us? Thinkest thou so Davy? Then am I mortal too, but a dead Man Davy, This is no world for me, when ever he goes, I must e'ne truss up all, and after him Davy, A Sheet with two knots, and away. Hyday, my wife's laid down too, here's Like to be A good House kept, when we are altogether down, Take pains with her good Davy, cheer her up there, Let me come to his Worship, let me come. He raves already, His senses are quite gone, he knows me not, Look up an't Like your Worship, heave those Eyes, Call me to mind, is your remembrance lost? Look in my face, who am I an't Like your Worship? Alas his poor Worships weakness, He will begin to know me by little and little. Ah poor Gentleman, Me thinks the pain that thou endurest. Now he is worse and worse, Wife, to him wife, thou wast wont to do good on him. Run sweet Davy quickly, And fetch the Children hither, sighed of them, Will make him cheerful straight. Speak to him Neck. Tell him he hurts his wounds What, with making moan. Come let's be talking somewhat to keep him alive Ah sira What, and did my Lord bestow that Jewel on thee, For and Epistle thou madest in Latin, Thou art a good forward Boy, there's great joy on thee. Heart will nothing comfort him? If he be so far gone, it's time to moan, Here's Pen, and Ink, and Paper, and all things ready, Wil't please your Worship for to make your Will? That can your man Davy an't Like your Worship, A fair, fast, legible Hand. How? Write them not down Davy. There's a sweet Legacy, I am almost choked with't. Let the Law lift you now, that must have all, I have done lifting on you, and my Wife too. Not in my House Sir, I'll harbour no such persons as Men-slayers, Lock your self where you will. I know what I do Wife. Away Wife, hear a Fool, his Lands will hang him. We never use, you forget sickness then, And Physic times: Is't not a place for easement? Hark you there Wife. I wonder what he makes here with his consorts? Cannot our House be private to our selves, But we must have such Guests? I pray depart Sirs, And take your Murderer along with you, Good he were apprehended ere he go, Has killed some honest Gentleman, send for Officers. I must tell you Sir, You have been somewhat boulder in my House, Then I could well Like of, I suffered you Till it stuck here at my Heart, I tell you truly I thought you had been familiar with my Wife once. And therefore get you gone Sir. So, since he's Like now to be rid of all, I am right glad, I am so well rid of him. That stopped his Spirits straight, What shall we do now Wife? We are richly furnished wife, with Householdstuff In troth a match Wench: We are simply stocked, with Cloth of Tissue Cussions, To furnish out bay-windows: Push, what not that's quaint And costly, from the top to the bottom: Life, for Furniture, we may lodge a Countess: There's a Cloase-stoole of tawny Velvet too, Now I think on't Wife. I have done Wench, And let this stand in every Gallants Chamber, There's no Gamester Like a politic sinner, For who ever games, the Box is sure a winner. See who comes here now. Where you shall not find him, I'll buy, walk by your Noses with my Flesh, Sheepe-biting Mungrels, Hand-basket Freebooters, My Wife lies in, a footra for Promoters. Never more pity. It would have made a thousand joyful Hearts. Alive Sir? o sweet deer Couple. Joy, joy to you both. Never was hour, so filled with joy and wonder. We shall all love her for't. A Whore? Great pity of their death's. I think we rid our Hands in good time of him.