WAREHOUSE

The City, M r Seathrift, never yet Brought forth the Like; J would have them that have Fined twice for Sheriff mend it. For, since I took him home, Though, Sir, my Nephew, as you may observe, Seem quite transfigured, be as dutiful As a new prentice; in his talk declaim Gainst reveling Companions, be as hard To be enticed from home as my door posts This reformation may but be his partly, And he may act his virtues. I have not Forgotten his riots at the Temple. You know S r — Not the sea When it devoured my ships cost me so much As did his vanities. A voyage to the Indies Has been lost in a night. His daily suits Were worth more then the stock that set me up. For which he knew none but the Silk-mans book, And studied that more then the Law. He had His Loves too, and his Mistress's; was entered Among the philosophical Madams, was As great with them as their Concerners, and I hear Kept one of them in pension. S r , we now are friends In a design. I'll be free, I think well of your son. Mistake me not, I have The Like opinion of my Nephew, Sir, Yet he is young, and so is your son, nor Does the Church-book say they are passed our fears. Our presence is their bridle now: 'Tis good To know them well whom we do make our Heirs. Well, and how shall we know How They will use their fortune, or what place We have in their affection without trial? Some wise men built their own Tombs, let us try If we were dead whither our Heirs would cry, Or their long cloaks: this plot will do't. And I'll Come to you at your Garden house within there. Ex. Seath. A Lady? This is some honourable seamstress. I'm now confirmed: They say he keeps a Lady, And this is she. well Cypher, 'tis too late To change my project now. Be sure you keep A Diary of his Actions, strictly mark What company comes to him, if he stir Out of my house observe the place he enters. Watch him till he come out: follow him disguised To all his haunts. I hope he will not make my house a Tavern. Peace here he comes. Enter Plotwell in a sad posture. Fie, these fears Though they become you, Nephew, are ominous. When herd you from your Father? I hear he is in Ireland: I'st true he took your sister with him? And Nephew How Like you your new course? which place prefer you The Temple or Exchange? where are, think you, The wealthier Mines in the Indies, or Westminster Hall? Nay tell me your mind plainly, Ith' City tongue. I'de have you speak Like Cypher. I do not Like quaint figures, they do smell Too much o'th Inns of Court. Again? 'Tis spoken Like my Nephew: Now I Like you. Nor shall I ere repent the benefits I have bestowed, but will forget all Errors, Exit Cyph. As mere seducements: And will not only be And Uncle but a Father to you: But then You must be constant, Nephew. Think man how it may In time make thee oth' City Senate, and raise thee To the sword and Cap of Maintenance. Have Gates and Conduits dated from thy year Ride to the Spittle on thy free beast. Have the people veil As low to his trappings as if he thrice had fined For that good times employment. Then the works And good deeds of the City to go before Thee, Beside a troop of Varlets. How say you? Lets hear that. 'Tis right, and be remembered at the Cross. All this is possible, And in the stars and winds: therefore deer Nephew, You shall pursue this course, and to enable you In this half year that I shall be away, Cypher shall teach you French, Italian, Spanish, And other Tongues of Traffic 'Tis well Remembered, yes, and Navigation. Enter Cypher. Well, Nephew, at my return As J hear of your carriage, you do know What my intentions are; and for a Token How much I trust your reformation, Take this key of my Countinghouse, and spend Discreetly in my absence. Farewell. Nay No tears I'll be here sooner then you think on't Cypher you know what you have to do. Fetched abroad by two Gallants say you? And there you left em? There is No more but this we'll thither straight. You Cypher Have your instructions. Go, make you ready then Now, M r Seathrift, you may see, what these Exit. Young men would do left to themselves. And my Nephew That once he had and Uncle. To leave land Unto and unthrift is to built on sand. Mass I see not him. Yes, pray observe & mark em. 'Tis very Like a man. How? would he come to land? I do suspect these fellows, They lie as if they had patent for't. Mark again. Still I suspect. Surely, My friends, it is to me a miracle To hear Fish speak thus. 'Tis very certain, Sir, It talk upon the Exchange. Are you rich Warehouse Heir, Sir? Why as we ought, Sir, strangely. Stay hear all first. Gentlemen 'tis false. Cast off your Cloud. D'you know me, Sir? MAdam Aurelia is her name? But can she Affect my age? And what replied she? Is she so virtuous then? Excellent Creature! Too. I think the time and age Till the solemnity be passed. To make all sure, We'll call upon my Lawyer by the way, And take him with us. But may a man Wed in a strange tongue? Well, Lets to the Lady straight, to cross him, I Would marry and Arabian, and be at charge To keep one to interpret, or be married In China Language, or the tongue thats spoke Exit Beware. and Banes. By the great Cham. Yes Lady, I did employ my speaker there, who hath I hope informed you with my purpose. Baneswright, did not you Tell me she'd have me? I say, J Like her best. Her Lady has Too much great house in her. You much Oblige me, Madam. This makes me Love you the more. Because me thinks It should be Mars and Venus in a Net, Aretines postures, or a naked Nymph, Lying asleep, and some lascivious Satyr Taking her lineaments. These are pictures which Delight my wife. What must we give? Pray dispatch then, And shout, us quickly. Yonder is my Nephew In his old Gallantry. Can your fish Speak friends? the proverb says th'are mute. Well my belief does tell me There is a missed before our eyes. Thou Enemy to my blood. Death Oh my soul, did J when first thy Father Broke in estate, and then broke from the Counter Where M r Seathrift laid him in the hold, For debt among the ruins of the City, And Trades Like him blown up, take thee from dust, Give thee free education, put thee in My own fair way of traffic; nay decree To leave thee Jewels, Land, my whole estate, Pardoned thy former wildness, and couldst thou sort Thy self with none but idle Gallants, Captains, And Poets, who must plot before they eat, And make each meal a stratagem? Then could none But J be subject of thy impious scoffs? I swoon at sighed of meat; I rise a Glutton From half and Orange; Wretch, forgetful wretch; Before Heaven I count it treason in my blood That gives thee a relation. But J'le take A full revenge. Make thee my Heir? J'le first Adopt a slave, brought from some Galley; One Which Laws do put into the Inventory, And men bequeathe in Wills with stools, & brass pots. One who shall first be household stuff, then my Heir. Or to defeat all thy large aims J'le marry; Cypher, go find me Baneswright ; he shall straight Provide me a wife. I will not stay to let My resolution cool. Be she a wench That every day puts on her Dowry, wears Her Fortune's, has no portion, so she be Young and likely to be fruitful, J'le have her; By all thats good I will; this afternoon; I will about it straight. Fair Mistress, Your virtues are to me a wealthy Dowry. And if you love me J shall think you bring More then the Indies. How wife, refuse to kiss me? This is rare. That I should live to this great age, and never Till now know I was rotten! But pray you wife Are you in earnest. I reach you not. I understand you. I do conceive you. Good, I am made the curse of Watermen. Indeed? so much? pray what to do? Are you struck With a Torpedo Nephew? What is Your Captain fled? I am married— Male Pictures pray, Or Female ? These are felicities Compared to me. You have not matched a Whore, Sir, Nor lost two ships at sea. And whither went they? Nay, We'll open all the plot, reveal your self. Now, M r Seathrift, Ex. Br. New. You see what Mourners we had had, had we Been wracked in earnest. My grieved Nephew here Had made my seller flow with tears, my wines Had charged glass Ordnance, our funerals had been Bewailed in pottle draughts. Next my sins I do Repent I am thy Uncle. As for her birth I could wish it were meaner. As many Knights And Justices of peace as have been of The Family are reckoned into the portion; She'l still be naming of her Ancestors, Ask Jointure by the Heralds book, and I That have no Coat, nor can show azure Lions, In Fields of Argent, shall be scorned; she'l think Her Honour wronged to match a man that hath No Scutcheons but them of his Company, Which once a year do serve to trim a Lighter To Westminster and back again. J'le stay at home. He's so lost In my intents that to revenge my self, I take this course. But to remove your doubts, I've brought my Lawyer with blank deeds, He shall put in your Name, and J, before We go to Church will seale'em. He expects me at The French Church, Mistress. Will you not lie with me then? Nay then— Assist me patience. Why hear you mistress, you that have a fever, And Dog days in your blood, if you knew this Why did you marry me? She laughs. You have your servants then? And I am forked? hum? And hight As Goats, or Marmosites — And to kindle at Ehe picture of a Man— Cracked, tried, And broken up?— Mischief and Hell, and was there none to make Your cloak but I? Oh you Stayed for a wealthy Cuckold, your tame beast Must have his guilded horns. Yes, yes, yes, yes, You shall be comforted, I will maintain A Stallion for you. Alas, I'll be your Pander; Deliver letters for you, and keep the door. Oh impudence! Unheard of impudence! How's that? I shall rise to honour. No, you shall have your Usher, Dame, to stalk Before you Like a buskind Prologue, in A stately, high, majestic motion, bore. If we have, All Middlesex is Father. You, Beside being chased, are good at Races too? You can be a Jockey for a needs? Why hark you, hark you, Mistress, you told me You loved retirement, loved not visits, and bargained I should not carry you abroad. You bound me too I should not go to Sea, you loved me so You could not be without me. Most politicly kind, And Like a Whore perfect ith' mystery. It is beyond my sufferance. 'Tis very good. Two days. Of this I shall grow mad, or, to redeem My self, commit some outrage—Oh—Oh—Oh. Did you hear so? What of her, Sir? Why pray? And arrant whore? How say you, penance? Carting should she not? I sweat, I sweat. Oh blessed Heaven Look down upon me. How? Children? Children say you? Why she has known then All Tongues and Nations. Oh Nephew I am not well, J am not well. It is too true. Amen; Nephew forgive me. Nephew in Hell There's not a torment for him; Oh that I could But see that cheating Rogue upon the rack now: I'de give a thousand pound for every stretch, That should enlarge the Rogue through all his joints, And but just show him hell, and then recall His broking soul, and give him strength to suffer His torture often; J would have the Rascal Think hanging a relief, and be as long A dying as a chopped Eel, that the Devil Might have his soul by pieces. who's here? a Sailor? I'de give Ten to secure one. Yes, and repent That when I had so good and Heir begotten Unto my hand, I was so rash to aim At one of my own dotage. How much I was deceived To think ill of my Nephew. In whose revenge I see the Heavens frown on me; Seas and Winds Swell and rage for him against me. But J will Appease their furies, and be reconciled. You, Sir, have no cause. Here was My Nephew just now, and one Roseclap, who tell me She has three Children living; one dapple gray, Half More, half English. Knows as many men As she that sinned by the Calendar, and divided The nights oth' year with several men. Then Like a mad condemned to all misfortunes, J have estated her in all I have. Under hand & seal, Sir, irrecoverably. Oh Monsieur, you have joined me To a chased Virgin. Would when J came to you you had used your Ceremonies about my Funeral. Would she were. I'de double your Fee, Monsieur, to bury her. No, J see You are but new come over. J, Sir, pray walk in; that door Will land you in my dining room. This is the Priest that married us. It at the French Church. What Lady pray? O— Because you make so dainty, I will see'em. But not of mine. Draws the Curtain within are discovered Bright. & Newcut. Hell and damnation! Out Varlets, Bawds, Panders, avoid my house. Oh Devil! are you They come out. My wives Night-pieces ? Why this is far beyond example rare. Now J conceive what is Platonic Love, 'Tis to have men Like Pictures brought disguised, To Cuckold us with virtue. They whisper. Mistress, do what you list, Send for your Couch out, lie with your Gallants there Before us all. Or if you have a mind To fellows that can lift weights, I can call Two Footmen too: Good. Nephew thou art my blessed Angel: who Are these two? Nephew thou Wertenberg born To be my deer preserver I do deliver this as my Act and Deed. Look here they come. How? Very well, Sir. What are these Masquers too? Baneswright, and Captain Quartfield! Oh You are a precious Rogue, you would preferred me To a chased Lucrece, Sirrah. How? Am I o'rereacht so finely? I took your sister for a Lady, Nephew. Well, M r Seathrift, things Are just fallen out as we contrivd'em; I Grieve not I am deceived. Believe me, Gentlemen, You all did your parts well; it carried cleanly; And though I could take some things ill of you Fair Mistress, yet it plot, and I forget it; Lets in and make they Portions. More Revelations yet? 'Tis true, but that his shipwracks broke him. My brother Plotwell! Well what was want king Unto our joys and made these Nuptials Imperfect. Brother you by your discovery Enter Cypher. Have fully added. The Feast Intended for my wedding shall be yours. To which I add may you so love, to say When old, your time was but one Marriage Day. Oh—Oh—Oh—Oh. How mean you? Was nothing saved? Prithee no more; I have herd too much. Would I Had been ith' tempest. Go in, And let my Factor if he be come in, Reward thee, stay and sup to. Why should I not now hang my self? Or if Ex. Cyp. It be a fate that will more hide it self, And keep me from discredit, tie some weight About my neck, to sink me to the bottom Oth' Thames, not to be found, to keep my body, From rising up and telling tales. Two wracks? And both worth forty thousand pound there? why That landed here, were worth and hundred. J Will drown my self; I nothing have to do Now in this world but drown my self. How? Truth is you are my friends. I am abused, Grossly fetched over. I have matched a Stews ; The notedst woman oth' Town. Oh Nephew welcome to my ransom; here My house is made a new Erection ; Gallants Are brought in varied forms. Had I not looked By providence into that frame, These two Had been conveighd for Night-pieces and Lantskips Into my chased Brides chamber. Till now she took And let her self out; now she will be able To hire, and buy Offenders. Sir, My name is Warehouse. How's this? Ungrateful Monster.