PLOTWELL

Can I choose but wear Clouds in my face when I must venture, Sir, Your reverend age to a long doubtful voyage And not partake your dangers? So Her Mistress thinks, Sir, one day she left the Exchange, And has not since been herd of. Sir my desires take measure And form from yours. Sir, my obedience Is ready for all impressions which— Sir I prefer your kind of life, a Merchant Else I were blind To my good fortune, Sir. I say, Sir, I To fit at sermon in my chain and scarlet. And then at Sessions, Sir, and all times else, Master Recorder to save me the trouble, And understand things for me. Shall J not learn Arithmetic too, Sir, and shorthand? Tears? yes my melting eyes shall run, but it Exit Shall be such tears as shall increase the tide To carry you from hence. Read what? how the price. Of sugar goes, how many pints of Olives Go to a jar, how long wine works at sea, What difference is in gain between fresh herrings And herrings read? Prithee what was't? What my Fleetstreet friends? Yes, he's gone, and if He die by the way hath bequeathed me but some Twelve hundred pound a year in Kenned, some three- Score thousand pound in money, beside Jewels, Bonds, And desperate debts. And why my tender Softhearted friends? Very good. Very pleasant Gentlemen. Do you take me for a prentice? Did you contrive this scene By the way Gentlemen? Well my conceited Orient friends, bright Offsprings Oth' female silkworm, and Taylor male I deny not But you look well in your unpaid for Glory. That in these colours you set out the Strand, And adorn Fleetstreet. That you may laugh at me Poor Working day oth' City, Like two Festivals Escaped out of the Almanac. Your Mercer lives there does he? I warrant you He has the patience of a burned Heretic: The very faith that sold to you these silks And thinks you'll pay for em is strong enough To save the Infidel partly oth' world, or Antichrist. Hold, hold. Would you your wits? what mean you? You will Not strip me will you? But do you know to how much danger You tempt me? should my Uncle know I come Within the air of Fleetstreet—. Well my two resolute friends You shall prevail. But whither now are your Lewd motions bent? What Lady? How? wit? She is no Gamester is she? Nor carries false dice? But does no man know From whence she came? Her name? I've herd of her. They say she does fight duels, And answers challenges in wit. Ith' the field? And no drum Beatrice before her? I long To see her. M r Timothy! Welcome from the New world. I looked you should Would passed through half the signs in Heaven by this. And would conversed with Dolphins. What not gone To sea with your Father? Believed she's wise, Not to trust such a wit to a thin frail Bark Where you had sailed within three inches of Becoming a Jonas. Beside the tossing, to have All the fierce blustering faces in the Map Swell more tempestuously upon you then Lawyers preferred, or Trumpeters. And whither Were you bound now? Surely the Taylor Has done his partly. You see they wear Their Heraldry. But How comes this, M r Timothy, you did not Rise such a gallant this morning. Rich Seathrifts son thats gone to sea This morning with my Uncle. My Uncle would fain have me, But I have cast her off. Faith she's hand some, And had a good wit, but her Schoolmistress Has made her a rank Puritan. 'Twill be and excellent Comedy, and afterwards I have a project on him. Sir, I Will but shift clothes then we'll associate you. But first you shall with us and see a Lady, Rich as your Father's chests and odd holes; and Fresh as Pygmalions Mistress newly wakened Out of her Alabaster. Fie gentlemen, Abuse a harmless Lady thus, I can't With patience hear your blasphemies. Make me Your second Madam. By this light She'l send for a Constable straight and apprehend him For the every. Lady you make Rash judgement of him, he was only struck With admiration of your beauty. Yes when he sees such miracles as you. Gentlemen How Like you her wit? Gentlemen walk softly, I'll overtake you. You're merry, Sir. I hope you will not. Faith I should laugh To see you there again, and there serve out The rest of your Jndentures, by managing Your Needle well, and making Nightcaps, by A Chafing dish in winter morning's, to keep Your fingers pliant. How rarely 'twould become you To run over all your shop to passengers In a fine sale tune? Prithee excuse me sister, I can now Rain showers of silver into thy lap again; My Uncle's gone to sea, and has left me The key to the golden fleece. Thou shalt be still. A Madam, Pen, and to maintain thy Honour, And to new dub thee take this. But sister, I Gives her a Purse. Expected you ere this out of the Throng Of suitors that frequent you, should have been Made a true Lady, not one in Type or show. I fear you are too scornful, look too high. Why sister will you Like A Match of my projection? you do know How ruinous our father's Fortune's are; Before he broke you know there was a Contract Between you and young Sea-thrift. What if I Make it a wedding? Why sister, I Could name good Ladies that are feign to find Wit for themselves & Knights too. He's only City bred, one month of your Sharp conversation will refine him; beside How long wilt be ere your dissembled state Meet such another offer? Then sometime This afternoon I'll bring him hither do you Provide the Priest; your Dining room will serve As well as the Church. Heart you spoil all, Did not I charge you to be silent? He may in time; he's gone To sea this morning, Captain, and J am come Jnto your order again. But hark you, Captain, What think you of a Fish now? A natural change for a Captain. How now Roseclap, Pensive and cursing the long Vacation? Thou lookest as if thou meanest to break shortly. Why these Are Judgements, Roseclap, for deer reckonings. Still Will you betray your fortune? One of them Will go and tell her who you are, and spoil The Marriage. Believe it Your Mother's smock shined at your birth, or else You wear some Charm about you. It can not be she should so strangely dote Upon you else: slight had you stayed, I think She would have wooed you her self. How things fallen out? I told her You were a young Knight. But no more words to the Gallants. Nay, Sir, your fortune claims precedency. Exeunt. 'Slight, Roseclap, shalt have a patent of him. The Birds Brought from Peru, the hairy Wench, the Camel, The Elephant, Dromedaries, or Winsor Castle, The Woman with dead flesh, or She that washes, Threads needles, writes, dresses her children, plays Oth' Virginals with her feet, could never draw People Like this. Or his Mother come, Who follows strange sights out of Town, and went To Branford to a Motion. Oh fortune here's his Mother. One M S Holland, the Great seamstress on th'Exchange. Ms Seathrift. Hath the sighed drawn you hither? You shall see him straight. Why now they only stay For company, it has sounded twice. Within this place is to be seen, A wondrous Fish. God save the Queen. That was to make the rhyme. As dogs are taught to fetch. Then, sir, in time, Dutch Authors that writ Mare Liberum, Might dedicate their books to him? If 'twere their trade They could not do it better. The towardness of a fish. slid he'l spew. I'm he friend, What is your business? Sir, at this time, Although no Crab Like you, to swim backward, he is Of your element. No But something that lives int. If you but stay Till he have slept himself a land Creature, you may Chance see him come a shore here. Surely friend, You are a witch, he is so. I'll hear't as sadly. It cannot be, such good news, Gentlemen, Cannot be true. There friend, there is A fair for you; I'm glad you escaped; I had Gives him many. Not known the news so soon else. Yes, Sir, his transitory pelf, And some twelve hundred pound a year in earth, Is cast on me. Captain, the hour is come, You shall no more drink. Ale, of which one draught Makes Cowards, and spoils valour; nor take off Your moderate quart-glass. I intend to have A Musket for you, or glass Canon, with A most capacious barrel, which we'll charge, And discharge with the rich valiant grape of My Uncle's seller, every charge shall fire The glass, and burn it self ith' filling, and look Like a Piece going off. Then my Poet, No longer shall write Catches, or thin Sonnets, Nor preach in verse, as if he were suborned By him that wrote the whip, to pen lean Acts, And so to overthrow the stage for want Of salt or wit. Nor shall he needs torment Or persecute his Muse; but I will be His God of wine t'inspire him. He shall no more Converse with the five yard butler, who Like Thunder Can turn beer with his voice, and roar it Sour; But shall come forth a Sophocles, and write Things for the Buskin. Instead of Pegasus, To strike a spring with's hoof, we'll have a steel Which shall but touch a But, and straight shall flow A purer, higher, wealthier Helicon. Gentlemen, And now i'faith what think you of the fish? This valiant Captain and this man of wit First foxt him, then transformed him. we will wake him And tell him the news. Ho M r Timothy! What does your sack work still? Come y'have slept enough. We have rare news for you. Your Father And my grave Uncle, Sir, are cast away. They by this have made a meal For Jacks and Salmon. They are drowned. This fellow here Brings the auspicious news: And these two friends Of ours confirm it. You'd not do Like your penurious Father, who was wont To walk his dinner out in Paul's, while you Kept Lent at home, and had, Like folk in sieges, Your meals weighed to you. He wore More pavement out with walking then would make A row of new stone-Saints, and yet refused To give to the reparation. Yes, when there was not fire enough to warm A Mastic patch to apply to his wives Temples In great extremity of tootach. This is True, M r Timothy, is't not? Surely my self, Cypher his Factor, and and ancient Cat, Did keep strict diet, had our Spanish fare, Four Olives among three. My Uncle would Look fat with fasting; I would known him surfeit Upon a bunch of Raisins, swoon at sighed Of a whole joint, and rise and Epicure They undisguise. From half and Orange. My Uncle! Cypher the waterman! Where's Bright and Newcut ? They are sure friends, To leave us in distress: He deeply swore it; if he do, the slight Upon the cards, the hollow die, Park corner, And Shooters hill are my revenue. I have great interest in him, the fellow loves me. Could I speak with him and draw him to be And Actor in't, J have a stratagem That can redeem all, and turn the plot Enter Baneswright. Upon these sage heads. You are employed I hear to find a wife out For my young sprightly Uncle. And do you mean the match Shall then proceed? Why Baneswright you can be but paid, say I Procure the wench, a friend of mine; and double Your bargain, such a fair reward me thinks Should make thee of my project. Thou dost know My Fortune's are engaged, and thou mayest be The happy instrument to recover they. Be my good Angel once, I have a plot Shall make thee famous. Gentlemen lets in, I'll tell you my design; you, Salewit, must Transform your self to a French Deacon. J have parts for Bright and Newcut too. Mischief Upon their absence. SIster 'tis so projected, therefore make No more demurs, the life of both our Fortune's Lies in your carriage of things well think therefore Whither you will restore me, and advance Your own affairs, or else within this week Fly this your lodging, Like uncustomd sinners, And have your Coach-horses transformed to Rend, Have your apparel sold for properties, And you return to Cutwork. By this hand If you refuse all this must happen. The Scene is laid already; I have transformed and English Poet into A fine French Teacher, who shall join your hands With a most learned legend out of Rablais. Here he comes. What quarrel with Your Footman, Sir? This imperiousness becomes you Like a Knight newly dubbed, Sir. Speak lower, J've prepared her, show your self A Courtier now she's yours. Madam, this Gentleman Desires to kiss your hands. Heart you spoil all. Now y'have recovered all. Break your mind to her, She does expect it. Mark that. Tell him she's coming. 'Tis but drawing Your Curtains and you do create your night. All times to Lovers and New married folks May be made dark. Nay will you enter? Most City Like, 'slid take her by the arm, and led her in. Come Sir. I laugh now at your ignorance: why these Are projects, Gentlemen; fine gins, and projects. Did Roseclaps boy come to you? I've sent for Roseclap, And Captain Quartfield to be here. J have Put Salewit into order, he's inducted Into the French Church, you must all have parts; Come with me, I'll tell you then. But first J'le show you a sighed Much stranger then the Fish. WEll Sister, by this hand J was afraid You had marred all; but I am well content You have out-reacht me. If she do act it well now, By Jove I'll have her. Gentlemen, how do You Like the project? I have God Cypher Over to our side too; He has been up and down Ent. Salewit To invite Guests to the wedding. How now Salewit, Like a Curate Are they gone home? And didst thou baptise Out of thy Rablais too? Well Gentlemen you all Do know your parts, you Captain, and Baneswright Go get your properties. For you two, These Two Mules shall carry you in greater state, And more ease then the Fistula. You sister We'll leave unto your Knight, to come anon. Roseclap and J will thither straight. You Cypher Know what you have to do? Captain you shall dip first. Sir, I am sorry such a light offence Should make such deep impressions in you; But that which more afflicts me then the lose of my Great Hope's, is, that you're likely to be abused, Sir, Strangely abused, Sir, by one Baneswright. I hear You are to marry. Madam Aurelia's woman. Why, Sir, I thought it duty to inform you, That you were better match a ruined Bawd ; One ten times cured by sweating, and the Tub, Or pained now with her fiftieth Ach, whom not The power of Usquebaugh, or heat of fevers Quickens enough to wish; one of such looks, That Judges of Assize, without more proof, Suspect, arraign, and burn for witchcraft. For she being passed all motions, impotence Will be a kind of chastity, and you Might have her to your self, but here is one Knows this to be— Nay, Sir, which is more, She has three children living, has had four. A third, Sir, by a More ; born of two colours. Just Like a Sergeants Man. What ail you, Sir? Fie these Are desperate resolutions. Take heart, Sir, There may be ways yet to relieve you. Why for your lost ships, say, Sir, I should bring Two oth' Assurance Office that should warrant Their safe return, 'tis not known yet. Would you Give three parts to secure the fourth? Well, Sir, and for your Wife, Say J should prove it were no lawful match; And that she is another Men? you'd take the piece of service well. Two that will secure your Ships ; Sent by the Office. Seal you, Sir, the have brought the Assurance with'em. It is duty, Sir, To help you out with your misfortunes. Gentlemen, Produce your Instruments. Uncle put your seal, They subscribe seal & deliver interchangeably And write your name here, they will do the Like To the other parchment. So, now deliver. But Uncle for the Jointure, you have made her, J hope you'll not retract. That and three parts Of your two Sips, beside what you will leave Us at your death, will make a pretty stock For young beginners. Why? I beseech you, Sir. Faith, Sir, he Is married too; I did strike up a wedding Ent. Time. Aur. Between him and my sister, Never since He made the escape Sir. Yes, & make me Sentence light bred, and pounds of butter on horseback.) Yes, Free of your Company.) Or as if He had his Riders wisdom.) Yes, and I To sleep the sermon in my Chain and Scarlet. Troth If I have tongue enough to say my prayers Ith' phrase oth' Kingdom J care not; otherwise I'm for no tongues but dried ones, such as will Give a fine relish to my backragg; and for Mathematics, I hate to travail by the Map, Me thinks Enter Bright & Newcut. 'Tis riding post. Scarce come to the years Of your discretion yet. And that a great Man Did mean to beg you for his daughter. How? Friends consent? thats fit For none but Farmers sons, and Milkmaids. You shall not Debase your judgement. She takes you for a wit, And you shall match her Like one. Drowned? 'Tis He. Just as you are sat Exit Dorcas. I'll steal the Priest in. When you are joined, Be sure you do not oversee, but straight Retire to bed, she'l follow. Sister J've left your Bridegroom, Under this key locked in, to embrace your pillow. Enter Plotw. Sure he has eat Eringoes, he's as hight— He was about to fetch you in his shirt. My Noble friends, you wonder now to hear Me call her sister. I have A rare Scene for you. By this good light It Justice now to let you both die simple, For leaving us so scirvily. Gentlemen, fallen off. Ex. Dorcas. If we be seen the plot is spoiled. Sister, Now look you do your partly well. Pray Gen tlemen Be witness here. Upon a doubtful Rumour Of two Ships wracked as they returned from Ormus, My Uncle Covenants to give three parts To have the fourth secured. And these two here Sea. Ros Br. New. subscribe as wit nesses. As Delegates of the Office, undertake At that rate to assure them. Uncle now Call forth the Sailor, and send for the Priest Ent. Sale. Cyph. That married you. Wonder not, Sir, you Were married but in jest. It no Churchforme, But a fine Legend out of Rablais. Nay Captain we have brought you A Gentleman of valour who has been In Morefields often, marry it has been To squire his sisters, and demolish Custards At Pimlico. Heart the Captain Did not give him his full load. That is his voice Sir. Sir, it is conscience; J do believe you might Sue me in Chancery. Now Ex. Sea. Were there a dextrons beam and twopence hemp, Never had man such cause to hang himself. M r Baneswright! And For M r Timothy J have a project Shall make his father everlastingly Admire his wit, and ask him blessing. you are deceived, I'll undertake by one weeks Tutoring, And carrying him to Plays and Ordinaries, Engaging him in a quarrel or two, and making Some Captain Beatrice him, to render him a most Accomplished Gallant. Or say he be born, sister, Under the City planet, pray what wise Lady Desires to match a wise Knight? you'd marry some Philosopher now, that should every night Lie with you out of Aristotle, and lose Your maidenhead by Demonstration. Or some great statesman, before whom you must fit As silent and reserved as if your looks Had plots on foreign Princes, and must visit And dress your self by Tacitus. What he wants In Naturals, his Fortune's will make up In Honours, Pen ; when he's once made a Lord, Who'l be so sawey as to think he can Be impotent in wisdom? She that marries A fool, is and Hermaphrodite, the Man And wife too, sister. Beside 'tis now too late, He'l be here presently, and comes prepared For Hymen. I took up a footman for him, And left him under three tyremens hands, beside Two Barbers. If you be coy now, Pen, Ex. Foot. You spoil all. She verily believed Y'had never a father. Madam, your Knight speaks reason. I'll promise for her. Ask him Sir, One by a French Man. I hope you are not married. Would you trust Baneswright, Sir? Say no more, Sir, But keep the Sailor that he stir not. We'll Exit Plotwell & Roscl. About it straight. J'le ease you, Sir. We Two have made a full discovery of her. First then, Not to afflict you longer, Uncle, since We now are quit, know, all this was my project. Your two Ships are richly landed: if You'll not believe me, here's the Sailor, who Cyph. undisguises. Transformed to Cypher, can tell you. Faith, Sir, these Ex. Cyph. they un disguise. Can change their forms too. They are two friends Worth threescore thousand pound, Sir, to my use. Troth, We have not been abed yet, but may go, And no Law broken. I do confess it. I'll swear it too, Sir. Why? because This is your Daughter, Sir, I'm hers by Conquest, For this days service. I kept her Like one, Sir, my Temple scores Went to maintain the Title, out of hope To gain some great match for her, which you see Is come to pass. If he do live, I have. Oh my blessed stars! my Father. Faith she Looks you should use a little Courtship first, That done, let me alone to have the Priest In readiness. Who is't?